The complexity of YOU

YOU.  Three little letters that make up the most complicated word I know.  YOU.
When I put YOU together with ME it creates the most beautiful song ever. It drowns out my worries, my fears the whole rest of the world fades away. All I see is YOU.

Y

O

U

I've been looking for YOU all my life and I didn't even know it and some how YOU found ME.  The recognition, the satisfaction in just knowing YOU is one that I can continuously marvel at.  The complexity of YOU. The magnificience of YOU.  YOU are my favorite book - the one I keep close to my bed and re-read over and over. Delighting in the story of YOU. The shear pleasure of turning the next page learning more about YOU and anticipating the ending. 

YOU are my favorite work of art.  I can stare at YOU for hours with eyes that never tire. I know YOU by heart.  I can visualize YOU with my eyes closed.  To everyone else YOU may just be an "old"throw away picture. But to me YOU are a work of art.  I know every inch of YOU and stand in awe that in my eyes YOU are the mere essence of perfection - faults and all.

YOU are my favorite song - YOU are a symphony of complicated notes that bring me to the edge and push me over.  A well worn album that I play over and over again and find myself humming in the course of a day. YOU are the song that gets stuck in my head.

YOU are North meets South. YOU  are Tony to my Maria. YOU are Rhett to my Scarlet. YOU are Jake to my Elwood. YOU are Belmont to my Casey. YOU are Wyatt to my Josephine. YOU are Romeo to my Juliet... YOU  are my hero AND my villain all in one. YOU are Chicago to my Boston. YOU are the stars, the moon the sky.

YOU are my favorite well worn Teddy Bear that is missing patches of fur, a left buttoned eye and yet still  sits upon my bed. Full of memories of yester-year.

YOU are my favorite recipe - YOU stir up passion and delight and curiosity and satisfaction all within the same dish.

YOU are a thunderstorm that drives me to the brink of crazy! A stubborn mix of thunder and lightening and blinding rain which brings me to the edges of insanity.

I love YOU.
I want YOU.
 I need YOU. 

When YOU and me come together we become "WE."  Which is even more magnificent than "YOU."

Everyone should have a YOU. But in the complexity of WE. I'm glad its ME.

Do YOU Babel? (Yes I Know - I spelled it incorrectly)

Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
 (Proverbs 25:15)

Did you ever play the game “Telephone” as a child? I remember playing this at camp with friends. We’d form a line, and the leader of the line would turn and whisper into the ear of the person beside her a secret and then that person would whisper it into the ear of the person beside her, and so on and so on until it reached the very last person at the end of the line. The person at the end would then turn to everyone and repeat what she had heard. How interesting it was to see that what had been the original “secret” had become distorted into something that the leader had never said – I always was astonished whenever I was at the beginning of the line to hear what the end results were, and then to clarify what the actual secret had been. It was funny as a child playing a game – as a grown up, not so funny.

Can you imagine what the world was like before the saga with the Tower of Babel? (Genesis 11:1-9). If I recall correctly, the people were trying to build a tower that would reach the Heavens. God did not want this to happen, so He confused their language. Can you imagine the chaos? The shock? The surprise? The confusion? And most of all – the astonishment?! Imagine being next to your life-long friend, “Ida” and all of a sudden you can’t understand a WORD she says???? And the results are misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger - when perhaps what was said was meant in love?

I think that we have “Babel” moments continue to happen even in this day and age. You can’t perceive how someone else will receive what you say (or write), because people receive out of their own experience, values and even sometimes – pain. Not everyone thinks the same. You have no idea when you say something how it will be “filtered out” into the mind of someone else, no matter how it is said (and the same goes visa versa). So how do we limit our “Babel” moments? I suppose that is a continuous life lesson. I think sensitivity is key, being non-judgmental as each person’s story is different. God looks at the heart. Man can only look at the “outward appearance.” Sometimes listening is sufficient.

Through my experience being a cancer survivor, my insight upon things has drastically changed from bc (before cancer). I have become more compassionate and less judgmental. I have learned to listen more and speak less. When I talk with other pink survivors (breast cancer survivors), I realize, as I listen, that I am not looking at a mirror image of myself. Each survivor has their own story, their own journey and their own place from which they’ve come. Their experience or the way they cope with the aftermath of their “storm” is no less significant than mine. We are as different in our experiences (and backgrounds) as fingerprints on fingers. Yet we share one thing in common - We’ve all come face to face with a life threatening disease that has changed us in many different ways and in many different aspects of our lives. That is what unites us. Strangers turned into Sisters.

What makes me embrace my fellow pink sister is the fact that we allow each other to feel – whatever we are feeling. There is no right or wrong way. We allow each other to “express” our circumstances however the need is - to rant or rave, to pray, to vent or cry, to laugh or act ridiculously silly. These are a few of the qualities that endear us to each other. There is “NO WRONG OR RIGHT WAY.” We allow each other to FEEL. I think that is something that perhaps others can learn. Our stories are diverse – and yes, there are those “Babel” moments. Where you learn what the scripture means when it says, “To guard your heart.” (Proverbs 4:23) Understanding, compassion, forgiveness, patience and looking outside one’s self is something I think we would all do well to walk in. If I stub my toe, I may “hop around on one foot.” That does not make my pain any less relevant than yours if you’re not a “foot hopper” when you stub your toe. And while I can’t promise that I won’t laugh at how you express your pain ( if you are a friend of mine) I can promise that I will be there to help you through it and make you smile through your tears and certainly try to make you feel better than worse for stubbing your toe in the first place. Smiles and bad moods are contagious. You determine which one you’d rather spread. A smile goes a long, long way…

The Call...

How is it we take so much for granted - until we don't?

Did you see it? The day the world changed?  I saw it! I never believed in "dimensions in time" before that day.  But I remember it so clearly... It happened with just one call.

What is one suppose to do when they get that call.  There is nothing in my repertoire that prepared me for how I should act.  What is the proper etiquette?

I had stepped off the pages of my familiar life into a vortex. 

Can you still see me? 

I am moving in slow motion... Feeling invisible while you go on with your every day life - unscathed.

How can YOU go on like that? Like nothing has changed?  Going about your usual duties... Thinking of your plans, your tasks, your work. How DARE you! Stop! Right NOW!  You are moving so fast - while I am moving in sloooooow motion...

"Helloooooo!!! Can you see me????"  A strong desire to wave my hand in front of your face.  I'm quite sure I've become invisible.  WHY do I FEEL like I am NO LONGER a part of the HUMAN RACE???

I feel ALONE. So ALONE.

You can't SHARE this with me.  It's not something you can SHARE because it is happening to ME.

I can't even FATHOM WHAT it is that has happened. 

My mind is outside of my body.... Incredulous.  Unaccepting.  Astonished....

I want to shake you!  I want to cry out to you - "Help me! Help me!!! Please wake me up from this horrible, horrible dream!!! This CAN'T BE!" But you don't see the changes.  Maybe you don't even see me? Because you walk right by caught up in your thoughts, in your agenda, in your plans... I HAD plans TOO!

As hard as I try to go about my normal daily duties - I can't.  I keep thinking, "We are not the same anymore..."  You can't understand. You can't experience this from the same place as I.  Its as if there is a chasm between us.  I once was where you are - but you have never been where I am. 

"Where am I?"

Even if you wanted to - you can't.

"What happened? What is going on? How did this happen? Why did this happen? Did this even happen?" 

I want to scream! I want to shout! I want to cry!  -  But I can't because I'm on the outside looking in...

This is NOT happening.  Not to ME.  I'm YOUNG. I'm not old yet! This can't happen - not to ME. No! No! No!!!!!

Who is that lying on that hospital bed with the backless hospital gown on, going through all those tests? Staring up at the drop down ceiling in the basement of the Radiology department of some hospital.

What did you say?

