I am a Breast Cancer Survivor
I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer on June 24th, 2010 - I have been cancer free for 10 years now. It was only a chapter in my life - NOT my life, but the impact is one that has changed my life forever. Its important for women to know that 80% of the breast cancer diagnosis come from women who don't have a history of it in their family (My family didn't). Early detection is the key. For more information please click on the pink ribbon above. It could save your life.
July 12, 2010
Hmmm.. Is that YOU walking out the door naked?
More and more I am learning that it is BY GRACE we are saved - through faith and this not of yourselves - it is the GIFT of GOD (Ephesians 2:8).
Throughout these three weeks I've put myself under a "spiritual microscope" and came up lacking. And then ol' slewfoot and his minions would remind me over and over again of my shortcomings, of my faults, of my lack of my "prodigalness" (if you will) - and then this scripture came to mind. Then I started thinking - its so easy to get caught up in the things we need to work on within ourselves. If your honest with yourself - you know what those things are. With me - They are forever before me. But then comes the realization of something I already knew and its a promise me we have - "That we can be confident of this - that HE who HAS BEGUN a good work in you will carry it through to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). Notice that says HE WHO HAS BEGUN A GOOD WORK IN YOU - there is no ME in that. It is all HIM. I'm so thankful that it is HIM and Not ME. I have confidence in Jesus. I know that while I may be the type of person who starts things and doesn't finish them - He always does. There is peace in that - isn't there?
When you are told you have breast cancer - or maybe any cancer - I'm so new at this I don't begin to speak for others - because its sooo personal. But the first thing you want to do - is RUN from your body. Honestly (and forgive my transparency and bluntness) but I wanted to have my breasts cut off - right away. Even the one that didn't have the tumor. I wanted it GONE. It was hard for me to think about doing my hair - for the same reason. Why should I? Chemo will make it fall out? That was my line of thought. Its not going to be mine for much longer. What difference does it make? But then today, I realized this - Our bodies are a temple unto Him. Our bodies are not our own. When we gave our lives over to the Lord and made Him our Lord and Savior - our bodies became HIS. To use as He will. Its just the "shell" for who we really are inside. Our spirit. I am thankful that when we become Born-Again that we are not necessarily given a look at how our life will be. Because the fact is - its not our lives anymore - they belong to Him. Does that make sense? He can write upon our lives whatever "story" He wants. Because we have given Him the authority (through having free choice) to do so. Today, I spent agonizing time waiting to hear from the doctor regarding the results to my tests, scans, MRI. I woke up full of uncertainty and anxiety and yes - even fear. And that is when it occured to me that I needed to "get dressed" - put on my spiritual armor. Because the main way that satan attacks us - is through our thought process. I needed to put on my "Helmet of Salvation" - to protect my thoughts, my mind, to focus on my promises - my Word. I then put on my "Breastplate of righteousness." I think as I indicated that was the hardest part of my armor for me to put on - when I've just wanted to get rid of my breast which has felt like my own body has deceived me. But they are not mine - they are HIS. Does that make sense? My body is a temple unto Him and while he has given my doctors and surgeons wisdom as to what course I need to go through - I need to not feel as though my body is not my own. Its HIS. The next part of the armor - is the "Belt of Truth" - we need to walk in our promises. To believe the Word of God. To know that God has given us this spiritual armor for a reason. You wouldn't necessarily walk out of your house naked would you? ;P So many of us Christians do. We need to fully put on our armor - and walk confidently in the protection of the Lord. I pictured "shodding my feet with the Gospel of peace. And picking up my Sword of the Spirit and my shield of faith." Instead of waiting for the doctor to call ME - trembling, cowering, doubting, fearing - I picked UP the phone and dialed her number myself. Ready to battle. Ready to believe. Ready to walk by faith. I began to praise God and thank Him by faith as I waited to receive a call back. To know that I could (through Christ) take charge! NOT walk in fear. But praise Him for the victory NOW. And the wonderful thing about it - is when my call was returned I was told that they saw nothing to indicate the cancer had spread on my scans. Hallelujiah!!! I rejoiced!
I'm so thankful for God's mercies, for God's grace. For God's love. I know that I can do nothing in and of myself - and I don't want to. I want to be all about HIM. And I think that is what He wants. And I think He wants us to realize that it is a lifetime thing with Him. We are constantly growing, changing - every day of our lives for as long as we have breath in our body. I thought about how hard it must have been for Jesus (and I know I can't even presume that I know what He went through in the Garden of Gethsemane) but He waited for his fate. He waited to fullfill his purpose. He anguished about it before the Father in prayer. But He finally said "Not my will but thine."(Luke 22:42) I don't pretend to know what my Savior went through - but I DO know how hard it is waiting. Waiting to hear news, waiting to go through surgery - waiting waiting waiting - what are you waiting for? Maybe there is something for us to learn in the interim of the waiting... There's a lesson there. We use to sing a song in church that had words that followed like this: "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up like wings of an eagle - they shall run and never faint."(Isaiah 40:31)
Whatever you are going through right now - it may come as a surprise to you - but it doesn't to HIM. Take authority - know that you are a "King's Kid" (no matter your age) and honestly - that the battle is His. He's won it - and so we have the authority to walk in that victory. And most importantly to remember - that the victory may be ours- but it is ONLY through Him who gave His life for US that we are able. "My strength comes from the Lord. So when the devil starts taunting you with your faults and weaknesses and yes - sins - you can raise your Shield of Faith and your Sword of the Spirit and say "The Lord is my stength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him" (Psalms 28:7)
Throughout these three weeks I've put myself under a "spiritual microscope" and came up lacking. And then ol' slewfoot and his minions would remind me over and over again of my shortcomings, of my faults, of my lack of my "prodigalness" (if you will) - and then this scripture came to mind. Then I started thinking - its so easy to get caught up in the things we need to work on within ourselves. If your honest with yourself - you know what those things are. With me - They are forever before me. But then comes the realization of something I already knew and its a promise me we have - "That we can be confident of this - that HE who HAS BEGUN a good work in you will carry it through to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). Notice that says HE WHO HAS BEGUN A GOOD WORK IN YOU - there is no ME in that. It is all HIM. I'm so thankful that it is HIM and Not ME. I have confidence in Jesus. I know that while I may be the type of person who starts things and doesn't finish them - He always does. There is peace in that - isn't there?
When you are told you have breast cancer - or maybe any cancer - I'm so new at this I don't begin to speak for others - because its sooo personal. But the first thing you want to do - is RUN from your body. Honestly (and forgive my transparency and bluntness) but I wanted to have my breasts cut off - right away. Even the one that didn't have the tumor. I wanted it GONE. It was hard for me to think about doing my hair - for the same reason. Why should I? Chemo will make it fall out? That was my line of thought. Its not going to be mine for much longer. What difference does it make? But then today, I realized this - Our bodies are a temple unto Him. Our bodies are not our own. When we gave our lives over to the Lord and made Him our Lord and Savior - our bodies became HIS. To use as He will. Its just the "shell" for who we really are inside. Our spirit. I am thankful that when we become Born-Again that we are not necessarily given a look at how our life will be. Because the fact is - its not our lives anymore - they belong to Him. Does that make sense? He can write upon our lives whatever "story" He wants. Because we have given Him the authority (through having free choice) to do so. Today, I spent agonizing time waiting to hear from the doctor regarding the results to my tests, scans, MRI. I woke up full of uncertainty and anxiety and yes - even fear. And that is when it occured to me that I needed to "get dressed" - put on my spiritual armor. Because the main way that satan attacks us - is through our thought process. I needed to put on my "Helmet of Salvation" - to protect my thoughts, my mind, to focus on my promises - my Word. I then put on my "Breastplate of righteousness." I think as I indicated that was the hardest part of my armor for me to put on - when I've just wanted to get rid of my breast which has felt like my own body has deceived me. But they are not mine - they are HIS. Does that make sense? My body is a temple unto Him and while he has given my doctors and surgeons wisdom as to what course I need to go through - I need to not feel as though my body is not my own. Its HIS. The next part of the armor - is the "Belt of Truth" - we need to walk in our promises. To believe the Word of God. To know that God has given us this spiritual armor for a reason. You wouldn't necessarily walk out of your house naked would you? ;P So many of us Christians do. We need to fully put on our armor - and walk confidently in the protection of the Lord. I pictured "shodding my feet with the Gospel of peace. And picking up my Sword of the Spirit and my shield of faith." Instead of waiting for the doctor to call ME - trembling, cowering, doubting, fearing - I picked UP the phone and dialed her number myself. Ready to battle. Ready to believe. Ready to walk by faith. I began to praise God and thank Him by faith as I waited to receive a call back. To know that I could (through Christ) take charge! NOT walk in fear. But praise Him for the victory NOW. And the wonderful thing about it - is when my call was returned I was told that they saw nothing to indicate the cancer had spread on my scans. Hallelujiah!!! I rejoiced!
