Hello!~~~

Welcome!~

It has now been seven years since I started this blog. How quickly time goes by! We are many members but we are one in the body of Christ. Therefore you do not journey alone! Hopefully through this site you will be encouraged by the fact that many things you are going through in your own walk, others are going through (or have gone through) as well. Sometimes we think we are "going through things alone." But we are not. God said that "He would Never Leave Nor Forsake Us." (Hebrews 13:5) and that "There is Nothing New Under The Sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9). No man is an island. It's easy to forget that. May the words in this blog help you to think, encourage you in whatever spiritual state you are in and may the Lord use them to help us to grow in Him! He is the Author and Finisher of our faith!

I don’t want any readers to think that I am “promoting” being a prodigal. I definitely am not. But what I am hoping to do – is to encourage those of us who either have had or are currently experiencing a hard time in our walk to be honest about it. Personal conviction is a powerful thing, especially if you truly love the Lord. I think that sometimes the Body of Christ critiques and judges to the point where the person who is at the other end of that pointing finger feels ostracized, alienated and alone. I don't think that that is what Jesus intended. When I read through my Bible - I see a firm yet gentle restoration that Jesus ministered to those around Him. Look at John 21:15-19. When Peter who was at an all time low point in his walk - he was firmly, yet lovingly restored by Jesus. He didn't tear him down, or yell or make him feel any worse then he already did. He spoke to him lovingly and gently - and in doing so, Peter was able to repent and minister in a much more powerful, humble and confident way and it became one of the largest ministries ever.

Please note that I am only a vessel, my calling - to write. I dedicate this blog to the Lord and ask that He use it to reach out and touch whoever needs a special, loving, personal touch from Him. My hope is that the Holy Spirit allows you to see Him through the words (and not me). We go through things so that we can extend our right hand of fellowship behind us to assist and help someone else. Our Bible is the same today, as it was yesterday as it will be tomorrow. (I am far from perfect and do not profess to have all the answers...) but the good news is - Our Heavenly Father does! His love, forgiveness, grace and mercy is real!Nothing you are experiencing in your walk comes as a surprise to Him! May He be glorified through this blog and may God bless you at whatever stage in your walk you are in!~



I am a Breast Cancer Survivor

I am a Breast Cancer Survivor
I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer on June 24th, 2010 - I have been cancer free for 7 years now. It was only a chapter in my life - NOT my life, but the impact is one that has changed my life forever. Its important for women to know that 80% of the breast cancer diagnosis come from women who don't have a history of it in their family (My family didn't). Early detection is the key. For more information please click on the pink ribbon above. It could save your life.

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March 25, 2012

The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...

The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...: Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our da...

Blake Shelton - Who Are You When I'm Not Looking (Official Video)

Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE reflection or is there MORE?


Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our day.  We put up so many shields, or walls - because we think that is what we have to do.  Sometimes we do it so well we don't even know who the real us is anymore.  Our lives move at such a fast pace sometimes we can't even keep up with it.  Who are you?  Do you even know? Who do you want to be? Do you have faith in yourself? Or are you so busy being what you think everyone wants you to be that you have lost track of who you are?  And if you have - isn't time you re-discover (or even re-believe) in yourself?  The thing is - it doesn't really matter what people think when it comes down to it.  When you look back over the course of your life, will you have lived to please others? Or will you look back on your life with a satisfied, "yeah, I said what I had to say, did what I had to do - and did it well."

What really matters?  There is no perfect person out there.  Sometimes the standards we set for ourselves are so high that we can't possibly fulfill them all.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.  We measure ourselves up to "The Jones" - WHY?  What is so special about "The Jones" that we have to compare ourselves to them?  What a boring place the world would be if we were all "carbon copies" of each other.  How bland that sounds.  I almost feel sorry for "The Jones" because the pressure to stay where they are must be so high.... Celebrate you. Take down those walls - perhaps they only are there because of your fear of rejection? Of not fitting in?  (Of not fitting in WHERE? And do you really want to be some place where you are being made to "fit in" to a mold that perhaps is not you?)   I hope the words of my blog are making you really think.  If you strip away all of the special gifts God has given you that have made you the individual you are - it is like a meal without flavor.  God made you as individual as he did your hand print.  It should be celebrated - NOT hidden.  Don't allow others to measure who you are. When we do that, we feel all the things we shouldn't "envy, jealousy, low self-esteem, anger, depression" so what is upside of that?  Makes me think back on the childhood fairytale "Snow White."  The Queen's self-esteem revolved around being the most beautiful woman in the Kingdom.  "Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all?"  When the mirror answered "Snow White" all those insecurities came to the surface.  Remember?  If the Mirror had answered back - "Queen, why are you worried about being the fairest? Look at the beauty that is deep inside of you, you have this, this and this gift..."  Perhaps the story would have changed into a different one?  What is YOUR story? Have you spent your whole life comparing yourself to someone else?  How is that working for you? Think about it...

