How's Your Oil Holding Out?

I thought I had been prepared… I had anticipated this day for as long as I could remember.  What could I have done with it?  Where could I have put it?  HOW could I have forgotten it????

There were ten of us, you see… When we heard He was arriving, that the wedding banquet was prepared.  Oh if you could only know how fast my heart was beating in my chest.  I had waited for this day…  Some days had been easier than others.  The years had flown by and there were times in my life where I lost faith.  Where I had thought He had forsaken me.  There were times when I was grateful for God’s grace that He had not yet arrived.

You see, patience is not one of my strong suits.  There were days that I cried out to Him, begging him to HURRY up and come!  Days where I raged at the fact He was not here already.

Where was He? Why wasn’t He here already?  How much more evil could these days get?  And then there were days when I was disappointed with myself.  Where I knew that it was clearly His grace, forgiveness and love that kept Him from coming. There were days where I was actually part of the problem… (And more then likely part of the reason for His graceful delay...)

Now He was coming and we were on route.  Where had I placed my oil for my lamp?  In my rush to get out the door had I forgotten it?  In my absent minded mind was He arriving on a day where my faith had grown as dim as the lamp before me?  Now my heart filled with trepidation.

Oh the horror of the thought that I had waited so diligently and with joy anticipating His arrival, was all that to be tossed away because He was arriving on a day where my faith was weak?  Where I felt as though the Holy Spirit had left me?  A day where my eyes had been removed from Him and on to my circumstances?  Oh woe is me!

“May I have some of your oil?” I asked tapping the back shoulder of the virgin ahead of me. 

She turned her head and threw me a look of genuine pity and shook her head.  “If I give you some of mine, I may not have enough, I can’t risk that – I’m sorry…”  She proceeded to quicken her steps anxious to get to Him.

My shoulders slumped, I tried to think back to where I had placed it, but the worries of the world, worries of my life had crowded in and I had been consumed with them instead of walking in faith and believing that He would supply all my needs.  Fear, worry, anxiety, depression had all taken up residence in my heart and had made me lose my faith, my trust in He who is greater than any concern.  I had placed importance over that which was most important above all things.  I had allowed the things of the world to overtake me; consume me and turn my head to that which I had been warned not to. I was in a place I never expected to be.  He had warned me over and over again to be prepared.

The fault was mine.  My faith had faltered and I had allowed myself to be weighed down with the cares of this world. 

We can’t allow ourselves to be “that girl or “that guy” – I have written from my heart because I have felt like her, honestly - more recently than not.  I thank God for his mercy and His grace.  Sometimes it is easy to fall in the “People-Around-the-time-of-Noah” mentality that Jesus isn’t coming back.  But He’s prolonging His return BECAUSE of His grace.

“And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened.” (Matthew 24:22)

It is so easy for us to become desensitized.  I have felt that way myself.  This world grows with its problems and demands and there are days when I myself am wondering HOW to get through them.  But we need to keep our eyes focused on the Lord – like Peter did when he was walking on water.  It was when Peter took his eyes off of him that he began to sink.

Are you sinking????  Cry out to God for help.  Ol’ Slewfoot would have you believe that God is not listening, that you are not important enough for Him to hear your cries.  That is a LIE from the pit of hell!

“God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

It is so very easy to allow the oil of our faith to dry up.  To stop believing, to become discouraged or distracted or bitter or envious or jealous of others – all those feelings are *not* of God.  Cry out to Him.  Talk to Him, Pray to Him.

 Jesus said:

"My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. (John 14:2-3)

And also:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

We need to not leave nor forsake Him as well... And if we do - the very first step is being honest with your feelings and talk to Your Father who cares so much about you how you feel. He will revitalized your oil and make it flow like a running river.

Thank GOD for His grace, His mercy and His love.  Our Lord is coming we MUST be ready.  Help us Father. Forgive us!  Guide us that ALL of us may enter the Wedding Feast and not let one of us be shut out.

In Jesus name I pray…

AMEN 

 

He Knows Your Heart... Trust Him, Believe...

More and more I realize that I don’t have all of the answers.  In fact, I don’t have MOST of the answers.  But there is one thing I do know – GOD DOES.  I think He purposely created us that way – we NEED Him.  That is the realization that it takes so many of us years to figure out.  It even takes some a life time.  The truth of the matter is – our lives are but breathes (or as the Bible says - mist) as it tells us in the Book of James 4:14.
Think about how quickly time goes by and how astonished we all are by it.  We are only here for a short while.  We choose what we do with that “short while.”  What are you doing?  What do you want to do?

You have a purpose – even if you don’t know what that purpose is.  ASK HIM.  PRAY.  God doesn’t want to hide it from you, He wants you to discover what that purpose is.  And I can tell you the one thing I DO know.  There is no greater joy than knowing what it is God has called you to do.  You have specific gifts that God gave you when He created you.  Can you imagine how excited He was when He formed you, put you together and gave you gifts that would satisfy that God given hunger deep inside of you and glorify His name at the same time???  What a proud Parent I’ll bet He was after He created you.  He probably stood back with such joy and pride.  You are quite a well put together accomplishment!

I think the hardest thing is finding the time in this busy, crazy, backwards world to DO what it is God calls you to do. 

“To much is given, much is required.” (Luke 12:48)

With our knowledge of what He has called us to do, comes the responsibility to do it.  And that isn’t always easy…

I write – and it’s been a while since I last wrote, because there is a time when my mind goes blank and I honestly have to wait on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to continue on with my calling.  Then of course if I were to be totally transparent and honest (which I am) I would also admit that sometimes the biggest question in my mind for God (especially in this day and age) is: “Why?”

He doesn’t always reveal the full picture to us – which is difficult! Sometimes my spiritual life feels like the game, “Red Light, Green Light.”  God wants us to step out on faith and for me, because I’ve made mistakes in my life, that can be a really scary thing and I become like a deer in headlights.

