"Just Keep Swimming..."

I am a movie buff! I love to go to the movies, be it as a date, with my family or even by myself!  There is something so wonderful about getting lost in a good story and having a hard time coming back to reality once that good story is over.   (I won’t mention the fact that one of my weaknesses is movie theatre popcorn with extra butter… J)

When I went through breast cancer, 4 ½ years ago  I underwent a lumpectomy, chemotherapy and radiation, compared to what many of my Pink sisters have had to undergo, what I went through was “small potatoes,” the changes physically to my body were minute because I caught it early (early detection is key!) and looking at my body other than one ½ an inch scar right where you would place your hand to say “the pledge of allegiance” or the large scar where they removed 9 lymph nodes from my left arm pit – you would not know the trauma my body or my soul had been through; the scaring to my soul more intense than that outward signs on my body; the emotional cuts and damage deeper.  My body physically changed, (I am in no way belittling those changes) but my soul completely changed.  I’m a different person than I was 4 ½ years ago.  Rougher around the edges, my BS meter went with my cancer.  I have “no screen door” to my emotional house anymore.  I speak my mind and I speak it well.   Everything I do, I do with vibrancy and an intensity which can only come when you have had to face your own mortality.  I love deeply without reserve and I feel intensely (and I also think my American Portuguese temper has sharpened with a lower tolerance for the BS and drama people try to intertwine within life).  

Life is so short; more people should know this without having gone through what I or my Pink sisters have gone through.  I am very much aware that one must live life FULLY.  NOW.  Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, although we live as though it is.  I pray that it does not take you a life threatening illness or tragedy to see how precious life is and how you should thank God for every gift of every day that He blesses you with.

One of my favorite Disney movies is “Finding Nemo” the character, “Dory” one that won my heart over as soon as she came onto the screen.  Dory is a little blue and yellow fish who has a love and a zest for life.  She is a “good Samaritan” who is optimistic and even though she suffers with short term memory loss her outlook on life is one that I found myself agreeing with, understanding and appreciating so much so that I had her image and famous saying tattooed on the back of my right shoulder (see the above picture).  Dory is the ideal friend, one who sticks with you through good times and bad and one who encourages you when you are at your weakest.  We don’t know Dory’s entire story, because we are not told what has happened to her in the past, my guess is that because of her issue with short term memory many of the people in Dory’s life probably became aggravated and left her.  (This can happen sometimes to cancer patients whose families cannot handle them going through a life threatening illness,  hopefully in the case of Dory this is something that her short term memory cut out, we don’t know because her past is not revealed to us – although I’ve been told a “Dory” movie is currently in the works… Not sure if that is true or not), but Dory’s outlook on life when times are rough can be summed up in one expression she uses in the movie:

“Just keep swimming…”

Dory’s motto is one that I have felt deeply.  It stayed with me for months and months until I simply decided I had to get her tattooed on  my shoulder.  There are times in my life when I have had to encourage myself with those words – “Just keep swimming.”  If a fish doesn’t keep swimming, it dies.

“Just keep swimming.”

God not only wants us to “keep swimming” He wants us to float on our backs.  He wants us to trust Him.  He wants us to remember that “He’s got us!”  Have you ever floated on your back in a pond or the ocean before?  You simply cannot do it without letting every worry drop out of your mind.  You have to free yourself of everything that would bring you down and cause you to sink.  To me, it is a trust gesture.  You lie upon the water with your arms spread out and your legs spread out and your face lifted up to the sky and you simply, float.

God wants you to float.  He wants you to trust Him.  He wants you to the wonderful rays of the sun He created on your face and to feel your body light and free. 

Don’t only keep swimming – float.  When we trust in Him (and I’m still learning how to do this…) we float like cream when we leave all the scum from our worries on the bottom.  Once we do that, we have no other option BUT to float on the top.  Next time you are in the water (or maybe even your bath tub is big enough for you to try it… Try floating).  You simply can’t do it with a heavy heart.  It’s not possible.  Give each worry and disappointment and concern to God.  Lay it right at the foot of His cross  because that’s where they all belong.  You’ll find yourself floating.

My 2015 Bucket List

As 2014 draws to a close I’m thinking of all the things I had “put off” for another time and making plans to go forward and do that which I had decided to wait upon (my bucket list if you will).   Next Spring, I shall attend my first re-enactment! New England is full of history, which I have come to passionately love. I shall attend a NASCAR race in New Hampshire and get all caught up in the excitement of the speed of seeing my first race! I shall travel the many beautiful historical sites of the Grand Ol' US of A (including the Rocky Mountains) and I shall go on a Wagon Trail trip and see history through the eyes of being a "pioneer." I shall do ALL the things I have wanted to do but had put off (due to someone else's change in their choice of life decisions). Life is TOO short. Although I felt like "sinking" I decided to "just keep swimming" and part of that swimming is knowing that every day is precious.  A gift.  Make use of your time wisely and surround yourself with people who genuinely love you and care.  

