Your Father Cares... Really.

Have you ever considered that perhaps what you are holding on to cannot be compared to what it is that God has for you? Wants you to have? Let go of what you are holding on to so possessively and see that your Heavenly Father desires to bless you more abundantly than you can ever imagine.  In other words - "Taste and see that the Lord is good." (Psalms 34:8)

There are days when I just wonder what it is that God is doing.  

Have you ever had days like that?  I've reached a point with my Heavenly Father where I will follow Him around like a love struck daughter (which I am) and tug upon His robe... 

"Now Daddy?.. Now?  Is it time now?" 

How patient He is with me. How tolerant. 

Sometimes I am that wayward child who has lost her way.  I was always taught as a camper that if you get lost in the woods you find some place and sit and wait... He always finds me.  He always patiently takes my hand, even when He should be at His most exasperated point with me and leads me back where I need to be... 

You know, the most wonderful part of realizing that God loves you is that it fills you completely.  There is no comparison.  There is nothing better than being able to speak your mind freely with your Father.  To pour out your heart to Him and know that He is listening and that He cares, He is interested and that He is there.  We disappoint Him all the time but still He loves us.

He doesn't always explain why He allows things to happen to us.  I'm quite sure there are people who have wondered, "Kelly, you went through cancer - WHY did God allow you to go through that?"

I'll tell you why and for each survivor there is a different personal reason... 

Through my cancer experience I realized on a deeper level that I love God.  That I need Him. That I don't EVER want to be without Him.  That I can be myself before Him and not worry about what other people think - only what He does.  I realized that I needed a closer walk - not out of fear of dying but because I needed to appreciate and not take for granted living...  I realized that I am SO not perfect and that maybe even before my prodigal experience - perhaps part of me thought "my so called righteousness" had been enough... It never was, it never would be.  You CANNOT earn Heaven.  No matter "how good" you think you are.  You can't.  

"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away."  (Isaiah 64:6)

I realized that when people I loved weren't there for me when I went through cancer - God was.  He never left me - even when I wanted to leave myself! Have you ever had times in your life when you can't even stand being around you???  I'm not "glad" that I went through cancer - it was horrific.  But I am glad I have a Father who said He would never leave me nor forsake me.  He would be with me until the end of time.  God doesn't walk away... We have the choice and the ability to walk away from Him - but you can bet He will do everything He can to show you how very much He loves you.  And once you know His love, you will never forget it or want to be without it.

What are you going through? The biggest lie of the devil is that YOU ARE ALONE.  I have felt that - there is nothing worse than loneliness.  Moments where you feel like  you are in such a dark place and no one cares. No one is there for you.  That is a lie. GOD IS.  Really.  When you feel like that you have two choices, you can either allow yourself to become immersed in the darkness and wallow in it. Or you can cry out "Abba Father!!!" 

I don't have all the answers, but I can surely point you towards the One who does. Whatever you are going through:

 He is an ever present help in the time of trouble. (Psalms 46:1)

If you don't read anything else in this blog - read this:  God cares. He loves you. He sees you. You are not alone. He desires to bless you abundantly - its in His word.  There is so much than what we can comprehend.  Even when we don't understand the "why" of things we can trust that God does.  Jesus is referred to as "the Good Shepherd." In fact:

"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." (John 10:11)

That's exactly what Jesus did for you.  Now THAT is love...

"What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?  When He has found it, He lays it on His shoulders rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost" (Luke 15:4-6)

That is the type of God you have. One who will find you, lay you upon His shoulders - rejoicing all the way, even if it was your own fault for getting yourself into whatever situation you got lost in.  (Which I don't know about you, but totally describes the stupid things I myself do.  I guess that is why sheep are referred to as some of the stupidest animals ever created, and we are compared to sheep...) 

