Spaghetti Thoughts

Sometimes you Feel so alone - like you are reaching for the Savior's hand and it seems to always be just in front of you. Don't give up - Keep trying. Even in your darkest hour. Sometimes God just wants to see how much faith you have. "Be not weary in well doing."(2 Thessalonians 3:13)

It's 2:18 a.m. and I'm wide awake... I had my last treatment of chemo yesterday, and you'd think I'd be sleeping like a baby. Wrong. My mind is going round and round like spaghetti twirling on a fork... I can't sleep. Bad case of insomnia tonight.

I've always been told that I analyze things too much. I "think" to hard. Is that really possible? Its not something new - its just who I am...

We take so many things for granted. Don't we? We live in such a microwave society where we want what we want when we want it. Waiting has never come easy for me. Has it for you? I remember a simpler time in my life. I think I've always been a bit like "Sandra Dee" and naive. I've learned so much more than I ever wanted to know this year... I've learned that we NEED people. I've learned that life isn't always so "cut and dry." I've learned not to judge others... Ohhh boy have I learned that the hard way. I've learned that pride REALLY does come before a fall. I've learned NEVER to say Never. I've learned never to take life for granted. Or your health... And at the same time I've discovered I have so many questions for God. Wouldn't you like to just sit across the table from Jesus right now??? You don't really know what a person is going through or has gone through UNTIL you walk in their shoes. So I've learned to listen. And I've learned that in order to bring someone closer to the Lord - you show COMPASSION. SENSITIVITY and LOVE. And to know that it is okay to admit you don't have all the answers. Wouldn't you trust someone who told you that MORE than you would trust someone who acted like they did? Only God sees the full picture. We only see in part. Sometimes that drives me crazy, other times I'm oh so grateful.

I grew up in Massachusetts. Never left it and have never traveled away from it until three years ago - I have always lived here up until I made the biggest mistake of my life and moved upstate New York where my mother was originally from. I didn't wait for the green light - I just went ahead. I think one of the things I've learned as I did in my post below - is that we all make mistakes. And we can spend eons beating ourselves up for them or we can admit that we are human and allow God to take those mistakes and use them for good.  Isn't it better to learn from one's mistakes instead of denying them? I've always been real transparent - and I'm too old to change now! (Laughing) Well not really - I think God has us changing for as long as we have breathe in our body, don't you? And ironically, due to my breast cancer diagnosis this past June - I had to come back to the best place for treatment - and that was in Massachusetts. So here I am once again... I really do think God gives us lessons to learn and he won't "move us forward" until we pass the class. Then we go on to the next one. I think the older you get in Christ - the harder the classes get and the more you realize about yourself... I think that is the point I'm at now.

I am far from perfect - i don't profess to have ALL the answers - but my Father does. And here is the thing - we can be our own worst critic - we really can. But God doesn't give up on us even when we are at our worst. Even though satan whispers in our ear ALL of our sins before us. But its not by anything we do that makes us earn heaven - its by the blood of the lamb. Our savior Jesus Christ. It's by grace. It's by mercy. It's by admitting that we are powerless without Him. Is that you? I KNOW it's me. Thank you Lord - that you know me so much better than I know myself. That you love me inspite of me. I'm so glad You're God. You didn't say it would be easy. But you DID say that you would be with us until the end of time. Thanks be to God.