God's Best Pathway - So Worth the Wait...

"The Steps of the Righteous Are Ordained by God..." (Psalm 37:23)
We just have to BELIEVE and walk in them... Even if it is step by step...

I've been through soooo much over the last five years, and I've just accepted things as being the way they are, I joined hands and got drafted into the "Pink Army" with some of the absolute FINEST, strongest women I've ever known in my life... A Pink Rover line none of us asked to be a part of, we just got drafted in...

I've just trudged through biting my lip, holding back the tears, keeping my chin up and my back straight through it ALL.  Accepting my portion in life, even when I didn't understand the plate that was put before me, or the contents on it. Through cancer, through the people that PROMISED me they would BE there and LIED... People who have failed me purposely, selfishly, thinking of only their own needs not truly ever once considering mine... I never once wished ill will of them, that's not in my nature, although I don't know how those people live with themselves... long ago I stopped wondering and worrying about them, they didn't deserve my love. I gave them to God, because it was too much for me to hold on to, It shattered me into a million little pieces I thought only God would be able to restore me... I forgot that God uses people... He works through people...

And then I got to thinking that maybe we wouldn't know God's best unless we went through the worst of times??? Maybe we wouldn't recognize or appreciate God's best which is a love that is unselfish, a love that "doesn't hide you" a love that is proud and loud about you, a love that is supportive and unselfish, a love that is there for you if you are sick - a two way street kind of love that maybe I wouldn't have appreciated or recognized if I hadn't been through all I've been through...

My prodigal days  are days I can't undo, it hurt me, it hurt others but it taught me A LOT. It changed me and made me humble... It taught me that only God's forgiveness, mercy, grace and love keep me. It taught me not to judge, it taught me that God loves me at my worst - I don't think I ever REALLY knew that. They are only the type of lessons one learns when they hit rock bottom, face on the ground. The "omg! Abba Father" kind of prayers... The "I can't go another mile in this pain I am" in kind of prayers... The "make the hurt stop!!!" Kind of prayers... He turns it slowly around and brings people into your life to help heal you... And your scared to trust again and your scared to love again, and your scared to live again...

But when He brings you over to that "milk and honey" side of the experience, you cannot believe your good fortune. You reach out wanting to touch it but afraid it's a mirage and will fade away before your eyes... And you whisper to God, like a child, "Really? For ME?" And the love and appreciation is genuine and real and you know that you know that you know that only God could bring it your way...

I would not have met some of the dearest most wonderful women in my life if not for cancer... I would not have turned from my prodigal ways if not for God closing the door shut to turn me around saying, "No my daughter! That's not the pathway that your precious feet were intended for! Look what I have for you!!! And showing me an unbelievable love more extraordinary than I ever fathomed... Perfect??? No... Scary? In a vulnerable kind of way... But with a sense of knowing that I have to venture forward and see where it goes... No matter what comes my way...

God has His hand on this and I know I only see in part (that always drives me a little bit crazy) but I can trust that no matter WHAT happens, He sees in full and He's got me right where He wants me to be, and I trust Him...

So... Here I go, hands in my pockets, back straight,head held high, taking a deep breath... Maybe even whistling... Heart beating in nervous expectation, my eyes focused ahead - one step at a time... But this time I feel a hand reaching for mine, squeezing it in reassurance, our fingers entwined. And i turn my face to the side and smile up into his precious blue/green eyes because God is in the business of using people and He's using him in mine, and here is the thing, you don't know WHAT the journey is that THAT person has come from and is on and just as God is using them for you He is using YOU to help them... Because that is how He works...

We just have to let Him...

Feeling Heavy Hearted? This Post is For You...

My heart is heavy with more than I can fathom.
I need to turn to the Rock that is higher than I... Do you feel it too?
Times like this require prayer and conversation with the One who knows...

My heart feels heavy today... As I was driving, I was thinking how important it is to indicate that there are/will be times in our walk when we feel heavy ladden - and that is okay.  As Christians we sometimes feel as though we should be always lighthearted and smiling, but the truth is life doesn't always feel that way and we'd be lying if we said otherwise.

Today is a day where I just want to cry out to God, "Why?!"  Not in a disrespectful manner but in one that is an honest question. Sometimes life seems so unfair and if we are to have a true "personal" relationship with Him, we have to be honest in our communications.  I think God would want us to be honest about how we feel anyways - because truthfully, He ALREADY knows.

Think about it - if we are in a relationship (you and I), and I'm troubled about something, but I don't want to discuss it because I think it will bring up an argument or cause problems in our relationship, then I am just holding onto all those emotions, frustrations  and pent up feelings inside.  Even if I don't talk about it, I'm probably going to stew over it and if  you know me well enough and are observant then you are going to realize that something is wrong.  If this is the case when you are in a relationship with someone, how much more so is it with your Heavenly Father?  