Afraid to go forward, afraid to stay where I am, afraid to miss the mark, afraid to go ahead – but then I remember that the Bible tells me:

“God did not give us a Spirit of fear.  He has given unto us, a Spirit of love, a Spirit of power and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

We have to step out on faith.  Trust God.  It sounds like it should be so easy, and often times we make it more difficult than it is.

I think the most important thing to remember is that no matter what you are feeling, God looks at the heart.  There are times when we can’t find the words to say – but the Bible tells us that God knows our thoughts before we even think them.  For me, when I can’t find the words to say – this is of great comfort.

“God, we need You… We don’t want to guess at Your will – we want to walk in it.  Forgive us when we miss the mark.  Forgive us when we jump ahead of  You.  Forgive us when we walk according to the flesh and not the Spirit.  Please Father – direct our paths.  Help us to trust You and to remember to come to Your throne not only with our requests or things that are on our hearts – but with thanksgiving and praise.  We often get caught up with worries or distractions or concerns and forget to praise You and count our blessings for the things You continue to bless us with.  We love You Lord.  Thank You for Your grace, Your mercy, Your forgiveness and Your love.  Thank You for making a way through the shed blood of Your Son, Our Savior, Jesus Christ  for us to come before You in prayer.  Thank You for caring about the things that matter to us.  Thank You for making a way where there seems to be no way.  Thank You for Your saving grace.  We exalt Your Holy Name and rejoice in You.  We love You Father.  Please be glorified in our lives.  In Jesus Precious name, I pray… Amen.”

It is Okay if it is NOT Well With Your Soul... God's Got You...

Don't be ashamed if you don't feel as though "it is well with your soul" You don't have to hide how you feel to God.  The Bible tells us in "He knows your thoughts before you even think them." (Psalms 139:4) So share those thoughts with Him because He also tells us, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I have been hesitating whether or not to share this because it is so personal, but in true “me” fashion I have to be as I’ve always been through my post-cancer walk - transparent and honest because I feel as though I want other Pinks to know it is okay to feel this way in case there is a Pink Sister who feels she is alone.  Since cancer, I have gone through bouts of depression and anxiety.  Working within a mental health community,  I can tell you that I have learned this is a normal reaction to post-cancer life.  It is nothing to be ashamed of.  If you are a cancer survivor and find that you are experiencing the same – don’t be ashamed or feel embarrassed or less of a person for it.  You are (or have) experienced a life threatening disease.  Each person’s cancer/post-cancer story differs – but each one’s ramifications radiate throughout one’s post cancer life.  YES we are blessed because we have been given a second chance at life, but depending upon what has occurred during your experience – please know that it is okay if you experience bouts of depression and anxiety of what changes have occurred because of your illness.  There are a high percentage of pinks (as in the case of myself) who’s marriages did not survive cancer.  Even those that are married and have had spouses that have stuck by them experience highs and lows in their relationship because of what has occurred. Cancer puts strains on relationships, unintentionally, but it is part of what happens. Studies have shown that cancer survivors DO go through a PTSD following cancer and certain things can trigger off the remembrance of that experience.  For me it is Jolly Ranchers – which I will never eat again, because Dana-Farber kept a big bowl of them for those of us to partake from during chemotherapy because it was supposed to take away the nasty taste that chemo gives off to your taste buds while you are going through treatment.  I also cannot stand the smell of lavender (I identify it with chemo) because I was told to sleep with a lavender pillow for relaxation following chemo treatments.

So if this is something you experience too – there is no reason for you to be ashamed.  The shame is when more survivors choose to hide these feelings and not share them with others to know they are not alone.  I have felt ashamed of those feelings because I am also a Christian, but even in finding comfort in my faith – it has not changed the things that have occurred in my life or the struggles I have had since my diagnosis. If you love someone who experiences bouts of depression or anxiety – the best way you can help them is to reassure them that you are there, that you are with them and will support and be with them through whatever they need, if you are married or in a relationship – hug, cuddle or hold your spouse/significant other so that they can feel you and know that they are not alone.  Cancer is something that happens to someone – it is not who they become, but it happens to THEM.  Even if you go through a cancer experience with someone – it is not happening to YOU so there is only so much you can understand or go through; it is a very scary, lonely experience.  Sometimes there are no words you can say – you just need to BE there.  That’s all just BE THERE.  That means more than any words you can say.

If you (like I did) went through cancer without the support of a spouse – you need to know that God loves you and even though cancer came as a surprise to you – it did not come as a surprise to Him.  The Bible tells us that “He has engraved you on the palms of His hands.” (Isaiah 49:16) God has not forsaken nor has He forgotten you.  He LOVES you.  I have gotten through the last 6 years (come the end of this month) with all the changes that have ensured in my life by clinging to my faith.  People WILL disappoint you ALL the time (we are imperfect – that is normal) but God never will.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring out everything as I go. What I have learned is that those who TRULY love you will be there for you no matter what.  Those who aren’t don’t deserve you and you are better off without them.  My eyes are focused on God and the plans He has for me.  My calling is to write, my desire is to give back to others – pay it forward in the best ways I can.  I have learned to be true to myself.  Life hasn’t been what I thought it would be – I did not sign up for cancer – I was drafted.  But that was ONLY a chapter of my life.  It is true that the residue is still there.  The scars go deeper than the one that is where you would place your hand to say the pledge of allegiance on my chest.  They run deeper below the surface, but instead of choosing to become bitter I chose to become better.  I am a work in progress.  I love deeper, I appreciate life with a fullness I never dreamed existed.  I believe that the BEST is yet to come – no matter how hard the post-cancer struggle to get there.  My back is straight, my head is held high and my chin is set firm.  I have learned myself worth, I know what I bring to the table – even when I have sat at that table alone.  Blessed ARE the people I allow in my inner-circle because I love faithfully, fiercely and truly – double fisted!  I have learned to appreciate life that not one of us is promised tomorrow – so I fill today with as much love as I can.  I live to the best of my ability and I never neglect to show OR tell those I love that I love them.  That is NOT mush – it is truth.  I choose to surround myself with those who want to be in my life and I fully turn around and moon those who don’t.  I know God has plans for my life and even during those times when anxiety or depression overtakes me – I still believe that God is in control of my life.  Because the truth is, He is.  And honestly, that is ALL that really matters to me… The rest is frosting.

