Hello!~~~

Welcome!~

It has now been ten years since I started this blog. How quickly time goes by! We are many members but we are one in the body of Christ. Therefore you do not journey alone! Hopefully through this site you will be encouraged by the fact that many things you are going through in your own walk, others are going through (or have gone through) as well. Sometimes we think we are "going through things alone." But we are not. God said that "He would Never Leave Nor Forsake Us." (Hebrews 13:5) and that "There is Nothing New Under The Sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9). No man is an island. It's easy to forget that. May the words in this blog help you to think, encourage you in whatever spiritual state you are in and may the Lord use them to help us to grow in Him! He is the Author and Finisher of our faith!

I don’t want any readers to think that I am “promoting” being a prodigal. I definitely am not. But what I am hoping to do – is to encourage those of us who either have had or are currently experiencing a hard time in our walk to be honest about it. Personal conviction is a powerful thing, especially if you truly love the Lord. I think that sometimes the Body of Christ critiques and judges to the point where the person who is at the other end of that pointing finger feels ostracized, alienated and alone. I don't think that that is what Jesus intended. When I read through my Bible - I see a firm yet gentle restoration that Jesus ministered to those around Him. Look at John 21:15-19. When Peter who was at an all time low point in his walk - he was firmly, yet lovingly restored by Jesus. He didn't tear him down, or yell or make him feel any worse then he already did. He spoke to him lovingly and gently - and in doing so, Peter was able to repent and minister in a much more powerful, humble and confident way and it became one of the largest ministries ever.

Please note that I am only a vessel, my calling - to write. I dedicate this blog to the Lord and ask that He use it to reach out and touch whoever needs a special, loving, personal touch from Him. My hope is that the Holy Spirit allows you to see Him through the words (and not me). We go through things so that we can extend our right hand of fellowship behind us to assist and help someone else. Our Bible is the same today, as it was yesterday as it will be tomorrow. (I am far from perfect and do not profess to have all the answers...) but the good news is - Our Heavenly Father does! His love, forgiveness, grace and mercy is real!Nothing you are experiencing in your walk comes as a surprise to Him! May He be glorified through this blog and may God bless you at whatever stage in your walk you are in!~



I am a Breast Cancer Survivor

I am a Breast Cancer Survivor
I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer on June 24th, 2010 - I have been cancer free for 10 years now. It was only a chapter in my life - NOT my life, but the impact is one that has changed my life forever. Its important for women to know that 80% of the breast cancer diagnosis come from women who don't have a history of it in their family (My family didn't). Early detection is the key. For more information please click on the pink ribbon above. It could save your life.
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June 24, 2014

The Pathway Continued...