"Be very careful then how you shall live, not as unwise but as wise making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15)

Think of those things that you want to do in 2015 and pray that God will give you the days to do them.  What have you been putting off in your life? Plan it!  If you were waiting for someone else to get their act together and they haven’t – go without them! Even if it means going by yourself!  Sometimes the best times I have had have been adventures on my own and you never know who you'll meet in the process!  It’s their loss! LIFE IS SHORT.  Make the most of every opportunity that God opens up for you.

Dory has it right - SWIM.  But go even further than that - FLOAT.

you'll never walk alone - Susan Boyle - Lyrics

Be Still and Know that He is God

Loves me, loves me not...

Sometimes God just wants us to “Be still and know that He is God.”

I don’t know about you, but being still fits right up there in my mind with being patient, which has never been one of my strong points.  Throughout the course of my walk with the Lord, I have learned *not* to pray for patience (for that brings trials and tribulations of which I have had my fill!), but to pray instead that God helps me to utilize the patience that He has already blessed me with.

It is not an easy thing to do.  There is a prayer that my mom once taught me as a child, it is called the Serenity prayer.  I guess it is supposed to bring serenity to whatever situation one is praying about it.

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.”

I realize more and more that I struggle with things that I need to accept that I can’t change.  Acceptance doesn’t come easy, especially if it is something that is dear to my heart.  I fume and I fume and I fume against it until I realize that fuming is fruitless, the situation doesn’t and hasn’t changed and there is nothing I can do in and of myself to change a situation.  I believe this is when God wants you to give it to Him.  Let it go.  There are certain things that we were not made to carry.  Jesus said,:

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:30)

Sometimes we have a habit of carrying over more than we were made to carry and when that happens we feel it in many different aspects of our lives in ways we were not meant to.  Emotionally, physically, spiritually.  Are you feeling emotionally exhausted?  Physically tired?  Spiritually weary?  Take a good hard look at your life and the situations in it and see what it is you should be turning over to the Lord.

I realize for myself that there are times that I am running against someone else’s tide.  If you are not careful the person who is drowning will unintentionally pull you under with them in their fight to survive. Be wise, be cautious, be careful.

Accepting the things I cannot change is one of the hardest things I have had to do.  I’m stubborn to a fault.  When I want something, I’m like a dog with a bone.  Pulling that bone away from me is not an easy thing to do.  I’ll hold on to it with everything within me, until God shows me no other recourse, but to let go.  Even if in the process He takes my teeth with him, still attached to the bone…

I was talking to someone this week , letting them know of this situation that I had let go of and was struggling coming to terms with, a situation not of my own doing or choosing, one that I simply “had to accept was something I could not change.”  The person I was talking with said to me, “Remember, the bullet comes out where it went in. It is good that you know that you were shot.”

Honestly, I don’t know what hurt more  - “the bullet going in,” or my allowing the “bullet to exit.”   I suppose allowing the bullet to remain would have done more damage than enduring the painful removal…  Only with its removal can come healing.  I have to accept that there are things I cannot change.  Even with having the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can and the things I can’t – still sometimes I stubbornly try to change them.  God brought me to a point where the emotional pain was so bad I simply said, “Okay, give me the dang knife – I’m going to cut the bullet out myself!!”

“Weeping may come in the night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalms 30:5)

What are you holding on to? What do you refuse to let go of?  What are you struggling with? Perhaps the Serenity prayer is for you too?  It’s not an easy prayer to act upon.  I don’t let go of anything I love, easily.  But unless you let go of something, you cannot receive something else because your hands are already full.

It may hurt to let go of something you’ve been holding to so tightly, so fiercely.  But sometimes that is exactly what God wants you to do.  Let it go.  Let go.  Release it.  If you have to pray the prayer over and over again do it.

“God help me.  I can’t let go on my own accord.  I don’t have the strength to.  I don’t want to.  I don’t want to let go.  I know it is something I cannot change.  I know I have to accept it.  But I don’t have the strength or will to do it myself.  So I need your help. Help me to accept the fact that I cannot change this situation.  Give me the courage to release it entirely to YOU.  It is only with your strength I can do this.  I am releasing my will and my hold on this and giving it over to you.  In Jesus precious name. Amen.”