Who am I?  I realize I have been my own worst critic.  I think in reaching my forties, I began to really discover who I am.  The popularity contests that happened throughout school years didn't much matter anymore - as many of those people are no longer in your life, and you realize - what they "thought" really didn't matter much, we were together only because we were in the same situation. Who were they to determine who I was?  Why did I give it so much importance at the time?  What a waste of ME. Now I know,  with my forties came self-acceptance, yet with the willingness to try and change within myself those things I feel need changing. (Notice I said the things I feel need changing).  I am a work in progress (as are you).  I have become less judgmental and more forgiving of myself (as well as of others).  I truly do see now that it is not by works, I have been saved.  It is by God's grace and if HE can be graceful and forgiving and patient with me, perhaps I owe it to myself to be the same?  If He loved me enough to die on the cross for forgiveness of my sins - don't I owe it to Him to try and honor Him with the gifts I've been given?  To "pay it forward" when it comes to sharing my weaknesses, my mistakes and what I have learned from the lessons He has been taking me through? Isn't that why we go through things? To learn, to grow, to share - to become what He wants us to become?  And it is not an overnight process.  I believe that as long as we have breathe in our bodies - we will always be learning - hopefully striving.  And you know what? I think that is more than okay.  I think its life...

March 21, 2012

Just a "little" Note

It's late... And I'm wide awake... And my mind keeps going and going and going... I've been thinking (which is always dangerous)... That  our lives are like songs... They begin when we are born - one note and swell and grow as we move through this song called "Life."   People come into our lives - like other notes, causing friction, making sweet harmony... The song becomes more vibrant.  The notes "dance" around each other.  Some high, some low.  Sometimes the music crescendos - going faster and faster and faster and sometimes the melody is sloooooow and almost lazy.  There is a beginning, middle and end...  What is the song of your life? What is your passion? What is your pain?  What do YOU want for you?  What gifts do you have? What are you doing with your life? If your life was "this song" what kind would it be? And do you even "like" the song your life is making?  If not - what are you doing about it?  What song has God given you?  And are you listening to the song of your life closely???  Do you think about who else may be listening to it?  Will the notes "linger" when the song is over? Will your song be remembered? Will the Conductor of your life applaud you for your efforts?  Have you let Him conduct it? Or is your song all over the place? Making you and those around you dizzy?  Or is the Conductor running to you to take you in His arms and say, "Oh my child, this is the song I had for you and THIS is what you settled for...

What is your life song? There is still time for you to change it.... Sit quiet for a while, and look deep inside your heart.  It's there....  You may just have to listen closely.... You have a song.  And the beauty of it is there is no song like the one You have been given, it was meant to share with others - not to keep tucked quietly away. Share it... Because you may never know how many "someones" need to hear it.  A song is always best shared...

March 10, 2012

Save a Child's Life from Capture, Maiming and Killing Let's Catch this horrible man!KONY 2012

When you cry - The Winans

You Can't Put a "Band-Aid" on a Wound That Needs Stitches....

God Knows Your Thoughts Before You Even Think Them....
Don't You Think It's Time You  Told Him, Yourself?
*Image from Imagebank.org.UK


I've been thinking a lot about my blog and I strongly feel I need to indicate this... When I get a revelation I like to share it. A prodigal to me - is someone who is feeling spiritually "stuck." Recognizes that they've gone down a pathway that was not intended for them to go, and doesn't know how to get back on the pathway God intended for them.  Maybe there has been a bend in the road - and instead of going in the "right" direction you've veered off course for whatever life reasons you have (or choices you've made).  You are struggling with a whole bunch of emotions or feelings over what has even led you to a prodigal state. That actually has been the type of prodigal I have been.  Now when I refer to "prodigal" it is not a state that one is looking to "stay in" but to understand better WHY they are there, WHAT led them there and what can they learn from the experience as they make their way back to the Father.  Please remember as I have indicated in previous blogs that your Father is already RUNNING down the road to meet you halfway. The thing is YOU have got to want to go the distance.  You have got to want to figure  out where you went wrong, why and how to get back to a better spiritual state than what you have been or were previously in.