A gentle reminder - some of life’s most precious moments happen when you least expect it…
As previously referred to in another wrote (see post from March 2013 entitled "The Pathway)  – I was traveling down a beautiful  road, one that I thought I was destined to travel upon  all the days of my life only to have been chased off the road but the fattest, ugliest, sexless looking of trolls.  It was a private way and the disgusting troll had reminded me that the road belonged to her, pulled out her ownership papers, barked at me to be on my way off her property. Heartbroken – I had no other choice but to change route and cross over upon another path.  Looking behind me at my beloved road one last time, I realized that the road was subservient to its troll and would always be.  The pure natural and vibrant beauty of the road would remain unrecognized, unappreciated and neglected - its location taken for granted –all the days of its existence,  which was a shame for its beauty was such that had I been able to remain upon it, I would have danced and frolicked and appreciated its natural beauty all the days of my life.
My head downcast, and being such, I did not see the different kind of beauty in the new path I’d taken.  Different from whence I had come. Golden sunshine peaked down in between tree leaves; birds sang joyfully, honeysuckle pungent and thick filled the pathway with a natural wild sense of beauty.  Yet, I missed it all for my gaze had gone to my feet – not in front of me, and my shoulders were slumped in defeat, I cared not where I roamed.  Like a leave flitting about in the wind, I went mindlessly forward, all that had been vibrant and full of color now in my present state of mind, had become black and grey. I couldn’t venture on the road I longed for, so I no longer cared, the beauty had dissipated in the world around me.
Walking with downcast eyes and a heavy heart I did not see the tall oak of a man until I bumped right into what apparently was a set of trunk sized knees, it  startled me (so lost was I in my own thoughts of sorrow).  Like a startled deer poised for flight I froze in the headlights of this unexpected intruder.  (Although truth be known, I suppose I was the intruder, since I was the stranger upon the path).
“Whoa…,” Said a strong steady voice.  He stretched out a solid arm with large hands to keep me from toppling over.
I lifted my head up. This man was so tall I had to lean back and stretch my neck waaaaaaay up to see. Hazel eyes in a heart shaped face looked down at me with amusement.  A red beard handsomely mapped his lower rectangular jaw. He looked like a combination of a woodcutter and a leprechaun gone giant, but there was a gentleness that exuded about him that looking upon him, made me feel unafraid.
“Why are you so downcast?” He questioned, raising a large pointer finger to lift up my chin so we could be eye to eye.  “You should be looking ahead of you, not down.”
“I suppose I should,” I responded with a sigh, “yet I care not where I go.  I am journeying wherever it is my feet choose to lead me…”
“Such a lovely face should not be wearing such a solemn look.” He stated.  “Come, no doubt you are hungry and I am pleased to share my lunch with you along with some words of encouragement to make it all the more palpable.”
He led me along the pathway to a small flowing stream.  This gentle giant of a man sat cross legged on the ground and encouraged me to do the same.  Sighing, I obliged. He opened a lunchbox, which I had not noticed was beside him; broke off a piece of bread and a chunk of cheese and handed it to me.  I was about to decline except for the dead giveaway sound of rumble from my stomach, so I decided to partake of his generosity.
“Tell me your story,” He said encouragingly, leaning forward to listen attentively. His face so close to mine I could count freckles that danced upon his nose.  His red well groomed beard gave him an almost regal look, and the kindness in his eyes encouraged me to share my tale… About the unexpected beauty I had fallen upon, the temptation to proceed, which I gave into, the joy and love and completion I felt walking along what I had thought was my own little beautiful road… How I got chastised and commanded off by the horrible troll and found myself alone, discouraged and at a loss as to where to go. When I was finished, I rubbed my hands together to free them from the crumbs and looked up into the face of this gentle giant to see his reaction to my tale.  How astonished was I when I saw eyes filled with tears and compassion.
He was quiet for a moment, this giant of a man. When I gazed up at him I saw a range of emotions cross his face and it seemed as though he was trying to gather his thoughts.  Why should one feel so strongly for the journey of a stranger?
 He was quiet and I was uncertain whether I should stand and leave or sit and stay.  And then he spoke…
“In life you will encounter many various roads and pathways… I have found that the best ones are those that travel wide enough for two and go “both ways.”  Even those that are not easy on your feet teach you endurance and perseverance; and though you may not realize at it the time, strengthen you for the journey ahead.  The most important thing is not the beauty in the surroundings around you or the context of the road itself – but how you travelled it… Life is a journey down many roads.  Think on this – what did you learn from this last road you took?”
I listened to his words and thought long and hard before I answered.  “I learned of love and friendship. I learned that life is much better when shared.  I learned that there are many more meanings to “unequally yoked” than what I had been originally taught.”
“So you see,” said he. “Although you no longer journey down that road (and not at your own choosing) you have gathered a lot of insightful treasures along the way.  Hence, the roads that you travel end up coming together and forming a map called, “YOU.”  Think now, what else did you learn?”
I tapped a forefinger to my lower lip as I recalled my journey through the road that I loved.  “I learned more about myself.  Humbleness, compassion, mercy… I learned forgiveness and most importantly of all that each person’s journey is their own and not to be judged by the observer.”
“Well then,” he exclaimed, “It seems to me that was a road worth traveling no matter its end… You are a better, wiser person for it. Or so it would seem to me.” He rose from his sitting position and once again loomed high above me. He reached down to extend a hand to me to help me up.  I could not help but notice how small my hand was in his immense larger one.
“Who ARE you?” I couldn’t help but ask, curiosity taking over and then blushed with embarrassment at my straightforwardness, for surely it was not my business.
He grinned at me – such a boyish grin for a gentle giant and responded, “Just a traveler like yourself.” He gathered up the remainder of his lunch box, closed it shut and tucked it under his arm.
Looking around at my unfamiliar, yet beautiful surroundings – seeing the newness of the path for the first time, shyly I asked, “would you journey with me a while?”
He looked at my shy expression and laughed a deep laugh, his hazel eyes filled with amusement.  “It seems as if we already are – for you stand upon the same path as I.”
“Very well, “I said my own laughter ringing with that of his. “Lead the way…”  And, although he took up most of the pathway with his size and his girth - He did.

The moral of the story is to always try and find the beauty in whatever path life leads you.  Abraham Lincoln once said, “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” The choice is ours, it may not be the pathway you imagined you would journey on – maybe it’s not the one you wanted or perhaps the choice has been taken out of your hands, not yours to make… It just might be better than anything you would have chosen for yourself…
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” (Psalms 3:5)

June 14, 2014

Gettysburg - Fare Thee Well


"I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards." ~ Abraham Lincoln


Gettysburg. How I loved you. How unexpectedly you came into my life. How you surprised and delighted me - you touched me in ways I never imagined you would.
Intimately left me breathless with the discovery of you. 
You delighted me. I will never be the same.
The past rides into the future.  You will stay in my heart forever.
The history of you.
The passion of you.
The purpose of you.
How I loved you.
Battlefields that once ran with the precious blood of men committed to their cause. Opposite sides of the fence - fighting for what they believed in to the point of death.
I believed in you. I fought for you - and I lost.
Fields covered with bodies of so many soldiers they could not bury them fast enough, now beautiful fields with breathtaking sunsets overflowing with honeysuckle. 
An oxymoron of what once was.
Yet - a sign of hope.
The past is gone yet hope remains.
You are gone. Your choice, your decision, your life.
I remain.
History - the study of past events. 
You are my history, not my present and certainly not my future.  
The past is the past and the future turns my attention now. 
I am looking ahead and not behind.
I am stronger now and committed to holding fast to what I deserve and what I want.
Final acceptance.
Unbelievable blinding pain - but still alive. Still fighting, still believing.
Marching forward leaving you behind me in the past.
Hopeful for new beginnings and happy endings - and lots of beautiful breathtaking sunsets.

Day is done, gone the sun, From the lake, from the hills, from the sky;
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.



June 8, 2014

Are You Captivated?

He Came to Set the Captives Free - And That Freedom Includes YOU Too!!
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free." (Luke 4:18)

There He is, Jesus - with the key to your jail cell.  I have a vivid imagination, as I read that scripture, I picture one of those large old fashioned skeleton keys - you know the kind, you see them in every old cowboy sitcom or movie.  There Jesus is standing there, outside your cell, unlocking the door with a key only He has.  The door creaks as it opens wide, Jesus is telling you to come forth! That you are free!  What is your reaction?


You have been in the dark for so long - You think you are having a mirage.  There stands a man, in blinding white light outside your cell.  You can hardly look upon Him for the light surrounding Him is blinding. You say to yourself: "This is not real, there is not a man dressed in white with a beard and a key outside of my cell.  I'm having an illusion."  You blink your eyes from the brightness and turn your head to face the wall which you have faced for many a season...

