Winans Live Concert ~ Tomorrow~ Don't let the Sun Go Down

Shhhhh - do you hear that? Do you Really?

Is this your life? Is that you? How long do you think you can go at the pace you are going?

I lay in bed this morning thinking about my faults. Taking a good look at "me" analyzing myself and I came to the decision that I need more of Jesus. Have you ever stopped to wonder why you respond to things the way you do? The weaknesses you feel you have - why do you think you have them?  What disappointments have you had and how have you responded to them? What do you NEED? Or think you need?

There is no perfect person - other Jesus. And looking at myself with a "magnifying glass" I realize that although I had thought they had already been "filled" the "pot holes" in me. There is still much work on the "street of Kelly" to do. Like little "mudslides" the places I haven't allowed the Lord to fill - have caved in.  You see, there is something deep inside of us - that hungers for the Lord. We may say "pfffft - yeah, right." But the fact is - its true. God made us that way.  We were created to worship Him.   We try to fill it with "people" or "things" or "life" - but truly, there sometime comes a point where there is no denying that what we needed all along - was Him. I believe the Bible calls it "the peace that passes all understanding." You simply can't get that from another person. Everything has its place. There is a place within us that is meant for God and God alone.

Have you ever sat outside and listened to the sounds around you early in the morning?  We fill our lives with so much activity, so much outside "noise."  Sometimes our lives are so noisy we don't hear the voice of God speaking quietly into our souls.  And the ironic thing about it is - if we stopped, and listened we would be soo blessed.  We would feel all those things we are searching for - acceptance, love, understanding, peace. The LOVE of God.  I can honestly say, that there is nothing that can compare to the love of God.  Feeling your heavenly Father wrap his arms around you and whisper in your ear how special you are.  How He knows the numbers of your hair. How He created YOU for a purpose. How you are one of a kind. How you are His child and He has called YOU by name. How He has plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. WHY don't we listen??? What we need is right before us. Yet we push Him aside. We say "later." We think "I'll have a relationship with God when I'm "old and grey."  Yet who promised YOU tomorrow? God stands at the door and he knocks NOW.  He is not this "mean" forbidding God - He is a loving Father.

For those of us that are parents - we know that the "no's" we tell our children are with their best in mind.  But they don't see it that way at the time we say "no" do they? I remember my telling my mother "you're a mean mommy!" (Laughing) when all she wanted me to do was stay in my room while she mopped the hallway floor. how many times do we think God is "mean?"  He's not.

Lord - this year has been like no other in my life. I've been humbled beyond my wildest dreams. That is not a complaint Father. I realize that I need you to "fill the potholes" in me. Some of which I had thought years ago had been full. But they are cropping up again Lord and I realize more and more that I need more of You."

Take a good hard look at yourself - faults, weaknesses and all - and bring them before the Father. Ask Him to show you why you continue to struggle in a certain area of your life. Perhaps there was a need inside of you that was never fulfilled. We live in an imperfect world but thank God we have a "perfect Father" who can restore, who can heal, who can bless, who can aid, who can love - and you see - He desires to do all those things inside of you. But here is the thing - He's given us "free will." To choose, to decide - or not to. The choice is up to us.

Silly Random Early Morning Thoughts - Sheer Nonsense.

"And so Mister Caterpillar - do you think you will feel the changes taking place within your body when you go into your cocoon? Will you write about your total body transformation experience? Are you worried it will be painful? Do you feel you are less beautiful now than you will be then? Do you dream of flying? Will you miss what it feels like to "inchworm" your way through life? Curious minds want to know, you know."

I fell asleep early last night - unintentionally and woke up at 4 a.m. How quiet the world is at this time. Usually I wake up to hearing birds outside my window - but today, all is quiet and I think I have even "beat" the early bird in catching his worm. (LOL)

A fresh new day, a brand new start - a gift. That is what today is. I'm actually enjoying the quiet of this early morning. I'm unfamiliar to it as I have always been a night person. Its peaceful this morning. Its like choosing a "different unfamiliar flavor." 

I often wonder of all the miscellaneous thoughts that drift in my head like what I wrote above (LOL). And why do we sing lullabies like "Rock a Bye Baby" to our babies before they drift off to sleep? Are we trying to give them nightmares? (Have you ever really thought about the lyrics to that lullaby?)  And i think of all the Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes I read when I was a kid. Do we really want to teach our kids to "jump over a candle stick?" (LOL).

