The Way Home



Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. (Proverbs 3:5)

Walking along the road of life enjoying the warm sunshine on my back, whistling a joyous tune and carrying my rule book in my left hand, not a worry in my head, I encountered a sign mid –course in my journey:

 “CAUTION: DO NOT CROSS, DETOUR TURN RIGHT.”

Scratching my head, I looked around.  No one else was on this way for me to converse; I did not see any difference between the land I was currently following and the land to the right.  Why could I not journey forward? What harm would be done?  There was nothing that raised concern within me; clearly the sign must have been put there in error.  Tentatively I touched my toe to the grassy green ground in front of me, just as I thought it was springy and stable, crouching down I sniffed and touched a tuft of grass, nothing odiferous, in fact it smelled the sweetest scent of  green sun touched grass.  I stretched my neck to look as far yonder as I could, a beautiful clear blue horizon, billowy clouds, tall green grass, in fact as I inspected the grass I noticed a little red and black spotted lady bug perched on the edge of a green blade studying me as I studied her. 

"Don't do it!" She said shaking a tiny little lady bug finger at me, speaking in a small little voice that I had to lean over with to hear clearly.  "Listen to the sign.  This pathway may look enticing and wonderful with its deep blue sky and ample walk way, but don't do it.  For it will deceive you, lie to you, make you promises  it will never keep, use you and lead you down a way you never should go it knows nothing but deception and is full of self with no consideration to the feelings and heart of the traveler who travels its length. It will take and take and take from you, suck your feelings dry until you have nothing left to give.  It does not know how to think of anyone but its own needs and its own self.  It is a pathway of deception. Don't be fooled by its outward beauty.  If you saw it with the eyes of truth you would see it as it really is - empty, broken, dark with nothing to offer any traveler, for it can't even make its own path straight. Follow the right way to go, the one written in that rule book you carry." She motioned her little hand at my book.  "This one is nothing but a mirage of lies that does not know how to tell its traveler the truth.  It gives you a pipe dream and just when you have travelled deep within its path it will shatter you into a million tiny little pieces without thinking twice. Its only full of self, and never gives thought to anything else but the way it wants to go. The sign is there for a reason. Heed it beautiful traveler of light."  She fluttered her wings at me and looked up at me with her little face.

I Laughed in delight.  "Oh silly little ladybug, you act as if it were a wayward man.  It is but a beautiful, sweet, darling pathway!  Like none I've ever known.  What stories you tell!" Then I whispered to her, “Lady bug, lady bug fly away home…”  The lady bug looked at me a moment with a shake of her head and a shrug of her red and black dotted shoulders, "I tried to warn you, but you will do as you will.  You will come to regret it and my words will come back to you someday."  She flew off into the sky.

I looked at the pathway to see if I could see what she saw and again was tempted by its enticing land.  I let my back pack fall to the ground so that I could tuck my rule book safely within the confines of the bag and decided that while I was at it, I would kick off my shoes and place them in my bag as well.  I wanted to feel the soft, springy cool grass against the soles of my feet as I went forward on my journey, my mind made up.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained. An exquisite day, birds singing, sun shining and all was right with the world.  “A caution sign.” I scoffed, “Absolutely ludicrous.” 

The scent of honeysuckle permeated the air and my heart delighted at the lovely little fragrant blossoms that clumped sporadically here and there.

"Come walk my length," the pathway beckoned.  "I promise you, I will show you beauty you have never encountered.  We will walk this journey together, you and I forever.   I will take you places where history has occurred and we will enjoy going back in time and learning of its people.  I will never leave you.  I will show you love, satisfaction and true contentment.  Palm to palm I will never deceive you or let you go.  I promise... Come beautiful traveler, we were meant to be together - travel my way, there is much to be seen and we will journey together."  It beckoned to me like an invitation from a lover.  I was captivated, I believed it, I wanted it, there was no way I would go any other way, except the way this path beckoned.   I followed it a ways, stopping at one point to lie down on my back on the sweet fragrant green grass and breathe in the intoxicating scent.  Stretching out my arms luxuriously behind my head to feel the cool smooth grass against my palms and stare up at the clear blue sky and bask in the rays of the sun.   “This is absolute Heaven,” I sighed in delight. The best way ever! The greatest decision I have ever made! I should have torn that sign down, to think I would have missed this lovely little way because of it.  I wonder how many people have missed out on such a scenic site due to that horrid little misinforming sign?!”  I was of a mind to rise up, turn around and do that very thing, but decided against it.  “I am a knowledgeable, intelligent being.  Capable of making up my own mind and choosing what is right for me!” I mumbled to myself,  reluctantly rising up to leave and continue on my way, in doing so I passed by a small pond to filled with scenic flat brown lily pads.

“Are you now?” croaked a response, “Are you sure about that?”

I stopped mid-step and looked around to see where the remark had come from. “Who said that?”

“Me that’s who,” was the response. 

My eyes spanned the ground around me and finally located the source.

“So full of yourself, it’s a wonder you saw me at all,” He huffed blowing up his vocal sacs with air, causing his throat to balloon out.  I dispersed of my back pack, dropped down to the ground to see him better.  There upon a lily pad sat a dark green bullfrog looking at me with disdain in his black little eyes.  “Doesn’t it say something in the rule book about “pride before a fall?” He asked.

“What exactly does that mean?” I asked insulted, was this tiny little green creature judging me? 

