Please pass me some of that Abundancy... Ahhh yes - thank you!

Be careful what you ask for... You MIGHT just get it... Is the saying that is going through my head these days.  I feel like one of the cars in the movie "Cars."  God is "under my hood" working his magic in a way that only the Creator knows how to do.

When you open yourself up for the Lord to change you - and you don't SEE how He will, it doesn't mean He won't.  Maybe He is giving you "new realizations" about yourself?  Maybe He's giving you a second chance? He Created YOU its NOT that hard for HIM to do.  "Not by power, not by might but BY MY SPIRIT" (sayeth the Lord).

Oh how we think we know ourselves so well! Then perhaps we are given a viewpoint from Him that shows that we really know NOTHING about ourselves afterall.  I think that is because we see in part - but HE sees in full.  The changes He makes inside of us, enable us to see things more clearly.

Maybe the "front window" of your car needs cleaning.  So you can see things more clearly. Were you looking at things with "rose colored glasses?" And once your windshield was cleaned off you realize that what you thought you were seeing was not really what was there afterall?  Maybe at first you felt shocked.  That's not what I saw! You said.  Is God showing you the truth?

I have found that when He does that with me.  He does it with a gentle arm around my shoulder.  Probably because He knows I am my own "worst critic."  His Fatherly voice whispering in my ear. "There Kelly, do you see now? Sit with me a while longer. I know what I'm doing in your life.  You don't always have to know. But you do have to know that what I DO and what I say is for a reason that perhaps at this time you cannot comprehend.  Much like when you try to direct your own children into a certain direction, and all they see you saying is NO."

As the road before me gets clearer.  I know what I want.  I know what I see. The best place to be is in the center of His will.  I'm not saying it doesn't cause "growing pains." Ohhh how I am feeling them.  I'm not saying it will be easy - Oh how its NOT.  I am not sure what direction He is taking me.  But I know that even though I have felt like He is far away - He hasn't been, He's not.  He can take my mistakes and use them to glorify Himself.  I guess that is the one good thing about being a person who is transparent.  I don't know "how" to be "fake."  I never have.

What I love so much about the Lord.  Is that He is in the business of "changing us."  When we can't do it ourselves, and when we open ourselves up to Him doing it, He does miraculous things.  He tinkers inside of us and changes our desires to line up with His will.  Maybe its because we are not strong enough to do it ourselves. He takes the desire right out of us. CHANGES us so that we no longer want what we thought we wanted. I think its a process though.  Not something that happens overnight, although I suppose He can make it that way, afterall - He's God! He is able.

I don't think God makes bad things happen to us.  I think that is the result of sin in the world.  But I DO think that God uses the bad things that happen to us for GOOD. I don't think God "gave me" breast cancer.  I think He used it to capture my attention.  To show me what is important to me. What NEEDS to be important. Maybe I would have settled all my life.  Maybe I wouldn't have come to the point that I am at now.  I am not "glad" I went through breast cancer.  I rejoice that I am healed and cancer-free.  That He brought me through it.  I am forever changed inside and out.  It made me realize ohhh so many things that perhaps I would not have realized before.  Things like:

1) I have much clearer understanding of what is important and what isn't.
2) I try to live life FULLY because I realize its a GIFT and can be taken away at ANY TIME
3) I have more compassion and am less selfish
4) I realize that I can never ever ever settle for LESS at any given point in my life
5) I have become less judgmental.  If you haven't walked in someone's shoes - what GIVES you the right to judge them??? You don't KNOW the whole story. But God does. Leave the judging to Him.  People followed Jesus because He spoke the truth with COMPASSION.  How sad it is that that is greatly lacking in most of our churches today. When you think about that - that is a cancer, in and of itself! It needs to be corrected so that brothers and sisters in Christ can be restored. The hurting should be able to come to the church, not feel like they have to "stay away." That MUST grieve the Holy Spirit greatly...

I also have less tolerance for people who say they want to change but don't.  Not for the people that "can't" but for the people who are unhappy in their lives and unwilling to do anything about it.  I have less tolerance for empty promises. Actions mean a lot more to me because they show the intent.  If you want something to truly happen, you will do everything you know how to make it happen.  That's the change. That's the difference.

I know what I want - do YOU??? Ask yourself if you don't.  What is important to me right now at this very moment is:  My health, stability, routine, the well being of my children, the ability to move forward. To be surrounded by people who love me and are my real friends. I am far from perfect - but at least I can admit it to God.  I see no point in hiding it, He sees everything anyways. He knows the desires of your heart.  He created you!

Life is short - God said that He wants us to have life and have it ABUNDANTLY.  He wouldn't have said that in His Word if He didn't mean it. I think its time I had a helping of "abundancy" - how about YOU?

Nicole C. Mullen - Redeemer - Video

After a Storm, Comes the Rainbow - So Hold on! Don't Give in, Give up or Let Go! 

Preview


Change...  I suppose its one of those things that is inevitable... I never much liked it.  Although sometimes "change" is a good thing. I suppose this is one of those moments...


Half the time we don't see it coming. We don't plan for it. We could be going full throttle in one direction when the winds of change come and our course is in the other direction.... The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:12  "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."


We only see in part. God sees the full picture. We don't.  Maybe that is His grace. Thinking about that as I type these words, I think - He sees the "fullness of me" and yet - He STILL loves me.  Even when I feel unlovable.  Even when I don't love myself enough.  Even when I make mistakes.  Even when I am at my worst - He saw it all and still He died on that cross for forgiveness of my sins. (And YOURS!)


Part of me is glad I don't see the full picture of my life - because I don't think I could have handled seeing that I would go through breast cancer, chemotherapy, radiation before the actual moments occurred.  I certainly didn't see the break down of my marriage before it occured. (Although there were signs)...  And there are good things too. My children - each one special, unique. Every change is not a bad change.  I guess you appreciate the good more because of the bad...  


Throughout this journey called life - we are constantly learning about ourselves, aren't we?  The scripture "Pride before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18) is so accurate.  And you can feel "prideful" and not even know it - until you've fallen and you're wondering "what the heck happened?"  And all of a sudden you have a new understanding of God's grace. To me, its immeasurable. We use to sing a song in church that went "It's me Lord standing in the need of prayer."  It's not until you experience "change" that you are in a place you never *thought* you'd be - that you realize that God's grace REALLY does pertain to you.  And its not by your actions, its not by your "being good enough" that gets you there. It's by HIS GRACE ALONE.


I feel His grace, His mercy this morning as I sit in my new quiet home. The kids are with their father.  How strange it is to write that... I am 2 1/2 hours away.  I wish I could say that cancer "changed" my family and perhaps it did - but the changes began earlier than that - cancer just quickened it.  We think we have control over our circumstances... We don't. Be careful over thinking that you have "steady feet" because this "balancing beam" called life can change in an instant and all you "thought" you knew you realize you didn't really know much at all.


What have I realized as I look back on my past year? I realize that peace is important, I realize that lots of discord can affect your health.  I realize that it is important for a person to have a "sanctuary. I realize that it is not my place to judge someone. (and to leave all the judging to a God who sees in full - while I just see in part).


I don't know what the future holds for me - I only know "Who holds me." (In the palm of His hand).  When you hold something in the "palm of your hand" you are holding it gently, lovingly, carefully as if it matters to you.  I matter to God.  *Smiling* and so do YOU. His grace and his mercy pertains to all of us who are willing to receive it. What a wonderful realization to start this day off... and you know what? No matter what change comes my way - that is all I really need to know.