That’s what I call taking the knife and getting that bullet out yourself.  Trusting that God will help maneuver your hand so that it will be steady enough to do it, then slowly, the healing will occur. It may not be over night.  But this is where we know that God is saying to us:

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

He’s got this – you gave it to Him.  Don’t take it back.  Don’t re-hash it. Don’t stress over it.  It is not yours anymore- you gave it to Him.  You released it. Let it go.

Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself.  One day, you will look back on a tiny little scar and perhaps remember what it was that caused that.  At that point God will have moved you on to greener pastures.  He has a tendency to allow us to look back and see how far we’ve come.

Once you have emptied your hands of what you were clutching so tightly God can fill it with what He truly has for you.  You never would have been able to be at a point of receiving if you hadn’t let go of what you were holding on to.

“I can’t!” You say.

“You can!” He says.  “Trust me.  Believe in me. Know that I have your best interest at heart. Turn it over to me and let me show you what I have in store for you.”

It’s time to trust Him.

“Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, lean NOT to your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5)

 

Hillsong UNITED Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Lyric Video

True Love



Let Him Love You.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger?” I wonder who it was who came up with that saying.  I’m not sure if the bad things that have happened in my life has made me stronger, but it has made me realize more and more that I am dependent upon the Lord.

There is a song that we use to sing in church that pretty much says it all:

"My Hope is Built on Nothing Less"
by Edward Mote, 1797-1874

1. My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
 

2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

3. His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

We were not created to be dependent upon ourselves.  We were made to depend upon God.  So many people try to fill that need with other things in their lives.  Sex, drugs, alcohol,work, material things, to name just a few.  But the truth is – deep inside there is a place that is meant just for God.  Our BIGGEST mistake is believing that other things can fulfill that need.

Listen Beloved – GOD LOVES YOU.  He does.  With a love that no one else can love you with.  There is NO greater love.  And to know it and to feel it and to experience it is like nothing you can compare.  The Bible says:

 “Taste and see that the Lord is good.”  (Psalms 34:8)
 

There aren’t adequate words to describe what the love of the Lord feels like – it’s personal.  It’s real.  It’s genuine.

Think of the feeling you get when the person you love most in this world, wraps their arms around you in one amazing bear hug.

Think of the joy you get walking along the edge of a shore, listening to the waves and the seagulls looking out at a beautiful horizon

Think about spending a day with your dearest and bestest of friends….

As wonderful as all of the above are, they still fall short of how wonderful the Father’s love is… There is truly no greater love. 

He is an ever present help in time of trouble. (Psalms 46:1)

He will NEVER leave nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

He will never go back on His word or promises. (Hebrews 13:8)

He loves YOU for who you are.  (Matthew 7:11)

He has plans for you. (Jeremiah 29:11)

“Lord Jesus, I want to experience this type of love.  IF YOU ARE REAL (and He is), I need you to make Yourself REAL to me.  People tell me all the time how wonderful You are.  I want to know it personally.  Please forgive me for my sins, wash me with your precious blood.  Come into my life and make a difference.  Be my personal Lord and Savior.  In Your precious name I pray. AMEN”
 

If you have prayed that prayer, your life is about to drastically change in the most WONDERFUL of wonderful ways.  I prayed that prayer at the age of 21 and had NO idea what a difference it would make in my life.  That was 27 years ago...  I meant the prayer and God knew it.  He came into my life in the most AMAZING way and has stayed with me ever since.  You are about to experience the most amazing love of all.  And I so wish I could be right there with you to see you experience it so I could turn to you with a twinkle in my brown eyes and say, "I told you so." :)

 

Miley Cyrus - The Climb - Official Music Video (HQ)

Laughing with God

What new thing is God doing in your life?  Think about it…

I was laughing with my Pastor last evening, telling Him how our Heavenly Father knows what a dork I am…  That He knows me well enough to know that He has to reiterate things to me over and over again until He’s sure I got it. I had been working on my blog and accidently hit the wrong button – a formatting button that totally destroyed my format and made me have to start again. 

START AGAIN. 

I cringed. 
I gasped.
I threw my hands up in the air
 and then,
 I laughed. 
I really laughed.

Why?  Because once I got over the horror of hitting the wrong button, the formatting I created was better than what I had created previously. 

YES it was painstaking having to recreate a format, yes it was time consuming but through it all, it came out better than before.  And I laughed. There is a life lesson here and I got it.

“Do not call to mind former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold I will do something new.  Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a road way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:19)

Your Father knows you intimately.  He knows when you are hard headed or having grizzly moments and need to be told the same thing over and over again until you get it.  He knows what it will take FOR you to get it!  He knows what you need better than you do.  We can take comfort in that.  I actually said out loud, “Yes Lord! I get it! Yet ANOTHER change! (I’m thinking He’s trying to make me LIKE change… I’m not there yet… LOL)  I think that covers everything now Lord! “ From my life, to my perfume, to this (your) blog – that about covers it! I get it!”

