Traffic Jams in This Thing Called Life... Who Ya Gonna Call? The Ghost-Buster!!!

Traffic Jam in this thing called life? How 'bout using your GPS? (God Please Simplify)
*Photos by the talented Freelance Photographer, D. Kiely

It's Saturday, the house is quiet. The Kidlets are with their father and grandparents - its my first time in a month being totally on my own. And I need this, I need to clear out the clutter in my head. Take thoughts out "one by one" and shake the dust of them. Unwind the balls of confusion/discord over certain areas of my life and all the "what-has-happened" yarn like balls for the things that have occurred over the past year. Bring them before the Lord like a kid in Show-n-Tell and ask Him to help me sort each one out.  For I'm not strong enough or wise enough to do it myself and I haven't allowed myself the time to get quiet before Him because my life has been like a huge traffic jam and I've lost direction.

Have you ever felt like that in your own life? Like every which way you turn to go - there is a traffic jam keeping you from moving forward?  You think to yourself - "Okay - if it was just in ONE area, I could go "around it" or take a "right" but the jams are every which way. Boxing you in.  What do you do about it?  Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing right now... I'm getting out of my car, climbing onto the roof of it and Yelling at the top of my lungs... "HEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPP!!!!"

My Bible (the one that I've not been able to focus on, concentrate on - or even in my own spiritual discord pick up and read...) tells me "My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of Heaven and Earth." (Psalms 121:2)  So often we think "I can do this - I can figure it ALL out myself.  I got this Lord!" Especially if you have been a Christian for a number of years. You feel like you should be "mature enough" to be able to "figure it out" on your own.  I've found this to be in my own life - a BIG MISTAKE.  There is no shame in admitting that you don't have all the answers.  That you need help. That you can't figure it out on your own.  Sometimes when we try - our mess gets bigger and bigger... Kind of like a snowball that starts out small.  But builds up as it rolls until the teeny tiny snow flake that became a snowball is now a HUGE boulder of snow rolling down the hill with us in front of it! Avalanching.  Ever felt like that?  And WE are the ones who took that tiny situation, opened up a door we should have kept closed and made it into a bigger problem then it ever should have become... (OUCH).

I was given the scripture yesterday by a very dear friend of mine - Hebrews 8:1 "There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  I don't take that as a justification for sinning. But when ol'slewfoot comes around and tries to tie me up in condemnation over things I haven't brought to the Lord for help but tried to figure out on my own when I can't. When my wisdom isn't enough, when my strength isn't enough, when my vision to see farther than the problem itself is weighing me down. When in trying to make the problem go away - I make it bigger!  There are certain things, certain "strongholds" that we  in and of ourself were NOT made to handle.  I'm realizing more and more that God wants us dependent upon HIM. No matter the situation. If we don't go to our "Parent" for help, we can remain in the traffic jam we are in.

Why is it so easy to do other things we do in life - except go before the Father? Why do we find "quiet time to be a burden? Why do we ignore the only solution that can give us what we ALL want most in our lives? A peace of mind.  It should be so easy, shouldn't it?

I don't know about you - but I know that sometimes when I try to get before the Lord and have my quiet time - is when my mind is all of a sudden ALL OVER the PAGE.  Thinking about the things I need to do, thinking about my kids, thinking about my faults, thinking about what I'm thinking about... Laughing... Like a restless child it is hard to still my mind and LISTEN to what the Holy Spirit is trying to minister to me. Who would have thought that "getting quiet" would be one of the hardest things to do???  But Jesus is to be our example, and time and time again in my Bible I see that He went out from among them - for Quiet time.  If HE did it, how much more should we???

This morning - this "quiet morning" I think I have begun to have more "clarity" than I have in a very long time.... I'm far from "resolving" all the little traffic jams in my life right now... But you know - I'm starting to see a "tiny clearing" and I'm thinking I can "squeeze on by" and make some headway.  My direction - wherever the Lord will lead me... Isn't He suppose to be our GPS?  I've got the directional book - but its been in my "glove compartment" for the last 7 months.. Think its time I "dusted it off" and found my way back home...  What do you say? How about you? Are you driving in the car "behind me?"  I'm moving my car - should give you sufficient enough room to move yours...

Smooth Sailing... errrr Driving I mean... ;)

Tenth Avenue North - You Are More

Are You Half-Baked?

I saw a quote today that made me think... It said "Just be true to who you are."  It made sense to me. So often we spend time "worrying about what others think."   You know - I'm NOT saying that doesn't matter to some degree, but you can't get all "wound up about it." Because the truth is - people will think whatever they want to, regardless of what you do. We've all heard the saying - "You can please some of the people some of the time..."

As a Christian I believe that if we are honestly asking the Lord to change the things within us - He Will. All we have to be is open to it. There are times will He will change things within us right away, and times when He may decide it will take longer... Maybe He wants us during those times that take longer to really understand what it is He is changing, what brought us to that point.