Listen, there may be some situations going on in your life right now that you just don't know how to get out of.  Perhaps you are standing there in the middle of a situation like a deer standing in the headlights of a car.  You don't know how to get out of the situation or what to do.  You feel mesmerized.   It is outside your knowing what to do.  It may be outside of yours, but it is not outside of God's and it doesn't matter what the situation is.  God is bigger than your situation and perhaps He has allowed you to get to the point where you are because He knows that there will be a point where you realize the only thing you can do is ask Him for help.  Admit that you cannot handle it.  When you reach that point, you can trust that He will step into the situation.  It may not be an overnight fix.  There maybe things that God wants to show you about yourself that led you to where you currently are and He wants to reveal them to you.  Let Him.  Let Him give you a better understanding of YOU.  After all who knows you better than He does?  Once He has given you that understanding, chances are you will walk away from the situation or problem because you realize that it wasn't what you wanted at all.  Perhaps the best choice for all involved is for you to walk away from it.  Listen to whatever God is telling you, because it will continue bothering you and nagging at you until you do.  At the same time, be patient with yourself.  Sometimes we are so busy beating ourselves up that God is just standing next to us saying, "Are you done yet???"

Life is a journey of discovery and lessons.  As long as you have breathe in your body you will be learning and growing and discovering - if you allow God to show you.  A life worth living is one where you know that God does exist and He loves you, and He knows you and He definitely created you with a purpose in mind.  Believe - that is the first step, one that will allow you to experience and see what wonderful things God will do in your life.  Because given half the chance, He will...

The Merry Go Round

One day a naïve and curious woman decided to go for a walk down a 57 year old pathway; to her surprise it led to a magnificently built carousel otherwise known as a “merry go round.”  Without giving it much thought she knew she had to ride it.  She hopped upon the grandest of painted horses like a horseback rider jumping upon the back of a stallion.  Oh how it brought to mind remembrances of her childhood, from the joyfully played organ music to the intricate details in design.  It was grand!  It was the ride made of every childhood fantasy and for a grown woman it brought her back to the days of full crisp starched cotton dresses, white anklet socks and shiny black Mary Jane style shoes.

Over and over the song played.  She didn’t know how long she had ridden it.  She just knew it brought tremendous joy in a way she hadn’t experienced before.  She rode different horses upon the ride; even rode the buggy. She had thought the carousel only had one rider – herself; but she was wrong.  The sound of another woman’s laughter caught her off guard.  She looked over the neck of the current horse she was riding to hear where the laughter had come from.  Across the other side of the Merry Go Round was another woman enjoying the ride.  This woman was huge and robust and almost manly in appearance.  It was hard to believe that the pole of the horse could carry her weight up and down with the sound of the music.

“How long have you been on this ride?” She yelled over the music to the other woman.

“37 years!” The other woman hollered back equally surprised to see another woman on the ride. “What are you doing on this ride?  I thought I was the only one all these years.  Why haven't I seen you until now?”

Round and round the ride went.  When she went up the other woman went down; the organ music continuously repeated the same song.  The discovery of another rider made her perception of the ride change because she had become possessive of the carousel.  While the other woman continued to gleefully ride the merry go round, she decided she’d been on it long enough and wanted it to stop.

“What has made you stay on for so long?”  She yelled out to the woman still riding.

“Weeeeeeee!!!" The woman gleefully proclaimed as she bounced up and down. "This carousel has been mine since I discovered it as a teen.” I know every movement of it, every verse of the song, every stroke of paint upon every horse and buggy.  As I am familiar with it – it is familiar with me.  I shall ride it forrrreeevvvver!”

The other woman decided to jump off the ride, her head was spinning and once she was off she stood back and noticed that the ride did not look as it had when she had first seen it. Perhaps it was the discovery of another rider.  Instead of being glad to encounter and share the ride with someone else it took something away from the experience.  The experience had been personal and with the discovery of someone else, it just wasn’t the same.  The merry go round could only play one song – over and over and over again.  It didn’t have another.  She guessed that with her disappointment of finding another rider was also the wish that the horses would do a “Mary Poppins” type maneuver and jump right off its bearings and take her for a beautiful ride through the country side.  But its bearings firmly rooted and held the ride in its place and it would always be stuck right where it was.  Not only would it remain where it was but there would be another rider riding it forever.