“It means that perhaps you should consider the fact that there may be more to things than what meets your eye. Perhaps you don’t know as much as you think you do.  Maybe there was a reason beyond what you could see for that caution sign warning.”  He accentuated his remark by extending his tongue and capturing a fly who had mistakenly thought could fly by unnoticed.  “Point made and perfect timing.  Just as that fly thought he could sneak by me unawares, he was sadly mistaken, to his demolish and to my satisfaction.”

“I beg your pardon!” I said with great indignation.  “You are just a little green bullfrog, what could you possibly know that I don’t?!” I rose back up rocking on the back of my heels.

“Is that a fact?” He replied as he watched me rise.  “I wouldn’t be so sure of that if I was you, I would try to be a bit more open minded…” With that he extended his long green legs and did a flying leap off the lily pad with so high a jump that the water splashed me full in the face.

“What audacity!” I exclaimed wiping the pond water off my face with the edge of my sleeve. Picking up my back pack, I turned my back to the pond and stomped forward to resume my travels. “Wretched little frog!  I hope he gets eaten by a snake!”  Onward in my journey I went.

MY life, MY plans, MY schedule, MY way.  I had made a plan for my life and I was going forward, confident in that plan.  I had made the right decision and as I walked all of my senses delighted in the world around me.  Who knew where I should go better than I? Proud of myself and looking forward to my destination, I continued on.  If things felt this right, they certainly could not be wrong, or so I thought…

As time went on, my travels began to feel a bit too long, the pungent smell of honeysuckle which once had smelled so appealing, began to smell sickeningly sweet.  As the sun began to sink behind its horizon, mosquitoes appeared buzzing annoyingly around my head and nipping at my feet, try as I might, I could not get them to leave me alone.

“Oh you dratted bugs – why must I have been blessed with such sweet blood!” I complained as I tried to swat them as I continued on my way.   “I should be at my destination now.”  Wearily I looked around me.  The pack on my back felt heavy now and was beginning to chafe the area between my shoulder blades, taking it down; I took out my shoes and put them back on my bug bitten feet. I sat against a large boulder, raising my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs.

“Regretting your choice of actions yet?” said a quiet voice.

“Oh no, not you again Mister Frog,” I groaned trying to adjust my eyes to the dusk locate the annoying little amphibian.

“I’ve been called quite a few things in my life, but frog is not one of them,” the voice chuckled.

If my sense of hearing was correct, it was coming from somewhere above me, finally I saw it and when I did, I wish I hadn’t.  I backed away from the boulder as quickly as I could.

“Oh come on now,” it exclaimed watching me with little red eyes as it twitched its whiskers. “I’ve no intention of spraying you, I’d say you’ve already made quite a stink of things, wouldn’t you agree?” The skunk twitched her tail as if to toy with me, and laughed in amusement as I cringed and closed my eyes. “Tell me something,” she continued, “why do you have a rule book in your bag if you chose not to follow it? Do you find comfort in just the carrying of it?”  She tilted her head to the left to look at me.  I could see her red eyes glowing in the dusk of the evening.  Once in my own travels I came across the belongings of a camper who had gone out upon a hike.  They had left upon their sleeping bag the same book of rules you too carry.  I was curious about it, so I meandered over to take a closer look. Opened the pages to a rule which said, in a section entitled Psalms Chapter 32 verse 8: “The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway of your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.”  I’m curious, or maybe just a bit nosey – but I have to ask, have you listen to His advice? Have you allowed Him to guide you or have you chosen to guide yourself?”  The skunk rested her chin upon her paws and waited for my response.

“What I do, how I do, why I do, is no one else’s concern, only mine.  It is why it is referred to as a “personal” relationship. That sign was clearly there in error.  Someone should have taken it down a long time ago.  I only wish I had done it before I travelled forward.”

“Interesting…” commented the skunk.  “This is only my two cents worth and you can take it for what you will; but it seems to me that a relationship consists of more than just one.  Yet I have not heard you communicate to this Lord of yours in any way.  In fact, I have only heard you talk to yourself about how pleased you are with you, with the decisions you have made…  Look around yourself.  Have you gotten to where you wanted to go? Have you eaten? Are you cold?  To me you look disheveled, lost and irritated far different from the girl I saw set out this morning.  Whose rulebook are you following if not the one in your sack?”

Her words stirred up within me a great irritation and without thinking, I took off my right shoe and flung it at her, hitting her right upon her left hind quarters, which caused her to release the most pungent and smelly sprays which caused my eyes to sting and I began to choke at the stench.

“That was simply cruel, “she said turning around with a limp. “More than cruel, it was mean.  It was cruel and mean.”  She looked over her shoulder at me with a hurt expression on her black and white striped face as she limped off into the dark. “It seems to me, I once saw something else in that rule book you never read, about a person reaping what they sow… You’ll have to tell me how all this worked out for you if ever we meet again.” And she disappeared into the dark.

I was alone, alone with only one shoe.  Night had fallen and now I simply wanted to be done with this part of my journey. I could barely see two feet in front of me and I reeked of skunk.  This was not going according to my plan. This was not the way things were supposed to be, and there was no one here for me to talk to, what should I do? Not knowing, I decided I had no choice but to settle in for the night. Tomorrow I would find a place to bathe and continue on my journey, which surely must be soon coming to an end.