Psalms 139 says:

Lord, you have examined me
and know all about me.
² You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know my thoughts before I think them.
³ You know where I go and where I lie down.
You know everything I do.
⁴ Lord, even before I say a word,
you already know it.
⁵ You are all around me—in front and in back—
and have put your hand on me.
⁶ Your knowledge is amazing to me;
it is more than I can understand.

⁷ Where can I go to get away from your Spirit?
Where can I run from you?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there.
If I lie down in the grave, you are there.
⁹ If I rise with the sun in the east
and settle in the west beyond the sea,
¹⁰ even there you would guide me.
With your right hand you would hold me.

¹¹ I could say, “The darkness will hide me.
Let the light around me turn into night.”
¹² But even the darkness is not dark to you.
The night is as light as the day;
darkness and light are the same to you.

¹³ You made my whole being;
you formed me in my mother’s body.
¹⁴ I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.
What you have done is wonderful.
I know this very well.
¹⁵ You saw my bones being formed
as I took shape in my mother’s body.
When I was put together there,
¹⁶ you saw my body as it was formed.
All the days planned for me were written in your book
before I was one day old.

¹⁷ God, your thoughts are precious to me.
They are so many!
¹⁸ If I could count them,
they would be more than all the grains of sand.
When I wake up,
I am still with you.

¹⁹ God, I wish you would kill the wicked!
Get away from me, you murderers!
²⁰ They say evil things about you.
Your enemies use your name thoughtlessly.
²¹ Lord, I hate those who hate you;
I hate those who rise up against you.
²² I feel only hate for them;
they are my enemies.

²³ God, examine me and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any bad thing in me.
Lead me on the road to everlasting life.

 

That right there is an honest conversation between David and God.  A perfect example of how we can converse with God about whatever is in our own hearts.  He WANTS us to!  We need to... Through communication (as with any relationship) we can gain insight and understanding through the Holy Spirit.

So if there is a day where you are tired of wearing a smile on your face, and you are downcast and heavy hearted and weary - it is a sure sign that a conversation with the One who loves you more than ANYONE is due.  I'm in need of one of those conversations myself... Lay whatever it is at the foot of the cross.  Pour out your heart to Him. He cares. He really does, He is not a God that He would lie.

 

Sometimes He even allows us a glimpse into the "behind the scene" workings of your situation.  Not all the time, but sometimes He does.  A couple of years ago, I developed a strange rash on my stomach, one that required me to go to the emergency room.  One that I had to be hospitalized for observation. This occured after having had cancer and a non-cancer related surgery.  I was feeling pretty low and like a specimen on a petri dish.  I couldn't understand WHY God would allow this to happen after all I had been through... They were taking pictures of this rash, the doctors were stimied, didn't know what it was.  I was scared that I had some flesh eating type of disease (I didn't).  Pictures were taken and discussion was had amongst the physicians.  There was no cause for this rash, I was healthy - no disease nothing... Fast Forward to this year.  The pictures from that rash allowed me to go through a procedure that if I hadn't had that experience, would not have been covered by my insurance.  A procedure that I was asking God to allow me to go through.  Funny how we pray to God little prayers and forget that we pray them.  We kind of just "file them away" with conversations with God.  It wasn't a prayer request that was in my "top 10" important prayers list - it was more like a "Lord, I really wish I could..." kind of prayer.  Well, I forgot about that prayer, but He didn't and He used the experience I had gone through with the rash to make my "wish" procedure happen.  I didn't think about it again until I realized that God had answered one of my prayers - and then of course I had to remember to thank Him profusely for having heard me and for honoring a prayer request that I had long tucked away as "not gonna happen."

 

We don't know why we go through things.  I don't think we go through things just to go through them... I think that it's either because we need to learn and grow, or because God will be glorified through the situation or its because of the fallen, sinful world we live in.  No matter how we are feeling we have to believe and trust that God has us in the palm of His hands, because the truth of the matter is - if we have given our lives to Him - we belong to Him.  We are His.

 

That's a good thing, don't you think?  And on today, a day when I've been feeling heavy hearted and overwhelmed and sad and a bunch of mixed up emotions I can reflect on what God has done for me and what He continues to do and I can trust that no matter HOW I am feeling, God is still in control of my life and my situation.  One other thing - if you are doing ALL that you know to do the Bible says in the book of Ephesians:

 

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people." (Ephesians 6:13-18)

We need to trust Him.  When we can't trust our circumstances and we can't trust our feelings and we are just feeling waaaaaaaaaaay overwhelmed and heavy burdened - we need to trust Him.