Life has fullness to it you choose whether or not you want to stay stuck going round and around in a circle with the same song playing throughout the course of your life or whether you want to “ride through the country side, galloping with the wind at your back.”  You can remain in mediocrity or step out into brilliance taking charge of your life. The beautiful thing about life are the choices we are each able to make. One woman contentedly decided to stay in her place of comfort and ride the carousel forever (which may have been the only expectation she had ever had for herself, and doesn’t necessarily mean she made the wrong choice - for her).  The other woman decided that after the initial joy and high of the ride, it lacked satisfaction (continuously going round and around to the same ol’ song, headed nowhere) she chose to continue on to find beauty in life's journey before her… A journey that would challenge, inspire and encourage her and make her feel as though no matter what the song she was fulfilling her dreams and her calling for life.  Which woman are you?  Or perhaps you are the carousel itself? Now there is something to ponder… Are you satisfied with the ride you are on? Or has it come to a stand still?  Are you happy in the direction you are going or do you feel as though there has to be something more and if so - what are you doing about it?

I use to sing this to my first born son Joseph - Deniece Williams 11."God Made You Special"・・・ "Lullabies to Dreamland"

The YOU Plan

One day God got an idea in His head... One that He couldn't wait to begin.  Oh how excited He was... He is the Creator, and creating is something God loves to do.  This special day, He had the plan of YOU.

Gently He molded YOU, a pinch here a pat there.  The Potter lovingly kneaded the special ingredients of YOU.  In His mind's eye He already saw YOU in complete formation.  Each kneading with His hands lovingly done.  Caressing the makings of YOU.  You see, YOU were being created in the image of Him, formed in God's image.  How excited God must have been over the creation of YOU.  He knew YOU would be one of a kind.  Lovingly He filled YOU with the breathe of life, floating around in amniotic fluid YOU were surrounded by His Holy Spirit, no matter the situation of how YOU came to be - YOU came to be because He chose YOU to be. YOU were never a mistake.  YOU were a plan.  A God ordained well formulated plan.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you." (Jeremiah 1:5)

YOU were not a mistake.  YOU were not a surprise.  No matter your conception - YOU were created in love by God.  Oh how proud He must have been as He stood back to see the results of His work in YOU.  Watched YOU grow in your mother's womb with joy and expectation and pride and a fatherly love.  He took joy in the creation of YOU.

"You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all.: (Psalms 139:2-4)

God developed YOU.  He knew the day YOU would arrive into the world.  Like an expectant Father, He watched as YOU took your first breath.  Your entrance a gift to the world.  How hard it must have been for God to release YOU into the type of world He did not originally create it to be.  Your birth was not into a Garden of Eden type of environment that God had originally planned for YOU to exist in.  But into a cursed world full of dangers and temptations and experiences that God originally never intended for YOU to have to face.  But knowing that in advance, He put into action the plan of Jesus, a chance for YOU to be reunited through Jesus back to Him.  Did He kiss YOU on Your forehead before You were born and whisper into your being that along with all the other gifts He had created in YOU for YOU to discover along the course of your life - He had given YOU the gift of free will.  Oh how hard that gift must have been for God to give each one of us... Free will... To choose Him or to deny Him.  He has loved YOU since He created YOU and in that love given YOU the choice as to whether or not YOU in turn will choose, in the course of your life to love Him in return.

"In the same way, I tell you, joy breaks out in the presence of God’s angels over one sinner who changes both heart and life.” (Luke 15:10)

It is not easy for a parent to allow their child to journey on their own, knowing fully well the dangers they may encounter along the way... But your Heavenly Father allows certain things to come into your life that will give YOU the opportunity and the knowledge that YOU need Him.  As long as YOU have breathe in your body - breathe that He originally put within YOU, He gives YOU the chance to recognize Him for who He is.  He is your Father.  He created YOU, He loves YOU, He believes in YOU and the only thing that He wants is for YOU to love and believe in Him.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him." (Psalms 34:8)

There are no words to be able to describe that no matter what YOU go through in life, what comes your way - the absolute joy and knowledge that God is with YOU.  He has been since your creation.  Even during the times when YOU have been at your lowest moments and those times when you have felt the pain of loneliness.  YOU are not alone.  You are His precious child - even if  YOU don't recognize it, it doesn't change the fact that the One who formed and created YOU loves you beyond any adequate words I could write.