"Blah Blahh Blahhh... Cancer. Blah blah blahhh surgery... Blah blah blahhh chemo..."

Why can't I understand your words?  Why do you sound like Charlie Brown's teacher?  I see your lips moving - but I can't understand your words?

I turn my head and look at my mother... My safety net. The woman who birthed me.  She reaches out and touches my hand... I feel it.... I FEEL IT!   My eyes beseech her for understanding.  For clarity.  For understanding.  She leans over and kisses my forehead.

She see's me! I'm not invisible.  I'm still here!!!

She translates the Oncologist words.  It's not the words I understand and accept, it's her reassuring firm motherly tone that soothes me.  It's the way she is holding my hand.  It's the strength in her voice.  The same familiar strength I've heard throughout many moments in my life.  Like when I was a child and woke up from a bad dream, and she comforted me as only a mother can do. 
Her voice becomes my lullaby. Rhythmic. Soothing. Like the comfort an unborn baby gets from the pulsating familiar sound of a mother's heartbeat.

"One step at a time.  Come on. We can do this. FIGHT. You are not alone.  See? Here is my hand. FIGHT.  I am NOT going to let you give up! FIGHT. Moment by moment - see? We've already made it to the next.  Look - there's another one. FIGHT."

I do it because she says to.  She's my mother.  She knows.  The vortex is getting smaller now. I can step from the hole back onto the groove of humanity.  Because she tells me to.
FIGHT.

I'm concentrating on the word with ALL I have. FIGHT.  Don't GIVE in. Don't GIVE up. Don't let go. Don't think too hard. FIGHT.

 I don't recognize the woman in the mirror.  Who is she?  She kinda looks like me.

FIGHT.

My senses are gone... All except for the sense of smell... Will I EVER get that smell of chemotherapy out of my nose??? It sickens me... Taste is exaggerated, I never want to see another Jolly Rancher for as long as I live....

FIGHT.

How did the moments turn into minutes? Into hours? Into days? Into months?  Chemo is over now - switching it up to radiation...  How can something you don't FEEL cause SUCH burns?  Will it EVER stop?

F I G H T.

Radiation is over. So are the doctor appointments. So is the treatment.  It has been a success...

What do I do now?

LIVE.

I turn and scratch my peach fuzz head...

Live?  How?  I don't remember how?

JUST LIVE.

And so I do..  Tentatively, like a baby learning how to walk.  Unsure of whether or not I'll lose my balance and fall... I can see those who stood by me throughout this whole ordeal - the TRUE ones.  Ready to catch me should I begin to fall.

"LIVE," they say encouragingly...  LIVE.

And so I will... Each moment, each minute, each day.  Not as before.  Never as before.  I've lost the know-how to BE as before.  I am changed...

Changed - but very much ALIVE...

Rise ABOVE it.

Whatever it is - RISE ABOVE IT.

I guess you could say I had an epiphany today as I was driving... Maybe this is a common one for most people - but I have always been a late bloomer who wears her heart on her sleeve... Here it is - very simple but hard at the same time. "Don't let people define who you are."

It is so easy to allow how someone views you to become your view of yourself.  No one has the right to categorize you or judge you (nor do we have the right to judge or categorize them). We can't control how other people act - but we can control how we think, how we feel, how we respond.  It seems like it should be the easiest thing in the world - but its not...

As I was driving this weekend, I realized that the only power people have over you is the power you allow them to have....  It got me to thinking about the Wizard of Oz.  How scared everyone was of the Wizard of Oz.  They were in awe of him, yet they were terrified at the same time... And it turned out that he was nothing but a little man trying to be a BIG wizard behind the screen.  How foolish those people would have felt had it been a real life thing.  But there are times in life when people and situations seem soooooo MUCH bigger than they are.

How much power are you giving people?  Are they making you view yourself with their disoriented view?  Writing this I'm almost embarrassed when I think back to situations when I allowed someone else's insecurities and wrongful attitudes to affect my view of myself.  I feel sorry for that person now.  I don't say that in a hateful spirit.  I say that because there are times when we need to "rise above it."  No wonder the Bible tells us to "pray for those who persecute us." (Matthew 5:44).  I must admit that there are times when I haven't done that. Times when the last thing I wanted to do was PRAY for someone who was hurting my feelings.  And then I had to take a long hard look at the situation and wonder WHY I was allowing myself to feel hurt?  If someone doesn't come to you and tell you what you have done to offend them, and you have asked repeatedly - then the responsibility is no longer on your shoulders.  It is on theirs.  The Bible also says, "When you have done all you can - then simply stand." (Ephesians 6:13).

We live in a world where we don't know the "fullness" of ANY ONE'S story.  As they don't know the fullness of ours.  We don't know what they've been through, what insecurities they have, where their heart is.  Only God sees the full story.  I learned a long time ago not to judge others  - because when I did, that is when my own faults became more vivid and clear and I realized that WHO am I to judge??  Only God knows each person's heart (including our own).  Understanding this has made it easier for me to look past my own hurts... Okay, to be honest - maybe after the fact... but what really matters, is what you do with what you learn, right?

Sometimes the situations that occur in our lives are not of our own doing - and what it does it throw us off track from what is *really* important.  Each of us has a calling, we can allow situations and people to hinder us from that calling, or we can choose to learn from it and move forward or to let it stunt our growth, our purpose and our own opinion of ourselves.

How silly it all seems to me now... I have a higher calling - YOU DO TOO.  Rise above it, pray and move forward. Its not always an easy thing to do - nothing WORTH anything IS easy.  But it will make you feel a lot better about the person YOU are.  The bumps in the road of life are just that - bumps and part of the journey.... Time to move on...

 

 







Let There be Peace - is That REALLY What You Want?

As a camper, we use to a sing a song that I’m not sure kids are taught anymore, but perhaps should be? The lyrics went like this:

“Let there be peace on earth

And let it begin with me.

Let there be peace on earth

The peace that was meant to be.

With God as our Father

Brothers all are we.

Let me walk with my brother

In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me

Let this be the moment now.

With every step i take

Let this be my solemn vow.

To take each moment

And live each moment

With peace eternally.

Let there be peace on earth,

And let it begin with me.”

People talk about peace and wanting it. But so often they don’t start with “themselves.” My own personal opinion is that the biggest problem that exists in this world can be summed up in one word -“Communication.”

The biggest cause of arguments and fights and disagreements are from mis-understandings. Its like a snowball that starts out as a little snowflake and rolls on and on until it becomes a huge boulder of snow growing to epic proportions until you can’t even remember what it was that was the issue in the beginning. I have seen this happen in families, in friendships, within the work environment. Perhaps instead of pointing a finger at someone else, we should turn that finger inward – towards ourselves...

Do you really want peace in this world? What can you do to contribute to it? Perhaps peace begins when you have an issue with someone – going directly to them to resolve it? In love, without condemnation. We cannot control how someone response to us or even take responsibility for someone else’s actions. We can take responsibility for our own.

I was thinking this week about Jesus, and how He was falsely accused of things He didn’t do. He was spat upon, called names – crucified for a crime He didn’t commit. I know we can't possibly imagine or assume the pain and anguish He was under, but I can't help but wonder what felt heavier – the weight of the cross against His bloody torn and beaten back as He walked the streets on route to Golgatha or the weight of sorrow His heart must have felt by being misunderstood, accused, lied about by a people who He came only to love, heal and to save?

How amazing that He stayed focus on His goal. How many of us would have stopped and yelled out to God the Father, “ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! I tried Father. I quit! I can’t DO this anymore?! Take this yoke off my shoulders. I cannot drink of this cup! I’ve had enough of these wayward, sinful people! Do what YOU like with them! I’m done!”