I'm so thankful for God's mercies, for God's grace. For God's love. I know that I can do nothing in and of myself - and I don't want to. I want to be all about HIM. And I think that is what He wants. And I think He wants us to realize that it is a lifetime thing with Him. We are constantly growing, changing - every day of our lives for as long as we have breath in our body. I thought about how hard it must have been for Jesus (and I know I can't even presume that I know what He went through in the Garden of Gethsemane) but He waited for his fate. He waited to fullfill his purpose. He anguished about it before the Father in prayer. But He finally said "Not my will but thine."(Luke 22:42) I don't pretend to know what my Savior went through - but I DO know how hard it is waiting. Waiting to hear news, waiting to go through surgery - waiting waiting waiting - what are you waiting for? Maybe there is something for us to learn in the interim of the waiting... There's a lesson there. We use to sing a song in church that had words that followed like this: "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up like wings of an eagle - they shall run and never faint."(Isaiah 40:31)
Whatever you are going through right now - it may come as a surprise to you - but it doesn't to HIM. Take authority - know that you are a "King's Kid" (no matter your age) and honestly - that the battle is His. He's won it - and so we have the authority to walk in that victory. And most importantly to remember - that the victory may be ours- but it is ONLY through Him who gave His life for US that we are able. "My strength comes from the Lord. So when the devil starts taunting you with your faults and weaknesses and yes - sins - you can raise your Shield of Faith and your Sword of the Spirit and say "The Lord is my stength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him" (Psalms 28:7)
July 10, 2010
No Takesy Backsies!
I'm thinking of how easy it is to pray diligently for others. To believe with my whole heart when someone gives me something to pray about for them. How hard it is to pray for ourselves. Why is that? Why can you passionately believe for someone else - but have doubts when it comes to yourself?
I've been saved for 23 years - and I know that God is no respector of persons. I think that our prayers for ourselves sometimes waiver because we doubt God loves us as much as our brothers and sisters in Christ. Or perhaps we don't love ourselves enough to believe. As I thought about this this morning - I thought about the scripture that talks about "having faith the size of a mustard seed." Have you ever seen how small a mustard seed is? It's tiny. The whole scripture says (and yes - even though its early morning, and I'm "coffeeless" I'm actually going to look up this scripture this morning for you - grinning. Because its THAT important! ;P )
"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)
Jesus said that. I think I have faith " for myself the size of a mustard seed. Do you?? The more I think about things - the more I think about how sometimes God wants us to believe as strongly for ourselves as we do for other people. He's saying - "TRUST ME. BELIEVE IN ME. I LOVE YOU - I HAVE CALLED YOU BY NAME. CHILD YOU ARE MINE." You are HIS. I am HIS. Once we give our lives over to Him. We belong to Him. And YESSSS - I have to bold this part EVEN IF YOU ARE A PRODIGAL. Its so easy when you've lost your way - to think that God has given up on you. That is a lie of the devil. God hasn't given up on you. Just like the prodigal's father - He's standing there. Looking down the road. Waiting - hoping that you'll realize that everything you need comes from HIM. HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM. I'm going to make this personal - and say it to myself - EVERYTHING I NEED COMES FROM HIM. How easy it is to forget that He is YOUR Father. The Bible tells us that there is nothing that can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. NOTHING. So when the devil tells you - "you're alone, you're forsaken, you're forgotten. Your prayers don't mean anything." Don't BELIEVE HIM. Remember he always says the opposite of what your Father is saying. Peter tells us (1Peter 5:8) "Be self-controlled and alert. The devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him standing firm in faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are going through the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while will HIMSELF RESTORE YOU and make you strong, firm and steadfast." In otherwords - DON'T GIVE UP. Hold on - if you have to put that little mustard seed of faith in the palm of your hand and hold it tightly - DO IT. Don't give up. KEEP PRAYING. KEEP BELIEVING. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE LORD. He's faithful. Remember that - He didn't say it would be easy - but He did say - HE WOULD Be there. Through it all. Remember the poem about "Footprints?" I don't know about you - but through this new experience I'm having with breast cancer - my Father has to carry me through it. Through the injections, through the MRI Scans, through the blood work, through the waiting. Through the unknown... I can't do this by myself. He's carrying me. He's carrying YOU through whatever trial or circumstances you are finding yourself in. Don't take back your prayers. Once you give it to Him - LET GO. No "Takesy backsies." And when you find yourself doing that - release it again to Him. He's able. Watch and see what your Father does. He tells us He will never ever give us more than we can bare. Who knows that better than our Creator? Sometimes I think we have to go through the "fire" to come out stronger, and better for His use. What is the fire you are going through right now? Remember its cleaning off all impurities but its NOT destroying YOU. He's making you into something beautiful because YOU are beautiful. He's called you for a higher purpose. Let Him do a good work in you. And trust that our Father knows what He's doing... Even when He doesn't tell us what it is.
I don't know about you - but I think my mustard seed has started to sprout - maybe just a little... ;)
July 8, 2010
I'm a Finger - What are You?
I've been thinking a lot lately about our bodies... And it brings to mind the passage in the Bible (1 Corinthians 12:12) it says "We are many members but we are one in the body of Christ." I've been thinking that I am a "finger." You're laughing - but its true! (LOL). I type 95 wpm. I think better through my fingers. I express myself through my words that are typed. It helps me think. I definitely am a finger in the body of Christ. What are you? And the most interesting thing to me - is that when you get a "paper cut" or a "stubbed toe" the whole body feels the pain. That's when those of you that "make up the mouth" have to be careful with what you say! (Winking).
How amazing our bodies are made... The way each system works, the way it all works in conjunction with each part... How can anyone NOT believe in God? Honestly... I've probably learned more about my body within the last two weeks than ever before. I need to give God glory, honor and praise - because of WHO HE IS. He's God! I stand in awe of Him!
Yesterday I went through a battery of testings at the hospital. Ironically the surgeon who will be doing my surgery is named "Dr. Christian" - now come on... NO ONE can tell me God does NOT have a sense of humor!!! I went through blood work, scans, drinking nasty flavored drinks, having dyes pumped into my body. And through it all - I tried to remember "who I belong to."
I think there are times in our walk - where as I mentioned in a previous post - "The rubber hits the road." What is going on in your life that makes you stop and rethink? The Bible tells us that "All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord." FOR the GOOD. I know that sometimes it doesn't "feel" like "its for the good." But if you are a parent - think of your children. Remember the times when you had to take them for their annual doctors appointments? And perhaps in the course of that appointment your child had to get a vaccination? I don't know about you - but for me, with my kids - I would always cringe at the fact that they would have to get a shot and I would know that I they would look over at me with tear filled eyes. I would be there to soothe them. I would have to remember that THIS WAS FOR THEIR GOOD. Although they didn't see it that way, all they would see was the nurse coming down with the needle and that that needle would hurt! I would have to hold on to the thought that there was a "purpose" for the pain. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:12 "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror. Then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
God doesn't always make it clear to us why we go through what we go through. Maybe its to trust Him more? Maybe its to grow closer to Him? Maybe its to be used more fully by Him? I honestly don't know. But I do know this - through whatever I (or you) go through - He is right there beside us. Take His hand and don't only do it through the "bad times" in your life. Do it in the good times. Let Him be with YOU through this thing called life. He gave His life for YOU. And if you have become a Christian - you've given your life to Him. Imperfections and all. I haven't forgotten that I'm a prodigal. Although guess what? We are ALL prodigals. We all turn away from Him with some part of our life. What is it that you haven't given up to Him? What is it that you haven't released? Don't beat yourself up over it - it may be a slow process. But recognize it... "Lord - I love you so much. I know that it is only through the blood of Jesus that I can come to you in prayer. Thank you for being a merciful God. Thank you for your grace. Thank you that there is NO way I can "earn" salvation. I'll never be good "enough." But here is the thing Father - I know that Jesus paid the price for me. And so Father - whatever needs changing inside of me - I give to YOU. I recognize the times I doubt, the times I hold onto something - when I should let it go and give it to YOU. I realize that YOU alone are God. Thank you for loving me inspite of myself. Thank you that even though there are times when I'm "sitting on that table getting a shot" I know that all things work together for the good of those who love You. And at those moments I can cry out "Abba Father." My help comes from You. May you receive all the glory, honor and praise - in Jesus' name I pray. Amen....
