It's Not That Simple, Simon.

Can you imagine God's viewpoint? Ours is soooo small.

Sometimes the hardest part of being a prodigal is not knowing "how" to find your way back. Throughout my 23 years of being a Christian, from the very start - I talked. Simply talked to God. When I first accepted Christ back when I was a Theater Major at UMass Boston - searching for God. I made it clear to Him that IF HE WAS REAL I needed Him to reveal Himself to me. I challenged Him to do so. He did.  Throughout the years of my walk with Him, I always spoke to Him like I would sitting across the dinner table to a friend.  I wanted His opinion. I wanted to be close to Him. As I drew nearer to Him - He drew nearer to me.  It was intimate. It was real.  It was "the peace that passes all understanding." I fell in love with the Lord. My soul desire was to live for Him.  I would read the Bible until I fell asleep with my face in it at night.  I wanted MORE, I wanted to know. And He revealed so much to me.  His Word - the Bible - TRULY is the living Word. I longed for Him, I sought Him and I found Him. I can honestly say there is NO great feeling in this World than feeling God's arms wrapped around you. That is how it was for my first 20 years in Christ. I experienced my ups and downs as one does when they are on a journey with Him.  I prayed diligently that the things He wanted to change within me - that He would change. And He did - NOT by someone telling me "I couldn't do things anymore" but by Him taking away the desire for those things within me. So that I no longer was interested in them.

We each come from different walks. I use to help minister to women. Looking back at that time, I really thought I had it all together. I probably did - but only because I didn't truly know what going "through" the fire was. I was able to be transparent with my walk before women. To sympathize, to pray, to encourage and hopefully to be used by the Lord. I didn't realize how much God wasn't done with me yet. I didn't realize how my footing could quickly slip. I didn't realize that I would compare myself to the prodigal's son. I took my steadfastness for granted. I didn't realize that unknowingly perhaps, I judged people in my head. I "felt sorry" for them. Compassion yes - but sorry too.  I look back on those times when I felt so strong - and I feel like I'm looking at the life of another woman. For I am not that pillar of strength now.  I have been humbled.  I've been brought down to my knees - and in case you think the cancer did this - I can tell you IT HAS NOT. I was already experiencing sooooo many questions, sooo much confusion (which I know isn't of God) before any of that.

The WORST feeling in this world - is feeling far away from the LORD and NOT knowing how to find your way back. You ask yourself time and time again - How do I regain what I loss? How do I and in doing so do it HONESTLY.  What do you do when your heart is not inline with what people are telling you you should do? Oh it is soooo easy to dool out advice to someone. It is sooo easy when you have not walked in their shoes to tell them what they should do. I realize now that in doing that you can cause a person to feel so divided. It's God who does the changing.  It's God's compassion and mercy for those that are in a prodigal's state to bring them out.  I know that for those who truly want to be right with Him - that it is HIM who has to do the changing. Thankfully God looks at the heart.

You have no idea what the person you are sitting, walking , standing, driving next to - is going through in their life. Perhaps they are being tormented? Perhaps they are crying out for help.  I think remembering my Word - Jesus saw this with people. He was compassionate. He was merciful, He was forgiving, He was loving.  Shouldn't we be the same? If we are to be called "Christians" (to be CHRIST LIKE) shouldn't we be the same?