 

Who Are You Choosing to Believe?

Whose Report Will YOU Believe?

I have been seeking the Lord’s face diligently on certain matters, because being in the center of His will is the desire of my heart.  I have no problem talking to God, I know for a fact He has indicated through His Word that He desires to have a “personal” relationship with me and I delight in that.  Don’t believe it? Take a look:

“Behold I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come in and dine with that person, and they with me.”(Revelations 3:20)

God desires to have a personal relationship with you.  Often time my problem is not with the communication part, it’s with the response part.  The trust and faith that God wants to respond to ME.  In my heart the Holy Spirit tells me that this is the true.  That God loves ME.  In my head (the place that ol’ slewfoot likes to attack, otherwise known as the battlefield) sometimes it’s hard to believe.

Each one of us has the pages of our youth written upon our lives. For some of us, if we haven’t had a positive experience with our earthly fathers, it tends to reflect on how we feel our Heavenly Father feels about us.  Truthfully this is not the case.  Our Heavenly Father is PERFECT, our earthly fathers (or parents) are not.  For me, I had an earthly father who was not a father; he was solely a “sperm donor,” what I mean by that is that my birth father had no clue or concept of how to be a father.  He had no interest in anything or anyone other than himself.  I don’t say that with bitterness, I say it matter of fact. He left my mother when she was pregnant with my brother, for another woman.  He cheated on my mother and left her.  Now, the reason why I bring that up is because I was three years old when the “sperm donor” left my mother for another woman.  I had had a relationship with him.  It devastated me.  Children have a tendency to view things with the limited knowledge of experience they have.  I believed my father left ME.

Now, we live in a broken sinful world.  I am no better than the “sperm donor” everyone sins differently.  It is not for me to judge him.  I use to judge him in anger, but in having once been a prodigal – I can honestly say, be careful how you judge someone – judging is only the duty of God, not man.  You have to tread very carefully or you can find yourself walking in someone else’s (the person you are judging’s shoes). One day the sperm donor will have to give an account to God for his actions. For his sake I hope he has made Jesus his Lord and Savior and is covered by the precious blood of Jesus.

“Come now and let us reason together,” says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18)

God brought my mother through it, made her stronger for it.  She put herself through school, provided for my brother and I (which at that time for a divorced mother was not easy), five years later, God brought into her life the man who would truly become my father – my dad, the one who loved me and raised me, the man who poured his life into mine. My mother became one of my heroes. A stronger woman I have never known.

But the damage had been done… When it came to having a relationship with my Heavenly Father it was hard for me to accept or believe that He really desire to have one.  That He would never leave nor forsake me.  So sometimes, believing that God cares is hard for me to do.  The scars that one develops as a child are probably the hardest ones to heal.  But if we allow God to – He is able to heal them. We simply have to lay our pain at the foot of the cross. Give it to Him.

One of the problems I have experienced in my post cancer life is a tendency to be filled with anxiety.  I worry.  Anxiety and worry are not of God.  But when my anxiety is at its worse, I lose sleep, I lose my appetite, I become depressed and I get discouraged.  I overthink.  The worst is that I often seclude myself from people when my anxiety is at its very worse.  This is exactly what ol’slewfoot wants  and its something that I have been working on within myself because as the Bible says:

“I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalms 34:4)

as well as:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

God desires us to trust Him.  To walk by faith, to not be led by our feelings, this is not an easy thing to do, the first part of healing comes in recognizing when we are falling back into our own pattern of worry and anxiety and calling it out before the Lord just as soon as it happens.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path.”  (Proverbs 3:5-7)

It’s about knowing our promises and reciting them when we feel weak, when we feel scared.  It’s about knowing and trusting that in spite of what occurred in our childhood that God is our Father and is greater than anything that has occurred in our past, present AND future.  We walk by faith and not by sight trusting that God will continue to do His good and perfect will in our lives because we have given our lives to Him.

He is bigger than our sickness
He is bigger than our bills/debt
He is bigger than our depression, anxiety or fear

God IS ABLE!

This is why it is important for us to read His promises to us – which are found in the Bible and hold them securely in our hearts.  To lean on them, trust and believe in them.  To look at past examples in the Bible and to see ALL the times that God delivered His chosen ones.  To truly hold dear in our hearts that God loves us, cares about us and wants us to come to Him and tell Him all the things that concern us.  When we do this, God will continue to show us that He is REAL and that HE is on the throne and that HE alone is God.

The question becomes WHO are YOU going to believe? I choose to believe the report of the Lord. It is something that I have to choose to do, daily.

Moses Experienced It - How About You?

Shekinah Glory

Imagine… You have a loved one who has been complaining lately that they don’t hear from you, that you don’t communicate with them anymore… That you seem distant… So you ask them out to dinner, and during that whole time that was supposed to be just the two of you, she’s flitting around here and there, occupied, busy, distracted instead of sitting down and enjoying her time with you… Does that sound familiar?

It does to me…  I had been feeling so envious over the last few weeks while thinking of Moses.  Stating how I wished my relationship with God was one similar to what Moses had, where he would hear, “Thus saith the Lord!!!!” And know exactly what it is God wanted Him to do.  That Moses face would radiate the glory of God.  I found myself envying him.  Moses heard from God and knew without a doubt what direction God wanted him to go (even though he felt unworthy of the calling).  He heard God’s booming voice and had a certainty of what things God wanted him to accomplish.  I suppose looking back, I was feeling really frustrated, wishing that once I gave my life to God and invited Him in to be my Lord and Savior, that I could just allow HIM to do whatever He wanted in my life… I had given Him the wheel, now I could just be in the passenger seat and let Him drive… Unfortunately that is not the way it is... 