He may have a new thing planned for you.  I know you are probably like me – a planner, and like routine and things to stay the same.  I truly understand Peter Pan, I really do.  Being a kid was great, but we weren’t given the choice to remain one.  We had to grow up (whether we wanted to or not). The most wonderful people are those who have maintained their childlike fascination about things, even when they have grown up.  Life is a journey with hills and valleys and as long as we have breath in our bodies we will learn new things and experience lessons.  Some will be easy, some will be difficult, all include learning about ourselves.  We can struggle against the tide or we can go with it.  I’ve tried the “struggling against the tide part” and honestly, all I’ve done is gotten caught up in emotional rip tides because of it.  And it’s exhausting…  It is much more pleasant to take in what God is teaching me and walk through the shore of my life picking up seashells, enjoying the soothing sound of the waves and eyeballing seaweed… (I was recently told it is good to eat and that is one experience I plan to do without…)

What is God doing in your life?  What is He trying to show you?  Did He start out subtle?  Because if you don’t hear it at first, it will get louder and louder because He wants to capture your undivided attention and He won’t let you pass the class until you “get it.”  Then He will allow you to graduate and move on and when you look back at your life, hopefully you’ll be able to see the WHY of it.

“Oh I was so hard headed! I cannot believe what it took for me to learn what it was God wanted me to learn!” Hopefully we can say looking back.  “Oh I needed to learn this lesson in order to be able to help Sister So-and-So or brother Over-there later on in life.  I wouldn’t have known how to reach them if I hadn’t experienced what I experienced.” 

God has a sense of humor, what is He saying to you? What does He want to show you?  Are you listening?  Because if you don’t, He’ll just repeat Himself over and over again until you do.  Isn’t it time you passed the class? Hear that?  It’s the bell. It’s time to move forward…

Carrie Underwood - Something in the Water

Change - Grow Little Flower, Grow and Bloom!

No doubt about it - change is hard!  Whether it is to change your mind, change your heart or change your walk!  I've always been a creature of habit, a planner, someone who likes knowing what to expect!  Sometimes God wants us to get out of our comfort zone and I like that just about as much as I like getting up in the morning! (I am not a morning person).

My conversations in the morning usually go something like this...

I lay snuggled up underneath a new electric blanket that someone recently gave me for my birthday.  The blanket all the way up to my chin, basking in the warmth.  Just then my iphone alarm clock goes off...

"Nooooooooooooo!!!" I groan in my head pulling the covers tighter around me.  "No Lord, it can't possibly be time to get up..."  But it is...  "Would it have made such a difference in the grand scheme of things if I had been born rich???" I ask Him outloud while attempting to pull one leg out from under the covers.  I'm a mom and "the grown up" in the family so I have to get up because if I don't my kids won't.  Usually at this point I sigh a dramatic sigh to God.  "Okkkkkaaaaaay... Here I go..."

Yet at the same time, regardless of what events are going on in my life, I'm so thankful.  It seems like the older I get the quicker time goes by.  How is it almost Thanksgiving already?  Christmas commercials playing on TV.  I'm STILL not over last winter and yet here we go again.  How is life speeding up so fast?  I don't remember it going by this quick when I was younger.

Change.

There are so many moments in life I wish I could just hold tight to in the palms of my hands.  We take so much for granted.  We expect tomorrow.  We live like that expectation.  Being a cancer survivor, I wake up and one of the first thoughts in my head truly is - I'm SO glad I'm here another day.  Thank you Lord for this gift!  Each day is blank sheet of life to write on, we need to write well!  What is the story of your life?  What are you writing upon the blank pages?  Are they things that you will look back on fondly? Or things you will look back on wishing, "I shoulda, I coulda, woulda, but I didn't?"  I find myself like a child who has walked into an "all you can eat" restaurant.  The restaurant being life.  And I point to something and I say, "I want to try some of that!  And some of that! And yes - even a little bit of that over there!"  Life is precious, even during the hard times, even during the times of change.  Sometimes change is for the better.  I try to remember during the times when life feels excruicating that I am blessed regardless.  There are many breast cancer survivors, my pink sisters who I know who have not been given a second chance at life.  I often wonder, "why me Lord?  I am no different from that precious woman... Why me?"  But it is not for me to know.  Only to know that the bible says:

"The number of my days He will fulfill." (Exodus 23:26).