"Don't listen to any of them, " the pathway beseeched me. "We were meant to journey together. Keep going.  I will never leave you, we belong together.  You are my one true love, beloved traveler let me take you down a way you've never been. Look at my picturesque background, like what you see and tell me you do.  The beauty of may way is solely for you."  I snuggled closer to the ground.  I loved this pathway like no other I had travelled, I was going to stay on it forever.  I was committed to its way.

Even as I thought that, a feeling of uneasiness crept over me and for the first time, I began to feel a niggling of doubt, doubt that what the pathway was saying was true.  What if they were right? What if I was being deceived?  What if the pathway was lying to me and taking me down a way I didn't know? I tried to shake the thought off.  I loved this pathway and had forsaken all other ways to follow its trail.  Taking my remaining shoe off and putting my backpack against the ground I lay my head down upon it, like a pillow, the words of the ladybug, frog and the skunk replaying through my head.

“It will deceive you, lie to you, make you promises  it will never keep, use you and lead you down a way you never should go it knows nothing but deception and is full of self with no consideration to the feelings and heart of the traveler who travels its length. It will take and take and take from you, suck your feelings dry until you have nothing left to give."
"Does not your rule book say pride before a fall? Perhaps you should have more of an open mind, there may be more than what you see…"
"Why do you have it in your bag if you choose not to follow it?”

Was not life filled with making decisions? The way seemed straight and I didn’t want to go another. It was my choice and with that last thought inside my head, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

My own stench woke me up. I’ve got to get cleaned off! I thought as I scrambled up and ran my fingers through my hair.  I’ve got to get clean! The smell of skunk had permeated my clothes and I knew that I would have to bathe clothes and all, so off I went searching for water. 

"Come, I shall show you where you can go," the pathway said lovingly to me.  "I shall take you where you can get cleaned off and where we can be as one forever."

I came to a high rise of land and as I reached the top, I could see a river below.  In my relief and excitement I hiked up my backpack and started to run, barefoot down towards the water, which turned out to be a HUGE mistake.  As I got closer to the shore, I encountered sand.  Not just any sand, quicksand.  Only I didn't know it until I had reached it.  I started to sink.

"Oh this is not good! Not good at all!" I cried trying to get out.  But the more I struggled, the more I could feel my body sinking deeper. "Oh my! What should I do?!  Oh no!" I said trying to remain calm.  What a pickle I had gotten myself into. "Pathway, where have you taken me?" I cried out.

"This is not my fault but yours." The pathway said sternly in a disciplinary tone of voice.  "People blame me ALL the time for things that are not my fault.  It is YOURS. You had no intention of ever staying on my pathway, did you? Did you wonder about paths that you had not ventured last night as  you slept? Did you listen to the creatures and their accusations around you?"

The more it accused and spoke, the deeper I began to sink.  "What are you saying?" I asked astonished, trying not to fight against the pull. "Happily I would have journeyed down your pathway all the remaining days of my life, for I have loved every moment of this journey." At that same moment I noticed a troll walking over the side of a hill. 

"Help! Help! Help!"  I yelled trying to yell without thrashing around. The backpack which I had had no my back felt like a millstone around my neck. Oh that I had removed it from my body prior to running towards the water!

The troll stood far from the sand I had so stupidly and willingly walked into and looked at me and laughed.

"What have you here my darling pathway?" The toothless troll questioned. She was about 300 pounds, stringy greasy hair, a polyester dress hung loosely around her pudgy form. Then as she leaned closer, she noticed me and her expression changed to one of anger.

"Who is this that you have allowed to venture upon our land?" She bellowed to the pathway. (If I had had both feet planted firmly on the ground I would have felt the pathway quiver in fear.)

The pathway was afraid of this troll? What power did she exhort over it?

"No one dear, just a wayward traveler." The pathway responded, voice shaking.

Oh so now instead of "beloved" I was a "wayward traveler?" The revelation shocked me as I fought to keep my head above the mire.  For the second time I thought about all the warning signs that had come my way.  Signs I had chosen to ignore. 

"I'd like to keep her if I may." The pathway stated to the troll.

"Cover up her head and kill her." The troll said, waiting for the quicksand to cover my head.

"Ahhhh but then she would be one with my land and with me forever," the pathway said quickly.  " You wouldn't want that now, would you my trollness?" He said it seductively.

The troll tapped a big fat stubby finger to her chin.  "That simply won't do at all... You cannot keep her - expel her from the mire right now and then follow your own path home for we shall discuss this further!" She stamped a fat little trolly leg, turned around and marched back the way she had come.

The pathway obeyed her and I felt a suction that carried me down at first, covered my head in its slimy, muddy waters and then I was lifted and propelled high into the air, falling on my backside so hard that my rule book, surprisingly undamaged by the mire fell out on the ground beside me.  I landed hard, covered in filth, smelling like skunk and nasty pond water.

My heart was shattered into a million little pieces and at this point, I could not focus upon anything but the pain.

"I'm sorry I deceived you," The pathway said after a moment. "I wasted so much of your time. I am unworthy of your loyalty and your love."

My heart hurt, it was hard to hear what the pathway was saying because the loudness of my pain reduced its words to a mere whisper.