 

I'll even lead by example in prayer:

"Lord, I'm tired. I've run out of answers, solutions for my current circumstances.  I have done all I humanly know how to do and it isn't enough... Which tells me that "I need to go to the rock that is Higher than I" (That's You Father) and bring this season in my life to You.  I thank You so much that I can do that through Your shed blood on the cross.  I thank You soooooo much that while I am feeling "put out" about me - you are not.  You say that I can come to You in prayer, so here I am, standing in the need.  Please help me.  Please hold back the hands of the devourer and be victorious in my life.  You say You came so that I can have life and have it abundantly - but that abundancy is not from my own works and doings - it is provided by You.  So please wash me with the precious blood of Jesus, forgive me for my shortcomings and sins and help me.  You say, "You have not because You ask not" well here am I standing before You asking.  You know what the situation is, You know the Way, You know the answer.  I give my burdens to You.  Forgive me for my sins, please work out this season in my life where You can be glorified and I can walk in the victory that Jesus has already provided for me.  Lift up my heavy heart and fill it with Your peace that passes ALL understanding.  I thank You Father and I ask You all of this - in Jesus' precious name. AMEN."

Now it's your turn - talk to Him.  You don't need fancy words or anything other than You being real before Him.  Remember, He ALREADY knows what is troubling you or what is in your heart - you just need to converse with Him.  YES it can be humbling but the peace that comes from knowing that you need His help and He wants to be there for you will help you to unload those burdens.  TALK TO HIM in whatever words you need.  He is there and He is listening. Try it.  He truly cares for you. And when He has answered your prayer (with whatever that answer may be) trust that He knows what is best for you - because He does.  Remember, He sees in full, we only see in part - so He knows your whole story.  Remember to thank Him for the answer when it occurs - whatever that answer may be... He's got you, of that you can surely believe.

Toby Keith - I Wanna Talk About Me

Are YOU all about YOU?

Is This What Your Relationship(s) Look Like? With People You Love or in Your Relationship With God? What Are You Putting Out? Or Are You? Or Does It Even Matter to You?

Communication

Understanding

Patience

Love

Listening

 

The above are all words that make for a successful relationship.  In fact, as I sat in service today, it occurred to me that the example that God has set for us to have a personal relationship with Him, is the same format that we should set for relationships in general that matter to us.  Think about it... 

 

If I was in a relationship with you and all you did was talk about yourself, YOUR desires, YOUR wants, YOUR needs, YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU without any kind of interest in me or care about what is important to me, it would show you really didn't care about what my desires were.  If it wasn't about YOU then you simply wouldn't be interested and wouldn't care to know... Is that the kind of relationship you are fostering? A relationship like that is one that will not be long lasting, for your partner would quickly get burned out thinking only about what YOU want.  What would make YOU happy.  What would fulfill YOU?  What needs need to be met in order or YOU to feel complete? Appreciated or loved? Do you even recognize the needs in the person you love?  Or that even have needs? Or have you been so self consumed that you actually haven't given it any thought?  Perhaps you should try asking them if you don't know...  At the very least it will show you how much you know about your special someone.  People receive love in different ways... 

 

I am a country music lover and as I write the words to this post, I'm thinking that Toby Keith has actually written a song about this very thing... I will post it under a separate post but the song is called, "Sometimes I Want to Talk About Me." (You can YouTube it to find it as well.)

 

Most of the time how we receive and what we need is based upon what we received (or did not receive) as a child.  It is common knowledge that it is said that a girl's first relationship with a male is with her father... It is said that sets the tone for future relationships.  Is it the same for a male and his mother? I'm not sure, but it makes sense when you think about it... Perhaps? What are your needs? How does a person who loves you know what you need? Have you communicated that with them? If you haven't you can't fault them for not knowing, of course if they were REALLY interested they would take the time to find out just what those needs are and to try and meet them the best way they could.  Believe me when I say there is no greater joy than fulfilling, caring about or being part of the fulfilling in what satisfies the needs in the person you love most.  To me, that is in and of itself a very satisfying, gratifying thing. But it is one that SHOULD be mutually met.

 

Each persons needs and ways of receiving love are different from each other.  That is why communication is key.  Listening is key.  How do you receive love?  What ways do you show the person who is key in your life that they are key? How well do you understand the needs of the person you are with?  Are they low on the totem pole of thought with you? Or do you find their needs or ways of making them feel they matter,  high on that pole if not - have you asked yourself why? Do you take an interest in what interests the one you love? It doesn't mean that you have to like ALL the things that person does - but do you share an interest in what is important to them, just because it is important to them? At least to some degree? If it isn't important to you, that should tell you something about your relationship.  It's lopsided, like a seesaw with all the weight on one end... It's off balanced... An off balanced relationship is not long lasting, it gets old very quickly...