It is not excusing the things you've done OR using being a "prodigal" to stay in that state.  I can tell you what the signs for me were that I had become a Prodigal.  My peace was gone.  There has been indecision and confusion and recognition that I have missed the mark.  I am very transparent in my walk  with God.  I don't see any reason to lie about it because He sees EVERYTHING.  I could never understand how Adam and Eve thought they could hide from God.  You can't DO that. He sees EVERYTHING.  So if you are feeling as though you are not right with Him (as I have felt) you need to bring it to the Cross.  Maybe sit in a place that is quiet and talk out loud to Him.  Tell Him where you are at.  How you love Him.  How you long to be right but perhaps don't know HOW to be.  How you don't want to lie to Him about where you are at right now - but that perhaps He will help reveal to you - WHY you went down that wrong road, if you are still "traveling" that wrong road and what He wants you to do to get it right.  Sometimes we stay on that pathway because we don't know "how" to find our way back or feel as though we don't deserve to come back.  Well - this is the lesson that I have learned in being a Prodigal.  It is probably one of the most important spiritual lessons I've learned in my 24 years of being a Christian - and one that is easy to forget.  We have never ever ever ever "earned" salvation.  It is a gift.  We could "never" be  good enough.  It is by the shed blood of Jesus Christ that we are able to come into God's presence.  

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that Whosoever Believes in Him shall NOT perish but have ever lasting life. (John 3:16)  

Even before we came into a "prodigal state" we were never good enough.  But I have learned from my own experience that we beat ourselves up sometimes - enough so that we don't leave the state we are in because we feel unworthy.  God LOVES YOU.  He loves ME.  He knows YOU better than you know yourself.  Don't stay in stagnant waters because you aren't willing to step forward and move to meet your Father halfway.  As I am writing these words I am ministering to myself as well.  Because there are some paths that are harder to leave than others. Recognize that and move forward anyways.  The dangerous part of being in a prodigal state is STAYING there.  (Look at what happened to King Saul, it didn't have to be that way. He chose to stay in that state).  Be honest with God.  If you need help - ASK HIM.  I read a couple of things that greatly ministered to me today.  It was like the soft spoken word of my Father speaking to me.  Because I too am still trying to figure it out as I go. But He knows, that I am trying to get out of the Prodigal state I have been in and it isn't always instantaneous. Sometimes, it takes time.  The first thing I saw today was this:

"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still." (Corrie Ten Boom)

God knows your heart, He loves you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock."  (Revelations 3:20)  Get quiet before Him - listen, can you hear Him?  He's knocking.  It may take you a while to get through the mire to open the door - but at least start walking towards the direction of His knock.  What is your heart telling you? Don't worry so much about what others think of you.  That is not important - everyone has their own opinion and some Christian brethern make it "worse" instead of better. (Maybe because they don't realize truly for themselves that it is NOT how good you are? Or they are too afraid to look at the plank in their own eye while trying to remove the sty from yours... We ALL have things we need to work on. I believe as long as we have breathe in our body that we are constantly learning, growing - but you have to be honest with yourself and if some of our brothers and sisters in Christ were really being honest, they'd work on the things that needed changing within themselves instead of tearing down members in the body who are struggling, hurting or weak.  (Uhoh I think I've just opened up a can of you-know-what... LOL)  However it's true.  When you get a papercut on your finger - your whole BODY feels the pain.  That is how it should be with the Body of Christ. We are many members - but one in the body (1st Corinthians 12:12).  I don't believe that God would have the body attack itself... Hmmmm come to think of it - isn't that called "cancer?"  There is no place for it in the Body.  Believe me, I know...  And I think that God talks about the troubles within each of the churches in the book of Revelations.  Church should be a healing place. Not only for those that don't know the Lord - but for those that DO.  Sometimes the pain is so strong that it radiates outside of the Body.  We need to be there for each other - to heal, to help, to build up. To love, to encourage and then to rejoice and praise God for what He's doing.  It is time to clean-house so that we can grow and heal and become stronger. That is my honest opinion....

It doesn't matter what other people think of you... What matters is what God thinks and God loves you.  It's His voice that you need to hear.  For me, He speaks quietly.  He speaks lovingly - even when I feel like I deserve to have Him yell at me.  But He doesn't.  He may be very displeased with my sins (I know He is...) - but He ALWAYS loves me. God continues to be faithful to us in the midst of our messes.