"I should never have come this way.  I should have obeyed the sign and ventured the way it indicated. Had I known I would be in so much anguish I would never have turned down your way." My eyes filled with tears, as my backside smarted, my heart hurt and I felt very alone and lost.  I no longer trusted my own discernment.  "You have hurt me more than I have ever experienced in my life. But the truth is, you poor pathway are the one to be pitied, for the truth is, you go in only one direction. I saw you and loved your way and would gladly have walked upon your path until the end of time.  I saw the beauty in you for who you were, while everyone else just saw a "way." You are the one who will have to hope that people will ignore the sign and venture upon your pathway and discover the beauty I saw in you. It may take me some time, but I will recover and I will go on.  You will remain, stagnant and stuck and look what you have to contend with?  All the days of your life. I am shattered into a million little pieces, but my God will put me back together and I will rise more beautiful, more knowledgeable and wiser than I was before because I take responsibility for my actions."   I picked up my rulebook, my back pack, wiped the slime as well as I could off my body.  "I renounce you and this pathway I have innocently, willingly, wrongly followed in a love which could never be returned.  Go away from me, for you paid my love back with deception - back to your old life, your old ways and your old habits.  I shall not journey with you anymore."  I turned my back on the pathway I had loved to detour a different route.  Broken, but not defeated. Heavy hearted, yet at peace because I was finally going the right way.

"Lord, you say things for a reason.  Forgive us when we do not heed Your voice, but choose to listen to ourselves. The louder our own voices get, the softer becomes Yours because You are a Father who gives us free will.  We can be wayward children, yet still You love us.  Still you patiently await our return to Your way.  I ask that You meet me halfway, for my heart is shattered and I am having a hard time thinking straight and I doubt myself. Forgive me my sins, wash me with the blood of Jesus.  I repent.  I renounce anything that might hinder me from hearing Your voice and following Your direction for my life.  Cleanse me from the filthiness I have gained upon my journey.  My hurt is my own, I own it, I acknowledge it.  I ask that you would heal my heart and bind it back together. Forgive me for not guarding it better, for it is the well spring of life. I ask you this in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ my Savior. Who died on the cross for forgiveness of my sins, rose again and is seated at the right hand of the Father. Amen."

As I stood in the middle of I-don't-know-where, the sun came through the trees and landed upon my form.  It's light stretched out to touch my sodden, dirty clothes and made them white as snow. My stench was gone. The grime was gone. I was clean.

I could no longer hear the pathway - it was in the past.  It's voice was gone.  But I was not alone.  A new clearer voice filled my head.

"My precious daughter, how I rejoice upon your return, you see? I am meeting you halfway.  Though your sins were scarlet, I have made them white as snow.  Here I AM, I AM the one who heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.  Surely I will bind up yours and heal you, for I love you. You are mine. I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Lift up your head - child YOU are MINE. Come, lets go forward in my love, my grace and my mercy - I have work for you to do."

And so another chapter in my life closes, do I still hurt? Yes.  I imagine it will take some time for that pain to wane.  For I loved that pathway and I pray that at sometime, it will become a pathway of light instead of one that hurts and crushes and destroys what was meant for only love.

At the beginning of the pathway stood a wanderer - observing the sign and scratching her head...

 

Unloose Those Shackles! Be Free!



God promises to set you free from bondage isn't time you allowed Him to remove your shackles?

Rise above it.  Whatever the situation – take courage and rise above it!  Sometimes we can get so caught up and trapped in situations that we had no business stepping into, but what the devil has meant for evil God can use for good!

If you are a prodigal and you are stuck in the mire of a situation and feeling like you will never be free – that is a lie of the devil to keep you from being and doing ALL that the Father has for you to do.  Sometimes if you aren’t strong enough to close the door yourself – God will close the door for you.  He has a higher calling for you, of that you can be sure because the devil never bothers those who are complacent.  He’s not concerned with them because they will always be fence sitters, they are lukewarm and they are not a threat!

If you are on your journey back home and all you see is the filth you’ve accumulated during your prodigal time and it is slowing down your walk back home to the Father, the Word of God says:

 “Though your sins are scarlet I shall make them white as snow.” (Isaiah 1:18)

Instead of allowing yourself to wallow in the scum at the bottom of the barrel, allow yourself to float with the cream at the top!  That is where God meant you to be and the blessings He has in store for you are so much more than what you could possibly imagine.  Stop beating yourself up! Stop settling for less than what God has for you! Yes, a lot of the circumstances we get tangled in are made up of our own bad choices and of our own doing, but they are not ones that God intended you to encounter.  That being said, nothing comes as a surprise to Him, if He can make diamonds out of coal surely He can sure turn your situation around for His glory.

Listen prodigal, look at your situation! Is it one you are hiding so that no one else can see? Something you delete off your Facebook for example? Is it one you cannot openly declare? Is it one that causes you pain or sorrow?  Is it one that is emotionally unhealthy? One filled with emotional blackmail?  Is it an addiction?  Addictions come in various packages – sometimes you can be addicted to a person!  Sometimes you can be addicted to a lifestyle – don’t just think of the typical addictions (that are just as serious) like smoking, drugs, sex or alcohol.  Sometimes the traps of the devil come in the prettiest of wrappings.  It makes sense if you think about it, the devil uses things that are appealing or tempting, you’d never be attracted to something that was not.  Think about it.  Is it a situation that is off-balanced?  Is it one that causes you to be in solitude, separate from everyone else? Or makes you feel bad about yourself?  These are all signs that this is not God’s best for you.  God wants you to walk in the FULLNESS of life.  The Bible says:

 “I have come that you may have life and have it ABUNDANTLY.” (John 10:10)

Here is the thing: It is your choice.  You can choose God’s best or you can choose less.  The price to pay for less is your peace, your joy and the heart knowledge that you are not walking in the fullness God intended you to have.  Your life is mediocre and humdrum and stale and you feel as though you simply exist from day to day.  You have a sense that there is more to life than this but you won’t do anything about finding the “more” because you just don’t believe you can achieve it or deserve it.  God has given you free will and the choice you make is the life you’ll live, stagnant.