 

As I thought about this, I thought about all the times in my conversations with God that I rushed through the format of prayer that I had been taught - Praise, Thanksgiving, Request and then Thanks again.  I thought about how sometimes my prayers have sounded like Christmas lists of - and God, I WANT, I WANT, I WANT.  Not intentionally of course... Most of the time it has been without really thinking of how it sounded. But there are times that in retrospect I realize that my conversations with God (who I am "suppose" to be in a personal relationship with) have been conversations where what I felt was important trumped what God felt was important. 

 

YES He is my Heavenly Father, but NO He is *not* my genie.  God desires to have a relationship with me that is one filled with talking as well as listening... Sometimes I've been a better talker than listener.  (I'm working on that one...) It is not enough to have a one sided conversation with God, because what happens is frustration occurs and then ol' slewfoot uses that frustration to make me think that "my Heavenly Father" doesn't care about whatever it is I'm bringing before Him in prayer... All because my conversation and my relationship has become one-sided...

 

Listening, communicating, giving and receiving go hand in hand in ANY important relationship.  It's a matter of priorities and importance.  If it is not important to you, it will show by all that I've written above.  My relationships are important to me, it is important to me that those I love, know it.  That they don't "guess" or feel like a "side dish" in my life. And in the same respect, my hope is that it is the same with them, that what I need or what I think about is equally important to them and that God and those that I love know that they are important to me.  Why? Because I CARE.  Actions along with words compliment each other.

 

"Lord forgive me for the times when my prayers to you sound more like scrolls of wants and to-do lists. Help me to be thankful not for simply what you CAN do in my life - but for what You have already done.  Forgive me for my ungratefulness or for  my selfishness. Thank you for having made away for me (through the shed blood of your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ) to be able to enter into a relationship with You AT ALL.  Forgive me for the times when I have treated Our relationship as if You are a Side Dish - because the truth is, You are the MAIN dish in my life.  I appreciate You, I love You and I want MORE of You and less of ME.  Please continue to mold me in what it is You would have me become.  Help me not to miss out on what that is.... Help me to walk according to what You have called me to become, because the BEST for me is what YOU bring into my life and delegate what that best is - which is BETTER than anything I could choose for myself. Help me to recognize what that is and to walk in it, not only in my relationship with YOU but in the relationships of ALL those you place in my life.  Help me to love them better.  To SHOW them love in a way that they can receive it.  To CARE about what that way is, even if the way I receive love is different from how THEY receive love.  It is important to me to know how to show them, because I love them and because I care.  Give me discernment when it comes to those I love.  So that I can love them more fully in away that they can receive.  In Jesus precious name I pray, Amen...."

The Gritting Your Teeth Kind of Faith

Are You Spiritually Gritting Your Teeth?

Lately I’ve been living a “grit my teeth” kinda faith.  You know the kind, where you don’t see it, don’t feel it but you are going to believe it and walk in it any ways faith.   Not to put myself in the same faith class as Job, but I have found myself wondering this week  - How did Job do it???? HOW DID HE DO IT? H O W D I D H E DO IT?!
When you are hard pressed and cannot find any relief, when you feel like it’s you standing alone against everything… When your spiritual endurance has reached its end… When the attacks are coming so fast and so furious that you feel like you are being slapped in the face left and right, back and forth…

Times when you are soooooooo weary of it all that you just want to yell out, “That’s it!” Get up and push your chair into the table and declare, “No more Jello pudding for ME, MA!!!!” 

And that is for those of us who are Christians and trying to “walk out” our faith.  I honestly have no idea how those who aren’t believers don’t lose their absolute mind.  Sometimes I feel as though my sanity is hanging by a thread of faith.

Here is the one thing that keeps me hanging on, no matter how I feel, no matter what my situation is, God is on His throne.  He’s still in control, regardless of my feelings.   I will admit that there are times when I want to rage and have a full blown childlike temper tantrum.  There are times when ol’ slewfoot whispers in my ear, “Yeah, well if God cared SOOOOOO much about you, why are you struggling so hard?”  Or he whispers other taunts to discourage me.  Even when I’m in situations where I am laying prostrate with my face down and I don’t have the energy, strength or answers to say.  I simply utter one of my “please God” prayers.  There are times when I feel defeated by my circumstances, there are times when I really DO want to give up, but here is the thing. I know that this is when I am being tested.  This is where the rubber hits the road, in spite of my faults and the things that God is working on within me, I know that there go I BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD.  It’s ONLY His grace.  If there is one thing that I am sure of, that I know from the 29 years I have been a Christian, it is that I am totally dependent upon Him.  I recognize that I am weak, that I make mistakes that most of the situations I get into are of my own doing.  Nothing comes as a surprise to God.  He knows you intimately.  He knows your mind, He knows your heart, He knows the desires of your heart, He knows what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are.  He knows it ALL.  And even more so, He sees the FULL picture.  We only see part of it.  The struggle is REAL.  It’s what you do during that time of struggle that determines where your faith lies.