He could have dropped the cross called forth legions of angels and gone back to the Heavens.  But He chose NOT to do that. His grace, His mercy, His love... Did His heart break for us? He was only trying to LOVE us. To make a way where there had been NO way. Abused, misunderstood and hated – all for loving us. Yet still He kept going. He didn’t give up. He kept on. For THEM, for YOU for ME. Until upon that cross with His arms stretched out wide – He finally said, “It is Finished.” (John 19:30)

When you think about that, it kind of puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? The Bible tells us “there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) How true that is.

Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with ME.

The Tsunami Called Breast Cancer - Dedicated with Much love to my Pink Sisters and EVERY Survivor

Dedicated in Remembrance to one very special Pink - Tracy, who lived life FULLY and was taken away from us way to soon.  She touched the lives of all who knew her and was a perfect example of someone who no matter what hand life dealt her was able to "live in the moment." She is missed by SO many but never forgotten.  Written with MUCH love to those that have fought the battle and those that continue to do so, until a cure has been found.
 

What a relief it would be to let my feelings pour out upon this page like a flood bursting from a dam. But I am experiencing an emotional drought. As if I’m having a riga mortis of my emotions. My eyes sting, there are no tears. Perhaps I am shell shocked? A prisoner inside my own head…

I am walking along the shore of my life. All you know about me is what you see now. The ravages of a tsunami called breast cancer stormed into my life.
No warning
No forecast.
The storm clouds came in so quickly I had no time to plan or to gather my thoughts.
No time to think.
The waves were over my head leaving me no time to do anything other than swim with the tide. Every moment I fought for my life. It left me unrecognizable to my own self.

Who IS this woman? I do not recognize her? Where am I? Who am I? What happened???

 Like a person caught in the middle of a bad dream, I couldn’t wake up no matter how hard I tried. Talk about a crash course in learning? What was once only the pretty pink magnetic ribbons you see while in the checkout line of a grocery store became a crash course of Breast Cancer 101. I learned MORE than I ever wanted to know about my body. I was asked to make options and make choices as if I was shopping online and choosing between one item or another.

 “Would you prefer a mastectomy or a lumpectomy? Although you are a great candidate for a lumpectomy the choice is yours….”

Like a bad dream where the girl is trying to run away from the murderer the only thing I could think of at that time was:

“JUST GET IT OUT. CUT IT OUT. GET IT OUT!!! I DON’T CARE HOW – JUST DO IT!”

So hard to believe that one lump the size of a nickel, one painless little lump right where you would place your hand to say The Pledge of Allegiance, was capable of sucking the life out of me. Like a tick or a leach. Capable of whipping into a strong storm that would become a tsunami that would affect every area of my life and that of my family leaving no stone unturned. How strange is it that cleaning up the aftermath of the tsunami hurts more than the tsunami itself?

Walking along the shore, two years have passed. The Tsunami is gone now. So is life as I knew it.

 Is this shore my life?

Yep… I recognize that broken piece of china. It was 19 years old. You wouldn’t know it by looking at it now, but that use to be a china cup called “marriage.” I won’t lie to you, it had a chip in it before the storm occurred. I think I accidently chipped it. But it was still drinkable… It was my fault, the chipping. But the storm, well the cup couldn’t tolerate the gales of wind. The tidal wave shattered it into that unrecognizable piece of china you see right there. Throw it down now – before you cut your finger on that jagged piece. It’s no good to anyone. It’s just a memory of what once was.

Gazing around the shore of my life – I see familiar fragments of things that once were. Running my fingers through my shortcurls I lick lips that are dry. Trying to figure out which way of the shore I should walk.

 I would walk back the way I came, but I don’t know how. I would walk ahead – but I’m uncertain of where that would take me. I’ve lost my direction. I am in an unfamiliar place. I go and sit on the edge of a levy, feeling very much alone.

 “Helllooooooooooo!!!” I yell. The sound echos, “Anyone there????”

Way off in the distance I can see a figure walking in my direction. A tiny little blurry figure. I walk towards the figure, nibbling on the bottom corner of my lip. Walking past strewn items of my life like seaweed and kelp gathered on the sandy shore.

It is another woman. She looks at me. I look at her. “What the hell just happened?” I ask her. (A very strange question to ask a stranger.) But I recognize something within this woman.

 “I don’t know,” she replies. “ I was hoping you would know.”

We find ourselves continuing our walk, how odd that I’ve never known this woman before – yet we are sisters. She reaches out to give my hand a sisterly squeeze that says, “You are not alone.” I squeeze her’s back. We don’t know where we are going, or why we are here. But we keep walking.

Soon we can see another figure in the distance. She joins us. Another of our sisters… and another and another and another… Until we are holding the hands of many women, an unfortunate continuing line which grows and grows and continues to grow. A sorority none of us asked to pledge. A pink rover line. Although we wince at every new hand held – joining our line, there is comfort in numbers. Not one of us understands the “why” of it. But there is an assurance and a comfort that comes in just “being” together.
We cry together.
We laugh together.
We are quiet together.
We mourn together – not only the lives of those who have had to let go of our fingers (but never our hearts) and moved on to the heavenly shores of eternity – but we mourn for our own lives. The lives we once knew.

Oh don’t mistake any one of US as weak. The waves of the tsunami have beaten us down but we’ve arisen stronger. Our senses for life more keen, our appreciation for today – strong. It is as though we’ve arisen from the storm with a vibrancy. Shouldn’t it be an oxymoron that we can be both vulnerable and strong?

Yet I move forward, still picking up the pieces of a shattered old life, appreciative of the ability to map out a new one. Trying to figure out who this new woman is? This one called – “me.” Alone – yet not alone…

Looking at the horizon, not certain what the future holds in store. Feeling the responsibility of even being “given” a future, learning to “live in the moment” thankful for a God who, while I only have seen in part – He has seen in full. He has seen the “fullness” of “Me.” There is a comfort in that. It must be where the “peace that passes all understanding” abides, completely and totally in Him.

Copyrighted 2012, Written by Kelly Lynne Richards

The Prodigal Daughter: Tomorrow, Living in the Moment & Buffet Style Li...

The Prodigal Daughter: Tomorrow, Living in the Moment and Buffet Style Li...:  My Latest Tatt - L'Chaim is Hebrew and means "To Life!"  Let's toast life by the way we live it. By the way we encourage others to l...

Tomorrow, Living in the Moment and Buffet Style Living...



My Latest Tatt - L'Chaim is Hebrew and means "To Life!"
 Let's toast life by the way we live it.
By the way we encourage others to live... May all your tomorrows (and more importantly your "todays") be filled with life. 


Live in the moment… How does one DO that? Is it about appreciating what you have? I do that already… Is it about cherishing life? I do that too. We were originally made to live FOREVER in the Garden of Eden. Maybe that is why we have the automatic expectation that tomorrow will come. But when you’ve been faced with an illness that makes you question “all your tomorrows” suddenly you are stripped of that luxury of it being a given, “tomorrow” is something that is not taken for granted anymore. All of a sudden you feel like a person at an “all-you-can-eat buffet” where you are just trying to stuff all the good things of the this buffet table called life on your plate. Filling your plate with “some of this” or “some of that” because you are afraid that it won’t be there – tomorrow… There is never enough life. Never enough experiences… Never enough kisses you can plant upon your children. Your heart and soul cries out MORE. MORE TOMORROWS!!! So how does one go about living in the moment? Living for today?