Deep within your being - is a part of YOU that He reserved to be filled with Him and Him alone.  There is a cry that is within your soul that desires to be filled with one thing - HIM.  Nothing that YOU try to substitute in that spot will quench the thirst that is as much a part of YOU as the color of your hair, the freckles on your nose, your lopsided grin... There is a part deep within YOU that was made to be filled with a love so amazing, so transforming, so fulfilling that nothing can compare to it.  YOU just need to choose Him and see for yourself.  YOU see, it is called a "personal relationship."  It is between YOU and Him.  It has always been just between YOU and Him, YOU just never recognized it.  

"But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." (Isaiah 43:1)

Quiet yourself for a moment... Listen... If you quiet your mind and listen, YOU will hear.  He is summoning YOU.  YOU will recognize the sound of His gentle voice - for it is one He spoke over YOU when He formed YOU.  Listen - deep within your heart YOU will hear a voice you previously may have drowned out with the business of life.  He loves YOU.  He always has.  Every tear YOU have cried, every disappointment or hurt that has come your way.  He has wanted to reach out to YOU and let YOU know that YOU have never been alone.  He does not love as the world loves.  He does not disappoint as the world disappoints.  He longs to show YOU His original plan of YOU.  For YOU to love and be loved in return.

Those are the blueprints for the plan of YOU.

"Lord, I hear you - and I choose You this day because long ago, when You created me - You chose me.  I love You, I need You, I want You to come into my life and to be my Lord and Savior.  I believe You were born, that You died for my sins and that You rose again. I choose You Lord as You chose me before my days even came into existence.  I choose to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior.  Please come into my life and guide me.  I love You Lord - and I choose YOU."

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - He knows it all...

Just like a Lookout - God see's All of You - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Nothing Comes as Surprise to Him.

Every new day we are given, we are given the opportunity to make choices.  Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes we make bad.  Our choices become our history, but they don't have to become our future.

Although we may not realize it, one of the choices we can make is to remain bound by the choices of our past. That actually is one of the devil's biggest tricks.  You see, if you are bound by your past choices you can't move forward.  You are stuck in the mire of you.  What are you going to do? 

I don't know how long the prodigal of the Bible was stuck in the muck of the decisions he made, the Bible doesn't tell us how long he stewed in his own mess, but at some point he chose to move forward.  Luke 15:17 simply says that he came to his own senses.  It was then that he decided to humbly make the trek back home.

Prodigal, the point is that he came to his senses and he made the trek back home. Remember that Jesus is the one who is sharing this parable.  The choice was always the prodigal's to make.  He could remain in the messy mire he had created for himself or he could choose to go forward.

Are you feeling stuck? Are you feeling despair? Alone? Like you just can't get it right?  If you have come out of your prodigal situation, are you constantly beating yourself up for whatever choices you had made?  Nothing you have done has surprised God.  Here is the thing you need to remind yourself when that mire tries to crawl back into your mind and make you bound by it.  God loves you.  HE LOVES YOU - RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.  Right here as you read these words - He's loving you.  He brought you to this blog, He wants you to know how very special you are to Him, regardless of the choices you have made in the past.  He is the God of the past, the present and the future  and each day that He gives you, He is telling you by giving them to you - that today is a new start.  A fresh new sheet of life to write upon.  He is giving you another chance.  If God can give you another chance - don't you think YOU should give YOU another chance?  Put the past behind you.  Talk to God.  If you are feeling bound, tell Him.  He knows it already, but just like when you know someone loves you - isn't it still nice to hear them say it?  Tell Him.  You know, sometimes I think God wants us to share what is in our heart not because He doesn't know it already, but He knows that by verbalizing certain things, it helps us.  It helps us to put things into perspective, especially if we have been mulling them over in our own heads.

