I woke up this morning with my heart yearning. For what? It wasn’t specific – but for something more. I think deep inside of us is tucked a way a desire that only God can fulfill. We try in so many ways to fill it with other things… But only one thing can “quench that thirst.” The thirst is for Him. The only way I can describe it – is this feeling that you are reaching for something, but you don’t know how to grasp it. It’s in the inner core of you. Sometimes its so raw and strong that there is no denying it.
I woke up today around three a.m. which for me – not being a morning person, is not the norm. I felt it. I sensed it, I recognized it – it’s like a calling or a lack... I don’t know how else to describe it. We go through our lives filled with distractions. Caught up in problems and issues, and desires and we fill our lives with things that are trivial. I think my soul was saying “I need MORE of you Lord. Fill those empty spaces.”
The one thing I have come to learn is that you can’t let people define who you are. After 18 years of being married – I am on my own and it is easy to feel like a “failure.” How many times have you felt like that? Here is the thing though. I’m NOT. Neither are you. We are an imperfect people. I think that we as long as we have breathe in our bodies – we will constantly be growing, changing, learning. As long as we are open to it. I look at David in the Bible and I see all the transitions he went through. Always loving the Lord – not always doing what he should, or even what he knew to be right. Yet still God loved him. He never gave up on Him. There are consequences to our decisions and to our actions, yet hopefully what those consequences are times we have learned from things we have experienced, or done. I think that everyone has a bit of “prodigal” in them – and the important thing – is to recognize it, realize it and want to grow from it. The scary thing is when you just shrug it off and deny it. I always thought it was strange how in the garden of Eden Adam and Eve after having a relationship with God – hid from Him. You can’t HIDE from God. That is almost silly? Kind of like the game we play with our kids “peek-a-boo.” Whatever state I am in – I am constantly aware that my Heavenly Father sees me. And here is where He differentiates from US – HE LOVES US REGARDLESS.
I’ve been thinking of how hard it must be – when God has our “best” interest in mind, and we go off course. How He must want to wave His arms and say, “No! No my child! THIS WAY! Over here!!!!” But we in our stubbornness and willfulness don’t always listen and we go away. But the thing is – I think that He allows us to go only so far before He yanks us back. There is something inside of us that was made ONLY for Him. Nothing can fill it – it’s a void, its got only one key to it – and it is HIM. Why are we so hard-headed? I know I am. I thank God that even at my worst moments – He has never left nor forsake me. It is truly His Grace, His Love, His mercy that reaches out and touches my soul and makes me realize that no matter where I am spiritually – He made me for HIM. And regardless of how I am feeling about my life or myself. He loves me unconditionally. He looks at our hearts. He sees US. He calls us by name. Sometimes the hardest part – is seeing beyond our own faults to see what He sees. It is just for that same very reason He sent His Son to die on the cross for forgiveness of our sins. He knew that we couldn’t be “good enough” – we don’t have the ability in and of ourselves. I think when we realize that – we realize why it says in the Bible “Abba Father!” (Romans 8:15) if your child cried out for help – would you stand there and look at them blankly? NO, you would go running. RUNNING to help your child. To be there, to wrap your arms around them and hold them close. “If we being evil would give such good gifts to our children, how much MORE so does He want to bless us?” (Matthew 7:11) We need to let Him. Simply let Him. I think the best way of doing that – is recognizing the need. Close your eyes for a moment and say it. It helps sometimes to say it out loud. “Lord, I need you. I recognize that need. I can’t fill that need by myself. It has to be YOU. I feel lost. I feel sometimes hopeless. I don’t always understand the things I see around me. Or the things that are happening within my life. Sometimes I feel claustrophobic. Like there is no way out. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never get it right. That I’m like one of those gerbils on a wheel, going round and round and making no progress. I need You. I don’t know how to accept Your help, so I just stand before you – confessing my need. Believing that because You are God that You will fill that need. That You (inspite of myself) will do Your good and perfect will in my life. I recognize the need for YOU Father. I believe Your Word where you say that You will complete a good work in me. Even when I don’t believe it for myself. I believe it because YOU SAID IT. Be glorified. Forgive me for the times I have missed the mark due to my own stubbornness and willful spirit. Thank You that You don’t see me as I see myself. Help me to see myself with Your eyes. I believe You at Your Word Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”
Stand back and see the difference God is going to make and then, when you see it and you recognize the good work He is doing in your life. SHARE it with someone else who has been at the point YOU were once at. He allows us to go through situations so that we can extend the right hand of fellowship behind us and be there for the next person. Isn’t that what fellowship is all about?”
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