I have over the last month developed an urgent passion to pray more diligently, pray earnestly and I didn’t know quite how to go about it.  I’ve kept a prayer journal and I’ve spoken to God in conversation exactly the way I converse with other people, but ever since I saw the movie, “The War Room” the urgency I had already feeling increased, and I knew I needed to get more organized and focused in my prayer life.  I also had a sense that God was calling me to pray behind the scenes more fervently for people I love.  Literally covering them with prayer from head to toe, on my own, behind the scenes and this past Tuesday, I decided that along with my prayer journal, I would use sticky notes and jot down my prayer request on the sticky note and at the bottom of the note put: Answered Prayer ________

To put the day God answered my prayer, and also I would use the back of the sticky note to put what God’s answer was.  I then began to post the sticky note prayer request on the wall of my closet.  As I wrote each prayer request out individually, I would pray verbally as I wrote them conversing to the God about the individual, the situation, the prayer request etc.  then I would stick it to the wall.  I did this praying until I felt like I got everything that needed prayer out of my system and looked at about 20 stickies stuck to my closet wall.  I felt a release.  I felt joy, I felt peace, I felt obedient and even more than that I heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear:

“Kelly, you see? When you take time to converse with me without any other distractions around you, you can hear what it is I am saying to you. I am the same God I was during the time of Moses.  The results of you taking time out to converse with me fills you with the same radiant glory that Moses experienced with me…  I am no respecter of persons.  Do you not feel my glory and my peace radiating from you right now from the time that you have spent with me in prayer?”

And all of a sudden it all made sense… I did! I felt the joy of the Lord, I felt peace, I felt love, I felt contentment – all because I took time in my day to communicate with my Father without any distractions.  A serious one on one time where I prayed and then I listened and in doing so, I heard. It made a difference, I felt God's shekinah glory radiating from me. I felt God's love - all because I took time to being obedient and spend some time with my Heavenly Father, time that He knew would benefit ME.

Life gets so busy; we don’t take time to use the tools and weapons God has given us to get through this crazy life.  His word is full of instruction because He knows it will benefit us.  It will help us, yet often we use the instructions that are there as a last resort, if at all. But when we DO listen, and we ARE obedient, we benefit from it.  We are in spiritual warfare every day and unless we feed ourselves the spiritual food of God's word, we can grow weak, weary, frustrated and a sitting duck for the enemy.  That's not God's will. He's given us tools so that we will use them! But it is up to us to do just that.  

My time with the Lord has made me fall more in love with Him.  When I go home and I open my closet door I look at my prayer requests written out and stuck to the wall and I wait in joyful expectation for my Father to answer.  I look in expectation to hear Him because I know that He knows what is BEST for me and that is what I want – God’s best.  I have found that God’s best is better than anything I could have ever imagined or chosen for myself and then I want to slap the palm of my hand against my forehead as I think of all the times I tried to figure things out on my own and not let God figure it out for me.

Yes, we are to walk by faith and not by sight but God IS faithful and He longs for us to experience the fullness of His love.  I think that is where the abundance comes through.

I think the most exciting thing I’ve witnessed is seeing answers to what I prayed about come to fruition because once those prayers are offered up to Him, we don’t always know what happens next – but when you talk to someone you are praying for and they say innocently (not knowing that you’ve been praying for them) I just got a call from so-and-so and they want me to do this… And your ears perk up because you were praying behind the scenes for that individual on behalf of that situation and God just gave you a preview of what the status of that prayer request is – it increases your faith!  God DOES hear your prayers.  That example encouraged me to continue praying deeper, interceding and trusting God for His will to be done in whatever situation I’m bringing before His throne.

God desires a relationship with us and if we allow ourselves it can become the sweetest, deepest relationship we've ever had. I’m finding this out for myself and in drawing nearer to God through prayer, experiencing that peace that passes all understanding, walking in confidence that although I don’t see a way – God IS the way and He is BIGGER than any concerns, problems or situations I can bring before His throne.  I can trust that since I have given my life to Him, if I allow Him, He will work out my steps according to His purpose and glory. 

As I had been reading and praying, I had a realization that just like Jesus told the sisters of Lazarus, that their brother’s sickness would be for the glory of God (John 11:1-45) sometimes the things that God allows us to go through a situation so that we can learn not to trust upon ourselves, but upon Him.  That we would trust more in Him and less in ourselves that He would be glorified…  We have to trust that the God who we have made our Lord and Savior all the details of our lives, even when we don’t understand the WHY of it.  He’s still in control and that is where our peace comes from, it comes from Him.

The truth is what God has for you IS so much better than what you could ever choose for yourself… There is a peace in experiencing this first hand.  To stand in awe of Him when you realize how tremendously blessed you are.  You become truly thankful and the praise just automatically comes out of your mouth without even having to think twice. 

My plan is that when God answers those posted sticky note prayer requests - however He chooses to respond, I will write the date He responds and on the back of the sticky note I will write what His answer was.  I plan on using a note book to keep all the requests in so that during times when I feel as though I'm having a "wilderness" experience, I can open the notebook up and refer to all the times that God answered my prayers.  He's got me, I just need to walk in obedience and trust that He does.  My steps whether I know it or not, are ordained by Him... 

I believe there is an old hymn that portrays this exactly, it’s called “Trust and Obey” and the words are as follows:

“When we walk with the Lord

In the light of His word

What a glory He sheds on our way

While we do His good will

He abides with us still

And with all who will trust and obey

Trust and obey,

For there is no other way

To be happy in Jesus

But to trust and obey

Not a shadow can rise

Not a cloud in the skies,

But His smile quickly drives it away,

Not a doubt or a fear,

Not a sigh or a tear,

Can abide while we trust and obey,

Not a burden we bear,

Not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay,

Not a grief or a loss,

Not a frown or a cross,

But is blest if we trust and obey,

But we never can prove,

The delights of His love,

Until all on the altar we lay,

For the favor He shows,

And the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey

Then in fellowship sweet,

We will sit at His feet,

Or we’ll walk by His side in the way,

What He says, we will do

Where He sends we will go

Never fear only trust and obey”

 If a relationship with our family depends upon communication, love, respect and time spent together why would a relationship with God be any different? We are the ones who benefit from it, God created us to be in fellowship with Him, we try to fill it with other things, but truly the only thing that will ever fill that God given relationship void within us is God Himself.  Test it out yourself and experience that pure joy and peace and love that is the result of spending time alone with God. In other words, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." (Psalms 34:8) Because He IS.