Don't try to put a band-aid or to air dry a wound in you that needs stitches.  That needs a washing and a kiss from God to heal it.  Don't ignore the pain or continue on as though nothing is wrong.  You know it is.  Get in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and speak your heart to your Father who created it in the first place. Pour it out in your prodigal state. Let Him meet you halfway.  He is the BEST physician.  He made you - He has plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Let me also mention this... It's not going to be easy. It may be painful.  Remember when you scrapped your knee and you came crying home and your mom or dad had to wash it to clean out the dirt and add some healing ointment to it - it stung! If you are in a prodigal state - its going to be painful turning away from whatever it is... There are consequences to sin. But don't let that keep you from moving forward - step by step.  Because I believe it will be worth it. (And don't think I'm giving you advice I'm not trying to walk in for myself).  Be patient with yourself to do it - but DO it! So that next time - when you have continued on in your walk, you come to a fork in the road again - and you say, "Nooooooo way... I've learned my lesson and I'm NOT going to make the SAME mistake twice!" Maybe you'll look down at that "scar" on your knee that is left from the remembrance of that "boo-boo" - you know the one that God brought you through - better, stronger and faster? The one that drew you closer to Him.  And you'll be able to stay on the pathway He meant for your life with a finer appreciation and knowledge of who you truly are in Him.  Once a prodigal always a prodigal - does NOT have to be true.  In fact it wasn't meant to be true.  So WHAT are you going to DO about it?  It all begins with a conversation... He's waiting... How about answering the door?

March 5, 2012

Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her

A Morning Observation from a Fellow Traveler...

If you are a member of the body of Christ, and have been disappointed by the Body. Don't be mad at God.  We are an imperfect people - keep your eyes on HIM. Although people may disappoint you - HE NEVER WILL. Continue to walk towards Him - NOT away.  He knows you better than you know yourself.  We only see in part but HE sees in FULL. Don't ever let people keep you from all that God has in store for you.  Remember, He can use our mistakes for His glory.  Keep your eyes on Him.  He knows the plans He has for you - plans to give you a hope and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  It is not by "how good you can be." It is by His love, by His grace, by His mercy.  Sometimes we forget that His love is not "earned" it is a gift.  Don't let bitterness root in you for the disappointments in your life.  Even if you are in a prodigal state - You are STILL a child of the MOST HIGH God.  He loves you.  Someone needed to hear this today.  I don't know who you are - but I know that HE LOVES YOU.  "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that who so ever believes in Him shall NOT perish but have everlasting life."(John 3:16).  YOU ARE LOVABLE.  He has called YOU by name (Isaiah 43:1)  You are HIS.  Nothing you do surprises Him.  God wants the best for you.  Hold on.  Whatever you are going through, whatever you are feeling - HOLD ON.  He is there. He hasn't left. His arms are open wide.  Shut out the voice of the world and listen to Him calling you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock" (Revelations 3:20).  No matter what people tell you - God LOVES YOU. Right where you are - right here, right now.  You came to my page for a reason that only YOU and God know.  He loves YOU. The prodigals Father was RUNNING down the pathway before the prodigal even was in sight.  HE LOVES YOU. Right where you are at. How you are. He came so that you could have life and He wants you to have it ABUNDANTLY. (John 10:10)  - Just begin talking to Him.  In your own words, like you would a dear friend.  He's there. He's listening...

March 4, 2012

Are You Having Your Own "Spring" Thaw? - If Not, Maybe it's Time?

Is a "Thaw" Occurring in Your Life? Let it...


I've been doing a lot of personal reflection lately.  Tried sitting still for a bit to just "dial it down a bit." Something one of my Pink Sisters said to me this week has stuck with me, and I want to share it for those of you who are experiencing the same thing - and haven't really thought about it...

There has been hanging in my bathroom a beautiful saying that I've had for 19 years it says, "Loved the Wedding, Invite me to the Marriage" - God  I figured, since I'm separated and getting ready to go through a divorce, it was hypocritical for me to keep it hanging. That I needed to find a replacement saying, and last week - I found one. A cute little cloth with this embroidered onto it "And the Day Came When the Risk it Took to Remain Tight in The Bud Became Greater Than the Risk it Took to Bloom."


How TRUE is that? How many of us have felt that way? "Once bitten - twice shy?"  There are so many different ways that people deal with going through a tough time, going through a divorce or change of life, grieving, or facing a life or death situation.  For me, I didn't realize that I was looking every where and at everything except what had happened to me. Like my mind would go to everything else - BUT that. I've decided to sit down, stop for a moment - and allow myself to feel - whatever it is I'm feeling... Things happen in life that catch us totally off guard.  Usually, when tough times happen, we deal with them as best we can, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day.  The usual person just goes into "automatic pilot" and does whatever it takes to get through whatever that situation is.  It's not so different when YOU are the person it is occurring to.