A person can be trapped in that line of thought and lifestyle for years, or for their entire life.  How sad is that?  It is when we listen to that niggling thought, like a pesky fly buzzing around our head that we decide to DO something about it.  I call it the “No-more – Jello-Pudding-for-me, Ma!” moment when we have had enough and we get up out of our chair, push the chair into the table and walk away.  Walk away from mediocrity, walk away from being treated in manner that is less than you deserve.  Walk away from the addiction.  Walk away from someone who refuses to put you first! Walk away from the lies and petty promises!  Walk away from the highs and the lows!

When you are willing to make a choice for better, knowing that there is nothing better than God’s good and perfect will for you, your life will change.  How will you know what that is?  By the fruit of the Spirit:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

When you have reached that point of walking away from the merry go round (God did not mean you to be on a life ride that just goes around and around in a continuous unending journey of circles), you will be ready for the next chapter of your life – don’t be fearful, be excited!  Are you hurting? In time God will heal the pain and it will be nothing more than a scar and a story to share, a story which the devil may have intended to use for his glory and to destroy your life to a story of victory that God has used to minister to others and glorified His name.  If the devil had “really” been smart he would have left you alone in the first place because there is nothing more powerful than someone who realizes that it is nothing BUT the blood of Jesus, God’s grace, His mercy, His love and His forgiveness that keeps them going.  Someone who has become humble enough through their prodigal time to share with others that, yes I missed the mark (big time!) and travelled a path God did not intend me to travel, but in doing so I have learned that there is NO one worthy, NO one righteous and perhaps before I may have thought that I was... Heaven cannot be “earned.” It is only by the precious blood of our Savior that enables us to be able to come boldly before the throne of God. I have learned compassion, I have learned humbleness and I have learned that unless you have walked in the shoes of someone else, you have NO idea what they have been through.  You have no right to judge.  Instead of focusing on what someone else has done or is experiencing or has experienced perhaps you need to take a good long look at your own self and the things YOU need to change?  The Bible says:

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:5)

and Jesus also said:

"When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw the stone." (John 8:7)

Careful observer, that is a dangerous place to be. People look on the outside, God looks at the heart.  What is your heart telling you prodigal?  Listen to it.  You’ll be glad you did.

My Life, His Hands

My Life is in His Hands...

 

The Hell that plays inside my head you simply cannot see,

this makes it no less genuine, it’s not happening to you but me.
The song it plays the same refrain till I think my head will burst
and round and round it goes again the last time worse than first.
A prodigal I’ll admit I’ve been, the fault - it lies with me, I opened up a door
that should have remained under lock and key.

The road back home has been difficult, my progress steady but slow,

the pathway has been cumbersome but in my heart I know,
that this is why my Savior’s blood poured out upon the cross,
and purified me from sins I’ve made, I’m saved, no longer lost.

It’s by His grace, His love, His mercy, His forgiveness that I’m free,

it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.
So when ol’ slewfoot whispers accusations in my ear,
 I’ll remind him of his future for his end is coming near.  

I may be far from perfect, but there’s one thing that I know,

the steps of the righteous are ordained by God, whatever path I go. 
He uses my mistakes to glorify His name
through helping other prodigals who are experiencing the same.

Unless you’ve walked within my shoes, you really shouldn’t judge

you haven’t an inkling or a clue upon the path I’ve trudged.
It’s God who looks upon the heart and sees me as I am and for that reason
I’ll profess He is the great I AM!

A Life Worth Living

Make it Count...

The one thing we can be certain about in life is change, whether we "like" change or not it is the one thing we can count on happening. Fighting against it is going against the tide.  It's fruitless.

When you think of your life, what do you think about?  What do you yearn for?  In the quiet of your heart what is your desire?  The Bible says:

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be." (Matthew 6:21)

What is your treasure? Where is it? Is it in your possessions? The things that you have compiled throughout the course of your life?  Is it your job? Your family? YOU?  When you are alone, what are your deepest thoughts?  You know what I mean, when no one is around you, and you think about your life, what comes to mind?  Whatever comes to your mind, is what your treasure is.

Here is what my treasure is... I have found throughout the journey of my 47 years (so far), the greatest treasure I have found has been coming to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  He is my greatest treasure.  Why is that?  How could I put Him above my family? My children?  I can because He is the One who gave my family to me.  When someone gives you a gift, do you look at the gift and not the giver and say, "thank you" ?  Imagine it is  your birthday, and someone gives you a birthday present, do you look down at that present and thank it?  No.  You look at the person with gratitude and thank them warmly for what they have given to you.The Bible says:

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believe in Him, shall not perish but shall have ever lasting life." (John 3:16)

When God created Adam and Eve, He created them to live FOREVER.  They were NOT supposed to die.  Death, sickness and sin came into the world when they disobeyed God and chose to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

"But you must not eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." (Genesis 2:17)