I don't often share what I did in my prodigal time.  What it was that made me become a prodigal.  I guess its because I don't know why I chose to do the things I did, how I got to the point of doing them in the first place... It's also that its not something that I ever thought I would become or an experience that I'm proud of, however I can tell you that becoming a prodigal is not an "overnight" experience.  It starts with your thought process and then an action and before you know it, it has snowballed into an experience you never thought you'd ever go through or experience.  The important thing is not how you became a prodigal, but whether or not  you decided to remain one.  There is no degree of sin with God.  Sin is sin, but the great thing is this - Jesus died on the cross for forgiveness of our sins.  Our way out of being a prodigal is nothing other than Jesus.  There is no other way out.  The pathway back home is Jesus.  He is the way, the truth the life, the only way to get to Heaven.  He is the one who breaks whatever bondage you have been in, extends His hand out to you  - and in doing so the only thing you need to do - is take it.  Simply take it.  He is the pathway back home to the Father.  And the beauty of it is that once you take His hand and allow Him to pull you out of the mire - He will walk with you all the way back home if you allow Him to not only back to the Father, but for all the days of your life.  The choice is yours.  

And it doesn't end there.  You see, good can come out of bad.  Once Jesus leads you back home to the Father, and you become an "ex-prodigal" God can/does use your experience if you allow Him to to help someone else.  I felt lead to share my prodigal's experience with a Christian I had just met and I thought in doing so, that they would judge me, that they would be disgusted with me, that they would distrust me - but much to my surprise, I had found out that they had just gotten out of the same type of prodigal situation themselves and that my willingness to be open and transparent with my own walk, was helping to strengthen their own.  In sharing with them my prodigal experience, it helped me to be able to verbalize (put in to words) something that I was never going to tell anyone, it was just a whisper to God, because I know that God is omnipotent and sees ALL.  Sometimes part of the healing He has us go through not only for ourselves, but for others - is to share the experience and that truly helps us to put it behind us and to move forward.

The Bible tells us:

"He will throw our sins into the sea of forgetfulness." (Micah 7:19)

God's Word is not a book of lies - but of truths.  God wants you to be whole and healed.  God is in the habit of working through people and His desire is for you to be that vessel that can be filled with His Holy Spirit and poured out so that others will know His love.  I am almost certain that the prodigal, upon returning home and being moved and humbled by the outwardly show of his Father's affection (afterall the story tells us that his father met him half way!)  What better way for the prodigal to make amends and move forward with his future than to humbly share his experience with others so that they would not make the poor choices he had made? Or perhaps he was able to help extend the right hand of fellowship to those who had made poor choices so that they would not emotionally be stuck in the mire or bound by the decisions that they had made?  

Tomorrow (should God choose to give us the gift of another new day) what choices are you going to make?  Once a prodigal does not mean "always" a prodigal.  Think carefully now and remember that Jesus willingly gave up His life for you.  He obviously thought you had worth or He wouldn't have done it.  Isn't it time YOU thought you had worth?  Move forward, it's time.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come to pray to Me and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

Open



Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

Open your palm, a closed fist cannot receive.

Open your mind - there is so much more than what you think you know.

Open your heart - and let My love come flooding in.

Open the door - I stand there knocking, let Me in.

Open My Word - and eat.  Partake in my promises for you. 

Open your eyes - and see what has always been before you, you just haven't realized it...

Open your life - up to Me and I shall cocoon you with my love and transform you into the beautiful being I have intended you to become.  I see the beauty of you.  I see the gift of you. I see the fullness of you that I created you to be...but you have to acknowledge Me, believe in Me, love Me, trust Me and allow Me to change within you those things that you yourself cannot change, no matter how hard you've tried.  You know deep inside that this is the truth. My best for you is better than anything you would have considered for yourself.

