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| Does Your Life Feel Like a Long and Winding Road? |
Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognize the person that you see? I don't mean physically... Do you look at yourself and wonder how life has brought you to the point you are currently at? Are you at cross roads in your life? Are you so busy being everything for everyone else that the you have lost touch with who you are to you?
I often wonder if that is something that everyone experiences at one time in their life or other. I know I have experienced that this year. My birthday is next week, a milestone. My first birthday being a breast cancer survivor. Last October I was sitting in a chemo chair on my birthday, receiving chemotherapy and thinking, "I am doing this so that I can hopefully have the ability to celebrate MANY more birthdays." That is what got me through. And here I am now, a year later - getting ready to celebrate the "many more" and my emotions are a mess. There is so much noise in my own head I can't even hear myself think. I just want to put my hands over my ears and yell "QUIET!!!" But then I think the "quiet" would scare me. Because then I would have to allow the thaw to occur... You know - when you keep yourself so busy by all that life has that you don't have time to "feel." Its those times of quiet that overwhelm me and I have to look at the discord my life has been in for ohhh so many reasons - I can blame them all on cancer, but that wouldn't be the honest truth... Sometimes I think we need to look back and say, "okaaayyyyy - how did I get on this road I'm on. When did I really need to change course? And WHY?
I think that is especially true for those of us who have been in a prodigal state. I can see the things that brought me to a certain point. A shake up occurred. There are other ways a person medicates themselves that is not drugs or alcohol. There are many ways a person can numb themselves in the hopes that the pain would pass.
Are there times in your life when you wondered if God was really there? If He was listening? If He had turned His back? If He had given up on you? If you had surprised Him? If He left you like others have? Is it hard for you to understand a Father's love when the father you had wasn't there for you? Abandoned you? Is it hard for you to believe that He is reaching out His hand to grasp yours and let you know, "It's okay." That people disappoint you all the time - but that He never will? Do you blame Him for the hurts that have occurred in your life to the point that you will not allow Him to heal you in all ways you need? Are you reading my words and saying, "OUCH?"
When I read about the prodigal, I am moved by the fact that the scripture says in Luke 15:20 of the prodigal who decided to go back home:
"But while he was still along way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him, he ran to his son and threw his arms around him and kissed him."
The part that got me was that WHILE HE WAS A LONG WAY OFF. "While I was a long way off...." "While YOU are a long way off..." Your Father is running to YOU. He is running to you with His arms open wide. He wants to give you a big bear hug. He wants to gather you into His arms. He wants to kiss you and show you how GLAD He is that you are making your way back to Him. It doesn't matter WHAT you've done, or where you've gone. He knows already. And still He loves you.
Some of our roads "back home" are curvier than others. Some are a longer distance back home. But what matters is the fact that you recognize the need. I'm asking God to show me how. To help me figure it out. We may not have all the answers - but HE does.
Our God is a God who would leave the other sheep to go find the one sheep that was lost. That wandered off. Luke 15:4 tells us:
"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and one of them loses his way, does he not leave the other ninety-nine and goes after the lost sheep until he finds it?"
That goes right up there in my book with the prodigal's father running out to meet him. That is the kind of Father we have. Its up to us to "hug Him back." With all that love, how could we not? Just open up your arms, receive and in return give back. I think that is what He wants us to do, don't you?
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