After two years of being a Breast Cancer Survivor, I don’t know the answer for that. I’m STILL trying to figure it out. I’m told that in time it gets easier, but I’m not sure I believe it… I don’t know HOW to live as if I don’t have tomorrow. My hope is in tomorrow. I look forward to tomorrow. I plan for tomorrow. It’s my automatic pilot that goes into effect. I think it is the way we were made… Maybe it would be better to say – be thankful for today. I am. Maybe it would be better to say – tell those that you love you love them – today. I do. And then perhaps go one step further… Make a difference in someone else’s life. Pray for someone. Encourage someone. Squeeze their hand. Make someone smile. Share your experiences. Help someone else not to feel alone. Because honestly, the worst feeling in the world – is not being a cancer survivor, it’s feeling alone. Like if you weren’t here anymore – it wouldn’t even cause a ripple on the river of life. If you can make one person who dreads tomorrow have a change of heart. If you can extend your right hand behind you – for someone else to grasp, to help them feel as though they matter. Then today is a day well spent.

I think I’m always going to want a “tomorrow.” I think I’ll never stop… But in the meantime, I’m going to try real hard to show my appreciation for today… It kind of puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?

Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying - HQ (Official)

Please Vote

I am a Survivor of Triple Negative Breast Cancer.  Please vote - all breast cancers are equally bad, make no mistake of that... But Triple Negative is the type that they no least about.  The only treatment for it is surgery (mastectomy or lumpectomy), chemotherapy and/or radiation.  They need more money to do research.  Please vote: http://fb.chasegiving.com/charity/view/ein/20-5880756#
Your vote will help save lives.  I am a two year survivor who is very blessed because I caught it early. We have to get the word out that early detection is KEY.  It is what saved my life.  Cancer (in my case breast cancer)  is no respector of persons.  There was no history of it in my family. It doesn't matter your age, nationality, religion - it affects ALL of us.  Please help us find a cure.

Thank you and God bless you - from the bottom of my heart and from my "Pink" sisters as well.

~ Kelly (Casey)

Who You Gonna Trust? How 'Bout The Holy Ghost Buster?

Preconceived notions… How many times have we had one? People have them all the time. I think it is a dangerous thing to do… It goes right up there with “Assuming.” And we all know what the word “Assume” breaks down to, don’t we? I look at my life prior to breast cancer and I think how unintentionally judgmental I was. I think about Jesus, and how to be Christian means to be “Christ-Like.” I believe that if you are a Christian, that that is something you strive to become, all your life. Jesus was compassionate, he was gentle, he was understanding. Yes – He was firm! But everything He did, everything He said – was said IN LOVE. We are to gently restore one another, to be firm – YET kind. You never know what a person has experienced in their life. You have all heard the saying, “you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar?” I have seen a lot of brethren who seem to be “happy” at the short comings or falls of a brother or sister in Christ, to actually snicker or rejoice, or gossip over areas of weakness that a brother or sister might have… I think that is soooo wrong… If I was to be transparent to you, and honest, I could honestly tell you that I look back on my own life, and I see that the things I said I would NEVER do – I have done! The same things that I vehemently accused someone close to me in doing – I have found MYSELF having done! Perhaps not for the same reasons as they – but it doesn’t matter…. Sin, is sin. Maybe God appreciates it more when we are honest with Him? When we (to Him) admit to our sins? Our short comings? When we can admit and say to Him, “Lord, I cannot change this part of ME. HELP ME. Lord, I don’t understand why I do the things I do. Please help me to change what it is about me that You would like changed?” Maybe, He allows us to go through certain situations, so that we can admit how very much we need Him? That we can admit that it is NOTHING that we’ve have done (or do) that make us “Heaven-worthy.” The Bible tells us that “Our Righteousness is as filthy rags.” (Isaiah 64:6) How every glad I am that I am not under the Old Testament Law, how thankful I am that Jesus came and paid the price with his precious blood. As He hung on the cross, He looked down through the course of history and SAW ME. Saw MY sins – and STILL IN LOVE, He died on that cross for ME (and if you can be honest with yourself – for YOU too!!!)


Honestly, I do not think it is up to us to judge someone else. The Bible tells us, “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.” (Matthew 7:2). God knows a person’s heart. He knows what they have gone through, He sees in full – we see only in part. In 2 Timothy 3:16 it tells us that “All scripture is useful for teaching, for convincing, for correction of error, and for instruction for doing right.” But it is HOW you teach it that makes the difference. Do you wave a finger and criticize and yell at the person? Or do you lift up their chin in your fingers, look them deeply and compassionately in the eyes, and tell them that “God loves them. That He knows where they are struggling and if they can admit it to Him, that they CANNOT change in and of their own accord – BUT that HE can change them IF they are open to it” – which one do you think will be well received??



You might find that the you end up wearing the very SAME shoes that the person you so strongly judged (either vehemently or unknowingly) and find that those shoes are very uncomfortable indeed… Instead of shaking your head at them, or condemning them, or judging them – how ‘bout digging real deep and LOVING them enough to pray that God will make a difference in their lives? If you have been a Christian for a number of years, think back to all the things about yourself that God changed in YOU – because YOU ASKED Him to. Because YOU opened yourself UP to His changing you. Because you realized that you couldn’t do it by yourself… That you needed HIM to do it. It makes sense when you think about it – doesn’t it? Afterall, who knows you better than the One who created you? Remember it says in Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you. Before you were born – I set you apart.” No one knows you like HE does. No one ever will. Not even YOU, Yourself.

Seasons of Love - RENT

Somewhere in Time...

A Message in Time

Time stops for no man... How I wish it would.  How I wish we could hold on to certain moments and NOT LET GO.  What a loving God we serve that in creating us, gave us the BEST kind of internal camera - Our memories!  Think about... How a certain song or smell can bring you back to a certain time in your life? Or even a taste of a familiar food - can bring a flood of memories coming through.... Thank God for creating our senses!

My mother is turning 70 next week... SEVENTY.  How did THAT happen?? When did that happen?  I'm SO glad it happened!  But you see, in my eyes - my mom is "ageless."  Mom's "don't age," they stay the same - they are simply, "Mom."  How does time go by so quickly?  Although I am 45, I feel the SAME as I did when I was 16 - only wiser. (At least I hope I am....).  Isn't it funny how "old" is always 15 years "older than you are?"  (And, as I already indicated, that doesn't pertain to our parents...)  I look at elderly people, and  I finally understand what they meant when they looked at us, shook their head and said, "If I only knew THEN what I know NOW."  Our bodies are just shells.  Or as the Bible puts it "temples."They house who we REALLY are.  As I grow older, I understand this more and more.

As a birthday present, I bought my mom tickets to go see Maya Angelou.  I didn't expect her to want to take ME with her, but I'm so glad she did.  Dr. Angelou spoke of "having an attitude of gratitude" How we should let "thank you fall off of our lips often."  She spoke of how at a time in her life, when she was a single African American parent, she was asked to play a role in the Musical "Porgy and Bess."  A role that would take her around the world to perform.  She asked her son if it would be okay with him if she did this.  He went to stay with a relative while she did the tour (her son  - I think she said, was eight years old at the time.)  When she returned from the trip, her son was angry with her.  She went through a depression and contemplated commiting suicide - holding her son's hand and jumping off the balcony of their apartment.  When she realized what a danger she was becoming to herself and to her son, she went to get help.  She ended up going to her voice coach's house, telling him how she felt.  After listening to her, he said "Take this yellow pad of paper." (She took it from him). He then said, "Now, write down that you are grateful you can "take" that pad of paper when there are people that don't even have hands to reach for things. Now, write down that you are grateful that you have fingers that you can write with on that yellow pad of paper... Now write down that you are grateful that you can spell... And then when you think about it - write down that you are grateful you can read..." And he went on and on until she realized how MUCH she was"grateful" FOR. She then admitted to us all, that from that point on ALL of her writings/poems have been done on "Yellow pads of paper." (I wrote this from jotted down notes I took during her presentation - so please remember it's based on notes "I wrote" on not a yellow pad of paper - but a small white one, and I probably am not doing her "justice" in how she presented it).