He had explained it to them before hand. There were no surprises, it happened as He said it would if they disobeyed.  There are reasons why God tells us not to do something.  Honestly, when you think about it, we are no different today then Adam and Eve were back then.  The Bible is full of direction and examples that were meant for us to learn from, and still we sometimes choose to go against God's Word, and when we do we often open up a whole lot more then we know how to handle...  Here is the good thing though, nothing surprises God.  He had a plan ready to bring people back to Him.  He loves us so much that He had a plan in place to bring us back to Him.  That plan was Jesus.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

There are those of us who have taken the "hard way" or gone off the pathway that God had originally chosen for our lives for a season and experience a "prodigal" time in our lives. We are the "hard headed ones." (I'm joking)... We chose the "hard way" and many of us have kicked ourselves all the way back down the road to our Father.  When you open up a door that God never meant you to open (and for good reasons) you have to deal with the consequences of your action, whatever that door was.  Even once you have returned to the Father, ol' slewfoot whispers constant accusations in your ear.  Oppression is a real thing and hard to recover. There are reasons in love that God has given us rules to live by.  One of them is because He knows what the pain and agony of breaking them can do to us.  But one of the many gifts He has given us, is free will.  We choose.  We live with whatever we choose... But again, even if you have made a "bad decision" in the past - God can take what has been meant for evil and turn it around for good.

Where is your treasure?

Each of us has to answer that individually.  I will say, that the greatest treasure that I have is knowing that I am a child of the Utmost High God.  That I belong to Him.  I gave my life to Him at the age of 21 and through this journey, He has been my greatest gift.  Not because of what He provides for me or has given me (and He has given me much), but because of who He is.  He is trustworthy, He is reliable, He is unchanging.  He is ever present.  He is my life. He is my Father.

There is a joy beyond any words I can describe in knowing Him.  It is referred to as a "personal" relationship for a reason, it's unique and it is extremely personal.  Afterall, "He knows my thoughts before I even think them!"(Psalms 139:2) . How can you possibly hide from the One who made you?  He is Lord of my life and King of my heart.  And I can say that in spite of all my waywardness and hard headedness and as an ex-prodigal having come to know Him has been (and is) my greatest treasure.  Why?  Because He gave my life true purpose.  In knowing Him there is a peace that God's got my back, no matter what I go through in this crazy life.  He is steadfast.  I can count on Him, even when things don't go my way.  Even when my plans are not His plans, I know that the plans He has for me are better than ANYTHING I could plan for myself.  I have gotten to a point in my life where I realize a life worth living is being smack in the center of His will. That's the BEST seat in this house of life.  It's upfront and personal.  It's "First Class" its peace and love and contentment and even in the midst of all the craziness going on in this world, all of that craziness flows around you when you personally have accepted God's gift of salvation, it passes over you because you know Who it is you belong to. God is in control.

We live in a sinful, dark world that is getting darker and darker around us. Common sense is something that is not so common any more.  There is a fury that is getting stronger as the last days come closer. 

"Many shall run to and fro and knowledge will increase." (Daniel 12:4)

"But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people." (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

I think that Jesus recognized this because in John 17:15 He prayed:

"My prayer is not that You take them out of the world, but that You protect them from the evil one.  They are not of this world, even as I am not of the world."

It can be hard to stay focused, even as a Christian, there are so many things tugging at us in this life. And whether or not you believe it, we are in the middle of a spiritual storm that is growing in its fury.  It is hard not to get caught up in the storms around us, or the darts that the evil one tries to throw our way, or even caught up in our own fleshly desires; but if we keep focused we can rise up above the storm - keeping our eyes focused on Him, just as when Peter in Matthew 14:29 walked out of the boat onto the water his eyes were focused on Jesus.  His mind was set on Jesus before him.  When he started to look down and realize the incredible actual fact that he was walking on water, he started to sink.  When we focus on our situation and not on our God who ultimately is in control of the situation we lose focus, and we too sink.

A life worth living is realizing how short life is.  Realizing that we have a hope. That death is not the end.

"For me, to live is Christ, to die is to gain." (Philippians 1:21)

Where is your treasure?  Is it one that can be stolen?  Is it one that you can take with you when this life's journey is over?  Is it one that can withstand the pressures of life? Does it give you peace, joy and contentment that is everlasting? Whether or not we want to face it or believe it, we are living on borrowed time.  The Bible tells us:

"Man is like a mere breath; his days are like a passing shadow." (Psalm 144:4)

and also:

"Come on now you who say, 'today or tomorrow we shall go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.' Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.  You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead you should say, 'If the Lord wills we will live and also do this and that...'" (James 4:13-15)

Maybe we need to look at what our treasure is and re-evaluate what is of value to us.  Rethink it because denying the truth doesn't stop the truth from being true.  God has given us His very best.  But it is a gift to be appreciative of and thankful for and most of all to accept because the gift His Son, Jesus gave us - His life, is the greatest treasure one can receive of all.  And its yours for the taking, you just have to open up your heart, your soul and your mind - and in return, you will find a life truly worth the living. One that will last through ALL eternity.

More Puhhhhhleaaase!!!

“More Puuuhhhlease, Mummy,” demanded the toddler sitting in the grocery cart seat pointing earnestly to the candy on the check-out shelf as his mother wheeled the cart forward in line. “No, I’m not buying any candy,” his mother responded with a sigh wearily gearing up for the latest temper tantrum to erupt like a meteorologist with their eye on an upcoming storm.  