July 2, 2010
Great is HIS faithfulness - even when we are not...
The Bible tells us it rains on the just and the unjust. When I first found this out - I thought I was being punished for my "prodigal ways." But that was ol' slew foot who is good at heaping guilt. Sometimes some of us have to go through the "spiritual school of hardknocks." I've graduated from this grade... All though as stubborn as I am and a Dork to boot - I'm sure they'll be MORE lessons. :P
I'm in the process of moving - Cancer is SOOO inconvenient! (LOL) especially to me - a planner. Unless its a party or a gift - I don't like surprises. This morning I was moving boxes (carefully of course) and I dropped an angel I had. It's right wing broke off. I bent down to gently pick her up and I thought - wow. Now she is like me... But you see - sometimes we have to be "broken" to become "whole again." Is there a cancer in your life? Maybe not a physical one - but something that is hindering you? Something that YOU know should be "cut off." What is keeping you from being all that you could be for the Lord? The Bible tells us "He was pierced for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement of our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 53;5). Nothing surprises your Father.
Nothing will separate you from the love of God which is in His son, Christ Jesus. Notice it says NOTHING. So if you are beating yourself up over some past transgression - Stop! If you are having a hard time living for Christ - just remember that He died on the cross for forgiveness of your sins (and mine) and there is nothing that can hold you back for all God has for you - except YOU. He is faithful and stands at the door and knocks - its simply up to us to open it.
June 30, 2010
You've Got a Friend in ME - When the Rubber Hits the Road
Its early morning... And I'm being still, chasing away fear and preparing myself for my first Radiation Oncology appointment. I'm thinking so many thoughts... Thinking about friendship - and what that is. Thinking about the people who over the last two weeks have either run from me - acting as though I have leprosy or something and the ones who have shown their true colors of friendship. I was trying to think of how I would act - if this was someone I loved. Its so different when it happens to YOU. I thought I knew how precious life was already. But you know - when its YOU standing at the frontline of this. The colors of life are more vibrant. It's like before everything was beautiful in a "water color" kind of way. But now, its like deeper hues of vibrant color. What has been wonderful is the outpouring of love from those that are my REAL friends. Checking on me, lifting me up, reminding me that I WILL survive this. That this is not my life - its only a chapter in my life.
At the same time - what has hurt even more than the diagnosis - is when I thought someone would be there for me - they weren't. They left my side. Avoided me. Stopped communications. Thinking that I would not notice the change. That hurt. And to the people who have done that - I just want to say - It hurts, but I understand. Because sometimes when this happens to someone - you don't know what to say. Heck - its happening to ME and I don't know what to say! LOL All I can say is although your reaction has hurt me - I love you still.
That will not be my focus. My focus is on the Lord. Who said "He will never leave nor forsake me." Who said "I hold you in the palm of my hand." Who told me - "Nothing will keep Him from me." (I'm being lazy - you look them up! ;P) I'm hedged in and totally dependent upon HIM. Perhaps that is the best place to be. "Sitting on my Father's lap." (LOL) Even at 43 He lets me!
People will disappoint you ALL the time. We are imperfect. Geesh if I wrote down my imperfections it would be like a long scroll.. "Hear ye, Hear ye..." I think in the quiet of the morning - we all know the things we need to work on within ourselves. Even if we don't confess them outloud. WE KNOW what they are, don't we? Today - I'm working on quieting my fear. Because fear is not of God. He is ABLE.
I've met two women this past week - one online and one in person. BOTH who have gone thru what I am going through now. Both radiate the love of Christ. They know the vibrancy I am talking about. How beautiful they are - kind of like how I picture Moses was coming from the Mountain. They've come from a "Mountain" they've "been" where I'm going and have come back again. And they are radiating the Holy Spirit. The peace that surrounds these two women is Incredible. The way they willingly share with me the fight they experienced. Their beauty from their battle is clear. They have been changed. They KNOW who is in control. I want that. I shall have that and when I've gone through this "battle" and come out "the winner" I shall be a living testimony that GOD did it! IN ME. And that because He is NO respector of persons what He has done for one, He will do for another. I believe that!
Everyone at some point in their lives goes through a "fire" a burning off, a growing pain. He says "I will not give you MORE than you can bear..." Only HE knows how much that is. "The steps of a righteous man/woman are ordained by God." Our steps - our lives. What happens to us - may at times surprise us. But it doesn't SURPRISE HIM. I'm so thankful in the midst of all this - that what it has done is brought me closer to my Father. Revealed who my true friends are. Who those who REALLY love me are. I thought I woke up every day already thankful for everything - but I realized I had only "scratched the surface." And I also realized in being a Christian - that THIS is what it is all about. Our faith, our believing. This is the time where you see if you TRULY believe.
I'm wiser.. and stupider at the same time! LOL Well I'm still the "Dork" I've always been. Still running into things, still tripping over nothing. Still laughing at myself. When I first went to the doctor with my this lump, she asked me.. Did you run into anything, fall? And I laughed and said - Yes - I'm a Dork. I'm like a modern day Lucille Ball. ALWAYS running into something... But you have to laugh over it. Because I know that laughter truly IS the best medicine of all.
At the same time - what has hurt even more than the diagnosis - is when I thought someone would be there for me - they weren't. They left my side. Avoided me. Stopped communications. Thinking that I would not notice the change. That hurt. And to the people who have done that - I just want to say - It hurts, but I understand. Because sometimes when this happens to someone - you don't know what to say. Heck - its happening to ME and I don't know what to say! LOL All I can say is although your reaction has hurt me - I love you still.
That will not be my focus. My focus is on the Lord. Who said "He will never leave nor forsake me." Who said "I hold you in the palm of my hand." Who told me - "Nothing will keep Him from me." (I'm being lazy - you look them up! ;P) I'm hedged in and totally dependent upon HIM. Perhaps that is the best place to be. "Sitting on my Father's lap." (LOL) Even at 43 He lets me!
People will disappoint you ALL the time. We are imperfect. Geesh if I wrote down my imperfections it would be like a long scroll.. "Hear ye, Hear ye..." I think in the quiet of the morning - we all know the things we need to work on within ourselves. Even if we don't confess them outloud. WE KNOW what they are, don't we? Today - I'm working on quieting my fear. Because fear is not of God. He is ABLE.
I've met two women this past week - one online and one in person. BOTH who have gone thru what I am going through now. Both radiate the love of Christ. They know the vibrancy I am talking about. How beautiful they are - kind of like how I picture Moses was coming from the Mountain. They've come from a "Mountain" they've "been" where I'm going and have come back again. And they are radiating the Holy Spirit. The peace that surrounds these two women is Incredible. The way they willingly share with me the fight they experienced. Their beauty from their battle is clear. They have been changed. They KNOW who is in control. I want that. I shall have that and when I've gone through this "battle" and come out "the winner" I shall be a living testimony that GOD did it! IN ME. And that because He is NO respector of persons what He has done for one, He will do for another. I believe that!