I was making oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for my kids today and it just occurred to me.  Maybe we are like those cookies... If we rush whatever it is God is trying to do within us we will come out "half-baked." (LOL).  Cookie dough taste good - I'm sure of that we can all agree - but a fresh outta the oven - hot, slightly brown chocolate chip cookie oozes with a flavor that is incomplete when it is "just the dough" itself. Maybe we should let God do whatever it is that He is trying to do with us, instead of playing "tug of war."

If I've said it once - I've said it a thousand times - I don't have all the answers... And I don't think we were meant to "have" all the answers during this journey called life... That it's "okay" not have all the answers. So don't beat yourself up over it. There is a song that we use to sing in Church the words go like this: "In His time, in His time (in your time Lord) God makes all things beautiful in His Time. Lord my life to You I bring, may each song I have to sing. Be to You a special thing. In His time..."

I've just completed 16 rounds of radiation - the last part of my treatment against the breast cancer I was diagnosed with last June.  The cancer was removed with a lumpectomy I had last July. I was "cancer-free" but because I had "one bad node" I had to undergo four months of chemotherapy. Everything I thought was "me" has been stripped from me. My eyebrows were gone, my hair (is gone - that is a wig), my eyelashes. Anything that made ME feel outwardly beautiful. Not only did I have to contend with a deadly disease - but also it stripped from me anything I might have been "prideful" of. It took away my self confidence. But I'll tell you something the Lord gave me a year before my diagnosis. He gave me the saying that "Sexiness is an attitude one wears.  It is NOT a weight, it is NOT a style. It is NOT a look.  It's WHO YOU ARE on the INSIDE. That confidence shines through better than anything you could do to your outward appearance. It is what is on the inside that radiates on the out." He gave that saying and that confidence to me a YEAR BEFORE my diagnosis. Why? Because He knew I would need to remember it when I stood in front of my mirror - bald, looking literally like what I was - a "cancer patient."  But here is the thing. That is NOT WHO I AM. It never was.  When I saw the quote today "Just be true to who you are." I thought of myself. I thought of what this has done to my marriage.  I thought of the fact that other than my mother, my best friend in KY, a hand full of friends and an online Pink Community that has kept me from despair - that I could have become a bitter person through this experience.  I went through emergency visits and treatments by myself.  I did not have a husband by my side who called me every night or went through emergency visits with me.  I envied those women that DID have that kind of support.  But I realize that no one is perfect.  Not one of us. We all have our issues and things we are dealing with.  When I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Early Stage Breast Cancer it not only affected ME - but my whole family.  And it is easy to forget that it has not only been "about me."  Or affected "only me."  But my husband, my kids, my family and those close to me as well.  I thought of changes that are occurring - outwardly in my life as well as inside me. I am more humble, less quick of judging. I also see the beauty around me in each day. Quietly I feel sorry for the people I see around me who are caring more about what other people think of them - then what they think of their selves.  They will always be striving to live for, or please other people.  Instead of looking to the Lord or within themselves for what they need and who they are.

I don't know the whole picture yet - of my life. But I trust that He will make it into something beautiful. Who are you trying to please? Maybe its time to re-evaluate and chew on that for a while... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding... In all your ways acknowledge Him and HE will make straight your path..." (Acts 20:24)

My eyebrows are back.  I have baby eyelashes.  My hair is growing like a "chia pet's" (LOL).  I am not the same woman I was 7 months ago. I am only half way through the last part of my treatment - 17 more treatments of radiation to go through.  And then I have to figure out how to put the "fear" of reoccurence to the back of my head. Otherwise it will "taint" the beauty in the days God has given me.  Hang over my head like a pendulum. I won't let it. I won't live my life in fear. I have learned that NONE of us are promised tomorrow.  I praise God for this second chance and I willingly admit that "He is not done with me yet."  I'm still figuring out the rest as I go.
And you know what - that's okay!

Amy Grant - That's What Love Is For

Are You Like Shrek - Do You Have "Layers?"

How Many Layers Do You Have?

Have you ever had a word just come into your mind... This week the word that stuck in my head - and I don't even know WHERE I got it, so it must be God whispering in my ear - was the word, 'Character." 
I thought about myself, I thought about my life... CHARACTER... I'm still chewing on it... And am letting God take His time in revealing to me... Well, ME.


There are so many "layers" of who we are. I don't know about you - but I find I am finding out new things about myself almost daily. Still trying to discover just "who" I am. Growth is a process and I believe that God will continue revealing things to us about ourselves until the day we go and be with Him. I think we are always changing, discovering, growing... I am not the same person I was ten years ago. Are you?  The Bible tells us in 1 Samuel 16:7 "For the Lord sees not as a man sees: Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."


I'm so glad... God looks at the heart. I think about how many people I "formed" in my head opinions of. I've learned through my stretch of being a prodigal that although we need to be "gently restored" it is up to God to do the judging. Why do we do the things we do? We automatically take what little knowledge we have of people and form our own opinion of "who they are."  We can't do that. The picture is not complete. We only know what we know - but God sees it all! What is there about you that needs changing? Have you asked God to help you change it? Have you given yourself time to understand why you feel that part of you needs changing? We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes... I've had a lot of time to be able to think about this myself. And I came to the decision that I need to spend more time with the Creator. Because the truth is - He knows me better than I KNOW me. Also, I think as long as we are open to allowing Him to change the things in us that He wants to change - it will happen. Not perhaps in "our time" but in His.  I didn't become a Christian until I was 21 years old. That is 21 years of formation in my life prior to my knowing Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  There is no perfect family. Parents make mistakes, we make wrong decisions - and things happen that make us the person that we have become.  However, the good news is that God is a patient God.  That He is a loving God.  That we can come before Him, trust Him, be honest with Him and have Him restore anything that needs to be restored within us.  I'm so thankful for that.