Open up  - and be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And when you do - you shall soar with wings of an eagle to a height you never dreamed you could fly.

Open to me - like a flower bud opens its petals to warmth of the rays of the sun, feel My Holy Spirit encompassing you, molding you into the vessel I originally created you to be.  For no one knows better than I the beauty of you when filled with the essence of Me.

Are You a Vessel or an Un-Vessel? Think Carefully, the Choice Has Always Been Yours to Make...

What is Pouring Out from Your Life? Are You a Vessel or an Un-Vessel?  The choice has always been yours to make...

The Bible tells us that God knew us when we were formed in our mother's womb, actually the exact words are as follows:

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart."

God made YOU.  He formed you.  He knew you.  He had in mind what you were to be.  You are His masterpiece.  You are one of a kind.  You were chosen.  How special does that make you feel? If it doesn't it should.  You are a creation of the Utmost High God.  He knows every part of you.  You are unique.  You are special and whether or not you acknowledge it or are aware of it, or believe it - You are HIS.

"For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.  I will give thanks to You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well..." (Psalms 139:13-14).

I can visualize in my mind God creating you, with such excitement and pride and joy.  Think about it.  If you are a parent, a father or a mother - think about the joy you experienced when you found you were going to have a child.  As a mother myself, I can remember laying a hand on my stomach, talking to this little tiny peanut of a being with such love and joy and happiness and hopes.  I remember saying to my firstborn Joseph, when I found out:

"Oh how I rejoice in the fact that God has given me YOU.  You are answered prayer.  You are special, you are a blessing.  In fact, I use to a sing a song to him it was called, "God made you special" Sung by Denise Williams.  I spoke blessings over my unborn child, even though God had not yet formed his outward ears in completion, I know Joseph's soul heard me.  I nourished him not only with that from my own body, but with my words of love and blessings.  If I did that with my own children - how much more so does God do that with us as He forms us?  He has great desires for you.  He has plans for you.  The only thing you have to do is choose.  He has given us free will.  We can choose to be that vessel He has called us to be, or we can choose to be an un-vessel.

Just as surely as God has created our physical bodies - He has created you with a desire that is to be one in communion with Him.  There is a part of us (whether or not we choose to acknowledge it) is hungry to be one in communion with God.  Originally it was our sole purpose in being created to have fellowship with God.  I often think about what the Garden of Eden must have been like before Adam and Eve's fall...  I don't know about you, but I LOVE the outdoors.  I love hearing the birds sing, seeing God's nature in the different plants and flowers that He has created, I tend to believe that Adam and Eve communicated with the animals in the garden, because when the snake deceived Eve, she was not surprised that he spoke to her.  How peaceful it must have been, sheer joy and love and harmony and abundance - such as we won't know until we get to Heaven. All around us is the witness of God.  In the hustle and bustle of daily life we get so caught up in activity or family or problems that those things that speak so clearly of God's being get drowned out and often ignored or taken for granted as we live our lives.  Live our lives not realizing or identifying or acknowledging the true reason of why we were created.  When God made you, He made you with special gifts, special talents that were yours to be used  to glorify Him.

You can choose to be a vessel or an un-vessel.  

Definition of a vessel according to the Miriam Webster Dictionary:

" A vessel is a vein or artery that covers blood to the rest of the body" or "A vessel is a hollowed container for holding liquids" or "A vessel is a ship or large boat."