I have a clock hanging in my living room. I got it from The Cracker Barrel Store - A store I love because you can have lunch there and shop too! This store sells items that represent many different eras. I bought a clock a year ago.  The name of the clock is "A Message in Time."  What I love about it, is that you can put tiny pictures on the walls of the clock right where each number for an hour would be. (See above photo). I have filled it with pictures of my three children.  Two of my kids decided they wanted to record what would be the "chime." They decided that the perfect chime for the clock would be a verse from the song "Seasons of Love" (from the musical "Rent.") They decided they would sing the following verse:

"Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes... How many minutes are in a year?" 

Every time my clock chimes, I hear my children singing that verse.  No matter how old they become (as long as the clock works), frozen in time will be their child-like voices, taking me back to the moment they (innocently) recorded it.

So I guess what we need to do, is to remember how precious this gift called life is. How precious time is... And if necessary - get ourselves "a pad of yellow paper" if it helps you (as it did Dr. Angelou) remember what a gift our lives are, and in the words of Dr. Angelou - ""See in yourself something SO WORTHY that you will not only live a unique life - but that you will live one in which you thrive with passion and compassion AND style!"

The clock chimes... It's time for me to go... I've got a 70th birthday party for a very special woman to prepare for... Tick tock... Time to make a memory.

Ready? Aim... Shoot.... FIRE! Another One Bite's The Dust!

Aim, Shoot and FIRE!

Sometimes I feel like David must have facing Goliath with just a slingshot and a stone.  Only my slingshot is my faith, and my stones are the promises that God has given me in His Word.

Have you ever faced a problem with your knees trembling?  Everything within you tells you to "run and hide." But you hear a quiet voice reminding you that "God did not give you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

Jesus told us "Take my Yoke upon you, and learn from me. I am humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:29)

I'm not sure if they still teach kids this - but when I was a kid in school, they taught us a song. The words went like this:  "He's got the whole world in His hands, He's got the whole wide world, in His hands, He's got the whole world in His hands, He's got the whole world in His hands."  We sang it innocently because we were told to (in music class).  But it is the truth.  Even His word says, "I have engraved you upon the palms of my hands."

He didn't promise us we wouldn't go through hardships, or storms or problems - but He did promise us that "He would never leave nor forsake us." 

I'm quite sure that David was scared as he faced that mean ol' giant.  But I think he also felt peace while he stood there because he recognized that the fight wasn't his.  He recognized and acknowledged that without God he could do nothing.  But with God, well "all things are possible."

With God on your side - there is no room for failure.  "The steps of the righteous are ordained by God." (Psalm 37). He ordained you. Your steps. YOU. 

Okay... I've got my slingshot.  Loading it up and aiming it at the current worry in my life... Down it goes!  Another one bites the dust!  It's your turn now... You GOT this! Because He has You.  Deep breath, exhale... Let it fly!

Jesus - Mary Did You Know Video - The Passion

Stop Yelling and Answer The Door!

It's for You and He's Not Leaving Until You Answer The Door....

The house is quiet... All I hear is the ticking of the clock on the living room wall. Seconds are going by that will never come back. Seconds that turn into minutes, that turns into hours, that turns into days, that turns into weeks, that turns into years...  How quickly time goes by.

I wonder how small we look to God? Did you ever wonder that?  Do we look to Him the way an ant hill looks to us?  It must seem so big to those ants at their viewpoint.  Do you wonder how God sees you amongst all the human beings there are in the earth?  Is it like one of those movies we see, where they show the earth from a distance, making it look like a turning globe.  Do you feel like you are reaching out your arms to God, jumping, yelling, stomping - wondering if He even hears you? Maybe there is a voice in your head saying, "Aw come on - why would He listen to you? He's got His plate full with prayer requests and peoples problems. What makes you think you are special? That He has time to hear your little itty bitty non-important concern?"

Don't listen to that voice.  It is the voice of the liar. He wants you to think that you don't matter, that your feelings don't count, that your life doesn't count that you are nothing more than a little ant standing on that ant hill.  The Bible tells us that   "He knows EVERY hair on your head." (Luke 12:7) You matter. Your thoughts, your life, YOU - you matter to Him.  In fact, you not only matter, He wants you to talk to Him.  He wants you to share your thoughts, your worries, your concerns - your life with Him.  He wants to be a part of your life.  He wants you to know that its "not about" joining a certain denomination or church (although it is good to be part of a place where you will spiritually grow and get fed).  It is about having a "personal" relationship with Him.  He's waiting to hear about your day.  Like a best friend waiting for the phone to ring, eager to pick it up and hear all about YOU.

He tells us "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, or reap or store away in barns,  and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they?" (Matthew 6:26)

He stands at the door knocking. (The door of your life). And here is the beauty of His love - He will stand there knocking and knocking and knocking - not giving up, even while you are going through the course of your life, shutting out that knocking sound... Covering it up with daily activities, ignoring it.  But deep inside your heart, you hear it.  What will it take for Him to make you lift your head and acknowledge His presence?  Let Him show you that you are not a little ant.  Or maybe even better than that - that those little ants He created serve a purpose.  Even those tiny little ants matter to Him - and He sees them hard at work on that anthill.  How much more so does He see YOU?  Open the door and let Him in.  You'll be so glad you did! "Behold I stand at the door and knock if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with Him and Him with me." (Revelations 3:20)  Isn't it time you made a date with your Heavenly Father? Imagine going out to eat with someone who already knows ALL about you - but wants you to tell them anways?  Someone who is sitting forward in their seat hanging on to your every word.  Looking at you with pride and love and adoration simply because you let them in?  Someone who is TRULY interested in everything you are thinking and have to say.  Someone who wants to truly share with you.  See you succeed, bless you abundantly.  And all you have to do is open the door and let Him in.  It will be the best door you ever opened in your whole life.

"El Shaddai" Michael Card

Grown Up Musical Chairs.... Are You in or Out? How FAST Are You Going?



Don't Let Your Life Be Like Musical Chairs... Your Purpose is YOURS and YOURS alone! It Is What Makes YOU Special! Get Quiet, Be Still and Listen... It's as Plain as The Nose on Your Face.

How strange it is... When you think about... We spend all our lives searching for a purpose.  Most of the time that purpose is as plain as the nose on our faces.  It is so clear, that we sometimes miss the simplicity of it all... The gifts you have been bestowed - are gifts that perhaps you take for granted, because you have been doing them all of your life.  Maybe it began with a gift for music - your parents had you take piano lessons, and your gift expanded.  Maybe you saw it more as "becoming a well rounded individual" then a gift you were suppose to use throughout the course of your life....

He created us each with a purpose.  My guess is that that purpose is one that we were born with and have spent all of our lives trying to discover.  How ironic is that when you think about it? Everyone has certain things about that them that make them special.  How ironic is it that more often than not we don't even see those very gifts as special?  We take them for granted, we shrug them off.  We become like dogs chasing their tails when all the time the answer was right before us....

We were born with a purpose.   We were born with individual gifts.  Kind of like a napsack full of things to get you through this journey called life.  Things that make up your personality.  Who you are..... Do you know what those gifts are?  Have you figured them out yet?  Maybe the things that have happened in your life have made you deaf to the very things that make you special?

There is so much noise around us.  the noise of the world, the noise of our problems.  Louder and faster and more problems and more distractions - until we are SPINNING with it. Faster and faster and faster we whirl, sometimes not even being able to take a breath before something else captures our attention and distracts us further. Sometimes the noise of life is so loud that we don't *hear* the beauty in the life God gave us.  Like a scene in a movie where you see someone's lips moving, but you can't hear what they are saying.  Or maybe it's the pace of our lives... We seem to go faster and faster.  Our days are filled with so much that we think needs to be done that the hours so quickly speed by.... I had a thought today, that the same game that we played as little children - one called "Musical Chairs" has become a grown up version.... We are walking in the midst of crowds, going faster and faster and faster trying to live up to expectations that society has perhaps deemed important.  Kind of like trying to grab the seat before someone else does.  What are we trying to prove and to who?  More often then not - I think it is to ourselves.... What has to go on in our lives in order for us to be considered "good enough" or "prosperous enough" or "successful enough"  the world's standards of this change constantly.  And the noise gets louder, and our purpose gets quieter, and our sense of frusturation grows.  We don't know who we are, why we are, where we are or where we are going...