Maybe we need to be kinder to those we "think we know." Maybe we should be less judgmental and more willing to understand. Even those that hurt us. I think there are times when we need to step back and try to get a bigger look at our situations. Ask God for understanding. Ask God for wisdom. Ask God to help you to be more like Him. Isn't that what we are suppose to be doing as we go through our walks anyways?


Sometimes the person we are cruelest to - is ourselves... The Bible tells us in John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."


I've been thinking a lot about this... Maybe we need to go back into our Bible's and see the example that Jesus set for us - in loving others.. And not only apply it how we love others - but also, how we love ourselves...

Third Day - Cry Out To Jesus

If He Asked You for Dinner - Would YOU Go?

Spend Time with the One Who Cares... He Doesn't Mind if You Are a  "Dork" or a "Goofball" He Created You That Way!

I saw a movie once - it is called "The Perfect Stranger" its a Christian movie. It's about a woman who gets the opportunity to sit across the table from Jesus and pour out her heart to Him. I own a copy of the movie - but it can also be found on youtube.com the link for the first part (it has seven parts listed on youtube) I am including in this blog: http://youtu.be/Bp5UgNO2dEU. It is a definite must see.

I woke up this morning wanting to just sit across the the table from Jesus and pour out all the things that are in my heart, not even knowing where to begin. But I've been feeling like I have "writers block" with my prayers. Its sooooo very easy to feel alone in a room crowded with people. The thing is - I KNOW he's there and ironically I also know that my Bible tells me: "Oh Lord, you have searched me and know me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar, you search out my path and my lyin gdown and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether."  (Psalms 139:1-4)

He ALREADY knows! And yet He still wants us to come to Him and TELL Him. Why is that sometimes so difficult??? In all the examples I have found in my Bible - Jesus was affective with people because He listened! Because He cared! Because He was compassionate. Because He was direct - AND He met people "where they were in life." Just by being Him people wanted to follow Him. People wanted to listen to Him. People wanted to share with Him. He spoke the truth and He directed people in the way they should go - but He did it in a manner that people could receive!  Why can't we be like when ministering to others? Or even ministering to ourselves.... I don't know about you - but lately whenever I try to pray - I see all my sins before me and I'm so busy judging myself that I don't even allow myself the opportunity for the Lord to minister to ME.... Hmmmm even typing this I'm having a self revelation!!! (LOL)  Sometimes we are so busy saying "Yes, I know - I need to change A,B,C and I don't know what to do about X,Y, Z" that we aren't allowing ourselves to hear from Him. He is sitting across from us - blinking, looking compassionate and being extremely patient (In my 23 years of being a Christian I've never once pictured Him looking annoyed at me...) while we go off on our self diagnosis tangents.  Can you imagine telling the Creator - What you need to do to fix yourself? While being before Him?  (Laughing Out Loud). Then of course - we have our brothers and sisters in Christ - some of who are JUST waiting for you to lay out "your dirt" before them so THEY can feel superior or better than YOU because "OMG you are in such a sinner's state! You need to get right with God! You are standing on the brink of hell..." Come on now - Really???! Really??!!! Does THAT make a person want to share??? Does that make a person feel better??? Does that make a person want to repent or get right with God??? HONESTLY.  I think maybe I was once like that - unintentionally. Maybe that is why over the last 4 years God has humbled me. Has brought me to my knees. I realize more and more that I shall leave the judging to God. Some brethern would say "Well the Bible is the judge." Yeah - but I never saw Jesus beat someone over the head with the Word of God. Every time He ministered to a sinner - Even the thief upon the cross - He did it with LOVE. He did it with compassion. He did it with understanding - so He could REACH who that person really was inside.

We don't always know what it is happening inside a person before we judge them. Instead of helping deal with the heart of the manner - we look at the symptoms. When was the last time you really listened? Really?

I realize more and more - that I've been looking for someone to listen to me. But afraid they'd be shocked and judgmental in all I've been through - so instead, I've kept it to myself. What I really need to do - is get in my "quiet place" and spend sometime alone with the Lord. Talk with Him. Pour everything out - and then, LISTEN.  Just listen and receive.  Think I need to plan a Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner date with Him - myself... How about you?

A Social Network Christmas

DRAW ME CLOSE TO YOU

Spaghetti Thoughts

Sometimes you Feel so alone - like you are reaching for the Savior's hand and it seems to always be just in front of you. Don't give up - Keep trying. Even in your darkest hour. Sometimes God just wants to see how much faith you have. "Be not weary in well doing."(2 Thessalonians 3:13)

It's 2:18 a.m. and I'm wide awake... I had my last treatment of chemo yesterday, and you'd think I'd be sleeping like a baby. Wrong. My mind is going round and round like spaghetti twirling on a fork... I can't sleep. Bad case of insomnia tonight.