Or...

You run out that door as quickly as your legs will carry you, stopping only at the opening to throw your arms around the man who has rescued you, throwing your arms around Him and say, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!" Tears of joy and relief and thankfulness streaming down your face...

Or....

You look at the man releasing you with a look of distrust wondering what is in it for Him.  What will this cost you? Thinking that this is another trick.  "No thank you, the devil that you know is better than the one you do not..."  

Jesus came to set the CAPTIVES free!  He can set us free, but He cannot MAKE us accept that freedom!  The cost was His life for YOURS.  He gave it willingly, obediently and with more love than we will not fully understand until we truly stand before Him.  What are you going to do??

I understand all of the above reactions - because I have felt them.  Have you?  I say that humbly and with shame.  Often times when we don't walk out of our situation thankful for Jesus having made the ability for us to do so, is because we lack enough faith... (Ouch...)  Faith to believe that God is BIGGER than any situation or problem... Or that He even cares enough about us to do anything about it.  If we don't become discouraged or depressed we become mad at God because we think He doesn't "love us enough" to help us get through whatever situation we are in.  Even if it is a situation that is of our own doing... And yet that is another reaction we have.

"Lord, this is my mess... I made it.  It is my fault - Mine! Mine! Mine!  I deserve whatever hell I have allowed myself to be in..." 

That is an absolute LIE from the pit of HELL.  There is not ONE of us worthy! Or Righteous! NOT one!!!  The Bible tells us:

"As it is written: "There is no one righteous, not even one." (Romans 3:10)

and also:

"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." (Isaiah 64:6)

There is no degree of sin.  And all of us sin!  (Oh yes...) But the good news is that Jesus took those sins upon the cross with Him! He died for forgiveness of our sins!!  The problem that we have is that we dishonor Him by believing that that is not ENOUGH to get rid of them!  We believe we deserve to be miserable or to stay in the cesspool we have probably created ourselves.  And that is simply not true...

If you were in the ocean drowning, and you were to be rescued - say they threw out a floaty to you.  Would you reach out and take it? Or would you continue to drown, thrashing your arms and yelling, "Help! Help!"

Your help is right before you!  Take the hand of Jesus and allow Him to pull you out of whatever mire you are in.  It doesn't MATTER the reason.  The Bible tells us:

"You have searched me and known me.You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.…" (Psalms 139:2-3)

Nothing comes as a surprise to Him.  He knows you intimately.  Let Him love you, let Him heal you, let Him deliver you.  He is there at this very moment that you are reading this.  You may not be able to see Him physically with your eyes.  But if you soften your heart, and just quiet your thoughts - you will by the Holy Spirit feel Him.  TRY IT. Don't just take my word for it - experience it for yourself, what do you have to lose? Listen...

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." (Revelations 3:20)

Do not allow your own captivity to keep you from experiencing the freedom that Jesus bought with His own blood...  Do not allow doubt, or sorrow, or depression or self-hate to get in the way of allowing Him to free you.  He is BIGGER than your situation.  He loves you.  Truly loves You.  Don't hold yourself back.  Walk through those cell doors that Jesus has opened - rejoicing.  Thankful.  it is WHY He gave His life.  He gave it for YOU to walk freely away. 

The price is to turn away from whatever it is that held you captive previously.  Believe that God has better in store for you.... It is true you know.  He wants you to walk through those gates or doors that have held you captive so that you can live the life that He has created you for!  You have a purpose!  You have a reason for being!  Isn't it time that you found out what that was?  There is nothing more satisfying than walking in the purpose that God has for your life!  Take time to discover what it is, if you don't know already!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you." (Jeremiah 1:5).

Now that is a loving Father, don't you think?  You are consecrated!!!

"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." (Isaiah 1:18)

Take His hand. Talk to Him.  You don't need fancy words - just talk to Him.  Share yourself with Him, it is not as though He doesn't know you already, He does... But He likes to hear you share your mind with Him.  It's called "having a personal relationship."  And that is what He desires.  The Bible says:

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him." (Psalms 34:8)

It is the only way that you can discover it and enter into a relationship with Him.  Just like that floaty, you have to reach out and grab it.  It is there - just receive it! Accept it! And when you do - cling to Him.  He is your forever eternal life line.  Once you have tasted and seen that the LORD is good - you won't ever want to let go!  And guess what?  If you find yourself walking back into that "cell" - you'll stop and turn around and say, "No!  I have been there and done that! No!  Once those God has freed are free indeed!!!"

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)

You will reach a point where you know - whatever place you are at in your life that what God has for you is so much better than what you had for yourself!  And no matter how many times you turn around - God will be there directing you, strengthening you, encouraging you, loving you, believing in you...

Go! Be Free! Walk out of that cell that has held your mind captive!  And believe in your freedom that He has bought with His own precious, precious blood.  

"God paid a high price for you, so don't be enslaved by the world." (1 Corinthians 7:23)

Look! The door is open! Fly high! Glide! Soar! Walk in that freedom and don't look back!  The best is YET to come!

June 2, 2014

Smoke Screens...