 

Time to Fight - You are at War Soldier Pick Up Your Weapons and FIGHT

You can either use the weapons God has given you to fight this war you are in or you can be defeated - which will you do? The choice is up to you.

I often wonder what God thinks of us… Does He sit up there in Heaven shaking His Head?  Thinking, “I’ve given them a guidebook – The Bible.  I’ve given them the tools – prayer and STILL they run around like turkeys with their heads cut off?”

How does God tolerate us?  We are (as the Bible has indicated in the Old Testament) a “stiff necked” people.  We should rejoice and praise God for His patience and grace with us.  I include myself amongst that number.  Sometimes the answer is so obvious we don’t see it!  Last week  my chapel had a movie night – they showed a movie I had not had a chance to see called, “The War Room.”  How appropriately entitled it was because the truth of the matter is – WE ARE AT WAR.  We are in the middle of a spiritual war and even if we choose not to recognize the truth of that matter – it is occurring and happening ALL around us.  We can choose to acknowledge it and participate on the winning side – the side of the Lord or we can choose to hide our heads in the sand like ostriches and act as though nothing is going on around us.  This does not mean that in doing so you will not be choosing by not choosing, either way – you make a choice as to whose side you will be on.  The fact of the matter is we ARE in a spiritual war and just because you cannot see the spiritual side of what is going on does not mean that the war is not taking place.

God has given us the weapon and tool of prayer to bring those things that concern us to His attention.  We are able, through the shed blood of Jesus, to come boldly to His throne by way of the cross and submit things to God through prayer.  The War Room Movie portrayed in a very effective manner how God hears and answers prayer. 

I felt convicted and greatly encouraged at the same time after watching the movie.  It is a movie I highly recommend!  It made me excited to pray.  I have always “talked to God” but this movie lit a fire underneath me and furthered my desire to pray.  You see, prayer is a two way conversation with God.  It’s not a soliloquy – it is bringing those things that are on your mind and in your heart before God for His attention and answer.  The Bible tells us that God knows our thoughts before we even think them – but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek Him through prayer.  I find it exciting to see when I have brought things before my Father and He answers!  No matter what that answer is, I know that God cares and that He is listening!  He desires us to come to Him in prayer.

I think one of the biggest attacks of ol’ slewfoot is our not believing that God cares enough to answer prayer – God does!  And I have found that my peace and encouragement has come through being submissive and obedient through praying.  I can do NOTHING in and of myself – but when I bring the attention of things that concern me, trouble me, bother me or things I just plain want to know what God would have me do – I pray!  Prayer should not be a drudgery, it should be a time of conversation with your Father.  If you find prayer to be a drag – you simply need to find a better way to approach it!  You don’t have to be sitting in a pew to approach your Heavenly Father (although that is a place of quiet and I find it to be a place where I can be alone without interruption before my Father).  You can talk to God ANYWHERE.  Perhaps go for a walk? Go for a drive – I will say that working two jobs and being a divorced mother with two children, there have been many a day when I have (while caught in traffic) had long conversations with my Father while driving in to work.  I’m quite sure that people seeing my lips moving and an occasional hand gesturing while in traffic, driving have probably thought I was insane – but some of my best conversations with my Father have been at times such as these.

The truth of the matter is you can pray ANYWHERE.  In the movie The War Room the women cleaned out there closets and used them as “prayer closets.”  I thought that was a creative idea.  I opened the door of my walk in closet and got totally distracted by ALL the junk I have folded up and stored in there and not liking small enclosed spaces, I decided instead that I would use my bedroom as my “prayer closet.”  I grabbed a notebook and began to write my prayer requests down as I brought them to the attention of my Father.  It is amazing how quickly time goes by when you are focused on praying and communicating things that are important to you, things that you are seeking an answer from with your Heavenly Father.  Two hours quickly went by and I had only touched the surface of all the things that were in my mind and on my heart.  Next to each item I had brought to God’s attention I drew a line.  A line to which once I have received an answer from God I will fill in next to that item.  God ANSWERS prayer.  I want to record when He answered as well as what that answer was.  It is exciting when you see that God hears you.  That He cares.  I find it greatly encouraging when I have received an answer from the Lord, even if the answer is one that I did not expect.  There is NO GREATER JOY than being in the center of God’s will.  Even being sure of what God’s will is.  There have been so many weeks lately, where I have thought about Moses, and how He was focused upon going up that mountain and seeing and hearing from God.  He came back down with His face radiating the glory of His time with God.  I want that! I want to have the assurance that I know what God wants for me!  That He and I have this amazing relationship – communicating.  I want that!  With the knowledge of what God’s will is comes that peace that passes all understanding and that is something that in this day and age we badly need.

Do you believe in prayer? Have you tried it?  Of course the first step is making Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior – the first prayer you should be praying or an example of one is that which allows you to come before the Father and the only one who provides that bridge is Jesus.  He died on the cross for forgiveness of our sins and the ONLY WAY to come to the Father is through the shed blood of Jesus Christ.  In order to do so, you have to pray a prayer such as this:

“Father God, I come before You through the shed blood of Your Son, Jesus Christ who has made a way where previously there was no way.  I believe that Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary, that He lived and was crucified on the cross for forgiveness of my sins and that He rose from the dead and is seated at the right hand of the Father.  I ask, Jesus that You would come in to my life and be my Lord and Savior. I thank You in Jesus name I pray. AMEN.”