I've always been told that I analyze things too much. I "think" to hard. Is that really possible? Its not something new - its just who I am...

We take so many things for granted. Don't we? We live in such a microwave society where we want what we want when we want it. Waiting has never come easy for me. Has it for you? I remember a simpler time in my life. I think I've always been a bit like "Sandra Dee" and naive. I've learned so much more than I ever wanted to know this year... I've learned that we NEED people. I've learned that life isn't always so "cut and dry." I've learned not to judge others... Ohhh boy have I learned that the hard way. I've learned that pride REALLY does come before a fall. I've learned NEVER to say Never. I've learned never to take life for granted. Or your health... And at the same time I've discovered I have so many questions for God. Wouldn't you like to just sit across the table from Jesus right now??? You don't really know what a person is going through or has gone through UNTIL you walk in their shoes. So I've learned to listen. And I've learned that in order to bring someone closer to the Lord - you show COMPASSION. SENSITIVITY and LOVE. And to know that it is okay to admit you don't have all the answers. Wouldn't you trust someone who told you that MORE than you would trust someone who acted like they did? Only God sees the full picture. We only see in part. Sometimes that drives me crazy, other times I'm oh so grateful.

I grew up in Massachusetts. Never left it and have never traveled away from it until three years ago - I have always lived here up until I made the biggest mistake of my life and moved upstate New York where my mother was originally from. I didn't wait for the green light - I just went ahead. I think one of the things I've learned as I did in my post below - is that we all make mistakes. And we can spend eons beating ourselves up for them or we can admit that we are human and allow God to take those mistakes and use them for good.  Isn't it better to learn from one's mistakes instead of denying them? I've always been real transparent - and I'm too old to change now! (Laughing) Well not really - I think God has us changing for as long as we have breathe in our body, don't you? And ironically, due to my breast cancer diagnosis this past June - I had to come back to the best place for treatment - and that was in Massachusetts. So here I am once again... I really do think God gives us lessons to learn and he won't "move us forward" until we pass the class. Then we go on to the next one. I think the older you get in Christ - the harder the classes get and the more you realize about yourself... I think that is the point I'm at now.

I am far from perfect - i don't profess to have ALL the answers - but my Father does. And here is the thing - we can be our own worst critic - we really can. But God doesn't give up on us even when we are at our worst. Even though satan whispers in our ear ALL of our sins before us. But its not by anything we do that makes us earn heaven - its by the blood of the lamb. Our savior Jesus Christ. It's by grace. It's by mercy. It's by admitting that we are powerless without Him. Is that you? I KNOW it's me. Thank you Lord - that you know me so much better than I know myself. That you love me inspite of me. I'm so glad You're God. You didn't say it would be easy. But you DID say that you would be with us until the end of time. Thanks be to God.

Posting a 2nd time because it says SOOO much - Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her

Ouch... Is there Something He is Saying to You? Are You Really Listening?

The Steps of the Righteous are Ordained by God.  (Psalms 37:23)
I think we forget that sometimes...
(Picture from imagebank.org.uk)

I've met this sweet, beautiful young sister online. She is FULL of life. She is a wife, a mother, a student. She has a spark in her beautiful eyes and a strong spirit of determination. I don't know her well - yet I see her strengths. She's beautiful and young with so many things ahead of her. I wondered as I communicated with her - what words of wisdom I could give her? From me, pretty much a stranger. But even being a stranger - her sister in Christ. There was so much inside of me that I wanted to share with her - but I couldn't. Partly because of my prodigal state - I'm not in a place to minister affectively to anyone. I need to get my own house in order. Yet there is so much that I see her going through that I'd like to take her under my wing and share my experiences with her. If it was a different time, if I was in a different place - I would. Here is the one thing I will say:

It is so important to listen to the voice of God when He speaks to you. When you are praying about something - especially when it comes to a direction in life - make SURE you hear what He is saying about it before you step out. Four years ago, I thought the Lord was directing my family to a different state. I begged and pleaded with the Lord to do it. I laid down fleeces before Him. But I didn't listen. I thought He wanted my family and I to step out on faith - and move. But what God was really saying - in retrospect was "no." I didn't listen to it. It was an emotional time in my family. I thought we were doing what was best for our oldest son who was on the verge of being a teenager. I WAS WRONG. We truly do forget that we see in part - and God sees in full. When God says "no." It is usually for a very good reason. Heck - it is ALWAYS for a very good reason. We don't see what decisions we make will do to us later on down the line. If God says NO to you - listen. How I wish I had. How I wish I hadn't made decisions during an emotional time. I thought I was doing the right thing, and indeed my intentions were all good. Naively we moved thinking that we would all "run off into the sunset and live "happily ever after." Oh if I had only listened to what God was quietly saying. If I had not ignored the signs... I think I'd be at a different place in my life than I am now.  Now I'm not saying that God can't take our mistakes and work them for His glory. Because He can. But sometimes we make it so that we have to pay a higher price - by not listening. By not obeying. I don't know how to be anything but transparent. Although in my prodigal state - I only choose to reveal what God leads me to. The decision to move was based on a protectiveness over my children, but it costs me dearly and is still costing me. I lost my footing. There are doors I opened that I would never have even considered opening had I stayed where the Lord had placed us and believed God to work out the issues in my oldest child. For you see - we can direct our children to the Father, we can show them by our actions our own faith - BUT we CANNOT give them OUR WALK.  At some point with our children - we have to remember that God only loaned them to us. He didn't GIVE them to us - for they belong to Him. And we have to trust that He will not let them go - that He will allow them to go through whatever they have to go through in order to choose Him. We try to protect them, shelter them - but sometimes its not what God wants us to do. We have to let them grow. In Him.