I'm going to try to honestly write this blog and not cry while I'm doing it... Or heck, maybe I WILL allow the tears to stream down my face as I write this - I'm trying to be honest, remember?  When you go through a life threatening illness, your doctors go into "treatment mode" and so everything becomes "regimented." Your planner all of a sudden is full of doctors appointments, department specialities, what medications to take, etc.... You're in the "medical army" now.  Your name is "patient # or medical record #"  You aren't known by your individuality, your known by your "diagnosis." You go according to treatment schedule.  It took everything I had within me to physically get through a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiation.... And any emergencies with my port (which transport the very toxic chemo in your veins and throughout your system - it looks like a small "talk box" and was a royal pain in the... to me.) and whatever it is that happens between.  The only way I could emotionally get through it - was to focus on getting through each moment.  This doesn't only go for people going through a life threatening illness.  I'm quite sure it would be the same for anyone going through a loss of a loved one, or a sick love one as well - or maybe it's a totally different type of traumatic situation....

I've discovered that it is important for you - no matter what the reason, to allow yourself to feel.  I'm a breast cancer survivor of a year and a half.  Treatment was over for me last February 2011.  But the thaw is occurring.  My feelings are thawing out.  The pain is real.  The scare, the fear, the "OMG did I JUST go through that?" Is starting to set in.  The realization that I "didn't have the flu" I had cancer... And here is the new thing I've discovered. It is very easy to go into a mode I didn't know about - it's called the "I-gotta-live-life-fully-and-get-and-do-everything-NOW" syndrome.  The only comparison I have is it must be like a person who has been starving and is now sitting before a table FULL of food and feels like they have to scarf it all down right away - before it is taken away from them.  So they start using "both hands" shoveling it down as quickly as they can.... I didn't realize I was going through that kind of situation, where I felt like - I have to have this now!  I have to do this! I can't except that! I need to do this because I don't know IF I'll have a tomorrow."  The truth is - you never feel as though you've had "enough life."  We were all created with the desire to LIVE.  How many of us have ever said, I want to live until I'm 45 and then die.  No! We were created with a desire to live.  Originally Adam and Eve weren't meant to die. That wasn't God's plan.  They were meant to live in the garden of Eden forever and enjoy God's beauty forever.  But sin entered the world and changed all that.  However, our desire to live is still within us....

I think for me, dealing with all the changes that went along with having cancer - changes that probably would occurred in time but were expedited because of my situation - have added all to the thawing mess.  Going through a failed marriage is like a death of its own. You revisit your marriage over and over again - and wonder WHY you didn't realize things long ago.  It becomes a death.  No one gets married and thinks "and after the princess and the prince got married - they ran off into the sunset to years later and three kids after - go through a divorce..." The happily ever after - is one that we have to figure out and work towards ourselves.  And if you can't find happiness in your own-self - don't expect someone else to be able to do it for you...

What do YOU want? (Don't worry about how "much" time you have to do it). Are you the type of person who has put everyone and everything before yourself?  You are important, your feelings matter, its okay to have those "It's Me time" moments.  Maybe you are like me, and you need to sit down for a bit, re-evaluate, re-review, forgive yourself for a few screws up you've made, cry for a few minutes, wipe your eyes and then figure out where you go from there.  Your story isn't finished yet. Maybe God allowed you to go through whatever it is you went through (or are going through) so that you can help (or encourage) someone else who may need it down the line... I really do believe that while we may never know the reason why certain things happen, they happen for a reason... Somethings we just have to let go and trust that God knows what He is doing, even when we don't... How 'bout starting now?  And take your time... You won't figure it out in an hour or even a day... If God is patient with us, shouldn't we be the same?

I stopped this weekend, and the thought went into my head, "What would make me happy?"  And you know, I don't quite know the answer to that. It's one I really need to examine... People can't make you happy.  True happiness has to come from inside of you - and what "exactly" is the definition of happiness? I sat here trying to think of what I want - and I honestly got stuck.  I'm not talking about the "standard" person's answer to what would make you happy, I'm talking about true soul reflection about it.  And what steps can we take to make those things happen?  Because things don't always just come to you - sometimes you have to step out on faith and put them into motion.  And why DO we do the things we do?  Is it to (as I have done) numb the pain of really looking at the situation?  Or to avoid facing something?   There are certain things we just have to accept - worrying about them, being in fear of them, avoiding them are not going to make it "go away."  Isn't it time we "face the truth?"  God said, He came so that we could have life and have it more abundantly. (John 10:1-18) Walking in that abundance though is up to us.  Why worry about how long we get to do it? Why can't we just enjoy today?