Be thankful.  Even in change.  We don't know the whole story - but God does.  Sometimes the changes (storms) that hurt the most bring about the most beautiful rainbows. I truly believe that.  You just have to ride it out with the expectation that God knows what He is doing.  Even when we don't feel like it.

When I was going through chemotherapy, I stayed in my childhood home.  My mother helped me take care of my two children.  We use to gather around the dinner table and mom started this tradition.  We would go around the table and each state three good things we were thankful for that had happened in our day.  It became a family tradition (along with pizza Fridays! We either bought pizza or made it!)

This thinking of three things we were thankful for, three good things that happened to us helped us to focus on the positive and not the negative.  There are always things we can be thankful for, no matter how hard our journey has become.

Change.  One thing you can be certain of.  I have found that it has become a matter of perspective.  I've had a lot of change in my life - more so this year than ever before.  At first I was so saddened by all the change for most were things that were doors closing and endings where I wanted beginnings.  Disappointments and the continued knowledge that you can't control what anyone else does or the decisions that they make.  But you can control how you allow those decisions to affect you.  It's interesting to me, because sometimes God allows you to see why He has allowed certain doors to close in your life (it is for your own good) and other times, He doesn't.  But you can bet He always has your best interest at heart.

"I will not give you more than you can bare." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Sometimes through the pain of a situation you may want to cry out to Him.  "Okkkkkkaaaaaaay!!! Owwww! That's it! No more!!!"  Yet He knows what He is doing.  He is molding you into what He wants you to become.  Growing pains.  Think about that beautiful flower you may have noticed this summer and admired.  Once it was a seed planted deep within the soil.  No one could see the changes that were occuring because they happened below the surface.  Before that blossom blossomed it was reaching and stretching through layers of dirt to be able to reach the rays of the sun.  No one above ground could see what was happening deep below.  But one day it reached the surface and eventually became the beautiful blossom you admired.  Aren't we like that?  God's desire is for you to bloom.  We can plant that seed, we can water it but it is God who provides its growth.  It is God who brings forth it's beauty.  Stop fighting against what God is doing in your life.  Even if it hurts.  You will come forth as gold.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

Change... I realize what I had thought was God's best for me, was just a pipe dream. An illusion.  It wasn't what I thought it was.  It wasn't real.  It was a mirage.  I had pinned my love and my hopes and my dreams on someone who deceived me and lied to me and hurt me, intentionally without any thoughts or consideration of my feelings.  My perception was wrong and in the process, my heart shattered because I put my trust and love towards  someone who didn't deserve it.  BUT here is the thing.  God is rebuilding me.  God is renewing me, God is strengthening me.  I feel like the bionic woman.  "I am wiser, more patient, more compassionate, more knowledgeable, more understanding - towards others and about myself."  The stem to this rose is more durable, able to weather bad weather and able to appreciate the sun when it shines.  Able to stand up a little stronger. Beloved, someone who loves you, won't purposely hurt you.  The Bible says:

"Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31)

If someone doesn't know how to love themselves, they can't possibly know the correct way to love someone else.  They simply don't have the knowledge within them or know how. It's sad, but true. Perception. (God's best will hold up when carefully examined.  It's worth, proven over and over again.  The difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconia.  While both are similar, only one is the real deal and it will prove itself over time and after much testing - and it won't turn your finger green... LOL).  Why would anyone settle for less than God's best??? (I'm still trying to figure that out for myself...).  Change - the unexpected change - an undesirable ending to a fairy tale, but with the ending the expectation for eventually a new beginning, better than any "fairy tale" because it holds up throughout the end of time.  Scary but exciting at the same time.  Yet something to look forward to. God's best.

My health.  When you have never experienced a life threatening illness, you truly have no idea how precious life is.  It is true that if you have your health, you have everything!  It is something we take for granted.  I pray that each person reading this realizes this without having to go through an illness to appreciate each moment that they are given.  Because each moment IS a gift from God and it can change in a moment.

My family and all those who have been there for me through good times and bad.  Don't take anyone you love for granted.  Hug them as soon as you stop reading this post... As we are not promised tomorrow, neither are they.  It is a horrible thing when someone passes away and you never got a chance to tell them (or better yet show them) how much they mattered.  DO IT.  Love them up mighty much - you'll be glad you did.

Okaaaaay - those are MY three things for today.  What's yours?  Think about it. Have your family start a new tradition of sharing "three things that they are thankful for each day."  God is good and life is precious.  I wear a ring on my finger that I found one day.  It made me smile and nod my head.  It has written upon it:  "Love the life you live."  If you don't, maybe you need to make the changes necessary so that you can.  I am.  You should too.