We were created to serve a purpose. We were created in love with a purpose in mind.  Somewhere along the way, we forgot the reason.... If we're not careful we'll miss it in totalilty and at the end of the song of our lives, we'll realize that the very thing we wanted most of all - love, peace of mind, happiness, well being - we had the tools to have that "abundancy" that God created us to have, the whole time.  We just weren't paying attention...

The Prodigal Daughter: You ARE A Love Song - of The MOST Beautiful Kind.

The Prodigal Daughter: You ARE A Love Song - of The MOST Beautiful Kind.: There is a sense of vulnerability that I think if we allow ourselves to admit - is part of being human. We were made in a vulnerable sta...

My Soul Desire (Deniece Williams)

You ARE A Love Song - of The MOST Beautiful Kind.

There is a sense of vulnerability that I think if we allow ourselves to admit - is part of being human. We were made in a vulnerable state. We were made out of love, by a loving Creator. Think about it... He gave us senses - to see, taste, hear, smell and feel.  Why?  Only a loving God would want us to experience all the pleasure (and unfortunately) pain that comes with our senses.

Maybe that is why He made us with a vulnerability that is as much a part of us being human as our senses. Maybe being vulnerable isn't a bad thing? It helps us remember that we are *not* and weren't meant to be Him. Maybe it allows us to see (if we listen to our hearts) that He made us out of such a deep, deep love. Maybe we aren't *meant* to be "perfect" that He loves us inspite of our imperfections.

If you get still and listen *real* close - you will hear more than your own heart beat - you will hear the cry of your heart. If you really are honest with yourself, you'll recognize that cry is for your Creator. There is a part of us - a very large part of our hearts that knows that it cannot be filled with anything but Him.  That emptiness you are feeling? Have you tried to fill it with something else? That is only a substitute.  It was meant for Him and ONLY Him.  That part of us is reserved for Him.  Whether we admit it or not - it is part of who we are. Part of who we were made to be.

My soul cries out for my Creator.  Although sometimes the sound of the world around me distract me (as it does you). But as round about things as we may go - we always come back to the need inside of us. The need for Him.

There is a thirst that can only be quenched with the recognition and acknowledgement of WHY we were created and for WHO.  Deny it, ignore it, drown it out - but it will always, always, always be there.  Testimony of Him is all around us. HE is all around us.

Our bodies are frail. They were made to be temples which house who we *really* are. They are a shell. Sometimes we don't realize how fragile they are until something happens to draw our attention to it. For me, it was breast cancer.  Why is it that we don't see what it is that has always been before us? That is why it is so important to respect your body. To take care of it. To praise Him for we are truly wonderfully and magnificiently made. What a God we serve? What a Creator... Every part of us was thoughtfully and lovingly put together.  Think about all the physical enjoyment He has provided our bodies to experience.  TELL ME that is NOT love?  He didn't have to make us that way.  Eyes to see, Noses to smell, fingers to touch, ears to hear.... We were made like a love song. And each time a life is created, it is a new song.  A one of a kind song.  How could you not love a God who is so full of love? No wonder the Heavens rejoice in praise and worship.  He is WORTHY of honor, glory and praise.  And I for one am glad - that no matter where I am in my journey.  No matter how many mistakes or "wrong turns" I make.  No matter where I feel I am spiritually.  There is a song in my heart - that is meant NOT for man.  But for HIM.

Only YOU Know How the Story Ends...

She wanted that balloon more than anything...

A short story - written by me... And by You...
Once upon a time, there was a girl walking along when she noticed a blue balloon, with it's string dancing in the wind just out of her reach.  Oh how she wanted that balloon.  She tried time and time again to reach for it. Straining, standing on her tippy toes to grab it - the balloon was always just out of reach.  She wanted that balloon... Oh how she wanted it.  Soon nothing else mattered to her except the need to have that balloon.  She ran after it and sometimes it even seemed to come closer to her.  To tease her.  She lost track of everything else but that blue balloon.  At times it was close enough for her to even see her reflection in the blueness of it.  But it was always just out of reach.  It played with her, it went around her.  Her heart's desire became that balloon. She would visualize what it would be like once she caught hold of the string.  How she would hold the string tight and run with it and dance with it and rub her face against it.  She had to have it.  She wanted it.  It was hers, now if only she could touch it. Feel it, hold it.

Soon the girl began to get discouraged.  Her arms and fingers ached from reaching and trying to grab that string.  She began to doubt that she would be able to get it afterall.  And for the first time, wondered who it had belonged to in the first place? How had it gotten away? Would it really be as good as she pictured it would be - to hold it? And have it?  She wondered how long she could last and would she ever get to hold the balloon? Or would she always be chasing after it - hoping, wanting, dreaming of holding it. She began to get angry at the balloon. Stomped her feet and demanded outloud that it come to her now!  But the balloon seemed to laugh at her, wave its string and drift farther away.

What ended up happening to that balloon? Did she get it? I would tell you, but it's ending is different for each person. The ending depends... upon the person and the balloon.... It is up to you.... The ending is for you to know... And maybe no one else... 'cept perhaps the balloon...

MercyMe - I Can Only Imagine

He Sees You When You're Sleeping, He Knows When You're Awake...

It's Easter weekend or Resurrection weekend as some like to call it... It is one of my favorite holidays because it makes me remember what Jesus did for me. How as He hung on that cross He looked through the course of history and saw ME... Have you ever used "Google Earth?" It helps map a particular address you are looking for by zooming in on the street from a satellite.  It zooms to the earth and then as you get closer to the section of the map the address is on. You can see trees, roads, and then there it is! The location you are looking for! An actual photograph of the house or residence.  It zooms down till you can even see cars parked in the driveway!  When I think of Jesus up on that cross. I think of how in His mind He may have zoomed through the course of history way down into the photographic life of ME.  Maybe that is what helped make being up there, palms nailed, feet nailed, side pierced tolerable? (If you can even USE such a phrase for a time like that?) Maybe the Holy Spirit allowed Him to see EACH and EVERY person He was dying on that cross for in detail.  Flashes of all of us. The reason why He was up there.  The reason He CHOSE to be up there for us.  Because He loves us... He saw YOU He saw ME and STILL He chose the cross.

Easter is also a time to me to reflect on the things that I need to change within myself. It "resurrects" all these feelings of inadequacy within me that I need to sort out. What is resurrecting in you? Whether you are celebrating Passover or Easter, it definitely is a Holy time. What is it that God is saying to YOU about YOU? For me, I see all my sins that Jesus died on the cross for. It humbles me. It makes me thankful that we are not living under the law anymore... It makes me appreciative of what He did. It seems to be a constant theme running in my head, "Nothing but His grace, His love and His mercy." But I also think that we can use that as an excuse not to try to change those things within us that need changing. He died for a reason.  He had a purpose.  What is your purpose? What is it that God wants you to do in your life? Each of us has a purpose, each of us have gifts.  God gave us the gift of His Son.

 "For God so loved the world that He gave His ownly begotten Son.  That whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16) 

He gave us His Son.  What do we have to give? I know the response is "our lives" but have you ever looked at your life and thought... "Gee, it is in shambles... I'm not even sure what to do with it... Would he really want THIS? Sometimes I'm not even sure I want this... My life is dirty, its a mess. I can't give this to God." YES YOU CAN.