When I was a young girl I use to watch a show on television called “Star Trek,” my favorite episodes contained scenes that included these holodecks where a crew member would go to a door, push a button and create a fantasy that they wanted to participate.  My guess is that this is the way crew members spent their days off.  Oh how I loved those rooms!  You could make anything in your imagine come to life! Everything seemed so real it was surreal.  The surroundings, the people, everything in that holodeck with that fantasy you created touched upon all of the five senses. I couldn’t help but wish these rooms really existed.
I thought of this as I was driving into the office today, then it occurred to me how hard it would be to leave a “make believe world” and come back to reality if these holodecks were to exist.  People would not want to go back to their normal daily lives.  The holodecks would become an addiction; families would go neglected as would regular daily life.  The lows that would follow the highs of being in such a fantasy world would cause many a mental health worker to have full rooms with people having emotional issues.  There would be great consequences to having these fantasy rooms, not to mention how it would affect our physical bodies, our heart rates, our blood pressures and other aspects. And what if you were to fall in love? So much for guarding your heart! What if you opened your heart to fall in love as they did in some of the episodes? How devastating reality would be!
As I thought about this I thought about the smoke screens we allow ourselves to walk into in our lives.  Something that feels so real until you reach out and try to grasp it and you touch nothing.  A mirage, maybe something that you believed so strongly was real you actually thought it could be.  That it was within reach. Truly and completely yours and yours alone, sweet, tender, desirable. But in reality, it never was.  Have you had a “smoke screen” moment? 
I found myself thinking about a snake charmer and how he plays a song that puts the snake in a trance.  Sometimes that is what ol’ slewfoot allows to become one of our biggest pitfalls.  We step right into his trap and become “entranced” into whatever illusion we want so much to be a part of our lives. Like when a magician puts his assistant into a trance like state and levitates her and she is unaware of what has happened until she wakes up.... 
Next I found myself thinking of Adam and Eve.  They had all of Eden as their world.  They had intimacy with God.  They had absolutely everything!  What entrancement did the snake use to make Eve desire a piece of fruit so strongly that God had forbidden?
The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die!” For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.…” (Genesis 3:4-6).
He appealed to her senses, he contradicted what God had told them and he entranced her into believing something that was forbidden.  Notice how Eve didn’t seem surprised that she was talking with a snake, which leads me to believe that Adam and Eve communicated regularly with the animals in the Garden of Eden. All the blessings God could bestow on her, and still she wanted more.  How devastating it must have been when she realized that she had been deceived, and what a high price they had to pay…
Smoke screens… At some point in your walk, you will run into one of them, if you have not already.  Perhaps an awareness of them will make the temptation less appealing.  Perhaps if we forewarn ourselves we won’t be susceptible to becoming like that charmed snake.  We won’t be lulled by something that simply will never be… When we are entranced, depending on how long it last – waking up is painful.  Coming to the awareness and reality of the fact that what you wanted, what you believed in, what you held so tightly will never come to pass is difficult to accept.  In fact, it is heart breaking, especially if you believed wholeheartedly it would. 
Perhaps this is why God tells us:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)
When we enter into a smoke screen, our hearts become unguarded.  When we come to the realization that what we wanted, will never be – our hearts hurt; the kind of hurt that a band aid cannot help.  The kind of deep soul hurt that God never meant us to experience, no matter the cause. The kind of hurt that some never recover from.  How do you trust your own judgment when what you believed that what would be would not? How do you move forward?  When that smoke screen clears and all that is left with you holding on to your heart, your emotions, your reality – how do you proceed?  My guess is that some cannot.  The sweet essence of what you wanted is hard to let go – even when you realize you never truly HAD it in the first place. 
In a fairy tale, Rip Van Winkle fell asleep for a 100 years.  Can you imagine what his shock would have been like in the waking?  What did he dream so deeply of during that period? Wasn’t it hard to grasp reality and the fact that so much time had passed? Times had changed. People had changed, places had changed.  What a shock to his system it would have been to realize that he had slept for so long…
What has been your smoke screen?
What or who has deceived you?
What have you held on to so tightly refusing to let go?
Did you wake up slowly, reaching for someone to find they were not there?
Did the high of your smoke screen dissipate leaving you with nothing to face but the reality that was before you?
Did reality enter into your smoke screen clearing it out until you had no choice but to realize you could not have what it was you wanted? No matter HOW hard you tried to hold tight to it?
Was it something that appealed to your senses and numbed you from reality?  Or was it something that captured your heart?  Did it entrance you?
You could stay in that shell shocked state blaming others, blaming yourself, blaming situations but what good will that do? It will not change the reality.
There is nothing better than God’s best and that is what He desires us to have.  It is not an illusion, it is not a “smoke screen” it is not something that will appear for a moment and be taken away from you.  It is not something/someone that will disappoint or hurt you.  I think that God can only heal these hurts by the balm of His Holy Spirit.  The pain is to extensive and numbing.  The deception too deep. 
Thinking of the Garden of Eden, created out of such love by God for His people.  It lacked nothing and held everything.  Who knows more than your Creator what it is you need?  He is not like people, who will hold out something, deceive you and then snatch it back.  He is not a God that He would lie. 
The blessings of God are not fantasy, but are genuine and real; they fill the heart and the soul.  They are never ending, not deceptive; better than anything we could have imagined – even if some little fantasy room were to exist.
However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him. “ (1 Corinthians 2:9)
Perhaps that is why in some near death experiences, people have indicated they did not have a desire to return. What God has prepared for us is simply beyond any words that could accurately describe it.  But here is the thing - He wants us to walk in that abundance now; to believe that He desires to bless us NOW, in THIS life.  He doesn’t want us to settle for anything less than what He has for us. 
I am thinking of magazines I have read in which there are two scenes to compare against each other.  If we were to compare what God has for us to what we ourselves would have for ourselves – there would truly be no comparison…
I no longer desire those Star Trek style holodecks to become real.  I would not walk into one now if they existed because I think the emotional damage and the cost to me would be far more than the worth of the experience itself… I don’t want a “replica” of what God has for me, I want the genuine thing, I don’t want second best or second helpings, or a fallacy of what is to be mine.  I am holding out for God’s best, because I truly believe that “best” can only come from Him, the best is yet to come and its mine (and yours if you want it)  - and that’s not  blowing any smoke…

May 23, 2014

Are You at The Point of No Return?