God knows our hearts. He does. Not accepting His "no" has costs me so much. I hope someone is reading this blog - and learning from my mistake. I hope this is ministering to you. Listen to God. Even if you feel disappointed when He is saying "no" to a request you are putting before Him. Remember that He sees the whole "story of you" you don't.  Although I know that it is by mercy and grace that I am saved - and there is nothing that I can do to earn heaven (thank you Jesus) - I can't help but feel right now like "Bob Marley" from the Christmas Carol - trying to warn my brothers and sisters in Christ who are teeter-totering on making a decision and not at all sure that it is what God wants them to do. Be prayerful about decisions you make. And LISTEN to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you.

I can't go back to how things were before. I've changed too much. Between having had a prodigal experience and also going through breast cancer. I'm on a totally different path than I was before. Sometimes we cause ourselves to take the harder pathways.  Still, I DO believe that God will use my experiences to help others grow in Him. Its not as easy as it may seem for a Prodigal to get back to being on the pathway to God.  I love the Lord with all my heart - I DO. But I'm not the same woman I was four years ago. I think I'm more humble. I think I'm more vulnerable. I'm still transparent - yet I've walked in shoes I'd never dreamed  I'd wear... Not sure if except to another prodigal that makes sense... You know there are lessons we just learn and go on to the next course - but there are OTHERS that we may have to repeat before God allows us to pass. And here is the thing - He won't let us move on to the next level until we've learned what He has put before us. Some of us have to repeat a class over and over again until we truly have learned WHAT lesson it is He is trying to teach us... (Anyone getting me???)  I've learned to leave all the judging to God. I know I'm not in a place to judge anyone. I'm too busy judging myself. I cringe when people tell me "how good I am" for I'm not.  Again I think of Paul who so eloquently said in Romans Chapter 7 verse 15 - Chapter 8 verse 2:
" I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I  know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. or in my inner being I delight in God's law;but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?hanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.herefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."


Sometimes we Christians judge other brothers in sisters in Christ - like we have a "right to" I know - I use to do it without even really realizing that that was what I was doing. To some degree i felt "better" than that person who was going through.  After ALL "I would NEVER do what THEY were doing." --- Watch out when you think this way. Pride REALLY does come before a a fall. And the more pride you have - the deeper the fall you will go. For God will try to teach you - that HE is NOT done WITH YOU. Remember the woman who was caught in adultery and Jesus stopped them from stoning her?? And asked them WHO of YOU are without sin???? Maybe you need to take this time to look hard at yourself. For there is a little bit of Prodigal in ALL of us. Remember that with God there is no degree of sin. Sin is sin. Be careful - walk prayerfully - for you may find YOURSELF that adulteress one day. (Ouch... Iron sharpening iron??) Or you may find YOURSELF one of the many of other sins that you thought "YOU would NEVER do." Its not something that happens overnight you know... A prodigal doesn't always "run out the door into temptation." It is a slow process. I once heard that when someone makes a dish like frogs legs (which I would NEVER eat - because I loved frogs when I was growing up). But I heard that people who cook frog's - don't throw them into a boiling pot. They put them in water and slowly turn the heat up - to soothe them to sleep. Lots of sin doesn't happen "right away" it is a process. Sometimes a sloowwww sooothing process...


The prodigal son - had grown up with the law all around him. Its not as if he didn't know his Word. But he thought he knew "better" what he needed. He was so wrong. He took the hard path. But have you ever thought about how hard it was for him to turn around and make his trek back home? I don't know about you but I'm my own worst critic. I don't need someone else condemning me - because I do a pretty good job of it on my own. I'll bet the Prodigal son did it all the way home. Berated himself. Its hard to admit when you're wrong. How long those miles back home must have felt. But he was met with forgiveness AND compassion. His Father was there with open arms. I'm quite sure he changed the course of his life but all that he had learned. But maybe - he was able to take his experiences to minister more affectively to those around him? Maybe he was able to keep others from making the same mistake he had made? Maybe in the end - he was better for it. For using his mistakes to show that God can use ANYONE. If they allow Him to.
I'm not the same woman I was four years ago. The course of my life is on the eclipse of changing. I cannot honestly see beyond the horizon, I am still  "learning" WHO I am. I have been humbled on all sides - spiritually, physically, emotionally this year. But there is one thing I DO know. God is not surprised. When Jesus hung on that cross He saw ME all the way in the future. Although things surprise US they DO NOT surprise Him. I no longer care what people think of me. Let them think what they will. If I dwell on that it will impede my trek back home to the Father and it is already like walking through "deep snow."  Where are you in your walk with Him? Take a deep look at yourself. What things do you need changing? Are you willing to admit what you need work on? Or are you too busy judging sister or brother so&so because YOU aren't willing to take a good hard look at yourself? Careful - or you might find YOURSELF right where that individual you were so busy judging is.... BELIEVE YOU ME. I know.