 "Though your sins are scarlet I will make them white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18)

What an amazing God we serve. We need to just give it to Him. Our lives. In whatever condition they are in. Let Him transform us. Sometimes it can feel like that is the hardest thing in the world to do. We doubt that God wants us, that we can really come to Him as we are. It's even harder to do if you are a prodigal. Because you are trying to make your way back to Him and your sins and doubts, and regrets and worries and inadequacies are all before you.  You can't hide them from Him. He knows. He sees what state you are in.  But here is the thing - HE LOVES YOU ANYWAYS.  See His hand? He's holding it out to you. His crucified palm is facing up to receive your hand in His.  Take it.  You may not think what a difference it will make - but you truly won't know, until you do it.  It WILL make a difference.  There is a reason why they call it a "personal relationship" with God.  What do you have to lose?  Look at the steps behind you... You have a choice.  You can either stay on the pathway you are on - which may feel mundane, may feel hopeless, may feel like you have no direction.  Or you can reach out and take His hand.  See where He wants to lead you.  He has a purpose for your life.  He created you for a reason.  There are things that He wants you to do that NO ONE else can do. Only YOU.  Yes YOU - He's talkin' to YOU.  Put your hand in His and let Him lead you forward or as the Bible says:

"Taste and see that the Lord is Good."(Psalms 34:8) 

No one can "taste it" for you. You have to try and experience it for yourself... Go on now, He's waiting... He's holding out His hand for you. Take it. You were born for a reason.

 "I knew you when you were formed in your mother's womb." (Jeremiah 1:5)

 Isn't it time you discovered all that He has for you? Your purpose? You have one you know. Maybe it's time to take His hand and discover what it is...

The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...

The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...: Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our da...

Blake Shelton - Who Are You When I'm Not Looking (Official Video)

Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE reflection or is there MORE?

Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our day.  We put up so many shields, or walls - because we think that is what we have to do.  Sometimes we do it so well we don't even know who the real us is anymore.  Our lives move at such a fast pace sometimes we can't even keep up with it.  Who are you?  Do you even know? Who do you want to be? Do you have faith in yourself? Or are you so busy being what you think everyone wants you to be that you have lost track of who you are?  And if you have - isn't time you re-discover (or even re-believe) in yourself?  The thing is - it doesn't really matter what people think when it comes down to it.  When you look back over the course of your life, will you have lived to please others? Or will you look back on your life with a satisfied, "yeah, I said what I had to say, did what I had to do - and did it well."

What really matters?  There is no perfect person out there.  Sometimes the standards we set for ourselves are so high that we can't possibly fulfill them all.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.  We measure ourselves up to "The Jones" - WHY?  What is so special about "The Jones" that we have to compare ourselves to them?  What a boring place the world would be if we were all "carbon copies" of each other.  How bland that sounds.  I almost feel sorry for "The Jones" because the pressure to stay where they are must be so high.... Celebrate you. Take down those walls - perhaps they only are there because of your fear of rejection? Of not fitting in?  (Of not fitting in WHERE? And do you really want to be some place where you are being made to "fit in" to a mold that perhaps is not you?)   I hope the words of my blog are making you really think.  If you strip away all of the special gifts God has given you that have made you the individual you are - it is like a meal without flavor.  God made you as individual as he did your hand print.  It should be celebrated - NOT hidden.  Don't allow others to measure who you are. When we do that, we feel all the things we shouldn't "envy, jealousy, low self-esteem, anger, depression" so what is upside of that?  Makes me think back on the childhood fairytale "Snow White."  The Queen's self-esteem revolved around being the most beautiful woman in the Kingdom.  "Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all?"  When the mirror answered "Snow White" all those insecurities came to the surface.  Remember?  If the Mirror had answered back - "Queen, why are you worried about being the fairest? Look at the beauty that is deep inside of you, you have this, this and this gift..."  Perhaps the story would have changed into a different one?  What is YOUR story? Have you spent your whole life comparing yourself to someone else?  How is that working for you? Think about it...

Who am I?  I realize I have been my own worst critic.  I think in reaching my forties, I began to really discover who I am.  The popularity contests that happened throughout school years didn't much matter anymore - as many of those people are no longer in your life, and you realize - what they "thought" really didn't matter much, we were together only because we were in the same situation. Who were they to determine who I was?  Why did I give it so much importance at the time?  What a waste of ME. Now I know,  with my forties came self-acceptance, yet with the willingness to try and change within myself those things I feel need changing. (Notice I said the things I feel need changing).  I am a work in progress (as are you).  I have become less judgmental and more forgiving of myself (as well as of others).  I truly do see now that it is not by works, I have been saved.  It is by God's grace and if HE can be graceful and forgiving and patient with me, perhaps I owe it to myself to be the same?  If He loved me enough to die on the cross for forgiveness of my sins - don't I owe it to Him to try and honor Him with the gifts I've been given?  To "pay it forward" when it comes to sharing my weaknesses, my mistakes and what I have learned from the lessons He has been taking me through? Isn't that why we go through things? To learn, to grow, to share - to become what He wants us to become?  And it is not an overnight process.  I believe that as long as we have breathe in our bodies - we will always be learning - hopefully striving.  And you know what? I think that is more than okay.  I think its life...

Just a "little" Note

It's late... And I'm wide awake... And my mind keeps going and going and going... I've been thinking (which is always dangerous)... That  our lives are like songs... They begin when we are born - one note and swell and grow as we move through this song called "Life."   People come into our lives - like other notes, causing friction, making sweet harmony... The song becomes more vibrant.  The notes "dance" around each other.  Some high, some low.  Sometimes the music crescendos - going faster and faster and faster and sometimes the melody is sloooooow and almost lazy.  There is a beginning, middle and end...  What is the song of your life? What is your passion? What is your pain?  What do YOU want for you?  What gifts do you have? What are you doing with your life? If your life was "this song" what kind would it be? And do you even "like" the song your life is making?  If not - what are you doing about it?  What song has God given you?  And are you listening to the song of your life closely???  Do you think about who else may be listening to it?  Will the notes "linger" when the song is over? Will your song be remembered? Will the Conductor of your life applaud you for your efforts?  Have you let Him conduct it? Or is your song all over the place? Making you and those around you dizzy?  Or is the Conductor running to you to take you in His arms and say, "Oh my child, this is the song I had for you and THIS is what you settled for...

What is your life song? There is still time for you to change it.... Sit quiet for a while, and look deep inside your heart.  It's there....  You may just have to listen closely.... You have a song.  And the beauty of it is there is no song like the one You have been given, it was meant to share with others - not to keep tucked quietly away. Share it... Because you may never know how many "someones" need to hear it.  A song is always best shared...

Save a Child's Life from Capture, Maiming and Killing Let's Catch this horrible man!KONY 2012

When you cry - The Winans

You Can't Put a "Band-Aid" on a Wound That Needs Stitches....

God Knows Your Thoughts Before You Even Think Them....
Don't You Think It's Time You  Told Him, Yourself?
*Image from Imagebank.org.UK

I've been thinking a lot about my blog and I strongly feel I need to indicate this... When I get a revelation I like to share it. A prodigal to me - is someone who is feeling spiritually "stuck." Recognizes that they've gone down a pathway that was not intended for them to go, and doesn't know how to get back on the pathway God intended for them.  Maybe there has been a bend in the road - and instead of going in the "right" direction you've veered off course for whatever life reasons you have (or choices you've made).  You are struggling with a whole bunch of emotions or feelings over what has even led you to a prodigal state. That actually has been the type of prodigal I have been.  Now when I refer to "prodigal" it is not a state that one is looking to "stay in" but to understand better WHY they are there, WHAT led them there and what can they learn from the experience as they make their way back to the Father.  Please remember as I have indicated in previous blogs that your Father is already RUNNING down the road to meet you halfway. The thing is YOU have got to want to go the distance.  You have got to want to figure  out where you went wrong, why and how to get back to a better spiritual state than what you have been or were previously in.