What are you running away from?  Or headed towards?  Have you even really thought about it - or do you just find yourself running and you don't even know to where?

There are several different ways of escape.  If you are looking for one, you will surely find it, but before you open that door - whatever it maybe, perhaps you should stop for a moment and collect your thoughts and think.  Just quiet your mind and try to gather up your thoughts.

Try and think about what has brought you to the point you are at in the first place. Is it a traumatic event?  Is it a family upset?  Do you feel lost and like you just "want to run away from it all?"  Do you feel as though God let you down?  Or perhaps you thought you had heard the voice of God and things didn't turn out so well and now you are confused.  Maybe someone has disappointed you and you are hurting and all you want to do is run away from the situation.  Everything inside of you is screaming out, "ESCAPE! RUN!!!" And you know you are in flight mode.

Stop in your tracks. Calm down. Breathe.  This is when you are at your most vulnerable. This is the point where most Christians become prodigals.  Instead of running towards God, they run away and become disoriented, confused, angry, sad, frusturated and lost.

Watch out! You are headed right towards one of ol slewfoot's traps and you are getting ready to step right in it! And once you step in it you'll become all tangled up.

How do I know? Because it happened to me.  Sometimes unexpected situations occur in our lives that we didn't see coming.  They are outside of our comfort zone or realm of understanding.  No matter how much we try, we can't seem to make heads or tails of it. "Why Lord? How? I followed Your rules, I did what you asked - WHY did this happen to me??!!"  We lose faith in God and be it in anger or confusion or sadness we step away from Him instead of towards.

What has been your escape?  Perhaps you entered into it and you weren't even aware that you were taking that first step into the unknown.  You didn't see the "Beware" or "Danger" sign - maybe it was your own ignorance or maybe you were so tuned into your own emotions that you didn't even see it as you passed it by.  You entered a realm that was not meant for you to venture into.  Perhaps at first it felt soothing.  It took your mind off your situation or your problems.  It seduced you and made you walk deeper still into its escape.  There are so many different kinds - one for every personality.  Was it drugs? Sex? TV? Alcohol? Work? A pretend world? The Internet? These are just to name a few.  Like entering a spider's web, did you get stuck in it?  Did it disorient you and give you a eurphoric sensation?  Did you feel accepted? Loved? Did you feel as though you were able to escape who you were? Or where you came from? Like you entered an oasis.  Maybe the farther you entered into the escape the less you wanted to return to reality.  You were cajooled, enticed.  Usually a form of escape has some appeal to it - it just depends upon your personality, your likes and your dislikes.  Deeper you walked into it until even if you looked over your shoulder, you couldn't see your way back.  The way you once knew was gone.

Maybe it didn't happen to you but someone you love.  Maybe you saw them become less and less who they were and right before your eyes they were disappearing and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't reach them.  The fact is - they couldn't see you anymore and they didn't want to be reached... Sometimes the only one who can reach them - is meant to reach them is the One who created them. Not YOU.  But here is the thing, God has given us free will.  He has given us the ability to make choices.  Good choices and bad and sometimes He sits back and watches us and allows us to make mistakes.  It is not the path He chose for us but He allows us to walk it.  Knowing fully well it will bring us pain and regret and sorrow but hopefully more importantly it will bring us growth.

It couldn't have been easy for God to watch Adam and Eve make the worst decision of their lives.  How much sorrow and pain it must have brought to God, knowing fully well that the choice they made would not only affect the two of them but everyone throughout the course of history.  He made them out of love and they turned their back on Him.  We could get mad at Adam and Eve for what they did - but the truth is we all turn our back on God at one point or another in our own walks.  (Ouch - that one hurt to write...)

Yet all all the while God had another plan in place.  He knew what was going to happen and while I'm sure it pained Him, He already had a plan in mind of how He would unite us once again to Him. This time for all eternity.

Adam and Eve when they sinned tried to hide from God.  We try to hide from God.  We try to hide from situations we create.  The truth is - we can't.  It's (pardon the pun) "fruitless" to even try.  Whatever escape you are trying or have walked into - it is only temporary.  You can't run from or escape from God.  The consequences are not those that He intended you to experience. Guilt, sadness, regret, confusion, embarrassment - to name just a few. How many times along the pathway home did the prodigal hesitate and want to turn around and not face his father?  Yet he knew that there was no going back the way he had come.  He also knew that he was a different person than the person who had left his father's house with his inheritance at hand.  Hopefully he was wiser.  I'm quite sure he was humbled beyond words.  Every step back home must have felt heavy.  How many times did he play what he thought would be the reception he would receive in his head?  (And more than likely it was not the one he ended up receiving!)  I'm quite sure he did not expect to see His father running down the pathway to meet him halfway!  I'm quite sure he did not expect his home coming to be celebrated!  He probably wanted to just disappear into the woodwork of the house due to shame and embarrassment.  How shocked was he at his Father's joyous embrace?  How long did it take him to be able to receive the forgiveness and acceptance his Father so freely, graciously gave him?  And how many things that his brother said to his father about him had he himself not thought?