The Bible tells us:

“God so loved the world that He gave His Only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)

There is NO greater joy than being in a relationship with your Creator.  I have fallen tremendously in love with my Father over the last 29 years I have been a Christian (since I myself prayed that prayer).  I have had struggles and victories that have come only because of Him and through Him.  I believe that life is a journey for each of us.  Each of our journeys are as unique and different as our hand prints.  God has NO favors.  He loves YOU.  He wants to be in a relationship with you.  He wants you to know Him.  The best way to do that is through His instructional book (The Bible) and through prayer (conversation with Him).  You don’t have to believe my words – just TRY what I have written and see for yourself.  When I came to Christ and prayed that prayer my conversation with God was, “Okay Lord – IF you are REAL YOU need to reveal yourself to ME.  IF we are to have a relationship as I am being told we can – I need YOU to prove it.  Not because of what people tell me – but because of what YOU tell me and what YOU do.”  In the 29 years since I have said that to Him – He has shown me that He is real in only a way I can receive it.  He WILL do the same for you.  As I have said throughout my blog – I don’t have all the answers, I am FAR from perfect and there is much work that God is doing with me.  BUT I DO KNOW WHO IT IS WHO HAS THE ANSWERS and I can direct you to Him.  We were created to have a relationship with God, throughout our lives we constantly try to fill it with other things – but the truth of the matter is – the only one who can fill that void in us is God.  We were made to be in a relationship with Him, it is only when we realize that and acknowledge our need for Him that we are able to be filled with that peace that passes all understanding that can ONLY come from being with Him.  The Bible tells us:

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.”  (Psalm 34:8)

Honestly, there is no greater joy.  No matter the turmoil and spiritual war that is around us – and as you can hear from the news our world is in turmoil.  The only One who can restore our peace is our Creator.  Prayer is our greatest weapon against confusion, discouragement, depression, anxiety and all the things that would bring you down.  TRY IT.  See for yourself.  God is good, He is real, He loves you and He cares.

A Penny For Your Thoughts? He Created You - He Knows Them Already!

The Bible Tells us "He knows our thoughts before we even think them."(Psalm 139:2)
 Perhaps He is more aware of what you are thinking than you are...

Oh if only I could have a dollar for every time I wished I knew for absolute sure what God is saying to me…  Although I am glad we are under grace and not under the law anymore I have often envied Moses for those times he went up to the mountain and heard, “THUS SAITH THE LORD!!” Boldly proclaimed.  Moses came down from those mountains with the a surety that he knew what it was God wanted him to do – even with his self-doubts of his ability to do it!

Often times we get in the way of our own selves…  I often find myself scratching my head with a “duh” look on my face asking God, “Is this what you mean?  Or was it this?  You want me to do this? Or was it this?”  Thank God I serve a patient God – He has to be to be in a relationship with me…

Sometimes life feels so scary and uncertain.  There are times when God wants us to step out on faith and I find myself hesitating and measuring each step before stepping or lambasting myself for the miss-steps from my prodigal time, afraid that I will stupidly repeat a history I have no intention of experiencing again, but the saying, “Once bitten, twice shy…” Goes through my head or “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me…”  Those kind of sayings can cause one to keep their foot lifted high in the air – caught mid-step instead of going forward in your walk as God intended you to do…

I don’t want to miss out on the “ALL” that God has for me – and yet I don’t want to misinterpret what it is that “ALL” is…  We serve a God who was generous enough to create us with “free will” and the ability to make decisions and choices on our own – but OH how I wish it were otherwise.  I wish that once we, of our own free will and accord gave our lives over to Him (making Him our Lord and Savior) that we simply have in doing so, given Him the wheel and put ourselves on “automatic pilot.”  We can fold our arms behind our head and whistle a happy song – allowing God to drive the car of our life… Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way… How I wish it did.  Do you think that is laziness???  I suppose it doesn’t matter one way or another because the truth is – that is not how life is.  I am very thankful that God knows our hearts.  That He knows our thoughts before we even think them.  There are times when I can’t find the adequate words to express to Him, yet there is peace in knowing that He knows!

There have been times in my walk where I have been floored by the beauty and abundancy of the blessing God has bestowed on me, because what He has in store for us is so much better than what we could ever plan for ourselves, the problem is we don’t trust Him enough to wait to receive that blessing and the problem comes when we try to “do it ourselves” and not allow Him to bestow on us the abundancy that He desires… We get in our own way.

“EXCUSE ME SELF, GET OUTTA THE WAY!!!”

Perhaps that should be my prayer from now on… Because the joy in receiving what God has blessed me with makes praise and worship naturally occur… Not that you should only praise and worship God when He blesses you – He is worthy to be praised ALL the time and if we thought on all the blessings we have in our lives instead of concentrating on life’s problems and our lack and our struggles in life we would freely do so… Hmmmm – even in writing this I am seeing that this is one area where ol’ slewfoot trips us up… Keeps us downcast and worried and caught up in our situations so that we are so heavy hearted that we can’t see the beauty of what’s before us…  Makes you think doesn’t it?

Sometimes you have been praying about something and God has already answered that prayer – only you aren’t recognizing that the answer is right before you!  Perhaps we have become so disillusioned by the negativity in the world we live in, that we naturally hang our heads in shame waiting to be put down or rejected – when God is saying, “YES!” Or “Look at what I have for you!”  And the beauty of it is more than we can fathom because many of us haven’t learned how to accept… And we wonder WHY God isn’t answering our prayers.  It’s not that He isn’t answering them we just don’t know how to see and/or accept His answer…

Lord, please open up our minds to receive, open up our ears to hear, open up our eyes to see.”

God is real.  He is the same today as He was yesterday as He will be tomorrow and He is concerned about YOU.  He hears YOU.  And most of all - HE LOVES YOU.

Have You Thought About What YOU Want?

Not too many women would admit this, but in my usual “transparent” fashion I am going to simply share that I am going to be fifty at the near end of this year.