Does that happen to you? Sheer nonsense drift through your mind? I sit here giggling like a silly little girl at the thoughts that pop into my head - and I cannot use the excuse that it is just this "early morning hour" or the fact that I have yet to have my first sip of coffee this morning. It's just me. Who I am. I think too much, I ponder, I wonder. Can you imagine the conversations we'll have with Jesus when we are face to face? I know already I talk his ear off probably. Because my prayers are one sided conversations with Him. Although I do hear a word in edgewise every so often (winking). I love my Lord. He is patient, He is loving, He is kind. He is... Tolerant! (LOL).  Its true when they say its a "personal" relationship. It is. And right now, being the only one awake in my childhood room. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling peaceful. I'm feeling silly. I'm feeling ohhh so much love for my God. I think He likes silliness in us from time to time, don't you?

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy

Seasons Change - But God Never Does...

Like the water naturally flowing down in this picture  - "The Steps of the Righteous Are Ordained By God." (Psalms 37:23)

(*picture taken by my dear friend, D. Kiely)

There is a saying - one that I'm quite certain you've probably heard. "When life hands you lemons - make lemonade." Optimistic? I suppose if you like lemonade.  For some reason, my life feels like a very popular scene from the I Love Lucy Show - you probably know the one... The one when Lucy and Ethel are working in a chocolate factory? And I think they are suppose to be taking the chocolates off the roller as they come down to them and put them in boxes or wrappers? Not quite sure which... And the roller speeds up and they are trying sooooo hard to keep up with the chocolates, but then they panic and rational thinking goes right out the window. Instead of keeping their senses and figuring out what to do with the fast coming chocolates, their reaction is to take the chocolates and stuff it in their mouths... I hope I'm remembering that right. I'm going to see if I can find it to post. But that - in essence, has been what my life has been over the last two weeks.

When I last posted I had quite literally been holding a pair of cutting sheers to my head. Convinced I could cut off my curls in anticipation of chemo. But I chickened out. Oh how I spent that whole day running into the bathroom, holding a curl in the sheers gonna do it.  But then I decided, I wanted to keep my curls as long as I could. So I decided I would not lose them that day.

Since that day, I (due to the economy & working for a small relatively unknown start up company that has been struggling for the last 6 months), had to leave a job I loved, and after speaking with my husband, we had to make the choice for me and two of our three children to head back to Massachusetts and stay with my mother in my childhood home so I could go through chemotherapy, the kids could go to an excellent public school (while we had enrolled them in Christian private) and he could concentrate on work since I was no longer employed. It was hard dividing up our family. I love all three of my kids. My oldest needed to be near his father. (Anyone who has a teenager can understand that this needs no further explanation).

Through my job loss, I'm reminded again of why I have always put my faith in God and not in people. People disappoint you every day. Its just our nature. I hold on to my faith. I have been a Born-Again believer for 23 years and I have experienced God's hand on my life. I know He provides. When you have held on to God for so long - you go into "automatic pilot mode." My faith is in God - not in people and honestly, I don't know how people live without Him. I could not go through all that I am going through without knowing my God is real. "An ever present help in time of trouble." (Psalms 46:1) He said "He would never leave nor forsake me" ( and He hasn't." And for whatever YOU are experiencing in your life right now - if you choose to trust in Him. You'll see. He is no respecter of persons. (Romans 2:11). My Bible tells me that "the steps of the righteous are ordained by God." It doesn't tell me that He will "reveal ahead of time" what those steps are. But that they are ordained by Him.  I don't think that means that God plans bad things in our lives. I think it means that nothing surprises Him. Nothing.  When you are faced with your mortality, you all of a sudden see all your faults, all your weaknesses, all your sins.  You realize again and again how you "cannot earn" heaven. I truly know that there is NO WAY  I can be "good enough" to go to heaven. Pffft... Was it Paul who said in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do."  There is ALWAYS inside of us - something that needs changing. I am NOT condoning sin. But I am very clear that it is only by the shed blood of Jesus that we can boldly come to the throne of God. I wonder how He did it. As he lay stretched out on that cross - He took on the sins of the world. OUR SINS. Yours and mine. My mind cannot even comprehend the agony of that. I agonize over my own sins. And what I don't agonize over - the devil tries to beat me over the head with reminding me of my short comings. But here is the thing - "It is by grace we have been saved through faith; and that not of ourselves, it is a gift from God, not as the results of works, so that no one may boast. But we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we could walk in them." (Ephesians 2:8-10).

Seasons change - God never does. Hold fast of His hand. He won't let go. Even when it feels like its only your 'fingertips touching His." His love is unconditional. Unlike people - He simply loves YOU for who you are. Who needs to make lemonade out of lemons? We know the Creator. And even better than THAT - HE KNOWS YOU... "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:2) Child YOU are His.