Making your way back home is harder than any words I can write.  But for every prodigal I say, keep trodding.  Keep stepping.  Keep walking.  Keep praying.  Keep looking ahead and not behind.  The journey back home includes having to walk in forgiving yourself for your own transgression.  There may be things along the pathway that would try to tempt you and pull you back - but they will have no hold on you, for you know that their escape is really not one of escape, but pain, regret and falsehood and entrapment.  In order to go forward in life you have to walk through the pain.  Pain caused to you or pain you have caused.  In order to walk forward to where God wants you to be you have to realize that there is ONE reality and no matter how hard you've tried to hide from the reality, the reality has always been the same.  It has never truly gone away.  Instead of trying to escape a situation - face it! Head on!  Has someone disappointed or hurt you? Forgive them!  Communicate with them, they may not even realize that they have hurt you or made you feel rejected.  If they DO know that they have done it and don't care - then know that you are not responsible for someone else's actions - only your own.  This is where we learn to walk in forgiveness.  When you release someone - you also release yourself. Sometimes the only thing we can do is release them into God's good and capable hands.  Its not easy to do - but sometimes its the only thing we can do.

Here is another thing... God can turn things around.  Use our mistakes and bad decisions for His glory.  Through my prodigal period I have learned that it is truly nothing but God's love, His grace and His mercy and His forgiveness that has saved me.  The truth is - I was NEVER good enough to earn redemption or Heaven.  It is totally by His grace and love.  I think on some level, I felt as though I had "never done anything bad enough." But the truth of the matter is there is no degree of sin.  Sin IS sin.  The prodigal in the Bible found himself eating pig slop.  I'm sure in his eyes it wasn't possible to get any lower than that.  God can take your lowest moments and be glorified through them and when it happens, you will realize that it is TOTALLY God and not anything YOU.  I think God allows us to make our "bad" choices because He knows that we will grow from the experience and will be able to extend the right hand of fellowship once we have arrived back home from that journey and help someone else or have compassion and not judgement upon someone else who is going through a similar experience.  So what ol' slewfoot meant for trouble - God uses to for His glory and to draw men closer to Him.

Next time I feel like running - I will run towards God and not away, like a child who is afraid and runs into his/her parents arms for protection, I will run towards my God because the only TRUE escape one can find, is in Him. Isn't it time you stopped running? Stopped trying to make an escape? And ran to the One who can give you what you truly need? Who knows what you truly need? He is a balm and will provide you with the peace that passes ALL understanding - just run towards the LIGHT - the light is HIM.

May 11, 2014

Bloom Wherever You Are Planted...




It's Mother's Day and I'm at work... Now that is not a complaint, I'm very thankful for the overtime that has opened up.  It is God's provision for me and I'm only here a few hours before I head back to spend the day with my mom and children at my childhood home.  I'm writing this because when I left the house, the whole rest of the world was still asleep, I opened up the front door and the first thing I saw was the pink cherry tree had blossomed - as in overnight!  Stunningly beautiful pink blossoms hanging off each limb. I stopped in my tracks because of its sheer breathtaking beauty.  Honestly, it made me think, how can ANYONE not believe there is a God?  His presence and glory is ALL around us!  I felt as if He was giving me flowers! Wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day."

"For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God." (Romans 1:20)

I found myself thinking about the seasons, how God woo's us with his love through nature. He gives us bouquets of flowers, flowering trees, wonderfully distinctive plants!  He sings love songs to us through the birds! He caresses our cheeks with the wind!  So many of us are so busy that we don't notice the obvious ALL around us!  He wants our attention and lovingly surrounds us by His creation and glory.  I thought - my goodness!!!  I'm blown away by the beauty in this cherry tree - can you imagine the beauties we will see in Heaven?  What an amazing, creative, loving, wonderful God we have and ALL He wants is our love!  It is so easy to love Him, if you allow yourself to.  You can't "out love" God.

As I walked to my car, I was greeted by Mrs. Turkey.  It felt like she and I were the only ones awake in the whole world.  "Happy Mother's Day Mrs. Turkey," I giggled at her as I climbed into my car.  No wonder morning time is one of the best times to seek God and meditate on His many wonders.  Everything is just waking up and coming to life.  As I drove to my office, I started thinking about that tree.  How it only blooms for a couple of weeks before those pink petals will fall to the ground.  But OH how glorious it is when it blossoms!  I started thinking about how we are like that tree.  If you looked at that tree other times of the year, you might not notice it.  It isn't very striking.  In fact it is rather plain and thin, nothing outwardly extraordinary about it... But on the inside, work is going on behind the bark and at just the right time God has it bloom...

Perhaps we are like that tree?  You were made for a purpose.  It is up to you to prayerfully figure out what that purpose is for your life.  To discover it.  But you have to want to.  You can needlessly go through life, not meeting the full potential that God has for you.  He never "makes" anyone do something.  You have to want to.  You can go through life merely "existing."  But God has so much MORE in store for you.  When we "merely exist" we are just going through the motions of life.  There is something lacking.  There is a place within us that is going unfulfilled.  I know you know what I mean - even if you don't admit it to yourself.  There is a void.  Maybe you are feeling like there is something MORE - you just don't know what it is.  Maybe you are trying to fill that void with other things - but the truth is; the VERY truth is that void was meant to be filled by your God given purpose.  Something God had in mind for YOU to do from the very time He created you and until you choose to seek what that thing is you will never live life to the full potential God intended you to.  How do you find out what that is? PRAY.  Communicate with Him as you would someone you loved very much and wanted to know better.  He is there!  Silently waiting for you to give Him your undivided attention.  There is nothing about you that will surprise Him.  So if you are going through a prodigal time in your walk, admit it - bring your concerns, faults, sins and all before Him.  You can't hide from God and He knows it anyhow.  So come to Him as you are.  He desires to show you the purpose He has made you for.  Now I'm not saying it will be easy, or that that purpose will be fulfilled overnight - it is a life time effort and a life time calling - whatever He has called you to do.  Part of it is discovering what it is.