Everyone at some point in their lives goes through a "fire" a burning off, a growing pain. He says "I will not give you MORE than you can bear..." Only HE knows how much that is. "The steps of a righteous man/woman are ordained by God." Our steps - our lives. What happens to us - may at times surprise us. But it doesn't SURPRISE HIM. I'm so thankful in the midst of all this - that what it has done is brought me closer to my Father. Revealed who my true friends are. Who those who REALLY love me are. I thought I woke up every day already thankful for everything - but I realized I had only "scratched the surface." And I also realized in being a Christian - that THIS is what it is all about. Our faith, our believing. This is the time where you see if you TRULY believe.
I'm wiser.. and stupider at the same time! LOL Well I'm still the "Dork" I've always been. Still running into things, still tripping over nothing. Still laughing at myself. When I first went to the doctor with my this lump, she asked me.. Did you run into anything, fall? And I laughed and said - Yes - I'm a Dork. I'm like a modern day Lucille Ball. ALWAYS running into something... But you have to laugh over it. Because I know that laughter truly IS the best medicine of all.
June 29, 2010
What is YOUR Goliath? Mine goes by the name of Breast Cancer
Sunday, June 21st I held a moving sale with my family. Hardly did I know that day would be the end of a chapter in my life as I've known it for the last 43 years. I came in the house, got ready to take a shower - and noticed a lump the size of a nickel on my left breast. It was just "there." I ran down to show my husband and we called my mom. My mom suggested that I be cautious and I make an appointment with my doctor for the next day - I did. Oh how quickly this whirl wind of events took place. Seeing my doctor she sent me for a mammogram (only the second one I've ever had) and an ultrasound. There it was - I needed to come in for something called a "core biopsy." I came in the next day had the procedure. Now I know no one is fond of needles - but especially needles put in places that they "normally" would NOT go. However I went visualizing the Lord holding my hand. The song "Jesus Take the Wheel" going through my head. They told me it would be a 3-5 day wait for the results. THREE TO FIVE DAYS. It felt like eternity. I started thinking of my life for over the past two years... And I realized that no matter what - I needed to begin my trek "back home" to the Lord. No matter what the results.
I thought about Shepherds - how when one sheep is missing they leave their "whole" flock to look for it. I've been "missing" for the past two years. Away from the safety, the warmth, the peace the comfort of the Lord. Like a rebellious teenager saying "no Lord! I don't wanna!!!" I'd gone my own way, looking for - I don't know what. And knowing the whole time that I was "looking for I-don't-know-what." The ironic thing about it - is I realized during the whole time I waited for the results - that all I need my Father supplies. And you know - He gives so much better so much more ample, so much more generously than I can provide for myself. Does that make sense? These past two years - I've done things I'm not proud of and probably will only reveal to my inner circle of prayer partners - and you know - I think it is important for each of us to be as transparent with our walks as we can. Because the fact is - so many other brothers and sisters in Christ are going thru similar situations. This blog is NOT a confessional blog. You see - the only one I really need to confess ANYTHING to - is the Father. And the most ironic thing about it - is HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ANYHOW. He knows! You can't hide ANYTHING from Him. So why do we even try? Like Adam and Eve in the Garden - having eaten the apple - God knew it. He knew what they had done - but still - they tried to hide from Him. We haven't changed all that much. (LOL) we are STILL trying to hide from Him. But here's the thing - here is what I've learned - if you know the story of the Prodigal son. You know that he realized how MUCH he needed his father. He got to the lowest point in his life he could go and realized - He needed... He WANTED to return home. And when he did - his Father was there - looking down the pathway - waiting, hoping for him to come home. The Bible tells us his arms were open WIDE. WIDE WIDE WIDE.
I ran into my Father's arms on June 24th. My doctor called me at work and told me - the results were positive. I have breast cancer. My world has changed. My life has changed - but you know what hasn't changed? My GOD. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I gave my life to Him at the age of 21. That was 23 years ago. I have run back into my Father's awaiting arms - and you know what I've found? PEACE. I found security, I found comfort. I found love. What was it I had been looking for before? I don't even KNOW. I only know - that my arms are wrapped around Him TIGHTLY. TIGHTLY TIGHTLY TIGHTLY. How would you be if your child was ill? If your child was hurting? You would wrap your arms around them and hold them close to you. Kiss their head. The Bible tells us "If we being evil give such good gifts to our children - how much MORE will your Heavenly Father give to you?"
I won't lie to you - I've been bewildered. I've been scared. I've been shocked. A week ago - I was FINE. Well no - I wasn't. But you know what? Ironically I am now. I'm FINE. Okay, so I have a Goliath in my life - its called breast cancer. But you know what? This morning as I read my Word and I prayed. I thought of David. I thought of how his knees must have been shaking as he stood infront of this giant. I thought of how the other soldiers must have been watching on - mocking him. This shepherd boy. Waiting for him to get pummeled by this Giant of a man. Can you imagine their surprise when the Giant fell? Can you imagine Goliath's shock what his last thought might have been before he fell? David stood before him with one weapon - his faith. His trust. His love for the Lord. He knew He was real. He knew the battle wasn't his. He knew the LORD would win.
This stupid little nickel size tumor came as a huge shock to me. But you know - it didn't to my Father. I and many of my Survivor sisters - who btw I'm just beginning to meet - are having/had a "Goliath experience." But the fight is NOT ours. And our weapon - is our Faith. I don't know why my Father is allowing me to go through this - but this I know. He is in control. My eyes are on my Father. My weapon - my faith. I'm standing before the Giant - and I know that as David did - I will win this battle. And my Father will be victorious and I will use this experience to extend the right hand of fellowship to the woman behind me (as women are doing now to me).
Everyone in their lives goes through a Prodigal experience at some point. Its what you choose to do with what you learn that makes the difference. There is mercy and grace and love in my Father's arms. In YOUR Father's arms. He is no respector of persons. He has no favorites. He loves all of us - just exactly the same. In the midst of the battle - there is PEACE.
I thought about Shepherds - how when one sheep is missing they leave their "whole" flock to look for it. I've been "missing" for the past two years. Away from the safety, the warmth, the peace the comfort of the Lord. Like a rebellious teenager saying "no Lord! I don't wanna!!!" I'd gone my own way, looking for - I don't know what. And knowing the whole time that I was "looking for I-don't-know-what." The ironic thing about it - is I realized during the whole time I waited for the results - that all I need my Father supplies. And you know - He gives so much better so much more ample, so much more generously than I can provide for myself. Does that make sense? These past two years - I've done things I'm not proud of and probably will only reveal to my inner circle of prayer partners - and you know - I think it is important for each of us to be as transparent with our walks as we can. Because the fact is - so many other brothers and sisters in Christ are going thru similar situations. This blog is NOT a confessional blog. You see - the only one I really need to confess ANYTHING to - is the Father. And the most ironic thing about it - is HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ANYHOW. He knows! You can't hide ANYTHING from Him. So why do we even try? Like Adam and Eve in the Garden - having eaten the apple - God knew it. He knew what they had done - but still - they tried to hide from Him. We haven't changed all that much. (LOL) we are STILL trying to hide from Him. But here's the thing - here is what I've learned - if you know the story of the Prodigal son. You know that he realized how MUCH he needed his father. He got to the lowest point in his life he could go and realized - He needed... He WANTED to return home. And when he did - his Father was there - looking down the pathway - waiting, hoping for him to come home. The Bible tells us his arms were open WIDE. WIDE WIDE WIDE.
I ran into my Father's arms on June 24th. My doctor called me at work and told me - the results were positive. I have breast cancer. My world has changed. My life has changed - but you know what hasn't changed? My GOD. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I gave my life to Him at the age of 21. That was 23 years ago. I have run back into my Father's awaiting arms - and you know what I've found? PEACE. I found security, I found comfort. I found love. What was it I had been looking for before? I don't even KNOW. I only know - that my arms are wrapped around Him TIGHTLY. TIGHTLY TIGHTLY TIGHTLY. How would you be if your child was ill? If your child was hurting? You would wrap your arms around them and hold them close to you. Kiss their head. The Bible tells us "If we being evil give such good gifts to our children - how much MORE will your Heavenly Father give to you?"