You ARE forgiven - He Wants YOU to Walk in That Forgiveness!

There is a movie that I truly enjoyed watching this Summer, isn't it interesting how God can take a secular movie and speak a serious spiritual message to you?  It is the movie Maleficent starring Angelina Jolie.  It tells the story of the supposedly wicked fairy from Disney's sleeping beauty.  If you get a chance to watch it dear Prodigal, do.

How people view us.  How wrong they can often be.  I am so thankful that God looks at the heart.  So often man looks only at the outside and judges based upon what they see.

They don't really see you.  They might judge you based upon what they think you have done or who you are, but it doesn't really matter what man thinks.  It only matters what God thinks and then after that what you think of yourself.

What do  you think of yourself?

Are you kind to yourself? Or do you judge yourself based upon the mistakes you have made in life?  We can be so harsh to our own selves.

"Come now and let us reason together, says the LORD, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Isaiah 1:18) "For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:11-12)

I know what you are feeling, I may not know what it is that you are going through, but I know what it is like to feel like no one could possibly understand, or if they knew, they'd judge me.  So you become trapped in your own living hell of unforgiveness for yourself.  I've been there.  It is excruciating.  But that is just one of ol' slewfoot's biggest weapons - guilt.

On my pathway home from my prodigal time, it felt like the longest trip ever.  There were times when I wanted to give up and say, I can't go home.  I'll never be able to make it back home.  If anyone knew what I've done over the last four years, they'd ostracize me and mock me and judge me and I would be outcast.  Although God forgave me, I couldn't forgive myself.  When it came to closing that last door to my prodigal journey, He knew I didn't have enough strength - though He knew my heart, my desire was to be right with Him.  And because He knew my heart, He allowed that door to close forever.  I won't say it wasn't painful.  I won't say I'm fully healed, but I will say my peace was restored to me.  And all that I had thought, was a lie.  Believe God's Word.  KNOW that it is true.  There is a scripture I recently read that made me cry.  It made me cry because it is hard to believe that God loves us this way, but it is TRUE.  Let me share it with you.

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish" (Matthew 18:12-14).

That is the Father who loves you. He loves us more than we love ourselves.  In order to move forward in your life, Dear Prodigal, you need to let it go. Grow from your experience, use it to glorify God and help others not to make the same mistake(s) you've made.

It has been a hard journey back home for me.  One that I am recovering from.  One that I am healing from.  One that I have learned from.  Healing takes time.  Be patient with yourself as God is patient with you. What the devil meant for evil, God can use for good.  He WILL use for good if you are open to it.

I am not happy that I chose the "pathway" I chose, but I am stronger for it.  I love deeper, I am more compassionate, more forgiving and more committed.  I have learned that there are so many more ways that we can allow the devil to open doors into our lives, so many more ways than we can possibly imagine.  That is why we need to put on the full armor of Christ.

 ^"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." (Ephesians 6:10-18)

Be alert, be careful and be guarded.  Protect your mind and your heart.  And pray about everything.  I realize more and more, especially as we are living in the last days, and the enemy is desperate, how true this is.
"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Matthew 10:16)

There is no such thing as "common sense" in this world today.  It is gone.  Therefore we need to through prayer and supplication bring everything to God.  Bring every thought into obedience with Him and His Word.

And there is one thing I'd like to add Dear Prodigal.  The devil has a way of making us alienate ourselves from others.  And that is probably one of the worst things you can possibly do.  Sometimes being alone with your own thoughts can feel like prison walls around you.  You feel alone and like no one can understand.  I pray you would find someone to share your thoughts and experiences with.  It has taken me a long time, but I was able to do just that.  God led me to a church where He could use my spiritual family to love me up mighty much and to help Him heal me.  I reached a point where I was able to voice my prodigal journey of the last four and half years with my Pastor.  And I was not ostracized, I was not judged.  I was not condemned.  And it was HEALING and FREEING.  And it has allowed me such freedom and such peace.  It is not that you need to tell anyone in order to be forgiven.  You don't NEED to confess your sins to anyone for God to forgive you.  Only to God.  HE is the FORGIVER of SINS.  But, to be able to unburden yourself to whoever it is God entrusts you to share your experience with (and I pray He will reveal such a person to you) it heals.  It is like a balm, and it allows you (as it has allowed ME) to be able to truly move forward freely in my life. 

There is nothing worth sacrificing the peace that passes all understanding.  There is nothing like "coming home" and allowing God through the body of Christ to wrap His arms around you.  To welcome you home.  Allow yourself to be welcomed.  Allow yourself to be healed and allow yourself to be (in God's time, eventually) used so that someone else will know that they are not alone.