Satan went before the throne room of God and taunted him about his servant, Job. 

On another day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them to present himself before him. And the LORD said to Satan, "Where have you come from?" Satan answered the LORD, "From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it." Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason." "Skin for skin!" Satan replied. "A man will give all he has for his own life. But now stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face." The LORD said to Satan, "Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life." (Job 2:2-2:6)

If Satan could go before God and taunt him about Job, there is a very good chance that he does the same with us.

What are you struggling with?  What is your response to that struggle?  Are you blaming God?  Your reaction to your situation is being noted.  It could very well be a test to determine if your faith lies within yourself or if your faith is in God.  Sometimes your strength is so low that all you can say is, “I trust you Lord.”

Maybe that is when God steps in and says, “Okay – I’ve got this! TRUST ME.  I’m bigger than your situation (even if it is a mess you yourself has made.) Maybe He just wants us to recognize that He is our provider, the lifter of our heads.  We have promises that He has made us.  I think God has given them to us for times to reflect on such as the above, so that when we are at our lowest of low moments, we can hold on to His words and trust that He is not a God that He would lie.

“I’ve got plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29)

“I have made you the head and not the tail.” (Deuteronomy 28:13)

“I have come so that you can have life and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

“Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”  (Psalm 3:5)

“If you being evil give good gifts to your children, how much more so will your Heavenly Father bless you, oh you of little faith?”  (Matthew 7:11)

These are JUST a small portion of promises and words of encouragement that God has given us through His Word.  It is during those times when ALL else has failed that we turn to what He has told us.

My hat is off to Job.  I love the Lord, I cannot ever imagine “cursing God and dying” as Job’s wife instructed him to do.  (Hence the saying:  “with friends like that who needs enemies?”)  I think this is one of the reasons why God encourages us to fellowship with other believers’, people who will encourage you and commiserate with you, so that when you are feeling like your strength is depleted they can strengthen you with prayer, the Word of God and with love. 

One of the last things Jesus said before He rose to Heaven was:

“I will never leave for forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

Whatever we experience in life, He is right there with us, upholding us – whether we “feel it or not.” It is what He said.   And if He said it, He meant it, and if He meant it – we can believe it.

Just simply believe.

A Bicycle Built For Two...

A Bicycle Built For Two Requires TWO Peddlers
Are You Coasting or Pedaling?

I am more and more convinced that a relationship should be a two way street, or it becomes a dead end. When you start thinking "I and me" instead of "us and we" your road is changing one way.   

What are you doing to show the person you love that you care?

Are you showing it?
Do they know? Or are you all about you?

A relationship should be like a "bicycle built for two" where both people are pedaling the bike, otherwise the person putting forth most of the effort will end up petering out and giving up.

Relationships require effort and thought, but here is the thing - if you truly LOVE someone they should be WORTH the effort and your actions should show the proof of your love which fuels the relationship on. But it takes two...

How are you loving? Do your thoughts naturally go to that person's health, well being and happiness? Or is it more "what's in it for you?" Do you consider how your partner feels? What makes them happy? If you are showing love in a way they receive it?  Or has the thought not occurred to you at all?  If not, than maybe you don't love that person at all, you just love the way they love you - and that's a dead end...

Food for thought.

"Please God..." Prayers

It has been a while since I’ve last written a post… There are times when writers TRULY DO get writer’s block, the last month has been such a one for me, it happens.  But there is one sentiment that I have noticed I’ve been saying quite a lot of this summer.  That saying is:

“Please God…” 

That’s it – simply put… “Please God…”

I have come to call it, “Please God” prayers… It is when you are going through something so heartfelt, profound or difficult that the only words that come to mind are those two… “Please God.”  It’s strange because I find myself uttering it quite a lot lately.  Situations in life comes in waves and usually at times when you least expect it.  Some events can knock us to our knees and while we feel the emotions deeply there are times when we are without words.  When I can’t find any other words to describe how I’m feeling – those two little words say it all.  Very similar to the “Abba Father” that you find in the Bible.

“Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:36)

Or

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba,Father.” (Romans 8:15)

Or

Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” (Gal 4:6)

You see, “Please God” prayers are cries out to the Father for His assistance.  The beautiful thing about our Father, is that it says He knows our thoughts before we even think them:

“You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” (Psalms 139:2)

Which for me, is a wonderful thing and where “Please God!” prayers come in handy, because there are times when I just can’t sort what I’m feeling out or find the words to express them. How wonderful that He can decipher all the meaning and need behind the “Please God” cry.  He knows, He gets it, He understands and most of all He cares.