I won't lie to you - I've been bewildered. I've been scared. I've been shocked. A week ago - I was FINE. Well no - I wasn't. But you know what? Ironically I am now. I'm FINE. Okay, so I have a Goliath in my life - its called breast cancer. But you know what? This morning as I read my Word and I prayed. I thought of David. I thought of how his knees must have been shaking as he stood infront of this giant. I thought of how the other soldiers must have been watching on - mocking him. This shepherd boy. Waiting for him to get pummeled by this Giant of a man. Can you imagine their surprise when the Giant fell? Can you imagine Goliath's shock what his last thought might have been before he fell? David stood before him with one weapon - his faith. His trust. His love for the Lord. He knew He was real. He knew the battle wasn't his. He knew the LORD would win.
This stupid little nickel size tumor came as a huge shock to me. But you know - it didn't to my Father. I and many of my Survivor sisters - who btw I'm just beginning to meet - are having/had a "Goliath experience." But the fight is NOT ours. And our weapon - is our Faith. I don't know why my Father is allowing me to go through this - but this I know. He is in control. My eyes are on my Father. My weapon - my faith. I'm standing before the Giant - and I know that as David did - I will win this battle. And my Father will be victorious and I will use this experience to extend the right hand of fellowship to the woman behind me (as women are doing now to me).
Everyone in their lives goes through a Prodigal experience at some point. Its what you choose to do with what you learn that makes the difference. There is mercy and grace and love in my Father's arms. In YOUR Father's arms. He is no respector of persons. He has no favorites. He loves all of us - just exactly the same. In the midst of the battle - there is PEACE.
June 7, 2010
Mud Day!
It's Monday or today it feels like "Mud-day" and I'm about to have a good ol'fashion temper tantrum. You know the kind - like the ones you see at the grocery store check out line where the small kid throws himself on the floor and twists and turn like his body has suddenly converted into a spaghetti strand because his mom or dad won't buy him a piece of candy? Yep - that describes it exactly! If I were a pinball game I'd be on "tilt." Or if I were one of those cartoon Sunday newspaper figures - I'd have "x"s where my eyes should be and my tongue would be hanging out.
I wonder why once we give our lives to the Lord - once we've made that decision - He just doesn't take everything from there. Wouldn't that make life so much easier? I mean we would say something like, "Lord, I gladly turn over my life to you. Here are the keys - here you go. Freely with the free-will you've blessed me with. This life is now all yours!" And just let Him take the driving wheel from there. Why can't it be that way I wonder? I don't know about you - but I make a mess of things. Not intentionally of course - but I do! I know that the reason why we go through things in life is so that we can reach back the right hand of fellowship later on (perhaps) to someone else who is going through a lesson that perhaps we already learned. And truthfully be able to say - "I've been there - I've done that and I made it through."
I also know that "He is the Potter and we are the clay." But this Kill (life) sometimes seems oooh sooo hot and more than this clay can bare. Have you ever wondered what He is forming out of "your clay?" Of course He is in the business of smoothing out all the imperfections and He didn't say that it wouldn't hurt... The thing is - as long as we have breath in our bodies, we are learning. I imagine when we stand before him all of our beautiful glaze shinning bright. No credit tourselves of course. All glory going to Him who is the Author and Finisher of our faith...The only perfect Human. I think I must be a "cup" for I always think like a "cup half full..." Today I say through clenched teeth (almost chanting it mind you...) "There go I but for the grace of God..." Jesus how did you do it?! Or perhaps I should say as Scarlett O'Hara said in "Gone With the Wind" "I'll worry about that tomorrow..."
I wonder why once we give our lives to the Lord - once we've made that decision - He just doesn't take everything from there. Wouldn't that make life so much easier? I mean we would say something like, "Lord, I gladly turn over my life to you. Here are the keys - here you go. Freely with the free-will you've blessed me with. This life is now all yours!" And just let Him take the driving wheel from there. Why can't it be that way I wonder? I don't know about you - but I make a mess of things. Not intentionally of course - but I do! I know that the reason why we go through things in life is so that we can reach back the right hand of fellowship later on (perhaps) to someone else who is going through a lesson that perhaps we already learned. And truthfully be able to say - "I've been there - I've done that and I made it through."
I also know that "He is the Potter and we are the clay." But this Kill (life) sometimes seems oooh sooo hot and more than this clay can bare. Have you ever wondered what He is forming out of "your clay?" Of course He is in the business of smoothing out all the imperfections and He didn't say that it wouldn't hurt... The thing is - as long as we have breath in our bodies, we are learning. I imagine when we stand before him all of our beautiful glaze shinning bright. No credit tourselves of course. All glory going to Him who is the Author and Finisher of our faith...The only perfect Human. I think I must be a "cup" for I always think like a "cup half full..." Today I say through clenched teeth (almost chanting it mind you...) "There go I but for the grace of God..." Jesus how did you do it?! Or perhaps I should say as Scarlett O'Hara said in "Gone With the Wind" "I'll worry about that tomorrow..."
June 6, 2010
What Do You See in Your Own Kaleidoscope?
Its been a while since I last blogged. I have to do it when the inspiration hits me. Today it hit me - hard. I'm looking out my window and its pouring rain. Or as we use to say when we were little - "It's raining cats and dogs..." (Why did we say that? LOL). When I was a little girl my parents use to take my brother and I camping. It was an inexpensive way to vacation. We'd load up the car with our tent and our sleeping bags and our camping stove and we'd go to some great camp site. One I remember in particular was in New Hampshire. When it would rain like this my mother would say - "You kids should put on your bathing suits and grab a bar of soap and go outside and take a 'rainshower." Today is that kind of day. I'm tempted to go outside in my backyard, stretch out my arms with my palms facing up, lift up my head and feel the rain fall on my face, in my hair. Soak me." Funny how as a kid we'd do it in a flash. But as a grown up we hesitate and just "think" about doing it.... It would feel sooooooo good.
I started thinking about how we are all like "kaleidoscopes" there are so many facets to who we are, do you remember those long tubular things we were given as kids? You'd hold it up to one eye and look through it and you'd see triangles of colors and things and we'd go "oooohhhh" and "aaaahhhh." Seems like a great simile of our multifaceted selves. And the picture changes as we grow older... Perhaps the colors get more vibrant with our experiences as we age... Or perhaps it depends on your perspective as you're looking at your "life" - perhaps the colors become more dull and faded... Which is it for you?
I've learned over the last two years of my life "never to say never." Because that "never" you say - might come along and hit you up the side of your head and surprise you. I've also learned not to judge. To watch, to think, to consider - but not to judge. Being in a prodigal's state makes you look at things from a different perspective. I like to think it has made me more "sensitive to others" perhaps more reflective. I'm not God - and I'm sooooo glad I'm not. What a job and we think "being President" is a hard task. (LOL) why would anyone want to be God? NOT ME. NosireeBob! I'd probably be like the Queen in Alice in Wonderland "Off with her head!" (LOL -- well I'm an emotional woman... I'd probably act on my emotion and then be like oops! Aren't YOU glad I'm NOT God? ;)
We live in such a "All about Me" world. Seems like everyone is concerned about themselves. "What can I get out of it? What's in it for me? What are you doing for me? What about me? ME ME ME ME ME. How sad is that? Is that love? Is that what we've come down to? If so, I hope I "never" think that way... That's not love. Love is when you buy a gift for someone not out of the expectation of receiving one in return, but because you wanted that person to smile. Love is showing a person in every way you know how that you love them not because you have to - but because you WANT to. Love is being that shoulder for someone you care about to cry on. Maybe that's all you can offer them at the time - but when you give all you have unselfishly - that's love. Isn't that what Jesus did? He gave all He had unselfishly. He didn't have to. He could have called a legion of angels to come get him and take him "home." But He didn't. He gave everything He had. He "poured himself" out for us. Doesn't the Bible tell us that He is to be our example? Yet our present day society is "ALL ABOUT ME." No wonder the suicide rate is so high.