Sure enough, first came the scrunching up and reddening of his little face as the storm began to brew, next came the ear wrenching battle cry loud enough to make even the deafest of person’s hear or a hearing person go deaf; then the twisting of his body and the banging of feet as little sneakers methodically banged against the steel cart. “More! More! More! More!”  His cries rained down upon unresponsive ears, becoming more intense as his mother refused to respond to his demands. Slowly she put items from the cart upon the checkout counter more concerned with whether or not she would have enough money to cover all the items, or if she would have to put some back…

Sometimes we act the same demanding way towards our own Heavenly Father.  "I want this!" We say pointing urgently towards something in our lives and when He either is silent in His answer or says, "No." We pitch a full fledged temper tantrum forgetting that God knows what is best for us, better then we do.

What about being thankful for what we have? What about taking the time to acknowledge the blessings we have in our lives?  We focus so much on what we don't have or what we want that we often don't take time to thank God for ALL the things we do have, including the people that we have in our lives.  It is not until something major occurs that we look back and think how blessed we are indeed.

 "Oh the good ol' days, remember when we..." We need to be thankful in the present tense. Now.

What about "paying it forward" even in some small measure towards someone else?  This past weekend I went away with my family to the Cape, when I came back home I realized I had left the book I was currently reading at the Inn.  A really good book on obtaining financial blessings.  I called the inn to see if anyone had turned it in and no one had (of course not, it was a REALLY good book). At first I was disappointed, but then I got to thinking that maybe someone who needed it more than me (if that is even possible...) would benefit from it.  In fact, I started praying for that person - that the book would minister to them and that God would use it to financially bless them.   It made me feel better looking outside myself, and thinking of someone else.  I shared this line of thought with a few of my girlfriends, and much to my surprise, this week I received a package in the mail.  It was another copy of the book, from one of my friends who felt led to "pay it forward" and be a blessing to me.  She had gone out with a friend for lunch earlier in the week and had brought money with her to pay for the lunch, but her friend had decided to be a blessing to her and treated her to lunch instead, so she decided to "pay that blessing forward" and use that money she had set aside to be a blessing to me.  And she was.  And in turn in being a blessing, we ARE blessed.  We should do things not so that we will get back - but because it is a blessing to be a blessing, so in turn we ARE blessed.

"Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:38)

Maybe we should think about "paying it forward" in our lives.  Not being so concerned overly much about what WE want, what WE need and think about the needs of someone else.  A small gesture means so much.  When I was a child my mother had a saying (actually she made it into a chant), one that she said she had created over things we would say to her it went like this:

"Gimme, Gimme, can I have? Will you lend me? Can I borrow, I need, I want!"

It may have been something she could tease us about as children, and as a parent she taught us to think about others by teaching us how to give.  As grown ups its not something that is very attractive. 

Last February I was taken by surprise when I drove through Dunkin' Donuts to get coffee.  As I pulled up to the window to pay for it, the cashier said, "two dollars of your order has been paid for by the person who was in front of you.  They said to apply their change to the car behind them, and that car is you."  I was touched, I was moved.  A gesture so little made the start of my day so wonderful.  They didn't even KNOW who I was, or that I was struggling financially in my new status of being a divorced, single parent.  I immediately prayed that God would bless them a "double portion" of how He had used them to be a blessing to me.

What a joy it is to be a blessing to someone else.  I truly believe that it is better to give than to receive.

"Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." (2 Corinthians 9:7)

"More puuuhhhhlllleaaase Lord.  More.  More of YOU, less of me.  Use me Father.  Help me to look outside of myself and be a blessing to someone else.  Show me how I can be used by You to make a difference in the life of someone else.  Not so that I will be glorified because of it, but so that YOU will receive all the glory, honor and praise.  You gave Your life for me.  The greatest gift of ALL.  Help me to follow by your example and be a blessing to others in my life, however I possibly can - be it financially or with the gifts you have given me (my skills) or in some particular way you choose to reveal to me that I can be a blessing to someone else.  In Jesus' most precious name I pray. Amen..."

 

Are You Blocked?

One of the awful side effects for a lot of breast cancer survivors (like myself), who have had lymph nodes removed during surgery is a something called lymphedema.  

I Googled the definition of Lymphedema and it came up as this:  

Lymphedema involves blockage of the lymph vessels, with a resulting accumulation of lymphatic fluid in the interstitial tissues of the body. The lymphatic system consists of lymph vessels and lymph nodes throughout the body. The lymph vessels collect lymphatic fluid, which consists of protein, water, fats, and wastes from cells. The lymph vessels transport the fluid to the lymph nodes, where waste materials and foreign materials are filtered out from the fluid. The fluid is then returned to the blood. When the vessels are damaged or missing, the lymph fluid cannot move freely throughout the system but accumulates. This accumulation of fluid results in abnormal swelling of the arm(s) or leg(s), and occasionally swelling in other parts of the body. (Definition taken from the Free Dictionary by Farlex)

How amazingly intricate God has made our bodies to function.  We cannot fully comprehend how wonderfully we are made.  Just as we have a physical body, we also have a spiritual body.

I have had a lot of doors opening and closing in my life lately; and as I was driving to my office today, I had a realization; just as the physical condition of lymphedema can cause a flow blockage in our physical bodies, we can allow or entertain things into our lives that can cause a spiritual blockage that keeps things from flowing in our spiritual bodies (or spiritual life),  and this doesn’t only pertain to cancer survivors, but to everyone.  Stress and anxiety can reveal itself and cause physical blockages in the form of other ailments or diseases. 