You don’t have to come up with elaborate prayers to impress God.  He knows you!  He created you!  He knows your situation! He knows what you’re feeling!  He simply wants you to feel free to come to Him.  Lay whatever it is you are going through at the foot of the cross and know that it is for THIS reason that Jesus died for you. Trust that He can take care of it - whatever it is, it is not too much for Him.  It’s all about having a relationship with Him. 

If all you can do is cry out “Please God” it pleases your God to be there for you.  Because He is.

Don't You Think It's About Time to Change That Song?

There is a song that plays over and over again in my soul.  It was set there at childhood and has played throughout the course of my life – 48 years.  What are the lyrics to the song plays over and over in your soul?  You know the one – it is the one that was established when you were born; it is full of verses that you automatically go back to whenever you have a life experience.  Sometimes a life experience adds a new verse to the song.

What words have you been listening to about you?  They’ve been with you so long that they have become part of the fabric of who you are.  It could be that some of those verses need to be ripped out of you and changed for the message they set off is one that hinders you and doesn’t build you up or help you grow.

Are you stuck in a rut?  Are you going down a pathway that you have no idea how you got there, where you are going or where it will lead?  Are you feeling discouraged, hopeless, lost or frusturated?

God is saying, “Take my hand. Stop listening to the song who’s lyrics have been written based upon your life experiences and words people have spoken into your life and listen to what  I AM saying to you.  What I have said to you in my Word.  Stop believing the words spoken over your life by other people and start believing what I AM saying to you.  What I have said.  I have given you promises for a reason. LISTEN TO THEM.  LISTEN TO THE WORDS I AM SPEAKING INTO YOUR SOUL.  Believe them.  I am the same today, as I was yesterday as I will be tomorrow. "

Those verses from the song that has playing into your life can be hindering you for what God has in store for you.  It is keeping you off focus.  It is making you miss the mark.  It is keeping you from what God has for you.  Shut those lyrics out.  Who knows you better than He who created You?  It is not an easy thing to shut out the words that have been spoken over you, ingrained within you over the course of your life (especially if you are older in years) you have been leaning on that foundation for a good long time – and it has done you harm and not good.  It’s time to weed out some of those lyrics.  You alone know which of those lyrics need to be replaced. If you don’t pray about it – let God reveal to you that which is true and that which has been a hindrance.   Uprooting can be a painful process.  The longer the weed has been in your life the harder it may be to pull it out by its roots, but in order to walk in the fullness of the life that God has for you – it needs to be done.

If you have been a prodigal and have repented -  don’t go back to those old familiar, sometimes comfortable ways because there is a sense of familiarity that comes from them.  Move forward, trust in Him.  This can be scary – it’s called “walking by faith.”  It’s called, “Trusting.”  It can mean that you are moving out of your comfort zone into unfamiliar territory and it can be scary.  But with the travel comes God’s peace.  Let GO of what you are familiar with and trust HIM to direct you on higher ground.  There is a peace that comes with trusting and doing this once you get past the scariness of letting go with what you are familiar.  There is a higher calling that you can only experience when you let go of what you’ve known and move forward to what God has for you.  (A great read to encourage you on your journey is a book called “Hinds Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard – I may need to re-read that myself).

All I write here to you dear reader, I am chewing on and digesting for myself. It is so easy to get caught up in the "old messages" of my life.  One thing we need to remember is that sometimes ol'slewfoot uses those old messages to keep you discouraged and hinder you from what God has for you because he doesn't want it to come to fruition in your life because then God would be glorified! And that is the very last thing the devil wants.  For God's good and perfect will - your destiny to unfold and for you to walk in the victory that has already been won for you! He wants you to be be discouraged and think that God doesn't care, he's not concerned about the things that concern you, if He was why do you keep coming back to point "b"?  No! That is a lie and a well worn lyric that ol'slewfoot has been successful in using again and again, but here is the thing - he can only be successful in using certain lyrics IF YOU BELIEVE THEM.  So STOP.  Stop believing him and believe the One who knows! You are a song that God wrote from the day you were born! It's time you recognize it! God wrote the song of YOU not the devil!  If you find your life to be going around and around in circles and you feel like you keep coming back to the same place – it is time to evaluate and revisit what changes need to be made.  I am in the process of doing this in my life, myself and it is *not* an easy thing to do.  Your head and your heart will butt up against the lyrics that have been written throughout your life and you will feel like you are “swimming against the tide” or “going against the grain” but until you do this – you will continue to swim on in the same circles you have always swam.

It’s time for the seasons to change.  It’s time to re-evaluate and rethink.  What is God saying to you?  Who are you going to listen to? Re-write that life song you’ve grown up with, with the lyrics from the One who created you with a specific reason and purpose in mind.  After all, He knows you BETTER than anyone else.  He’s written the song of your life – you just need to listen to it, believe and respond.