"We are many members but we are ONE in the body of Christ." (Romans 12:5)

Fiddler On The Roof - Matchmaker

Fiddler on the Roof - L'Chaim! To Life!

L'Chaim! To Life!

As a breast cancer survivor, I am very much aware of how precious life is.  My life has drastically changed over the last four and a half years.  While I survived breast cancer, my 20 year marriage did not. 
I guess the best way to describe it is like this: 

Prior to cancer, my life was like that of “water colors” and post cancer my life has been in “vivid, vibrant hues.”

One of my favorite musicals (having been a Theater Major) is “Fiddler on the Roof.” (A definite must see if you haven’t seen it already!).  I have a tattoo on my upper back that I had done after my experience with cancer that says, “L’Chaim!” which is Hebrew for  “To life!” life is to be celebrated and cherished and appreciated! It is a gift.  If you go to YouTube you can search for a great song from that musical that is called, “To Life!”  (Actually, I will post the song as a separate post. It is a wonderful song toasting life!)

I have little to no tolerance for people who lie or play games with people’s feelings, it’s wrong.  Bad things happen to people of ALL ages, and you never know what hand you will be dealt.  Life is precious; we often think that we are “promised” tomorrow.  The truth is; we are not.  God does not “owe us” tomorrow.  Therefore it is important to make every precious moment count.

I feel compassion for those people who want to make changes in their lives and set out to do so, and can’t.  I do not feel compassion for people who “wallow” in their situation and choose to be miserable and do nothing about it, except complain.  Life is what you make it.  If you choose to be miserable and surround yourself with people who don’t see the beauty in you, don’t build you up, don’t encourage you, don’t share your same interests, don’t care about what you care about or don’t treat you special – than of course your life will be miserable.

“A nagging wife is like drippings that never stop on a rainy day.” (Proverbs  27:15)

Job’s wife even advised him to “curse God and die!” (Job 2:9)

Can you imagine?  Here is someone who is going through anguish, physical pain, emotional and spiritual torment and in the midst of his suffering, his wife tells him to curse God and die!  That is not the advice that Job needed.  He needed someone who would sit beside him, someone who would hold his hand; someone who would PRAY for him, someone who would just BE there.    As a cancer survivor I was amazed by the people who treated me as if I had leprosy.  As if they could “catch” cancer from me.  There were family members and friends who stayed away, perhaps because in thinking of me it made them have to face their own mortality.  I don’t judge these people, I understand that it is difficult to see someone you love or care about suffer, but the best thing you can do for that person – is to BE THERE.  They are not looking for an answer from you, they are not looking for anything but an acknowledgement that you care.  When you go through a life threatening illness, you feel as though you are not connected with the world anymore.  That you are in a type of vortex, everyone else is going about their daily lives, and time has stopped still for you.  You don’t know whether or not you are going to live or die.  Your life has changed.  

Someone asked me recently, when I went through cancer if I had thought I was going to die.  Honestly, my mind would not go there.   As a Christian I know that my life is in God’s hands.  I gave Him my life at the age of 21.  I firmly have believed (and do so still) that:

“The number of my days, He will fulfill.” (Exodus 23:26)

Honestly, I had a small kid when I was diagnosed; my son was only four years old, my daughter was ten, my oldest son was fifteen.  I could not concentrate on the thought that I might die, because I was too busy fighting to LIVE.

When you go through chemotherapy and radiation (or any kind of cancer treatment), you are focusing on moment to moment, minute to minute, and hour to hour.   That is how I survived.  It is the ONLY way I could make it through treatment.  Every ounce of my energy went to fighting.  It went to believing, it went to praying.  I know that my life is in God’s hands.  There is nothing more that can be said.  That was four and a half years ago.  I have been healed of cancer, I am totally cancer-free and at my healthiest.  (Early detection is KEY). 

Honestly, even if you are not going through a life threatening disease or situation, we should think and praise God for bringing us through every desert experience we go through and rejoice and praise Him through ALL the moments in life that make life to be such a gift.

I truly believe in making memories.  I truly believe in paying it forward.  I truly believe in thanking God every morning for EACH day that He gives, for they are gifts.  No matter what our circumstances are.

If you are unhappy with your life’s choices, what are you doing to change it?  Are you in your own living hell? Have you imprisoned yourself?  Are you thinking only of “your needs, or yourself “without considering the feelings of others or whether or not what YOU are doing will hurt them? Does it even matter to you? We live in such a “me me me me” world that sometimes we don’t take the time to think how what we say or do affects someone other than ourselves…

Are you filled with complaining or blaming others for your unhappiness, instead of turning your life around to DO something about it?  Are you making excuses or pointing the finger at someone else for the choices YOU are making in life? No one is responsible for the choices you make, except YOU yourself.  Take responsibility and ownership for them.  IF you hurt someone (even unintentionally) ask them for forgiveness.  If you have been hurt by someone and they haven’t asked for forgiveness, PRAY FOR THEM.