There go I BUT for the GRACE of God.... Food for thought isn't it? Don't push your chair away from the table and run off. Sit and think a while... Maybe God is trying to tell you something. You be the judge of you...

DRAW ME CLOSE TO YOU

Stormy Weather - is it God or your Emotions?

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:5 - 5:8)

Did you ever realize how the people you love the most can affect your mood?  It's like a weather forecast - you get into an argument with the one you love and all of a sudden a voice goes off in your head kinda like that of a weatherman. "Today's weather will be cold and stormy... buckle up your seatbelts - you're in for quite the ride." Or if you are happy with your loved ones.. "Today's weather will be balmy and spring-like. People around town are 'skipping to their lou." (What does skip to my lou mean anyway?)

I've always been a very emotional person. And I am guilty of doing this often, being easily offended or disappointed. When I do - I often feel discombobulated like a cassette tape that has gotten stuck in its player.  You know what I mean? The times when you've played a tape and all of a sudden you hear a crunching sound.. And yep - you go to examine the tape and out it comes... You try to take a pencil and carefully (while bitting on your lip in concentration) hope you can get it to work again - cuz your favorite songs are on there... Maybe that is why God tells us to keep our eyes focused on Him? When I take my eyes off of Him, I feel like a person driving without a GPS. I easily lose my way.  We make things so difficult - when they should be easy. I often wonder what God thinks of us as He looks down at us from Heaven... (Or perhaps He walks around observing us here... You never know...) He is such a loving, patient God - but I wonder if He sometimes just wants to throw up His hands at us and say "Oh for Heaven sake!"

We are taught as children - that if we get lost or separated from our parents - we are to find a spot and stay there. I think I'll have a seat...Even at the semi-young age of 44 (don't laugh!), I realize there are times when I need to have a seat before the Father and try to be still and listen. We are never too old to listen and learn. In fact, I think that as long as we have breath in our bodies, we will always be changing, learning and hopefully maturing in Him. Although if you're like me - it takes a "little" while longer than the usual person! (Smiling). What can I say? I'm a dork! ;) The important thing is being transparent and open and willing to learn. I think as a prodigal, I can say that I learn my lessons a bit harder than the usual person. I have always been one to ask, "But WHY Lord?" Thank God for his patience with me. There is NO perfect person, and I think we would do well to remember that. So that when someone hurts us, or annoys us - or disappoints us. We can count to ten, take a deep breath and remember - that we ourselves are far from perfect AND we disappoint people too. (Yep even though its hard to believe... I DO too! Grinning). If we tried to take the plank out of our own eyes before removing it from someone else's, I think we'd "see" our situations a whole lot better... Don't you?

SUNRISE SUNSET

What season Are You In?

It's Thanksgiving. A time when most people rewind the year and think back to all the things they are thankful for. (At least that is what one SHOULD be doing)...Phillipians 4:11 tells us to "be content no matter WHAT our circumstances are."

When you think of "waiting" how do you feel? Does it bring past feelings to the surface? With me it does... I've learned especially with having been diagnosed with breast cancer this year, that "waiting" can be a luxury that not all of us have. If I was in impatient before - I'm even more so now. And I can't "wait" anymore. Because sometimes that is all people do. They "wait." We take "now" for granted. What if what you want most isn't there tomorrow? How will you feel? Like you missed out.  You waited until it was too late. I think that is when "regrets" come in to place. "I shoulda, woulda, coulda - but I didn't..."

God made us with the natural desire to "live forever" its something that has been instilled within us since our days in the Garden of Eden. But with the fall of man - came death. Something that none of us like to focus on. Instead we plan for "tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and the next day..." As if it is a given that it will occur. We are NOT promised tomorrow. Yet still we blindly believe that tomorrow is owed to us. When something happens to someone we love, or to us - we begin to realize how very precious life is. The Bible tells us "Our lives are but breaths"

I don't know about you - but patience is not one of my gifts. Never has been, never will be. And after being a Christian for 23 years - I learned quickly NOT to pray for patience. Big mistake - huge! (Laughing). To pray for patience means that you are asking for more trials and tribulations than you already have - why? So that you can learn to be "patient" through it all. Its not as though we won't go through things anyways... I figure if I have to have a shot - give it to me quickly! Don't prolong it! (See? I told ya I'm not patient... ;) )

When you go through a life threatening disease - you become, "less patient" than perhaps you were before. Time is precious. If waiting was hard before you were diagnosed - it becomes even harder now. You want to love more deeply. Waiting becomes a harder concept to accept. All of a sudden you feel as though there is this timer and you don't know what point you are on the timeline your life... And I suppose its a good thing too. The Bible also tells us that "We see in part, but He sees in full." I think that is because we couldn't "handle" seeing the fullness of our lives. Personally, I think it is God's grace that He gives us increments if indeed He chooses to show us at all.