FIFTY

Remember when that number seemed so old???  Yet now, it doesn’t… Not quite.  I feel the same as I have at every age I’ve been… Only a bit more sentimental I suppose…  My body is not at the age where I can say, “I can’t do this anymore… I can’t do that…”  (For which I am very thankful).  Although I have an hour glass figure, I don’t feel “old.”  Perhaps “old” is just a perception?  I have always felt that as a person thinks, they are.

Honestly, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  As if I have said, “Okay me, you are never going to look like Malibu Barbie and I’m okay with that!”  I truly believe that sexiness is an attitude that one wears… It’s not a look or a fashion – it’s an attitude and its one that I have chosen to wear well.  You ARE what you think.

Now in saying that I will say that I find myself looking back on my life sentimentally,  I suppose we all have our regrets and at times I have regretted some of the decisions I made due to naiveté or to be honest – just plain ol’ stupidity.  Unwise choices, which have caused results that I have had to live with (ahhhh yes, that’s part of having had a prodigal time in my life) – but instead of beating myself up about it instead I remind myself of what I have learned from my experiences.  Have I grown? Have I become wiser? Have I learned? Has it made me a better person? More appreciative of God’s love, mercy, grace? And I can say, YES.

I suppose wisdom comes with age… I’ve learned much – but I still have far to go… But isn’t that life? As long as we have breath in our bodies, aren’t we learning? I think perhaps the danger is when we don’t recognize that there are things within us that we will always have to work on, always things to learn and change.  I think this is where it is important for us to ask ourselves (if we haven’t already) what is our purpose? What is our calling? God created us individually with a purpose, calling or reason.  Have you discovered what yours is yet?  If not – perhaps that is your next adventure.  Find out who you are and what you are called to do.  Oh yes, you have a calling.  A specific calling that was meant for only you.

I found myself in a really dark place last week.  Just a place of darkness where I could not seem to pick myself up and as I prayed myself through it, I realized that throughout my life I have always thought more about what other people wanted, and not what I wanted.  And I took a sticky on my desk and I posted the question, “What do I want?”  I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  What DO I want?  How about you? Have you ever thought about it? What do YOU want?  Now when you pose that question to yourself – don’t pose it in terms of what you want for other people, for your family, for your kids, etc.  BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOU?

The question is a lot harder to answer if you haven’t given it much thought in terms of thinking of yourself.

What do I want?  I’m not a materialistic person – I don’t care about materialistic things, so it becomes more a matter of my heart.  Although I would say, it would be such a relief if as a breast cancer survivor who was divorced with two children, if I didn’t have to worry about money.  I think there is no shame in saying – I want to be a giver. So – that’s an honest goodness desire, right?

“Lord, I want to be in a position where I can GIVE. Please increase my finances so that I can BE a giver.  Not one that is giving because I want recognition.  NO.  One who can give anonymously because there is NO BETTER feeling than knowing that you were able to help someone else…”

That is a desire of my heart.  When I look back at all the people God used in the Bible, He made that the case.  It’s hard to continue doing what you want to do for the Lord when you are constantly concerned about money.  I believe it takes away from the time that could be utilizing serving the Lord because you have this one constant worry – money.  So I suppose, in my case, I would admit that it would be nice not to have to have the constant worry of finances over my head…

What else do I want?  (Are you thinking of yourself as I write this? You should be…)

Love

A love that is mutual a love where you build each other up, a passionate companionship type love. I believe strongly that a healthy love is one where you function not as I and me – but as us and we. The problem with a lot of relationships these days (my opinion of course) is people become selfish and think about their own needs and not the needs of their significant other (and visa versa) and the moment that occurs a relationship becomes a one way street which opens up emotional traffic jams of all sorts of issues. I desire a love that is comfortable, familiar, built upon communication, trust, affection, passion and love.  I believe that the term “equally yoked” does not only pertain to being with another believer – but it is with being with someone who shares your views on many of topics in this life.  Now in saying that – I don’t mean a “carbon copy” of “who I am” – a person who is their own individual, comfortable in their own skin – but compassionate, caring, loving and unselfish.   The Bible says, “Iron sharpens Iron.” That is how a relationship should be.  You both causing each other to grow, a partner in life, someone to be there in good times and in bad.  What is life without love?  Empty, lonely.  I don’t believe God meant life to be that way. I can honestly say that I know that loneliness is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t think there is any shame in admitting you (or in my case, I) want love.

Health

Never have I been so aware of the truth in the saying I’ve heard time and time again, “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.”  This is an area that we constantly take for granted.  Our health!  But our health is something that affects ALL other aspects of our lives!  As a cancer survivor – I can honestly say that never again will I EVER take my health for granted.

The older I become, the more aware of those around me who are much older than me are handling old age.  It is something I’ve honestly not given much thought to, because the alternative to getting old is dying and we all have within us a will to live FOREVER.  We were created to live forever.  We weren’t supposed to die.  But the sin of Adam and Eve brought death into the world, yet it did not dull our desire to continue living.  HOWEVER with growing old, I have noticed in the lives of those that are older around me, comes the burden with having to see those who are dear around us die, especially the older we get we start noticing friends, family and colleagues of the same age – die.  As we get older, our bodies don’t cooperate as much – those bodies that we didn’t pay much mind to perhaps because we didn’t really “think” about getting older.  It just is something that happens.  Recently, I have seen older family members struggle with having to deal with living in a world where many of those who lived around them are gone.  I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.

I suppose the only thing to do about that is to make SURE that those we love, know we love them.  TELL THEM.  SHOW THEM.  The one thing I am certain of (being a survivor) is that we truly DO live as if we are OWED tomorrow.  We are NOT.  God didn’t promise us tomorrow.  Yet we live as if we are owed it.  The truth of the matter is we need to appreciate and honor TODAY.  To try our best to make every moment that God gives us count.  You can never love someone enough.  There will never be “enough” days of being with someone that you deeply love – you will always want more.  But instead of thinking that way, think what you can do TODAY to make that person know you love them.  Those are the memories you will want to look back on. The memories you make with those you love today.