I remember when I was in my 20's prayerfully talking to God.  I had been on the stage since I was 3 years old and just knew that my life's passion was to become an actress.  I studied theatre, I went to auditions, I did a few independent commercials.  I just knew I was going to become a famous actress, but as I talked to God and prayed and asked Him what my purpose in life was to be, just waiting for Him to say back to me "why silly girl, it is acting of course..."  He surprised me.  These are the exact words He quitely said, and I say quietly because God has never yelled at me.  His voice is always quiet and gentle.

"It is as plain as the nose on your face."
 
"How is that Lord?" I responded puzzled.
 
"I've called you to write."
 
"To write? But Lord, that is something that I have always done." I said incredulous, brushing it off.
 
"I know." He responded.
 
"But I've always written... That's nothing... I've kept a journal since 3rd grade.  I've written stories and poetry for as long as I could write."
 
"Yes..." He reiterated what He had said.

It all began to make sense to me.  He had not called me to act (although that is a fine profession).  He had called me to write - and it was so obvious I hadn't even seen it.  Is God calling you to do or become something that is so obvious YOU may have missed it? Maybe something YOU have done all of your life?  Sometimes it can be so obvious you don't see it.  Hence the reason He said to me, "it is as plain as the nose on your face..."  Sometimes we are looking so hard - we miss it.

With a calling, once you have discovered what it is - there is a responsibility to walk in it.  True fullfillment comes only when you know what that calling is and then obeying God by walking in it.  This may mean honing your talent.  Learning your trade so to speak.  I write well, but make a lot of gramatical errors.  (LOL) Still once God gives me inspiration, I have to write.  It comes from the Holy Spirit, through my heart and out of my fingers!  I believe it is the reason God has made it so that I type 95 wpm!  I truly believe I am a "finger" in the body of Christ. (Grinning).  There are times when I get caught up in the things of the world that I don't take time to fulfill my calling by "applying the seat of my pants to the seat of my chair."  It is during those times when I feel at my lowest because I am not doing what I was made to do.  When I am obedient to my calling and I take the time out of my busy day to do what I'm suppose to be doing, I feel fulfilled.  I pray that the writings in my blog can be used far and wide to glorify God.  That it will move, encourage or help someone in some way (whatever God sees fit) to help someone grow closer to Him.  This is my calling, this is my purpose.

I am a divorced mother, a cancer survivor someone who's life has changed dramatically over the last 4 years, but while my life has surprised ME, it hasn't surprised God.  I work a full-time job because I have to provide for my children.  Remember, the Bible tells us Jesus was also a carpenter... I may work a full time job - but that is a means to an end, it is not my purpose.  It is not my calling.  (And this does not mean you should not work any position as if you weren't working for the Lord - because everything IS for His glory, and remember people are watching you closely, especially if they know you are a Christian...)  I moan and complain to God (every morning) asking Him why I could not have been "born rich. I express to Him how my dream is to own a small simple cottage off the ocean, where I can spend my days with someone I love and with my children, spending my days writing for His glory..."  (I'm still believing Him for that, by the way...)  He smiles at me indulgently, as He is use to my rantings and just like that child who has a temper trantrum on the floor of the grocery store because his mother won't buy him that piece of candy, He lets me have my daily morning temper trantrum, waits for me to finish and then asks me calmy:

 "Are you done now?"

"Yes Lord," I say wiping my eyes and hiccuping.

The truth of the matter is - we make time for what we want to make time for.  God is not always our priority, nor is the calling once we know what it is.  The Bible says:

"To much is given, much is required." (Luke 12:48)

Once you know what your special calling is, you have a responsibility to walk in that calling.  God is only asking you to plant or to water.  Providing the increase is His responsibility  - not yours.  I don't write for my "own glory."  I write because I am called to.  I NEED to.  There is someone, somewhere who God is using the Holy Spirit to minister to - and this word will drift over there way and hopefully encourage them in whatever means God deems it.  My responsibility is only to do what God has asked.  The rest is up to Him.  I may not know how many people the words God has given me through my walk, through my writings will or has encouraged until I am perhaps on "the other side."  I am okay with that because like that cherry blossom tree.  When I utilize the skills God has given me and walk in my calling - I blossom in His love.  There is no greater feeling than to know that you are being used by God, for His purpose.

It's time for you to blossom.  Just like that cherry tree - there are undercurrents occurring and changes that are taking place in you below the surface of your outward self... Let God allow you to come in season.  To blossom in His love. To fulfill your calling.  It is why He created you.  He has a purpose for your life that only YOU can fulfill.  Don't merely exist from day to day - walk in the fullness of His love.  Blossom like only YOU can.  The time is now.
 

May 8, 2014

The Struggle is REAL...


Some of the most beautiful things in life come out of struggling...
My teenage daughter has come up with a teen saying that makes me shake my head in amusement; one of the things I have always loved about my daughter is her creativity.  She is talented and expressive and her latest passionate saying that I hear at least once every two days is:

  “The struggle is REAL...”

She is all of almost 15 years old.  It’s hard for me to think back to 15 and think about how “real” the “struggle” was and exactly what was the struggle at that age?  I must be getting old… 15 was 32 years ago for me…  But I can totally relate to the saying.  Although I’m quite sure my struggles at 47, being a divorced single mother and 4 year breast cancer survivor differ from hers, not making her struggles (whatever they may be at 15) any less significant. 

