Sunday Heinz 57 Thoughts...

Its a quiet Sunday and as I pack away the things I haven't used in the last 6 months in anticipation of a move that is going to take place in the next couple of months, I am feeling rather reflective... How interesting life is. Right now I feel like the last scene in the movie "Forrest Gump" when you see the feather floating in the air.  The air just carrying it here and there.  I have no sense of direction right now in my life.  But its okay because I know that "The plans of the righteous are ordained by God." And I also know that "The number of my days He will fulfill."  There is a certain peace inside when you know that once you have given your life to God that you belong to Him.  Even in the current prodigal state I am in.  (And its important that I mention that from time to time - because not to do so would be to deny it - and make no mistake I've been feeling very rebellious for the last three years).  Maybe that means I'm in my "teenage" spiritual years (LOL).  I don't know.  I only know that I don't have a plan.  Maybe that's the point He wants me to be at right now.  No plan.  Ahhhh as I write this another scripture comes floating from my heart to my mind... "All things work for the good of those that love the Lord."  Not quite sure at this point in my walk what that means... But I know that my Father loves me unconditionally and He sees my faults and my weaknesses and yes - even my sins.  But more importantly - He sees my heart.

I have never understood people who set out to deceive other people and willingly lie to hurt people. I don't have it in me to think like that.  Never have and I hope I never will.  Perhaps I have a certain trusting naivete about me.  I love fiercely.  I do.  If I tell you I love you - you can BET I mean it.  If I tell you your my friend - you can count on me.  Perhaps my heart is too vulnerable - but I'd rather be that way than be someone who is cold hearted and calculating.  I know that life's circumstances can make people cold and make people bitter but that is a road I have chosen not to go.  However if you hurt me or break my trust - although I can forgive I don't forget.  I have what my friends use to call in high school a "Portuguese temper" and when it flares - my words can cut deep.  I am nobody's fool.

I don't feel like putting where I found those scriptures today - so if you want to look them up yourself - feel free. (Homework assignment? LOL)  I have hidden God's word in my heart.  I just don't always know where it is... LOL Today is a day where I will reflect and ponder and smile...

When I was a little girl my mother decided it would be a good thing if I went to camp.  Overnight camp. I am so glad she did.  I spent my summers in New Hampshire at an all girls camp from the time I was 6 to the time I was 16.  And it was one of the best experiences of my life.  I learned sooo many things during those summers.  I learned tennis, swimming and archery and horse back riding and how to make a fire.  We would go hiking and climbing.  We would climb mountains and sleep out under the stars.  We drank fresh water from river streams.  We picked blueberries and made blueberry pancakes.  I went from being a camper to a CIT (Counseler in Training) to an  LIT (Leader in Training) to finally a Junior Counselor. How I loved camp. How proud I was to get my first "Staff shirt" and days off with the other counselors were always fun.  Beach parties by Weir's Beach or other wonderful day off outings. Dates with the boys from our Brother camp. The summers were long and fun. 

I remember specifically a time when I was helping to teach the younger kids horseback riding.  I hadn't worn my riding boots (big mistake) and I was helping a little girl on her horse.  A horsefly landed on one of the legs of her horse and because horses can't kick out "sideways" the horse (while trying to get rid of the annoying horsefly) stepped out and came down on my foot. In case you don't know this already - horses weigh a ton!!!  Instead of thinking as I had been trained to gently push the horse over a bit I instead panicked and tried to pick my foot up from underneath his hoof. (BIG mistake). My white sneaker began to get stained with blood.  My foot was bleeding profusely. I was taken to the hospital and it turned out that the nail on my left big toe was shattered and would have to be removed. (The nail).  I can remember being mortified. (Of course I was - I was a teenager! The world "revolved around ME").  My toe had swollen up to the size of a "fake jokeshop thumb" and they had to wrap it over and over and over again.  And of course ALL this happened the day before the night of our season's dance with our brother camp.  Not only did my foot look ridiculous - wrapped as it was.  I wouldn't be able to dance and worse - I'd be on crutches.  What a funk I was in!  Well - at the dance, everyone signed my crutches (I think those crutches are still somewhere in my mother's attic... LOL)  When the summer was over, my mother had to take me to the Children's Hospital where they would remove my crushed toe nail.  I was devastated... As we were in the waiting room of the hospital and I was being "glum" my mother leaned over and whispered in my ear.  "Kelly - I know your upset about having to have this surgery, but look over there..." And she pointed to a child who was in a wheel chair.  "Or look over there..." She pointed to another child who's leg was amputated at the knee... "Kind of makes you think how lucky you are that this could have been worse - and it wasn't.  All you are losing is a toenail."  Begrugingly I agreed.  Because she was right.  "It could've been worse."   How ironic that that lesson is one that I have carried throughout my life.  When I start to feel sorry for myself - I think about how "it could be worse." I have a roof over my head, I have food in my belly, I have people who love me.  I may not always have what I want - but I do have what I need.  I may not have direction for my life right now - but I have a Father who loves me.  A Father who said "He would never leave nor forsake me."  A Father who cares...

So next time you are feeling down on yourself or your circumstances - take a good look around you. All of a sudden it might not seem soooo bad...