How do you love? Do you do it selfishly? Thinking its just about what you can gain? Do you e-mail or call someone only when they e-mail YOU first? Is it all about a scoreboard of points? You did this - they did that? It's "their turn now?" Are you a "fair weather friend" only reaching out when you feel like it? Thinking that person will always be around? How do people think that way? It crosses my eyes. Not one of us is promised tomorrow - that is what goes through my head every day that God gives me a brand new day. I think - "This is a new day for me to show the people I love that I love them..." I guess when you watch someone you love die - you get a new perspective on what is important. Of how short life is. We take so much for granted until its too late. Don't WAIT until its too late. Do it now. How much better it would be if we all thought and acted upon "its all about YOU" to someone else. Made them feel special. Instead of looking out only for ourselves. Have you done that today? Made someone feel important? Made someone feel special? Shown them that you love them? As I ask this - I'm thinking of whether or not I have done that today myself... Its what I try to do for someone I love each day - make them feel special. Its what you do if you love someone. Truly love someone. An action means so much more than a gift. The Bible tells us "Give and it will be given back to you - pressed down, shaken together, flowing over - back in good measure." (Luke 6:38 and I believe this goes farther then just about the tithe - I believe this goes to every part of our lives - how we live) - Oh now THAT is the kind of love I want. Freely I give - and freely to receive back. Not because I expect it - but because that is what happens (or should happen) when you love someone. It comes back to you a double portion. And it goes on and on - like a circle, never ending. That is how I think love should be.
The sun has just broken through the clouds and come out. Just when I was going to grab my suit and take off into the back yard... An opportunity missed. Wow - how the weather is perfect for my blog today. Don't let the opportunity to show the people you love that you love them. You might not get another chance.
I started thinking about how we are all like "kaleidoscopes" there are so many facets to who we are, do you remember those long tubular things we were given as kids? You'd hold it up to one eye and look through it and you'd see triangles of colors and things and we'd go "oooohhhh" and "aaaahhhh." Seems like a great simile of our multifaceted selves. And the picture changes as we grow older... Perhaps the colors get more vibrant with our experiences as we age... Or perhaps it depends on your perspective as you're looking at your "life" - perhaps the colors become more dull and faded... Which is it for you?
I've learned over the last two years of my life "never to say never." Because that "never" you say - might come along and hit you up the side of your head and surprise you. I've also learned not to judge. To watch, to think, to consider - but not to judge. Being in a prodigal's state makes you look at things from a different perspective. I like to think it has made me more "sensitive to others" perhaps more reflective. I'm not God - and I'm sooooo glad I'm not. What a job and we think "being President" is a hard task. (LOL) why would anyone want to be God? NOT ME. NosireeBob! I'd probably be like the Queen in Alice in Wonderland "Off with her head!" (LOL -- well I'm an emotional woman... I'd probably act on my emotion and then be like oops! Aren't YOU glad I'm NOT God? ;)
We live in such a "All about Me" world. Seems like everyone is concerned about themselves. "What can I get out of it? What's in it for me? What are you doing for me? What about me? ME ME ME ME ME. How sad is that? Is that love? Is that what we've come down to? If so, I hope I "never" think that way... That's not love. Love is when you buy a gift for someone not out of the expectation of receiving one in return, but because you wanted that person to smile. Love is showing a person in every way you know how that you love them not because you have to - but because you WANT to. Love is being that shoulder for someone you care about to cry on. Maybe that's all you can offer them at the time - but when you give all you have unselfishly - that's love. Isn't that what Jesus did? He gave all He had unselfishly. He didn't have to. He could have called a legion of angels to come get him and take him "home." But He didn't. He gave everything He had. He "poured himself" out for us. Doesn't the Bible tell us that He is to be our example? Yet our present day society is "ALL ABOUT ME." No wonder the suicide rate is so high.
How do you love? Do you do it selfishly? Thinking its just about what you can gain? Do you e-mail or call someone only when they e-mail YOU first? Is it all about a scoreboard of points? You did this - they did that? It's "their turn now?" Are you a "fair weather friend" only reaching out when you feel like it? Thinking that person will always be around? How do people think that way? It crosses my eyes. Not one of us is promised tomorrow - that is what goes through my head every day that God gives me a brand new day. I think - "This is a new day for me to show the people I love that I love them..." I guess when you watch someone you love die - you get a new perspective on what is important. Of how short life is. We take so much for granted until its too late. Don't WAIT until its too late. Do it now. How much better it would be if we all thought and acted upon "its all about YOU" to someone else. Made them feel special. Instead of looking out only for ourselves. Have you done that today? Made someone feel important? Made someone feel special? Shown them that you love them? As I ask this - I'm thinking of whether or not I have done that today myself... Its what I try to do for someone I love each day - make them feel special. Its what you do if you love someone. Truly love someone. An action means so much more than a gift. The Bible tells us "Give and it will be given back to you - pressed down, shaken together, flowing over - back in good measure." (Luke 6:38 and I believe this goes farther then just about the tithe - I believe this goes to every part of our lives - how we live) - Oh now THAT is the kind of love I want. Freely I give - and freely to receive back. Not because I expect it - but because that is what happens (or should happen) when you love someone. It comes back to you a double portion. And it goes on and on - like a circle, never ending. That is how I think love should be.
The sun has just broken through the clouds and come out. Just when I was going to grab my suit and take off into the back yard... An opportunity missed. Wow - how the weather is perfect for my blog today. Don't let the opportunity to show the people you love that you love them. You might not get another chance.
May 9, 2010
Are you Frozen Like a Deer in the Headlights of Life?
Ever been at a crossroad in your life when you are looking all around you trying to know which way to go and the truth is - you haven't got a clue? So you stay frozen like a deer in the headlights afraid to go forward but knowing full well you can't go back?
We were all taught when we were small that if we got lost in the woods that we should find a place to sit down and wait. That's what I'm doing now. I'm sitting down and waiting. Waiting for clarity, waiting for direction, waiting for answers that I have none of. Plenty of questions, plenty of doubts, plenty of disappointments. I'm lost in the throws of life. So that's what I'm doing - I'm taking a seat. Because you know, even though I'm lost - I've got a Father who tells me that "He will never leave me nor forsake me." Even though i don't have all the answer - I've got a Father who created the universe in seven days. No matter where we are in our own walks - in a prodigal's state or in a secure state or whatever state we are in - we have a Father who loves us unconditionally. We're not use to that are we? Someone who loves us unconditionally. But God does. He sees it ALL. Nothing comes as a surprise to Him. Why do we try to hide our feelings? Why do we run from Him instead of towards? Why do we look for answers in every place but in Him? In Him is peace, love, understanding, fulfillment, purpose and forgiveness.
I think its because we don't love ourselves enough. I think its because we forget that there is nothing we can do (or have done) that has earned His love. Its only through the shed blood of our Savior (His Son) Jesus Christ that we can boldly go to the thrown of God at all. But we can do it knowing that He listens. He says "Although your sins are scarlet I shall make them white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18) He also is the Shepard. Who leaves all the sheep for the one that is lost (Luke 15:4). (Is that you? I know its me). And here's the clencher - it doesn't matter if YOU are new in Christ - or find yourself in a situation where you are older in Christ. Wherever you are - He loves you. Prodigal or not. We need to love ourselves to go running back into His arms where there is security and forgiveness and love. He's waiting for us. What's the hold up? Don't let ol' slewfoot tell you otherwise. Even if you have made bad choices, mistakes. Sometimes the reason we don't go running back to the Father is because we don't forgive ourselves. And that's a trap. Take your eyes off your situation and put back on the Author and Finisher of your faith. He's calling your name... He's saying, "Over here! I love you. I forgive you. Come back to me. Where you belong." Listen to His voice. Its not judgmental - its gentle. Its urging. It's love. People will disapoint you ALL THE TIME. Heck, we even disappoint ourselves, don't we? But God - He will never fail you. He'll never disappoint you and most of all - He'll never stop loving you. Time to move forward. One step at a time - that's what our walk is all about. One step at a time...
We were all taught when we were small that if we got lost in the woods that we should find a place to sit down and wait. That's what I'm doing now. I'm sitting down and waiting. Waiting for clarity, waiting for direction, waiting for answers that I have none of. Plenty of questions, plenty of doubts, plenty of disappointments. I'm lost in the throws of life. So that's what I'm doing - I'm taking a seat. Because you know, even though I'm lost - I've got a Father who tells me that "He will never leave me nor forsake me." Even though i don't have all the answer - I've got a Father who created the universe in seven days. No matter where we are in our own walks - in a prodigal's state or in a secure state or whatever state we are in - we have a Father who loves us unconditionally. We're not use to that are we? Someone who loves us unconditionally. But God does. He sees it ALL. Nothing comes as a surprise to Him. Why do we try to hide our feelings? Why do we run from Him instead of towards? Why do we look for answers in every place but in Him? In Him is peace, love, understanding, fulfillment, purpose and forgiveness.