We've all heard the saying, "Good things come to those that wait." And maybe in some aspects that is true. We live in such a microwave society that we want what we want, when we want it! But on the other hand - one of the lessons I have learned this year, is that I do not have it in me to settle. So many of us "settle for mediocure" because we feel that is all we deserve. That is all we should have. That is one club that I am no longer a member of - I gave back my membership card loooong ago. So let me ask YOU this. What are YOU waiting for? Do you have a desire? A dream? A longing? What is making you put it off? Do you lack confidence in yourself to do it? Are you scared of failure? How do you know you'll fail if you don't even try?

I've never been a fan of "change." I'm a "planner" and I think that is why this year has been doubly hard. You don't "plan" on having cancer. You don't "plan" on losing your job, or your hair, or your eyelashes, or your eyebrows - or for some of my pink sisters - your breasts. And that is only to name a few things. Life is precious. If you are going to give someone flowers - give them to that person TODAY. For they may not be there tomorrow. Show people today. Show yourself today! Don't begin to live "tomorrow." Live TODAY. Fully with plenty of love, laughter and thanks.
                            Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 3:13
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from his toil?
I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
 know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.
That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God.

MercyMe - Bring The Rain

Spreading my arms out wide and saying - "Ta Da!"

This is called a "Ta-Da" Moment. Brought to you by your Heavenly Father.  So how about truly "letting go and letting God?"
(*image from Imagebank.org.uk)

Have you ever given something over to God - reluctantly? I mean like you say to Him, "Father - I want to give to this to you." And then when you hold your hand out to give it to Him - you're still holding on to the other end? And you kind of have a gentle tug of war going on?  He never yells at you to release. Because our Father is patient. But finally He might say, "When you are ready to let go, let's try this again."

Have you ever asked the Father to change something inside of you - because you can't even make "heads or tails" of what that "something" actually is? You just know that it needs "fixing?" Maybe He has brought you to a point after going around and around like a dog chasing his own tail - where you are ready to throw your hands up in the air and say "I NEED TO GET OFF THIS MERRY GO ROUND!" And then you do one of those flying jumps off it because you just know you can't go around and around it once again?

Or maybe He has brought you to a point where you are running to the Father.  And your "pushing whatever it is" right into His arms. Maybe you are saying, "Okay, Okay - I can't do this anymore. HERE! You win! Take it quick before I change my mind!!!!"  I visualize Him looking at us when we do this - with a cocked eyebrow and an amused smile on His face.  Because you see, He knows the "whole story of you." We only see the situation, or the problem and it seems real intense.

Sometimes we get so frustrated with ourselves - we beat ourselves up. "Why can't I do this? Stupid me. This should be easy! I know my Word...." And we walk away from the Father grumbling at ourselves. Not sure that He will be able to fix whatever it is we've given Him.

But like planting a seed in the soil. We don't see the growth under ground until it comes to the surface of the earth. It doesn't mean that something isn't going on down there. It means that we can't see it with our eyes.  I think that is what God does with us when we give Him something that is too big for us... I think that sometimes we forget or think "He won't DO anything with what we give Him to fix." But think about it - if your child falls, and skins his knee, and comes to you crying? Comes to you frustrated. Comes to you in pain. Do you turn him away? Noooo. You take him by the hand or perhaps you lift him up into your arms, and you carry him gently some place where you can take a look at it. And always the worst part is the "cleaning the wound up" because it stings and your child might cry or try to get out of your arms. But after that - you put some antibiotic on it - and a bandaid. And maybe even afterwards - you lean down to kiss the boo-boo, smooth your child's hair back and reassure him that its going to be okay, that its going to get better.

Matthew 7:11 says, "So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him."


If you truly have struggled with something - and have brought it before the Father and released it (albeit reluctantly).  Don't be surprised - if He changes you... It may be a slow process. We sometimes give something to God and then wait for that "Ta Da" moment.  We may even stand there and say - "Ta Da!!" And then expect to feel rejuvenated... And then we don't so we say it again - "Ta Da!" And we stand back - and nothing happens.  And then we think "God can't change this!" And we grumble some more.  But the things that we need changing with us are usually things that didn't just happen overnight.  Somethings take time.  And it doesn't mean that God can't change a person instantaneously - there are times when I  know He has. But I think there are times when He is in us "tinkering around" like one would in an attic.  And you wake up one morning with an "Aha moment!" A realization that - Hey! Wow! I feel different. This thing that I have struggled with and given to God doesn't seem so "front and center" anymore.  Or maybe you have had a realization that you weren't able to face before - and its not so bad.  We can trust that when we are struggling with something, and we bring it to the Father that He won't disregard it. That it matters to Him. True repentance starts in the heart. It's a heart thing! And your Father sees that. He sees what is going on inside of you. We cannot "change ourselves" somethings only God can. And we have to allow Him to do it. And more than that - we have to trust that He will. And when He does - rejoice. Because He's "cleaned you up, covered you with the salve (his precious blood), applied the band aid of the Holy Spirit - and leaned over and kissed you and said - You are healed for I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Now THAT is how MY Father works! He is all the "Ta-Da" we need.

