Many of us grow up with expectations set. I'm a parent now, so I can understand how natural it is for a parent to automatically unintentionally form expectations for her child. So now I have the ability of looking at it from two points of view. That "as someone's daughter" and also "as someone's mother."
A lot of the expectations that are set on us are from whatever society we grow up in. I didn't realize until now the pressure we put upon ourselves, and our children. In many American cultures it is a given that a girl will: Grow up, go to college, marry and have children. Even in all the princess movies the princesses all live "Happily Ever After." What is that?... Happily Ever After...??? The bar is set high and disappoint follows when you and your so-called "Prince" don't live "happily ever after." And as much as as a female, you are disappointed - how much more so for your "Prince"? Who hasn't met every expectation that you put upon his shoulders. Ahhhhh and shortly after getting married you hear the question, "Isn't it time for you to have children?" From harmless family and friends. The kids come. You juggle married life, work, parenthood and even with God as your foundation - it still isn't a "cup of tea." I'm not trying to sound negative. I'm just "bein' real.... and its true...
The pressure, the bills, the tugging on you. Twenty-four hours in a day and soooo much to do. No time for yourself. A messy household, bills that need paying. And you realize - how little you really knew. Maybe you realize that "Happily Ever After" is just that - a fairytale. And there you are, looking in the mirror wondering where you go from there. Can't pray, can't think. Just "stuck." And its no one's fault - you bought into the "American Way of Life." And you realize - you never really knew what love is. You start questioning yourself and wondering where you go from here...
So you are reading this blog and you are thinking - "Hey, no one promised you a rose garden." Well that is true, and I'm all for taking responsibility for one's self and one's actions. But its kind of hard when you realize that all you thought you knew - you really didn't... This is where the devil attacks you at your most vulnerable point... And the words to the song "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin goes on in my head... "There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a stairway to heaven..."
No one can meet the expectations they set on themselves. Not one of us is perfect. NOT ONE. And you can sit here and read my blog in whatever spiritual state you are in - and still I will say - not one of us is perfect. I say that humbly with no gloating or joy in it. I use to think I was... well to a certain extent. I judged others (not intentionally) but I just did. Ever hear of the saying, "Pride before a Fall?" (Proverbs 16:18) Oooops - I jus fell off my own pedastal... HARD... And I can truly, truly say - there go I BUT by the grace of God. And I'm glad at least I can admit it. I can truthfully say - I am sooo disappointed Lord. Why lie about it? He knows its the truth anyhow? But you see - I think admitting where we are at is the first point of "moving forward." Getting back on that right path He has for us - even if we don't know what that path is. Even if that path is different than how we thought it would be. The steps of the righteous are ordained BY GOD (Psalms 37:23). Not by us. And oh how for myself that has been so difficult a pill for me to swallow. You see - I am a planner. Take away my ability to plan, and I am at loss. All of a sudden I feel like a child lost in the woods. Unsure where the path is... Losing my footing. Feeling very much alone. But you know - one thing I DO know even in my current prodigal state is that my Father said, "He would NEVER leave nor forsake me." (Hebrews 13:5). Wow. That's a promise I have and honestly, in a day and age where people come and go as they please regardless of how it makes you feel, that is a promise that brings me so much comfort. Because I know that people disappoint can disapoint you all the time. (I am one of them - I know I have disappointed people unintentionally of course..) But GOD NEVER WILL.
I may not know the plans God has for me - for they are obviously different than I expected. Or maybe I messed up and now the plans have changed... But you know it's possible that it could be even more wonderful than I ever imagined. For my Bible tells me, 'I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future..." (Jeremiah 29:22) By the way - in case you didn't know that - that's a promise you have as well...
I am a Breast Cancer Survivor
I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer on June 24th, 2010 - I have been cancer free for 10 years now. It was only a chapter in my life - NOT my life, but the impact is one that has changed my life forever. Its important for women to know that 80% of the breast cancer diagnosis come from women who don't have a history of it in their family (My family didn't). Early detection is the key. For more information please click on the pink ribbon above. It could save your life.
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