An "un-vessel" (a definition a new friend just introduced me too recently) is someone who is a vessel and doesn't know it... Maybe they try to fill themselves with things other than what God originally intended, but true satisfaction can never be found without filling it with what God intended it to be filled with - HIMSELF.  Even Jesus said:

"Whoever drinks of the water I give him shall never thirst.but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." (John 4:14-15)

You were made to be a vessel.  A very rare, special and dear vessel unto the Lord.  You choose what you will be filled up with - discovering the true purpose that God has for you or living a life as an un-vessel, filled with other things that will never give you the satisfaction or the completion you would receive if you realized that you were created to be filled up with God's purpose; that is where the peace that passes ALL understanding described in Philippians 4:7 comes from.  I can't adequately find the words to write to explain just what that feels like, it's something you have to experience for yourself and here is the thing - just like our fingerprints are individual and unique - so is the calling God has for you.  It is better than ANYTHING you could have chosen for yourself, part of life's journey is figuring out JUST WHAT THAT CALLING IS.  I can only compare it to a treasure hunt - with you being the treasure.  There is such a peace that comes about when you realize that God created you, He made you, He formed you SPECIAL.  That He has a purpose for your life - and it is not a contest, nor is it one where you are in competition with someone else.  God has no favorites.  He loves us each individually for who He created us to be.  He made you.  He knows you.  He loves you.   You were not made by mistake - no matter how you were conceived.  God knew you were coming.  You were no surprise to Him.  Maybe you were made to feel as though you weren't special, maybe you were born into a situation where you felt unloved.  However you entered into this world, you need to know that YOU ARE LOVED.  Greatly, truly, wonderfully, completely loved.  Hear my words - for I am only a vessel unto the Lord, my calling - to write for Him.  To allow my fingers to fly over my keyboard and deliver whatever words of encouragement I can give you to allow you to know that God's word is the same today as it was yesterday as it will be tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8).  Whether or not you acknowledge it - you need to know, you were created to be a vessel. God desires to be glorified through your life with the gifts He has created you to utilize.  He loves you enough to give you the choice - to be a vessel or an un-vessel.

Look at the example of Jonah.  God told him specifically what he wanted him to do and what did Jonah do?  HE RAN!!!  He thought he could run from God and for the purpose that God had for him.  You can read about it yourself in the book of Jonah in  your Bible.  To get Jonah's attention God had to have a whale or "great fish" swallow Jonah up, what a way to get Jonah's undivided and complete attention.  I have written a post about it in my blog - you can look it up on the side of my page, under my blog entries from 2013, the month is October and it is entitled "Are You in the Middle of a Jonah Moment."  The point is - God will continue to capture your undivided attention for as long as you have breath in your body.  He loves you, He knows that the purpose He created you for your life will bless you more abundantly than you can possibly imagine!  There is no greater satisfaction or joy than to be used as a vessel by the One who created you - God.  So maybe God hasn't swallowed up someone by a whale or big fish in these current times (or maybe He has and we just haven't read again about it yet... hehehehe...)  But if you think about it - what point in your life do you keep coming back to?  Someway, somehow God is trying to capture your attention.  Only you can determine if you think long and hard about it how He is doing that... 

"Here I am!!! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person and they with me."  (Revelations 3:20)

Listen - do you hear it? Quiet your soul. Quiet the noise around you. LISTEN.  It is God knocking on the door of your heart.  Open it. What do you have to lose? You have only to gain.  Try it - see what it is God is telling you.  I know that as you read this word, that desire that God instilled for Him within you is crying out.  Maybe for the first time you are recognizing that you were not created to be an "un-vessel," but a "vessel."  You won't be whole until you recognize and fulfill the purpose that God has for your life.  And here is the thing - YOU are the VESSEL. HE is the provision.  He wants to be used in YOU, through YOU, by YOU.  So let Him in...

Here is the thing about vessels.  They come in all shapes and sizes, they are not all the same.  We are an imperfect people, God is in the business of using those imperfections to draw people unto Him.  I think about my own imperfections and it makes me realize all the more - I am called to be a vessel, yes that is true... But here is the beauty of it - God fills me up.  God makes me beautiful. The beauty you see in me - is Him.  Without Him, I am an un-vessel, incomplete and not used for the intent in which I was created.  The beauty you see in me - is HIM.  