I think its because we don't love ourselves enough. I think its because we forget that there is nothing we can do (or have done) that has earned His love. Its only through the shed blood of our Savior (His Son) Jesus Christ that we can boldly go to the thrown of God at all. But we can do it knowing that He listens. He says "Although your sins are scarlet I shall make them white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18) He also is the Shepard. Who leaves all the sheep for the one that is lost (Luke 15:4). (Is that you? I know its me). And here's the clencher - it doesn't matter if YOU are new in Christ - or find yourself in a situation where you are older in Christ. Wherever you are - He loves you. Prodigal or not. We need to love ourselves to go running back into His arms where there is security and forgiveness and love. He's waiting for us. What's the hold up? Don't let ol' slewfoot tell you otherwise. Even if you have made bad choices, mistakes. Sometimes the reason we don't go running back to the Father is because we don't forgive ourselves. And that's a trap. Take your eyes off your situation and put back on the Author and Finisher of your faith. He's calling your name... He's saying, "Over here! I love you. I forgive you. Come back to me. Where you belong." Listen to His voice. Its not judgmental - its gentle. Its urging. It's love. People will disapoint you ALL THE TIME. Heck, we even disappoint ourselves, don't we? But God - He will never fail you. He'll never disappoint you and most of all - He'll never stop loving you. Time to move forward. One step at a time - that's what our walk is all about. One step at a time...
April 28, 2010
Why Does The Grass Always Look Greener on The Other Side of The Fence?
How many times have you looked upon someone else’s life – wishing sooooo your life could be like theirs?
"They have it all together…”
“I wish I was her…”
“Ohhh what a lucky guy!”
We look at them wistfully comparing their lives to our own – and suddenly ours seems sooo wanting… Or so we think… We do this naturally too. It’s not something that requires a lot of thought. But here is the thing… We only see on the surface. There are so many things about our own lives we take for granted… How does God deal with such “spoiled” children? I remember a commercial that use to come on TV for dog food (LOL) And the song went:
"My dog’s better than your dog… My dog’s better than yours. My dog’s better because he eats (brand name of the food) my dog’s better than yours!"
It was a catchy tune so it stayed in my head… Why did her dog have to be BETTER than someone else’s? Did it make her feel superior? Did it make her feel more important? Were there actual studies done to show that that brand of dog food made her dog “better than” the other dog? What was her proof? (Chuckles…) We do this in so many areas of our lives.
Here is where that transparent factual quality comes out in my writing... (Warning: I have a tendancy to tell it like it is... Ready? Here I go...): I am short and have an hour glass figure – which with having three children has become “rounder” by the year…. Or as the fashion magazines would say – “I am pear shaped…” Or if you take off the finesse off of it and strip it down to the bare facts..the three b's (big b and b)…Well.. perhaps I shouldn’t spell it out… I think you get my point… ;P My brother on the other hand is a little taller than I with a small waist and a tight butt and very very handsome. In fact my brother is down right gorgeous. Long eyelashes, sweet smile – I think my brother is model gorgeous. Anyhow – the first thing that came out of my mouth to my mother was ‘Wahhhhhhhhh - It's not fair...You loved him more than meeeeee…” (yeah – like she had any “control” over how we would look!)
If you have curly hair (like mine) you want straight hair… If you are tall you want to be short… Fat – thin. And so on and so on and so on…. And that only handles the physical side of our dissatisfaction with ourselves. Can you imagine how offended God gets when we carry on so? To Him I’ll bet we are all “His” beautiful piece of work. He created each one of us. We are formed in HIS image. How offended He must get as we criticize what He created. “God – you should have made me blond, with long hair and blue eyes…” Who are WE to tell HIM what HE should do???? Yet we do.
How loving is our God. How long suffering… How patient… (Boy as I write this I begin to think more and more how glad I am that HE is God!) For you see I’m having a revelation that my list of dissatisfaction and grumblings has been quite long… Is yours too? Excuse me a moment while I repent… (Father forgive me… I’m so thankful that you are God and I am not….”)
However our society tells us “what to wear” “how to dress.” “what is cool” “what is not.” WHO is “Society ANYHOW??” And why do they know so much while the rest of us know so little?
And ohhh that only talks about the physical side… But how many of us do the same thing about everything in our lives? To the point where all the blessings you have become “bone dry.” You can’t even think about why you are blessed… You’re too busy envying Jane Doe her life, her marriage, her house – when in reality you don’t know what’s beyond the surface.
That didn’t occur to me until recently someone I love very much said to me. “You don’t know what it is like in my life. You think I’m happy all the time. You have no idea.” And you know – they are right. I have no idea. It hurts my heart to think that someone I love so dearly isn't loved and appreciated and happy all the time but its true what we think may not actually be the case… How often we assume so much… And you know what they say the word "Assume" breaks down to if you look at the word really closely... (Clears my throat, loosens my shirt color a bit...Enough said on that...)
Since I was a small girl - my parents would make Christmas really special for us by having a big social gathering on Christmas Eve. My mother is one of the most kind hearted women I know. And no one can host a party like my mother... (oops did I just do what I said we shouldn't be doing?? Grins sheepishly..) But her Christmas Eve party tradition actually started out because my mother believed that no one should be alone for the holidays... Sooo she began inviting coworkers, friends, friends of coworkers, neighbors over to our house Christmas Eve. And she would have a beautiful buffet spread upon the dinning room table of assorted foods for people to choose from (all of which I will say she cooked and prepared herself...) A brightly decorated Christmas tree, Christmas music... good food, good company... And no matter who walked through that door - my mother always has something under the tree for them. She got in the habit of making baskets of homemade Christmas cookies... From your rum balls, to your bar chocolate chip cookies to little itty bitty gingerbread men. The party would go on throughout the night until the wee hours of the morning. With us kids going to bed, the grown ups staying up socializing and than waking us up at 2 or 3 in the morning "after Santa had arrived." How magical she and dad made Christmas for us. And not only for us - but for all who walked through that front door. You may have walked in hesitatingly if you were new, perhaps missing wherever it was you were from if you couldn't go home for the holidays.. But when you left my mother's house - you left with a full belly, a gift under your arm and a basket full of home made cookies - and maybe a new phone number of a new friend or someone that was attending the party. But what ended up happening - was it became a yearly "reunion." Oh people enjoyed themselves so much and felt comfortable and at home that every year they would come back to my parents house for Christmas Eve. Even till this day. My father died 8 years ago. The year he died my mother said to us quietly, "I don't know if I'm going to have a Christmas Eve party anymore..." She had been doing the party for over twenty four years. My brother and I supported her in whatever it was she wanted to do. She needed to do "what was right for her." She had lost our father - her best friend. It had to be her choice... BUT as the holiday drew nearer my mother went into "Holiday mode" automatically. Began baking her cookies, making her spread and you know - it occured to me that not once has my mother ever sent out an invitation. Not once. It has become such a "tradition" in the lives of all my mother and father have touched. That over the years - the same people have just "come on their own accord." It's been a "given." And it is wonderful and it continues to be wonderful. That first Christmas my mother was without my father so many people came and "loved her up mighty much." "Paid it forward" if you will... (See one of my older posts that describes what that means). They actually came up all through the night telling her how much their Christmas parties have been to them. I don't think my mother realized how much loneliness she had (and continues to do) out of peoples lives. Because she's just "being my mom." You may never ever ever know what goes on in someone "who's life looks ohhhh so much greener than yours." But instead of looking at it like that - why not think about how you can make someone else's life "greener." Because in doing so - you will find you can't "out-give love."
Wow - do you see that? The grass in the yard of my life??? Is it ME or did it just get a "little" bit greener?
"They have it all together…”
“I wish I was her…”
“Ohhh what a lucky guy!”