The time is NOW.

The Rawness of Me - No there is No "Pretty Pink Ribbon" About it...



The Truth is God holds my life in His hands and sometimes our plans are not His...
This is where "walking by faith" and not by sight comes in. I trust Him, I believe Him, I love Him.
You can trust Him too. It's not about what God "does for us" it is about what God DID for us.
"For God SO loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have ever lasting life." (John 3:16). In the words of my favorite song - "For You my God are REAL no matter what I feel. You never let me go.  And what I know, is there will never be a day, You aren't just a breathe away and through it all I've got to hold to what I know. I could throw my fist in the air demanding answers, but in spite of all the questions, I'm still giving YOU my life. And if it doesn't turn out like I think it should it doesn't change the fact You're always good, Your ways are higher than mine..." (Lyrics from Tricia Brock's What I know)

They say, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger... I don't know about that... There are days when I don't "feel" strong. There are many days since cancer, that I just feel plain vulnerable. Cancer took a lot of things away from me and stripped me of a naiveté I didn't know I had. It showed me who would be there for me and revealed who wouldn't. It left it's mark on my body - but more than changing my body - it changed who I am. I found out about myself - I don't trust easy, I don't believe mere words, I know what it is like to believe people will be there and then they are not. I learned to grow dependent upon myself and upon God. I chose to become better and *not* bitter. Cancer (like a tornado)  took the screen door called bullshit clear off "the house of me," what you see in me is a woman who is genuine, who does not play games, who does not get caught up in drama, who does not sugarcoat, who is strong because she had no choice but to become strong. The tide of cancer washed away a lot of things in my life that I honestly had thought were solid, stable pillars. It made me realize what is really important and what isn't. My life use to be in beautiful water color type hues - but now it is in vibrant passionate colors.   I know what I want, to live an uncomplicated  "Henry David Thoreau" simplicity type of life in the middle of nature  - writing for the Lord, building people up, loving wholeheartedly and being surrounded by those I love.  I love fiercely with ALL that I am because I know that tomorrow is not promised to me. Wholeheartedly without reserve, without pretense, without games, without stipulations or hidden agendas or expectations or "strings attached." It sharpened my God given gift of having a discerning Spirit.  I can see through the bullshit and through games.  I notice everything (even if I don't mention what I see). I think that having experienced cancer gave me an "honest strength."  Yes, there is definitely a vulnerability within me - one that is so scared to screw up living. One can't help but feel a huge responsibility when one is given a second chance at life. The only zombies I believe exist are people who are living empty lives. Chasing things like a "dog chasing their tail" people who just don't get it - they want "MORE" and are never satisfied with what they have. They are superficial and one dimensional. They think there is someone or something "better" out there and what happens is they miss out on the blessing before them because they can't recognize its right in front of their very eyes. They are living, but really - they are who the Jones' really are - the walking dead.  It shouldn't take a life threatening illness for people to wake up to what is important in life - I think most of us think that the bad things in life "will never happen to us" - but it can and it does.  Cancer is no respecter of persons - be it wealth, race or age. So think about what you really want out of life.  Someone once said to me as a child, "If you have your health you have everything" - I didn't realize until after cancer how true that is.  Love double-fisted. SHOW people that you love that you love them - DON'T wait. SHOW THEM NOW. Tell them! People NEED to be told - and often!  If you have been hurt in your past, don't allow that past hurt from keeping you from being loved.  If you do, the only one who is hurting you - IS YOU. Holding back could keep you from the very thing you have been longing for. Life is waaaaaaay too short for that.  Be open to allow yourself to BE LOVED.  You just *might* be surprised. 

YES, I can admit to feeling vulnerable but I don't think that is a weakness. I think admitting it shows my strength. A person can be vulnerable and wise at the same time. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger - no, what didn't kill me made me wiser, took the pretenses off my life and showed me that all I want is to live a life of simplicity, honesty, and love and that I am not dependent upon myself - but on God who holds my life in His hands.  It also taught me to pay it forward in ANY way I can - I am doing just that because I know that the best is truly yet to come... Come "best" I'm ready for you.

Oh How Those Tops DO Spin!

Round and Round They Go... Until They Come To a Complete Stop...