Life is precious.  The Bible says,

“It is destined for man to live and die once and face the judgment.” (Hebrews 9:27-28)

“Jesus came so that we could have life and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

But you have to want that abundancy.  Life is what you make it to be.  So if you are miserable and not doing anything about it – perhaps it’s time you did?

I am.  My life has drastically changed.  I have been on my own for almost five years now.  My life has been filled with change and major responsibilities, two of my three children live with me and to be honest the after treatment part (or post cancer) part has been a lot more difficult than the regimented treatment I went through.  Figuring out how to live has been quite a feat.  I have not gotten out much.  I have not dated much. God has shown me that it is time for me to make changes, from the people in my life who have chosen not to make changes in their own lives and have by their decision, affected mine, to the brand of perfume I wear, which recently was discontinued after 25 years!!! (Could God spell out change MORE clearly to me??!!!)

Life should not just be about responsibilities, but fun, enjoyment, laughter, love, friendship, trying new things, meeting new people, making new friends.  Opening your heart to ALL life has for you.  The time is now.  You’ll never get these moments back – see? Already another is gone!  We are to walk by faith and not by sight – but in order to walk you have to move your legs!  Are you moving your legs?

Step out on faith with me.  Believe that God desires to bless you, to guide you, to be with you.  It can be scary, I know!  The unknown and change is not always easy to do.  But in order to experience God’s best, that is sometimes what we have to do.  Step out in faith.

Open the door to new relationships and don’t be surprised if you find that God has blessed you so much more than you can imagine.  Squeeze my hand and feel me squeezing yours, we are MANY members but we are ONE in the body of Christ.  Stand tall, back straight, chin up.  This applies to everyone, not just cancer survivors.  Life IS worth living! Here we go!

For All My Blog Readers

Good morning,

I don't know who you are, but I can see where each of you are from and I want you to know that I pray for EACH one of you individually.  I pray that God blesses you, that He ministers to you, that He reaches you WHEREVER you are it.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. (1 Corinthian's 12:12)

Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.  If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.   (1 Corinthians 12:14-27)

I believe I am  a "finger" on the body of Christ. I write as the Lord leads me to write, there are nights when I wake up from a deep sleep and know that I won't be able to go back to bed until I write all the words out. There is nothing more satisfying than knowing what your calling is, knowing what your purpose in life is.  I highly suggest (if you haven't done it already) that you seek the Lord's will for your life.  He has a plan for you, a very special plan.  You were born with a purpose. Find out what that purpose is.  Seek God in prayer and He will reveal it to You.

Please know that if there is anything specific I can lift up in prayer for you, just send me a comment below and I will pray Heaven down.  There is a reason why God directed you to this page, I pray the words that He gives me, the experiences I have had and the scriptures that are quoted encourage you, build you up and help you to know that you are NOT alone.  God loves you and there are many of us who have experienced (are experiencing) what you are going through - whatever that may be.  As I said at the beginning of my page, I don't have all the answers, and I am far from perfect, but I know the One who does have all the answers - and that is your Heavenly Father.  You are not alone.  Sometimes it feels as if the situations we go through are ones that no one else can understand.  Believe me, that is far from the truth.  You would be surprised at the amount of people who have/are going through the same thing as you.  One of the biggest lies of the devil is that you are all alone and no one cares.  God does.  He's reaching out to you even as you read these words.  Feel His presence.  He's right there with you, right now, wherever you are and He wants you to know that He loves YOU.  Just as you are.  Right now.  That is the honest to God truth.

Father God,  I just come before You and ask that You bless and encourage the person reading these words.  I don't know what they are going through, but You do.  Help them to feel Your presence, to know how much You love them.  Meet them wherever they are at.  Speak to them Lord, and have Your way in their lives.  Help them to know that You are a very real and present help in the time of trouble. I pray that You would surround them with brethern who are "worded up mighty much" and who will build them up.  Direct them to churches where they can grow in You. 

I pray for healing, I pray for deliverance, I pray for guidance.  I pray that You would be the lifter of their heads.  I pray that you would become very real to them.  Bless each one from ALL over the world, wherever they are at.  You have directed them to this page for a reason, now be glorified in their lives.

In the name of your precious Son, Jesus, I pray.

Amen

Breathe - Michael W. Smith