All to Jesus I Surrender

The Serenity Prayer says it ALL. God Has a Sense of Humor - Do YOU?

Our lives are like these steps... One step at a time. Be patient with yourself. "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." (Philippians 4:6)
*Photo compliments of my Best Friend, D. Kiely*

No one can tell me God does not have a sense of humor. HE DOES.  And I love Him for it. It's been a while since my last blog. I have to be inspired in order to write - and as those of you who have been reading my blog know - I'm very transparent. Treatment has been over for about a month and half now. Having a few side affects from radiation - but dealing with it.  My hair is growing back straight! LOL I'm not using my wigs anymore. They were fun and served their purpose, but now with my hair growing back (albeit very pixie-ish, can't quite do my Halle Berry look yet - not enough to "gel up" lol) its the new me.  And there is a "new me" inside and out. My life has CHANGED. I'm re-learning myself all over again. I'm coming to know the new limits set inside my mind. There are things I can't go back to. Things I can't do. It's not me saying "I don't think I can" its me saying "I SIMPLY don't HAVE it IN me and I can't."  It's a painful process, but one that is happening naturally.  I didn't realize the emotions that would go along with treatment being over.  So MUCH change. Outside and in.  My walk with the Lord is having peaks and valleys.  I find I'm thankful for being given a second chance at life - and scared to live at the same time!  I find I doubt myself - my past, my future. The decisions I've made. I'm not as secure in my faith as I once was. But I've been through SOOOO much in the last year.  I need to renew my relationship with God. Yet I'm unsure how to go about doing it.  So I'm kind of spiritually "stuck" right now.  I find myself  having a cascade of emotions about my faith. I know I've failed God in some areas of my life. But I also know its "by faith" we are saved. I know that it is only by the shed blood of Jesus Christ that I can even BOLDLY go before the Father.  But I'm struggling with different aspects of my life. And unless you've walked in my shoes - you can't possibly know what I'm talking about.  Maybe your shoes are uncomfortable too??? Maybe you are understanding what I'm talking about because you too are going through it in a certain way?? Thank GOD He looks at the heart.  Because sometimes I don't have the words to tell Him all the things that are in mine. Do you know what I mean?

In this next chapter of my life - God has blessed me with a job (now this is where His sense of humor comes in...)  The job He has blessed me with, is at a SPA/Gym/Salon. I've been made Office Manager working alongside a group of Dietitians that help people change their lifestyles and lose weight! (I'm not talking Jenny, I'm not talking Weight Watchers - although I LOVE Weight Watchers). These are medical, certified dietitians who work one on one with people who want to change their eating habits. I'm loving my new job - and not only has it given me a "free gym membership" as being one of my benefits for being there. But it is going to help me do what I need to do to save my life.  You see, I had been diagnosed with a form of breast cancer called "Triple Negative" - with that aggressive form of breast cancer the treatment for it is simply chemotherapy and radiation.  The only thing I can do to lower my chances of re-occurence is to LOSE WEIGHT.  Pffffft - not an easy thing for this girl to do! (Portuguese families have a lot of starchy yummy food not to mention the emotions that go along with eating!). I have to do this. I have to succeed.  My mind set is that I will do ALL I can not to have to go through all I've been through a second time.  (In JESUS' Name!!!) So how ironic is it that God would give me a job that ties up with the lifestyle change I need to make????  All the tools I need to do this - are right there on my job! With these amazingly talented know their stuff people! A Gym/Spa/Salon all in one!  Instead of rewarding myself with "food" I can reward myself with a "massage" or "pedicure or manicure" - I just sit back amazed by what God is doing.

There are certain things in my life I didn't expect would change.They have.  How interesting is it (and painful) that things change in our lives that we never expected to change? We truly are all a work in progress. I think we'd do well to remember that.... To give ourselves" grace" and to be patient with ourselves.  Think about being patient with yourself. What comes to mind for me is the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

We forget that we are imperfect. I failed in my marriage, actually a marriage takes "two" people. I won't beat myself up about that anymore. It's time to move on. A fresh new start. Instead of living my life in "fear" of what will happen. I am straightening out my back and lifting my chin - setting my chin firmly. Life is worth living. It REALLY is. There is so much we can be unhappy about - but I choose not to be. The biggest lesson I've learned of all is that LIFE IS SHORT.  We can get caught up with all the "bad things" or "negative things." OR we can concentrate on the good and try to change for the better. I choose the later. How about you??

Beautiful by MercyMe (Lyrics)

Who are You? Who Who Who Who?

It's been a while since my last blog, but this morning I woke up with a soft quiet voice saying in my ear: "I am the Author and Finisher of your faith." (Hebrews 12:2) This stood out to me... I had a sudden realization - one that may be obvious, but to me - it wasn't until now. HE is the AUTHOR and FINISHER of my faith. NOT ME.  It's not me.  The wonderful thing about being a child of the Most High God is that I am just that - His child. The Bible tells me "He knows my thoughts before I even think them." (Psalms 139:1-4).  He's not surprised by anything we think or do. The beginning and end of our stories he already knows by heart.

I feel  a sense of relief with that knowledge, do you?  I've been trying so hard to "refigure" my life - putting added pressure and guilt upon myself for things I've thought or done that it is a relief to me - not that I shouldn't take responsibility for my actions. But when it becomes overbearing, and I feel "stuck" I can remember - that no matter what - He is the Author and Finisher of my faith. He's given me free will - yes, but here is the thing - Once I gave my life to Him 23 years ago (when I was 21) I made Him the Author.

Oh how good ol' slewfoot is on helping us get ourselves in a pickle. Not one of us is perfect. I think life is about little lessons we learn... Before we go on to the next level, we learn from the one we are at. I'm struggling right now in the lesson I'm currently in. I don't see a way, I don't have the answers. It's not as some Christians would try to make you feel "all cut and dry." (Who ARE they anyways? The ones that act like they have it "all figured out?" Maybe they haven't struggled or gone through the fire - its not until you do that you can truly understand.)

Life doesn't always go the way we planned it to go. But when you are feeling lost - when you are struggling to figure it all out or feel "stuck" or don't have the answers. Remember that He does. He's the Answer. He's the Way, the Truth and the Life.  And no matter where you are at - or how you are feeling... HE KNOWS. I'm soooo glad that He is God. An ever present help in the time of trouble. He loves unconditionally. And He loves YOU.

That is the peace that passes ALL understanding. I'm resting in it as I "get my second wind" are you?