What do YOU want in life? What is important to YOU? Think about it – because thinking about it and acting upon it is time well spent… A great investment in you.  I think I'm worth it, how about you?

WEZE Radio Show - For the Love of Allan - Please listen and help!

A couple of weeks ago, God opened up the opportunity for me to share my breast cancer survivor testimony, talk about my Pink Sisters and most importantly tell of the support needed for Allan Roach - a very dear brother who is fighting colon cancer and needs our love, prayers and support.  Please help us as we try to assist Allan get the medical care he needs to beat this disease! Cancer is NO respecter of persons. PLEASE listen by clicking on the link below and forward the radio show to all your friends in the hopes that people will contribute to Allan's youcaring fund. Thank you!

https://soundcloud.com/user-353562635/weze-radio-show-kellycheryl-for-the-love-of-allan

Holding Out for God's Best

Are you in the business of "settling"?  Perhaps it's time you stop... There is nothing like receiving "God's Best."

Hold out for "God’s best." We often think we know what best is for us – and in doing so, we miss out on the fullness of God’s blessings. We accept mediocre instead of the fullness of the blessing God has for us and believe me when I say that it is so much more than you can possibly imagine. Don’t settle. I am starting to believe that we are so used to being beaten down and settling for mediocre that often we allow the fullness of the blessing of God to pass us by.

For the first time in my life – I see it. God’s best for me and it is so much better than what I ever imagined I would have, I deserved, I could receive… And I feel so unworthy and yet so honored at the same time… And like a timid deer I move a little forward in curiosity and then take two steps back in fear that God’s best will disappear. You see, I’m not use to receiving “God’s best.” It’s my own fault really, because I guess I just didn’t believe it existed… But it does. You simply just have to believe. You have to trust and sometimes – even when you aren’t capable of finding the faith to do just that, God blesses you with “His best” anyhow.

What does “God’s best” fill you with? It fills you with immense joy, love, happiness, hope and awe. It humbles you and fills you with appreciation. "God’s best" opens up the flood gates of thanksgiving that God would allow His best to be in your life and recognition of what you went without and never had and astonishment that you ever lived without it in the first place.

Our ability to accept “God’s best” is dependent upon our perception or our experiences. I have learned from my own experience that I have had difficulty receiving, difficulty believing that God wanted to bless ME. But last year, He did that. He blew me away. The lesson I am learning is that I have a hard time trusting God, and I have a hard time believing He wants to bless ME and I have a harder time still receiving. I am a giver and it makes me tremendously happy when God works through me to be a blessing to someone else but at the same time, God has shown me that He wants me to learn how to receive. Receiving is humbling, but sometimes we need to learn how to receive because it is part of the healing process God wants to do in our lives and often times (as we see in examples in the Bible) God works through people.

What are you praying for? What are you afraid to pray for? (Because you don’t believe you are worthy, or don’t believe God will answer prayer) what is it that is holding you back? We often forget that the Bible tells us that God knows our thoughts before we even think them! And even more than that He knows what we need even better than we do. He created us! He knows!

Are you praying for healing? Trust God, He is able. He did for me and He is no respecter of persons. He holds your life in His hands and He knows what He is doing. He is able. Keep believing, keep praying and keep your eyes focused on Him.

Are you praying for finances? (This is one that God is still working on with me, so even though I list it – this is a constant pray for provision that I daily pray and struggle believing God will answer – but He ALWAYS somehow provides). This is an albatross that has been a constant in my life but one that humbles me enough to know that it is God that I am dependent upon. I am dependent upon Him to provide and to make ways where I do not see ways. This is a constant trust issue. But again, God is able.

Are you praying for love? Are you used to being treated like a side salad or dish? Believe me when I say God wants better for you. God’s best is not one that is outside His will. “God’s best” is not one “where you have to share” or where your heart is being emotionally abused. “God’s best” is not one that leaves you hurting and alone. That is not what God intended you to have. So often we settle… That is not the will of God. “God’s best” is so much better than you could ever imagine. When He brings that certain someone into your life you experience the astonishment that you don’t know how you ever lived without them in your life. All of a sudden you realize that your world was in “black and white” and now it is in “extreme color.” You could write a thousand poems and love thoughts about that individual like in the book of Song of Solomon. You long for that person, their face is the first and the last one you long to see. And the most fantastic thing about it – is that God is mutually using you for that other individual in the way that they need to be loved as well. It is a two way street. The only “perfect love” is that which is found in loving and knowing Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior – but also in the book of Genesis, God said about Adam, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That requires a special and unique calling (and there are those that have been called to be single, but they recognize that to be their calling). When God brings the person He has meant you to be with, you realize why I didn’t work out with anyone else. There is a tremendous difference in having a relationship with “God’s best” and having picked someone else in your own choosing - in otherwise settling. When God brings His best in your life, He knows that it will be a relationship of mutual growth for BOTH of you. I know this personally, because I am experiencing now. And the way that you know it is real, is by the peace you both have in being together and the fruit of the spirit that comes out of your relationship. Honestly, there is no comparison. In each other we have found “God’s best” and after experiencing it – it’s all you could ever want, not perfect – but fulfilling…

Perhaps the only way we can appreciate God and look at the “Best” He has for us in ALL areas of our lives is to look back on our journeys – up until the point we are currently at, and remember all that He in His goodness and mercy has brought us through and to truly believe that God DOES desire to give us His best, but often times unless we went through certain storms in our lives, we would not recognize what that “Best” was, unless we had gotten through them. I can honestly say, that if all I have gone through in life is what I needed to go through in order to experience “God’s best” that I am experiencing now, I would go through it all again. Because truthfully – in this area of my life – “God’s best” is so much better than I ever imagined it would be. And it encourages me to believe Him for His best in all those other areas of my life that still need work on, because we are all "works in progress" and sometimes we simply need to believe sight unseen, by faith. Because God truly desires you to experience "His Best" in every area of your life.