Amy Grant - Thy Word

For Michelle - who Always "Hopes and Prays"

I think this picture should be entitled "Hope." God tells us that He will never leave nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)  Even at our darkest moments. He IS there. Just like the sun peaking through these leaves.

As I write this, I sit at my computer completely bald from 3 treatments of chemo and from getting my hair buzzed off like GI Jane. I underwent a lumpectomy on July 20th - so my breasts (except for two scars - one under my arm and one where you would place your hand to say I pledge allegiance) look pretty much the same. However, the me inside has been radically changed. My body doesn't feel the same. It's in a war. My lymph nodes under my left arm were removed because of "one bad node" - hence my need for chemotherapy and for later on radiation. Having your lymph nodes removed totally makes your body feel 'different'. "Numb." Like that feeling when your foot falls asleep and you have to shake it back into circulation. I don't quite recognize this girl in the mirror. She is not the one with a tan, with the curls coming over her left eye, with that confident smile. The girl that I see now, has a completely bald round head. Her scalp is white (who knew?) and she has freckles on her head! That was hidden by her curls. Her eyes look sadder and a bit war-struck. Because make no mistake about it- going through chemotherapy is NOT an easy thing.  Her taste buds are gone, and her waist is a bit narrower, because with the loss of flavor comes the loss of desire to eat. (All of which will be restored after chemo is done). There is a wisdom there in her eyes too. One that only those who've gone through a life battle can recognize and understand. She is learning lessons that she never knew she would have to learn, but that she will never forget and that is just the physical side.

Spiritually, I have learned how much I need my Father. How I need to get my spiritual act together. That bad things just don't happen to "Jane over there" - but can happen to us too.  The Bible says, "It rains on the just and the unjust" (Matthew 5:45). I know my life is in my Father's hands. I also see my weaknesses and my faults. I also realize that it is God who is in control. It is at this place where you can really be "beaten up" by ol' slewfoot if you allow it. But I've also learned that it is "not by power, not by might but by My Spirit. Says the Lord." And that  in our Word it says (Luke 15:4-6)"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'  Whenever we go through trials or are in a "valley" experience - we can feel abandoned, lost, hopeless. But all those things are lies. He said "He would never leave nor forsake us." And we can trust in Him because if it wasn't true - He wouldn't have said it. I guess this is where we learn that we are not to go by "our feelings." For me that is not an easy thing to do. I'm emotional and don't have a fake bone in my body. Don't know how to be otherwise... but I have to trust that God is in control. Nothing surprises Him.

The other thing this has shown me - is that I have taken a hard good look at myself and I realize that things need changing. Life is short. I always knew that - but NOW I REALLY KNOW that. Life is a gift. No more "wishing, and wanting." No more "settling." I'm looking within myself and asking God about the things that need changing in my life. If you have been in a prodigal stage in your walk - maybe this is a good time to ask God WHY. Why you have made the choices you have? What is it about you that needs changing? And to remember to say to Him - "Lord, I don't have the ability to change it myself. I need YOU to do it." Who understands us better than our Father? Maybe He is just waiting for us to "give it to Him." Realize that it is too big. That we can't handle it. To admit that we don't "know how?" I remember doing this when I was in college - just getting quiet before the Lord and saying, "Lord - I keep tripping over the same problem. WHY? Help me to see the lack in ME and what "we" can do to deliver me from it and heal me." When I reached that point - where I was willing to admit that I could do nothing about it - He showed me what the problem was and helped me to be strong enough to finally "pass this spiritual course." So that I could move on to the next one. But the difference was, I had to be willing to let Him. I had to reach a point of giving it to Him totally. How ironic that I would find myself - 22 years later - having to do that again? Self examine myself. Oops I thought I had been doing that every day. I'm not a baby Christian any longer - I know my Word. I've grown and matured so much in the 22 years I've been saved. Haven't I Lord? Hmmmm you know - we will always have room for growth and change. Its when you don't think you need to that you are really in a dangerous place. Or when your eye is soooo critical of "others" that you are so busy concerning yourself about their walk that you lose focus on YOUR OWN. (Yes I did type that! - ducking down under my desk... peeking my bald head out slowly to make sure its safe...)

One thing I have learned is that I don't want to wait to live life anymore. I want to live it. FULLY. And I intend to... Walking by the mirror - stopping, looking at the girl I see in the reflection... Yep... She's baaaaaaccccckkkk. See that glint in her eye?  And as my almost five year old son says "Mummy I love your cute bald head..." Okay, so I may look like Telly Sevalas or maybe like Uncle Feister (sp?) or maybe like a Genie out of their bottle... But you know - its only for a season... I guess I'm physically "total transparent" now before the Lord.  I'm okay with that...