I've been thinking of the story of Alice in Wonderland. Actually the new movie by Tim Burton. The one with Johnny Depp in it. And I think it is perfect to use as an analogy in my blog today. Because I'm feeling like "Casey in Wonderland." I was skipping through the days of my life when I unexpectedly found myself "falling into this hole." This hole in my life called "breast cancer." Free falling. I don't know about you but I've never been the type who likes either closed in places or heights. When I was a young tweenager - that's around 11 or 12 (back in the day... grinz - I'm 43 I can say that now) I got caught in one of those "old fashion" elevators. You know the kind - the kind with a steel gate you had to pull back before getting in? In downtown Boston with friends. It scared the you-know-what outta me. It was only for 10 minutes - but it was enough for me to know that I would NEVER go into an elevator by myself ever again. How ironic that years and years later one of my "first" business jobs would be working on the 42 floor of the John Hancock building in Boston and having to take the elevator up. Now - don't laugh (or I should say its okay for you to laugh cuz it is kinda funny). When I began working at the John Hancock, I REFUSED to take the elevator up. There was NO WAY I was going to go up 42 floors in an elevator. NO WAY, UH UH, SHAKING MY HEAD, Crossing my arms in front of my breasts, stubborn-your-not-gonna-make-me look on my face. Well I gotta tell you that after two weeks of huffing and puffing, pausing and starting again, climbing up 42 flights of stairs - I threw up my arms and said... "I can't do this anymore!!! I gotta take the elevator!" I had reached a point where I decided "whatever happens, happens!!" And although I didn't like it, I would take the elevator. To this day, I still hesitate when I have to get into an elevator (and to be honest - I will not get in one that is the size of a small box by myself).
I digress.. So here is "Casey" falling down this hole she has come to called breast cancer. Feeling like she is free falling. Can't grab on to anything, not sure how long the fall will be, not seeing the bottom or end in sight. (Is the song "Free Falling" going through your head too?) that is how I've felt over the last three weeks. I wondered if Alice reached a point since her fall seemed to go on and on for so long that she reached a point as she was falling where the screaming stopped, the fear stopped and then the anger set in and then the wonder if the fall was EVER gonna end - no matter what the bottom held in store for her? I'm at the falling part of the story. I've fallen through disbelief, shock, the incredibleness about it all. I've finally hit the bottom of the hole. And I'm starting to meet people I've never met before in "Breast Cancer Land" other women who have gone through this scary disease. There is CeCe (who in this story is called "Joy") and Denise (who in this story is called "Compassion") and they were two of the first women I've met on my journey who I believe God has brought into my life because they have a certain "glow" about them. They've come through this journey and have come out VICTORIOUS. They have been sent to me to show me faith in action. To show me when I feel weak that I can DO IT. I would never have meet either women if I had not fallen through this "hole." And the bond I share with CeCe is what as only can be called "sisterhood." I don't have to say anything - and she just "knows." There are familiar faces too - my mother is by my side "fighting the good fight of you-will-make-it-through-this-for-there-is-no-other-alternative" (In this story she is called "Strength") and my Aunt Barbara (who in this story is called "Big-Heart") and my mother and father-in-law Melvin and Tama who are referred to as (Peace of Mind I and II - because they are taking care of my children while I "get well") and there is my very dear and special friend Karen (who I shall refer to as "Steadfast" - because she has checked on me daily with her "How's You?" and not waivered in her friendship with me. We also share a bond that only Karen and I can understand - and if she is reading this - she will know what I mean, because its just between the two of us...) and also in this story is my Best Friend Deprieshia (who is called "Prayer Warrior) and my two new beautiful also-have-been-here and done that sisters in Christ Glenda and Carol who are called (Cheerleaders) - these are just a few of the many people faces I have known and faces I've begun to know who I've met upon the start of this journey. There is the enemy called Breast Cancer - who walks around trying to instill fear over all he strikes with this horrible disease. Instead of saying "Off with her breasts! He wants "off with her life" because he is the devourer. In 1st Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary, the devil walks about roaring like a lion, seeking who he may devour." But here is the thing that "Breast Cancer" forgot. I am a child of the Most High God. "He has made me the head and not the tail." "Greater is HE who is in ME than then he that is in the world." Before breast cancer entered my left breast - the Holy Spirit was there inside of me, I invited it in when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior twenty-two years ago in the small little chapel of the Inter-varsity Faith Fellowship at the University of Massachusetts. Darkness cannot abide with light. Therefore this small lump of cancer cannot remain in ME. Think about it - when the light shines in darkness, there is no darkness anymore. And I have the Holy Spirit shinning like a beacon within me. It has for 22 years. People have said to me - "Kelly there is something different about you?" And for those that don't know Jesus they don't know that what they are seeing in me is HIM. My kids, when in Christian private school learned two songs - the words of one song went like this: "I've got the love of Jesus, love of Jesus down in my heart - down in my heart, down in my heart, I've got the love of Jesus, love of Jesus down in my heart. Down in my heart so stay!" And another song they learned "shut the door keep out the devil, shut the door keep the devil in the night. Shut the door keep out the devil light a candle everything is alright. Light the candle everything is alright." That candle is the light of the Lord. I also know that my Bible tells me (John 16:33) I have told you these things so that you can have peace because of me. In this world you will have trouble, but cheer up! I've won the battle over the world!" That not only goes to my current "wonder land" but also for whatever you are going through as well. The battle has been won. And although I don't know the "middle" part of this journey quite yet "through Breast Cancer Land" I do know this - Perhaps Alice came out from her fall more knowledgeable, perhaps more compassionate, more gracious, a better appreciation for the life she had before her fall and a sheer determination to live and love life. How much MORE so will "Casey?" In two more days, on the 20th of July I will undergo surgery. I'm told a 3-4 hour process. I've met my medical surgeon - his name is Dr. Christian (and I did NOT make that up - it is!) and while I will lose this lump which sits up on the upper part of my left breast (right over where you would place your hand to say the "I pledge the Allegiance") I shall NOT - NOT - NOT lose my Muchness!"
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