It is not excusing the things you've done OR using being a "prodigal" to stay in that state.  I can tell you what the signs for me were that I had become a Prodigal.  My peace was gone.  There has been indecision and confusion and recognition that I have missed the mark.  I am very transparent in my walk  with God.  I don't see any reason to lie about it because He sees EVERYTHING.  I could never understand how Adam and Eve thought they could hide from God.  You can't DO that. He sees EVERYTHING.  So if you are feeling as though you are not right with Him (as I have felt) you need to bring it to the Cross.  Maybe sit in a place that is quiet and talk out loud to Him.  Tell Him where you are at.  How you love Him.  How you long to be right but perhaps don't know HOW to be.  How you don't want to lie to Him about where you are at right now - but that perhaps He will help reveal to you - WHY you went down that wrong road, if you are still "traveling" that wrong road and what He wants you to do to get it right.  Sometimes we stay on that pathway because we don't know "how" to find our way back or feel as though we don't deserve to come back.  Well - this is the lesson that I have learned in being a Prodigal.  It is probably one of the most important spiritual lessons I've learned in my 24 years of being a Christian - and one that is easy to forget.  We have never ever ever ever "earned" salvation.  It is a gift.  We could "never" be  good enough.  It is by the shed blood of Jesus Christ that we are able to come into God's presence.  

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that Whosoever Believes in Him shall NOT perish but have ever lasting life. (John 3:16)  

Even before we came into a "prodigal state" we were never good enough.  But I have learned from my own experience that we beat ourselves up sometimes - enough so that we don't leave the state we are in because we feel unworthy.  God LOVES YOU.  He loves ME.  He knows YOU better than you know yourself.  Don't stay in stagnant waters because you aren't willing to step forward and move to meet your Father halfway.  As I am writing these words I am ministering to myself as well.  Because there are some paths that are harder to leave than others. Recognize that and move forward anyways.  The dangerous part of being in a prodigal state is STAYING there.  (Look at what happened to King Saul, it didn't have to be that way. He chose to stay in that state).  Be honest with God.  If you need help - ASK HIM.  I read a couple of things that greatly ministered to me today.  It was like the soft spoken word of my Father speaking to me.  Because I too am still trying to figure it out as I go. But He knows, that I am trying to get out of the Prodigal state I have been in and it isn't always instantaneous. Sometimes, it takes time.  The first thing I saw today was this:

"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still." (Corrie Ten Boom)

God knows your heart, He loves you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock."  (Revelations 3:20)  Get quiet before Him - listen, can you hear Him?  He's knocking.  It may take you a while to get through the mire to open the door - but at least start walking towards the direction of His knock.  What is your heart telling you? Don't worry so much about what others think of you.  That is not important - everyone has their own opinion and some Christian brethern make it "worse" instead of better. (Maybe because they don't realize truly for themselves that it is NOT how good you are? Or they are too afraid to look at the plank in their own eye while trying to remove the sty from yours... We ALL have things we need to work on. I believe as long as we have breathe in our body that we are constantly learning, growing - but you have to be honest with yourself and if some of our brothers and sisters in Christ were really being honest, they'd work on the things that needed changing within themselves instead of tearing down members in the body who are struggling, hurting or weak.  (Uhoh I think I've just opened up a can of you-know-what... LOL)  However it's true.  When you get a papercut on your finger - your whole BODY feels the pain.  That is how it should be with the Body of Christ. We are many members - but one in the body (1st Corinthians 12:12).  I don't believe that God would have the body attack itself... Hmmmm come to think of it - isn't that called "cancer?"  There is no place for it in the Body.  Believe me, I know...  And I think that God talks about the troubles within each of the churches in the book of Revelations.  Church should be a healing place. Not only for those that don't know the Lord - but for those that DO.  Sometimes the pain is so strong that it radiates outside of the Body.  We need to be there for each other - to heal, to help, to build up. To love, to encourage and then to rejoice and praise God for what He's doing.  It is time to clean-house so that we can grow and heal and become stronger. That is my honest opinion....

It doesn't matter what other people think of you... What matters is what God thinks and God loves you.  It's His voice that you need to hear.  For me, He speaks quietly.  He speaks lovingly - even when I feel like I deserve to have Him yell at me.  But He doesn't.  He may be very displeased with my sins (I know He is...) - but He ALWAYS loves me. God continues to be faithful to us in the midst of our messes.

Don't try to put a band-aid or to air dry a wound in you that needs stitches.  That needs a washing and a kiss from God to heal it.  Don't ignore the pain or continue on as though nothing is wrong.  You know it is.  Get in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and speak your heart to your Father who created it in the first place. Pour it out in your prodigal state. Let Him meet you halfway.  He is the BEST physician.  He made you - He has plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Let me also mention this... It's not going to be easy. It may be painful.  Remember when you scrapped your knee and you came crying home and your mom or dad had to wash it to clean out the dirt and add some healing ointment to it - it stung! If you are in a prodigal state - its going to be painful turning away from whatever it is... There are consequences to sin. But don't let that keep you from moving forward - step by step.  Because I believe it will be worth it. (And don't think I'm giving you advice I'm not trying to walk in for myself).  Be patient with yourself to do it - but DO it! So that next time - when you have continued on in your walk, you come to a fork in the road again - and you say, "Nooooooo way... I've learned my lesson and I'm NOT going to make the SAME mistake twice!" Maybe you'll look down at that "scar" on your knee that is left from the remembrance of that "boo-boo" - you know the one that God brought you through - better, stronger and faster? The one that drew you closer to Him.  And you'll be able to stay on the pathway He meant for your life with a finer appreciation and knowledge of who you truly are in Him.  Once a prodigal always a prodigal - does NOT have to be true.  In fact it wasn't meant to be true.  So WHAT are you going to DO about it?  It all begins with a conversation... He's waiting... How about answering the door?

We Will Stand

Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her

A Morning Observation from a Fellow Traveler...

If you are a member of the body of Christ, and have been disappointed by the Body. Don't be mad at God.  We are an imperfect people - keep your eyes on HIM. Although people may disappoint you - HE NEVER WILL. Continue to walk towards Him - NOT away.  He knows you better than you know yourself.  We only see in part but HE sees in FULL. Don't ever let people keep you from all that God has in store for you.  Remember, He can use our mistakes for His glory.  Keep your eyes on Him.  He knows the plans He has for you - plans to give you a hope and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  It is not by "how good you can be." It is by His love, by His grace, by His mercy.  Sometimes we forget that His love is not "earned" it is a gift.  Don't let bitterness root in you for the disappointments in your life.  Even if you are in a prodigal state - You are STILL a child of the MOST HIGH God.  He loves you.  Someone needed to hear this today.  I don't know who you are - but I know that HE LOVES YOU.  "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that who so ever believes in Him shall NOT perish but have everlasting life."(John 3:16).  YOU ARE LOVABLE.  He has called YOU by name (Isaiah 43:1)  You are HIS.  Nothing you do surprises Him.  God wants the best for you.  Hold on.  Whatever you are going through, whatever you are feeling - HOLD ON.  He is there. He hasn't left. His arms are open wide.  Shut out the voice of the world and listen to Him calling you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock" (Revelations 3:20).  No matter what people tell you - God LOVES YOU. Right where you are - right here, right now.  You came to my page for a reason that only YOU and God know.  He loves YOU. The prodigals Father was RUNNING down the pathway before the prodigal even was in sight.  HE LOVES YOU. Right where you are at. How you are. He came so that you could have life and He wants you to have it ABUNDANTLY. (John 10:10)  - Just begin talking to Him.  In your own words, like you would a dear friend.  He's there. He's listening...