As we journey through life on our own unique individual journeys, our struggles to us are REAL.  I’m learning not to be led by my struggles.  Not to give them more space than they deserve to have.  The truth is that as long as we have breath in our body, we will experience different struggles.  Quite often those “struggles” are growing pains and yes, they even happen to someone like me – in their forties.  They are simply life’s lessons.  How you respond to them is up to you.  Like a multiple choice question you have the ability to choose how you will respond to those “struggles” that come up in your life. You can choose to become “bitter” or “better.”  When I find myself becoming bitter about something, I have to stop and cut off that bitterness much as one would cut the ends of a bouquet of freshly cut flowers to keep them from wilting and holding on to their beauty in the vase just a little bit longer. Sometimes it is a matter of re-evaluating and determining what is important and what is simply something I should shrug off.  Sometimes it’s the realization that I have made a tiny little struggle magnified just by my feelings or my frame of mind at the moment.  During those times I have needed to “step back” and see if this is a tiny little struggle or one that is big enough to consume me.  We have all heard the saying “making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

Sometimes the only one standing in my way is ME. Have you ever felt that way?  We think too much, we analyze too much, we critique ourselves too much.  Sometimes the struggle is REALLY – us! Step aside! Get out of your own way! Stop beating yourself up! Stop over thinking! Stop over doing! Stop comparing yourself to someone else! Stop coveting!    Stop! Stop! Stop!

Life can be a struggle.  But when you really think about it - nothing worth anything was ever easy. Maybe there is a certain satisfaction in looking back at certain struggles and knowing that you made it through (with the Grace of God).  Maybe we go through some of those struggles to be able to stretch out our hand behind us later on and help someone else who is “struggling.”  How can we affectively and compassionately understand people if we can’t identify with them?

If a caterpillar doesn’t struggle to get out of his cocoon, he dies.  If a chick doesn’t struggle to peck through its shell it won’t be born. Maybe some of the most beautiful parts of life come because of the struggle?  Maybe even though we don’t feel it at the time – there is a purpose that we can’t see because of the struggles we go through. Perhaps it gives us a finer appreciation and maybe in some instances a sense of accomplishment and pride. Maybe the struggle isn’t for US but for those we love that come AFTER us.

Yes, the struggle IS real, but it is only part of the journey - maybe we should think about concentrating on the outcome of the struggle instead of the struggle itself? And to remember that we have a God who has already won the biggest struggle of all for us. Perhaps we should concentrate on the rainbow that is sure to follow the storm - instead of the storm itself... Makes you think, doesn't it?  The struggle is real, but the outcome is worth it.

May 3, 2014

Are You Feeling Blown Away?


Has something blown you away? Time to go to the One who controls the wind - and get your life back on track...

There are days when I feel just like the last scene in the movie "Forrest Gump" you know the scene - when you see the leaf just drifting aimlessly along with the wind.  Those are days when I just want to cry out to God.  Just cry out to Him in frusturation and confusion and aggravation.  I want to say, "God! I have made a mess of things and I don't know how to fix it!! HELP ME!"  Or I want to say, "Father! I am doing ALL I know HOW to do - I can't think anymore! HELP ME!" Or I want to say, "Life wasn't suppose to be like this Lord, what can I do to get back on track?!"  Have you ever felt that way?

I've just gone through a major life change.  One that I saw coming, had been in the works for years - but I didn't realize all I would feel when it actually occurred.  When it was all said and done.  I thought I was ready for it.  I thought I would be fine with it.  I thought I wouldn't feel a thing.  I was wrong.  While my reaction and feelings surprised me, they didn't surprise God. 

"What has been will be again,what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

That is true, yet it feels SO different when "you" are the person "it" is happening to...   It's okay not to have "all the answers."  I don't think God expects us to.  In fact, I think He might raise an eyebrow at you if you acted as if you did.  HE is the great I AM.  HE is the Alpha and the Omega.  HE is our beginning and our end.  HE is the one we should turn to when we have hit rock bottom - or are on our way down...

God knows I don't have all the answers, but I think that is why Jesus says to us:

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."(Matthew 11:28)

He is our rest.  He wants us to come to Him.  Just go to Him in prayer and trust that He hears you because He does.  There are many situations in life that we get in to albeit our own doing, or just life happens.  There are burdens that are too heavy for us to carry.  We weren't meant to carry them and when we do they sometimes double us over from the load.  Bring it to the cross.  Talk to Jesus.  He wants you to.  Pour out your heart and when you do, you will feel lighter. 

We aren't that floating leaf randomly blowing with the wind. We have a purpose and a reason for being here.  We can't go backwards and sometimes forward feels like we are walking in heavy muck. But if we pray from our hearts - sincere conversations with God, we can trust that as it says:

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalms 30:5)

God allows certain situations to occur in our lives to draw us closer to Him and help us to realize that we need Him.  We do.  So lean on the Lord.

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5)

Isn't it about time you stopped trying to work things out on your own? You have someone who cares about you.  He's waiting... Just try it and see.  Try it and you'll see. Open up your mouth and talk to Him as if He was just sitting right there before you (because He is). Pour out your heart - your concerns, your thoughts, your frusturations, the things that you are anxious over. He's listening.  He cares.  If He didn't care He would not have allowed them to put Him up on that cross and crucify Him for your sins - and mine.  He did it because He LOVES you.  He cares.  Believe it and take the time to go some place quiet and have a discussion with Him.  It won't be a one sided conversation.  If you pour out your heart to Him, He will respond.  One way will be that you will feel the removal of that burden from your shoulders just by taking the time to talk to Him.  To pour out your heart.  It may feel silly at first - but once you open your mouth and speak the words will pour out and afterwards, you will feel a peace like a healing balm that will come upon you. (That is the Holy Spirit).  He will minister to you.  He will soothe you.  You will feel what the Bible says is "the peace that passes ALL understanding." (Psalms 4:7).  He loves you, He cares, He wants to have a relationship with you.  A relationship requires communication.  Communication requires allowing Him to see what is in your heart and mind.  The truth is He already knows - but He'd like to hear it from you JUST the same.  TRY IT.  He's waiting, He wants you to - and the truth is - You need to.  I need to, too.