How people view us. How wrong they can often be. I am so thankful that God looks at the heart. So often man looks only at the outside and judges based upon what they see.
They don't really see you. They might judge you based upon what they think you have done or who you are, but it doesn't really matter what man thinks. It only matters what God thinks and then after that what you think of yourself.
What do you think of yourself?
Are you kind to yourself? Or do you judge yourself based upon the mistakes you have made in life? We can be so harsh to our own selves.
"Come now and let us reason together, says the LORD, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Isaiah 1:18) "For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:11-12)
I know what you are feeling, I may not know what it is that you are going through, but I know what it is like to feel like no one could possibly understand, or if they knew, they'd judge me. So you become trapped in your own living hell of unforgiveness for yourself. I've been there. It is excruciating. But that is just one of ol' slewfoot's biggest weapons - guilt.
On my pathway home from my prodigal time, it felt like the longest trip ever. There were times when I wanted to give up and say, I can't go home. I'll never be able to make it back home. If anyone knew what I've done over the last four years, they'd ostracize me and mock me and judge me and I would be outcast. Although God forgave me, I couldn't forgive myself. When it came to closing that last door to my prodigal journey, He knew I didn't have enough strength - though He knew my heart, my desire was to be right with Him. And because He knew my heart, He allowed that door to close forever. I won't say it wasn't painful. I won't say I'm fully healed, but I will say my peace was restored to me. And all that I had thought, was a lie. Believe God's Word. KNOW that it is true. There is a scripture I recently read that made me cry. It made me cry because it is hard to believe that God loves us this way, but it is TRUE. Let me share it with you.
“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish" (Matthew 18:12-14).
That is the Father who loves you. He loves us more than we love ourselves. In order to move forward in your life, Dear Prodigal, you need to let it go. Grow from your experience, use it to glorify God and help others not to make the same mistake(s) you've made.
It has been a hard journey back home for me. One that I am recovering from. One that I am healing from. One that I have learned from. Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself as God is patient with you. What the devil meant for evil, God can use for good. He WILL use for good if you are open to it.
I am not happy that I chose the "pathway" I chose, but I am stronger for it. I love deeper, I am more compassionate, more forgiving and more committed. I have learned that there are so many more ways that we can allow the devil to open doors into our lives, so many more ways than we can possibly imagine. That is why we need to put on the full armor of Christ.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." (Ephesians 6:10-18)
Be alert, be careful and be guarded. Protect your mind and your heart. And pray about everything. I realize more and more, especially as we are living in the last days, and the enemy is desperate, how true this is.
"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." (Matthew 10:16)
There is no such thing as "common sense" in this world today. It is gone. Therefore we need to through prayer and supplication bring everything to God. Bring every thought into obedience with Him and His Word.
And there is one thing I'd like to add Dear Prodigal. The devil has a way of making us alienate ourselves from others. And that is probably one of the worst things you can possibly do. Sometimes being alone with your own thoughts can feel like prison walls around you. You feel alone and like no one can understand. I pray you would find someone to share your thoughts and experiences with. It has taken me a long time, but I was able to do just that. God led me to a church where He could use my spiritual family to love me up mighty much and to help Him heal me. I reached a point where I was able to voice my prodigal journey of the last four and half years with my Pastor. And I was not ostracized, I was not judged. I was not condemned. And it was HEALING and FREEING. And it has allowed me such freedom and such peace. It is not that you need to tell anyone in order to be forgiven. You don't NEED to confess your sins to anyone for God to forgive you. Only to God. HE is the FORGIVER of SINS. But, to be able to unburden yourself to whoever it is God entrusts you to share your experience with (and I pray He will reveal such a person to you) it heals. It is like a balm, and it allows you (as it has allowed ME) to be able to truly move forward freely in my life.
There is nothing worth sacrificing the peace that passes all understanding. There is nothing like "coming home" and allowing God through the body of Christ to wrap His arms around you. To welcome you home. Allow yourself to be welcomed. Allow yourself to be healed and allow yourself to be (in God's time, eventually) used so that someone else will know that they are not alone.
"We are many members but we are ONE in the body of Christ." (Romans 12:5)
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