There is so much going on in the world right now, if you listen long enough it will make your eyes cross and your head spin like one of those tops we use to play with as kids!
Here is the thing…  And this is something that as an ex-prodigal I am constantly aware of – SIN IS SIN.  It doesn’t matter HOW you feel about it.  It doesn’t matter if you agree or disagree. God’s word IS His Word PERIOD.  We can argue it, we can disagree on it, we can deny it, we can go against it, we can make excuses for it, we can water it down to fit what we want it to say, we can take it out of context – but God’s Word STILL remains His Word REGARDLESS of how you view it.  I do not say this in a judgmental tone – believe ME I am EVER aware of my own sinful nature and faults and imperfections and areas where I miss the mark - I simply say it as one that is matter of fact.   I say it EVEN struggling myself in areas that I know God is not finished with me yet. I am *not* looking at the sty in your eye I'm too busy trying to remove the ever present plank in my own.  Deal with your OWN stye... But the thing is – I’m HONEST with God.  I talk to Him like I’m writing this to you and I tell Him what I’m struggling with.  There is no degree of sin.  Sin is Sin.  The Bible warns about adding or taking away from the Bible.  People who have an argument about this do NOT have an argument with me – they have an argument with GOD.  And quite frankly, that is like banging your head, it is not as if you can change God’s mind.

Now when I say that, I don’t say it because I believe the Bible is one that you should beat people over the head with – that is not love and that is certainly not the example that Jesus set.  It is one where you should acknowledge that God is sovereign.   He is.  I have NO respect for anyone who does not treat their fellow neighbor with love.  I *may* not agree with how you choose to live your life - you may not agree with how I choose to live mine - that's okay!  We CAN agree to that! Just because we don't see eye to eye on things does not mean that I cannot love you or associate with you or you, me.  That's ridiculous. We simply agree to disagree. I have many friends from ALL walks of life who I cherish, love and respect, who have chosen different journeys than I have. When people ask me, "are you pushing your life style on me? I simply say - live how ever you choose to live (as will I) maybe it is not ME who is choosing to push my lifestyle on YOU - maybe it is YOU who is trying to push YOUR lifestyle on me..." (The road goes both ways...)  I say that no matter what - walk in love.  Agree to disagree. It really doesn't matter what YOU think of Me - OR for that matter what I think of YOU.  I have always had a "moon the world" type of mentality - quite frankly, that hasn't changed.  In my view too many people hang too much emotion and effort on what others think of them.  "You can please some of the people some of the time... blah, blah, blah." - In the end the only thing that WILL matter is what God thinks of you (and of me). Because you will *not* be there holding my hand for support and help when at the end of my life I stand before Him and give an account... I'll be on my own giving an account of ME to Him (and by the way, whether or not you accept, or choose to recognize it - you will too, whether you want to or not).  The Bible says:

"To be absent from the body is to be present before the Lord."
(2nd Corinthians 5:6-8)

I certainly hope that my life will not be played out like a "movie reel" before Him because quite frankly there are moments about my life that I really don't care to see played over again (I'm sure to cringe at the stupidity of ME)... There are many things about ME that I am ever aware need changing, but the thing about life is we are ALL works in progress up until our last breathe. I confess those things to God and ask for His assistance for the things I need help changing.  This is where His grace and mercy come in.  The difference is - I am willing to humble myself and to admit it...

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8-9)

I think about how much God loves us – I think about how He is our Creator and how He created us with free will – to choose how we will live.  Love isn’t love if you *make* someone love you.  You either choose to obey and love Him – or you don’t.  He could have created us without giving us a choice, but He didn’t.

If you are honest with yourself, whatever your situation – there is a niggling part of you that is a quiet voice that people mistake as calling “your conscience”  what it is is the Holy Spirit prompting you.  It is not God’s will that ANY should perish.  Our choice remains our choice.  We make it on our own accord.  We either choose to obey God’s Word or we choose to go against it. 

When I became a Christian 28 years ago, I decided to read God’s Word FOR myself. I didn’t WANT anyone giving ME their opinion of what it said – I wanted to formulate an opinion on my own. Basically my conversation with God went like this:

“Okay Lord, I need You to help me understand what I’m reading.  If we are "supposed" to have a personal relationship, I need You to reveal Yourself to me so that I can personally KNOW that this is Your Word. I need you to give me understanding.”

Here is the thing reader – God KNOWS your heart. If you desire to TRULY know Him He WILL reveal Himself to you. The Bible says:

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”  (Revelations 3:20)

He desires you to have a relationship with Him.  The choice is yours…  My suggestion is to sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with Him.  And then watch and see what God does…  God is REAL. I know because I did and He has revealed Himself to me and we have developed a relationship.  I am hard headed, often obstinate, stubborn and slow at learning what I need to know.

One should research anything they believe in.  One should question it – one should not believe solely because someone else tells them to or to solely “take someone’s word for it. “  Find out for yourself.  Question God – ASK HIM, if your heart is genuine and you are asking out of really wanting to know – He will reveal Himself to you.  I know, He did it for ME.  God is no respecter of persons.  He desires you to come to know Him and learn about Him and find out about Him for yourself.  It will be the BEST decision you ever decided to make for yourself.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good…” (Psalm 34:8)