We look at them wistfully comparing their lives to our own – and suddenly ours seems sooo wanting… Or so we think… We do this naturally too. It’s not something that requires a lot of thought. But here is the thing… We only see on the surface. There are so many things about our own lives we take for granted… How does God deal with such “spoiled” children? I remember a commercial that use to come on TV for dog food (LOL) And the song went:
"My dog’s better than your dog… My dog’s better than yours. My dog’s better because he eats (brand name of the food) my dog’s better than yours!"
It was a catchy tune so it stayed in my head… Why did her dog have to be BETTER than someone else’s? Did it make her feel superior? Did it make her feel more important? Were there actual studies done to show that that brand of dog food made her dog “better than” the other dog? What was her proof? (Chuckles…) We do this in so many areas of our lives.
Here is where that transparent factual quality comes out in my writing... (Warning: I have a tendancy to tell it like it is... Ready? Here I go...): I am short and have an hour glass figure – which with having three children has become “rounder” by the year…. Or as the fashion magazines would say – “I am pear shaped…” Or if you take off the finesse off of it and strip it down to the bare facts..the three b's (big b and b)…Well.. perhaps I shouldn’t spell it out… I think you get my point… ;P My brother on the other hand is a little taller than I with a small waist and a tight butt and very very handsome. In fact my brother is down right gorgeous. Long eyelashes, sweet smile – I think my brother is model gorgeous. Anyhow – the first thing that came out of my mouth to my mother was ‘Wahhhhhhhhh - It's not fair...You loved him more than meeeeee…” (yeah – like she had any “control” over how we would look!)
If you have curly hair (like mine) you want straight hair… If you are tall you want to be short… Fat – thin. And so on and so on and so on…. And that only handles the physical side of our dissatisfaction with ourselves. Can you imagine how offended God gets when we carry on so? To Him I’ll bet we are all “His” beautiful piece of work. He created each one of us. We are formed in HIS image. How offended He must get as we criticize what He created. “God – you should have made me blond, with long hair and blue eyes…” Who are WE to tell HIM what HE should do???? Yet we do.
How loving is our God. How long suffering… How patient… (Boy as I write this I begin to think more and more how glad I am that HE is God!) For you see I’m having a revelation that my list of dissatisfaction and grumblings has been quite long… Is yours too? Excuse me a moment while I repent… (Father forgive me… I’m so thankful that you are God and I am not….”)
However our society tells us “what to wear” “how to dress.” “what is cool” “what is not.” WHO is “Society ANYHOW??” And why do they know so much while the rest of us know so little?
And ohhh that only talks about the physical side… But how many of us do the same thing about everything in our lives? To the point where all the blessings you have become “bone dry.” You can’t even think about why you are blessed… You’re too busy envying Jane Doe her life, her marriage, her house – when in reality you don’t know what’s beyond the surface.
That didn’t occur to me until recently someone I love very much said to me. “You don’t know what it is like in my life. You think I’m happy all the time. You have no idea.” And you know – they are right. I have no idea. It hurts my heart to think that someone I love so dearly isn't loved and appreciated and happy all the time but its true what we think may not actually be the case… How often we assume so much… And you know what they say the word "Assume" breaks down to if you look at the word really closely... (Clears my throat, loosens my shirt color a bit...Enough said on that...)
Since I was a small girl - my parents would make Christmas really special for us by having a big social gathering on Christmas Eve. My mother is one of the most kind hearted women I know. And no one can host a party like my mother... (oops did I just do what I said we shouldn't be doing?? Grins sheepishly..) But her Christmas Eve party tradition actually started out because my mother believed that no one should be alone for the holidays... Sooo she began inviting coworkers, friends, friends of coworkers, neighbors over to our house Christmas Eve. And she would have a beautiful buffet spread upon the dinning room table of assorted foods for people to choose from (all of which I will say she cooked and prepared herself...) A brightly decorated Christmas tree, Christmas music... good food, good company... And no matter who walked through that door - my mother always has something under the tree for them. She got in the habit of making baskets of homemade Christmas cookies... From your rum balls, to your bar chocolate chip cookies to little itty bitty gingerbread men. The party would go on throughout the night until the wee hours of the morning. With us kids going to bed, the grown ups staying up socializing and than waking us up at 2 or 3 in the morning "after Santa had arrived." How magical she and dad made Christmas for us. And not only for us - but for all who walked through that front door. You may have walked in hesitatingly if you were new, perhaps missing wherever it was you were from if you couldn't go home for the holidays.. But when you left my mother's house - you left with a full belly, a gift under your arm and a basket full of home made cookies - and maybe a new phone number of a new friend or someone that was attending the party. But what ended up happening - was it became a yearly "reunion." Oh people enjoyed themselves so much and felt comfortable and at home that every year they would come back to my parents house for Christmas Eve. Even till this day. My father died 8 years ago. The year he died my mother said to us quietly, "I don't know if I'm going to have a Christmas Eve party anymore..." She had been doing the party for over twenty four years. My brother and I supported her in whatever it was she wanted to do. She needed to do "what was right for her." She had lost our father - her best friend. It had to be her choice... BUT as the holiday drew nearer my mother went into "Holiday mode" automatically. Began baking her cookies, making her spread and you know - it occured to me that not once has my mother ever sent out an invitation. Not once. It has become such a "tradition" in the lives of all my mother and father have touched. That over the years - the same people have just "come on their own accord." It's been a "given." And it is wonderful and it continues to be wonderful. That first Christmas my mother was without my father so many people came and "loved her up mighty much." "Paid it forward" if you will... (See one of my older posts that describes what that means). They actually came up all through the night telling her how much their Christmas parties have been to them. I don't think my mother realized how much loneliness she had (and continues to do) out of peoples lives. Because she's just "being my mom." You may never ever ever know what goes on in someone "who's life looks ohhhh so much greener than yours." But instead of looking at it like that - why not think about how you can make someone else's life "greener." Because in doing so - you will find you can't "out-give love."
Wow - do you see that? The grass in the yard of my life??? Is it ME or did it just get a "little" bit greener?
April 27, 2010
Angels Among Us~
I'm so tired right now i can't think of a thing to blog. I had a very emotional day - with more lows and highs than a roller coaster. Some days I wonder if it is truly worth it... And that is when I have to will myself to go on. I am only one woman. One woman who doesn't have all the answers. You know when I feel like this - I think back to the beginning. I was born three months premature. I weighed 3 lbs. The doctors and nurses warned my mother that i wouldn't live long... I was in the hospital for 40 days and 40 nights... How ironic - just like Noah! LOL When I feel like this - as I did today, I wonder so- why He strengthened me? What purpose does my life serve? What plans does He have for me? There is a reason... Nothing happens by mistake....
When I was in my twenties I was on my way to work. I was crossing a very busy intersection in my car. The light was mine. At the same time I began to drive through the intersection I was hit by a car running the light. How odd I can remember that at the same time I was crossing. I heard in the driver's passenger seat, "Kelly! Stop!" I stopped and turned to look at the seat, surprised. Its a good thing I did stop. The woman who hit my car running the light hit me so hard that the stearing wheel came off in my hands. If I had been only a few more inches up she would surely have killed me. Why? Why? why? Why was I saved? What is the purpose what is the reason? I can swear there was an angel in the seat beside me.
I really do believe we all have Guardian Angels that have been assigned to us from birth... There is a purpose for our lives. Each life is a gift from God. I'm still trying to figure out what that purpose is...
When I was in my twenties I was on my way to work. I was crossing a very busy intersection in my car. The light was mine. At the same time I began to drive through the intersection I was hit by a car running the light. How odd I can remember that at the same time I was crossing. I heard in the driver's passenger seat, "Kelly! Stop!" I stopped and turned to look at the seat, surprised. Its a good thing I did stop. The woman who hit my car running the light hit me so hard that the stearing wheel came off in my hands. If I had been only a few more inches up she would surely have killed me. Why? Why? why? Why was I saved? What is the purpose what is the reason? I can swear there was an angel in the seat beside me.
I really do believe we all have Guardian Angels that have been assigned to us from birth... There is a purpose for our lives. Each life is a gift from God. I'm still trying to figure out what that purpose is...
April 26, 2010
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