For me, I have found the symptoms indicating a spiritual blockage to be uneasiness, lack of peace, anxiety, lack of sleep, and a restless mind.  To be honest, it can feel like torment because it feels like you can’t seem to get it together, or get your life under control.  Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to examine or face whatever the reason for that blockage is.  It could be pride, or the flesh or just plain stubbornness keeping you from doing what needs to be done.   If you have given your life to Christ, your life is not your own anymore.  You have invited the Holy Spirit to come into your body and take residence there.  He moves things around and changes things about you that only He could do and if you fight against those changes, you can find yourself at war with yourself and that can also cause a spiritual blockage.

“I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives by faith in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

I have experienced both trunk lymphedema and spiritual blockage in my life. God healed me of the physical lymphedema through acupuncture (something I never before believed in).  I had believed solely in Western medicine.  After having countless appointments of special lymphedema massages with a lymphedema specialist (which felt wonderful when going through it – what massage does not feel wonderful when getting one?) but which effects didn’t last long after the massage was over.  I was told by the specialist that I could try one of two things:

1. I could purchase a huge jacket-like garment that I could sleep in that would be plugged in and would compress and decompress throughout the night helping to get the flow of my lymph nodes going again.  This jacket of course would have cost me thousands of dollars.
2. I could try something that has been successful with some other breast cancer survivors who experience lymphedema – acupuncture.  My first reaction to that suggestion was to wrinkle my nose up in distaste. I’m not a fan of needless and I did not believe in acupuncture, I instantly “poo-poo’d” that suggestion with a wave of my hand.  However, I did not want to sleep in a contraption that I had to pay thousands of dollars for (which wasn’t even an option because I didn’t have it) and which *might* not even resolve the issue. Ironically, following my appointment, I had a discussion with my brother about my options and found out that he had tried acupuncture for back pain and it had worked!  So I decided to give it a try, after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  

I went to the appointment with a skeptical this is a waste of time, I don’t believe this will work kind of attitude; much to my surprise I left the appointment feeling better than I had in a long time.  The needless did not hurt, in fact the fascinating thing is, truthfully you don’t even feel all those needles when they are placed at whatever point they are strategically placed at (depending upon what your symptoms are for coming there).  The truth is, it actually worked!  I was astonished, I was humbled and I became further convinced that there is more to the human body then we can conceive.  I went through about 12 treatments of acupuncture, and my lymphedema was healed.  The only thing that causes it to “flare up” occasionally is when I get under a lot of stress.  When that happens, it is usually because I’ve allowed a “spiritual blockage” to occur in my life and it in turn affects my physical body by having a flare up of lymphedema occur.  When that happens, I make an appointment with my acupuncturist and I re-examine what I have allowed in my life to cause that spiritual blockage.  (In saying all that – if you are one of my Pink sisters reading this post, and you are experiencing lymphedema – I would seriously consider giving acupuncture a try, God used it to work wonders for me). 

In the same way, allowing something to occur in my life that does not line up with the Word of God, or if I have allowed myself to put the desires of my flesh (and become spiritually stubborn to what God wants me to do – in other words “throw a spiritual temper tantrum”) above what God wants me to do or how God tells me to live, I have experienced spiritual blockage.  It is not until I have faced the reason for the blockage that I have been able to do what needs to be done in order to get back on track in my life again.  It is not something that is easy, especially if you are or have been a Prodigal.  In fact I can guarantee that most Christians going through a prodigal time in their walk know exactly what it is I am talking about.  The only way to break down that dam that has risen up and is causing uneasiness, lack of peace, anxiety, lack of sleep, and a restless mind is to face whatever it is that is causing it.  No matter how painful letting it go can be or how hard you want to hold on.

For those who truly love God and desire to be in His good and perfect will, He will bring you to a point where you want His good and perfect will in your life more than you want whatever it is that is holding you back from it.  It could take days, weeks, months or years for you to reach that point – that is ALL dependent upon how much you are willing to put up with or how long you are willing to fight against the Holy Spirit, because God never makes you do anything.  He has given each person free will to choose.  However, what some people refer to as “their conscience” is really the Holy Spirit nudging you to “change your mind” and eventually it will bring you to a point where you can’t fight against the flow anymore.  Sometimes we are our own blockage and we need to get out of the way of our own selves…

The most ironic thing is – that we think we know what is “best” for our lives, which is why we refuse to let go of things and trust that God has our best interest in mind.  You could be missing out on the best thing in your life because you don’t feel you “deserve” better, or you are not willing to let go of your concept of what is “best” for you.  All along God is shaking His head at your stubbornness because He has something so wonderful in store for you, but you stand before Him tight fisted holding on to what you believe is the best.  Your hand has to be open to receive what God has for you.  Are you happy with your life? Are you sleeping? Do you feel at peace?  Are you content with your life? Is it going the way you want? Do you feel as though you are in a spiritually good place?  Or are you filled with anxiety, trepidation, depression, uneasiness with a lack of peace?  If that is the case those are symptoms of being spiritually blocked and it’s time for you to re-evaluate your life and your situation and make the changes necessary to let all good things flow once again. It’s not easy to unclench those fists and release whatever you are holding, but believe me, from someone who personally knows, if you do, you will find that God has a flow of blessings headed your way that you never even imagined... And the first thing you should do - is start believing that.

“Above all else guard your heart because it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

“Be very careful then how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.”  (Ephesians 5:15)

“Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean not to your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path.”  (Proverb 3:5-7)