I think there is very clearly a reason why throughout the Bible God has chosen to use people who you would not have thought He would use.  They were not the strongest, they were not the most beautiful or perhaps they were the last people you would expect to be chosen for "Team God."  Yet they opened themselves up through their faith to allow God to use them.  Mary did, David did, Jonah (finally did ) as did so many others that you can read about in your Bible.  When you read about them, remember that these are not a made up bunch of characters - but real individuals like you and me - who decided upon their own free will to be vessels unto the Lord.

God created you for a purpose.  A beautiful one of a kind purpose.  Will you be that vessel unto Him?  Listen... Do you hear it?  He's knocking... It's time for you to stop ignoring the knock and open the door wide.  You won't be sorry...

"Taste and see that the Lord is good.  Blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." (Psalms 34:8)

No Matter What - God's Got You!



"I Will Fulfill the Number of Your Days" (Exodus 23:26)

This past Monday was my 4th year “cancerversary” (or so we survivors call it).  It was my 4^th Year annual appointment from having been diagnosed with early stage, triple negative breast cancer.  I have been cancer-free for 4 years, but no matter how much time passes  these yearly mammogram appointments fill me with anxiety, fear and trepidation.  This time I was definitely concerned because I had been having painful sensations at the lumpectomy site; sensations I had not felt before and of course ol’ slewfoot taunted me with all kinds of horrible thoughts on what it could be…  Some cancer survivors like to refer to themselves in “remission” personally I have never liked (or used) that word.

I Googled the term “remission” and a Dr. Z’s medical report, Published May 17, 2006 written by Ed Zimney, MD (whoever that is…) popped up. He defines remission as such:

“Complete remission means that there are no symptoms and no signs that can be identified to indicate the presence of cancer. However, even when a person is in remission, there may be microscopic collections of cancer cells that cannot be identified by current techniques. This means that even if a person is in remission, they may, at some future time, experience a recurrence of their cancer.”

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but for me, I find the term “remission” to be insulting, offensive and inaccurate.  You see – I am *not* in remission, I am HEALED.  God has healed me.  To call it anything else is to belittle what He can do and what He has done and I refuse to belittle God and identify my cancer-free self as one who is in “remission.”  Now it is a personal thing, and many survivors fine with that term, I find it insulting and am quick to correct someone who describes me as such.  God has healed me, He has given me a second chance at life and for that I am truly grateful. I found myself thinking of the scene in scripture when Jesus calls Peter out to walk towards Him upon the water.   Matthew 14:22-33:

Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.   After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified.

“It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.  

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I.  Don’t be afraid.”

"Lord if it's You," Peter replied, "tell me to come to You on the water."

"Come," He said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,”He said, “why did you doubt?”

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.   Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

I didn’t want to focus on the taunts the enemy was whispering in my ear, because I knew just as Peter had – I would begin to sink.  So, with my mother by my side, my back straight, my chin firmly set I went to my appointment at the Dana-Farber holding on to my promises.

“I will fulfill the number of your days.” (Exodus 23:26)

“I have made you the head and not the tail.” (Deuteronomy 28:13)

"Can a woman forget her nursing child And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me. Your builders hurry; Your destroyers and devastators Will depart from you.…” (Isaiah 49:16)

This is why God tells us to hide His word in our hearts so that we can find strength in His promises. Unlike people, God does not make promises He doesn’t keep, we can trust that if it is written in His Word - He meant it.  He is not a God that He would lie. He is the Author and the Finisher of our faith – He knows the beginning of the story of “us” as well as the ending, so who better to trust???!

The memories of my cancer experience always hits me a new when I walk into the doors of Dana-Farber.  The confusion, the shock, the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty of what's to come all come flooding back.  I guess it is a natural “knee jerk” reaction.  Once again, I went through my check in, my blood work and next – the dreaded mammogram (dun dun...) this huge machine that would give the radiologist the knowledge of what was going on beyond the surface…

This is where most of us Pinks are found sitting in the waiting room, bitting our fingernails, holding our breathes, only to release them when the results (prior to leaving the Imaging Department) are handed to us.  It is the waiting that is the hardest part, the not knowing.  This time around when I was told that everything was normal, I burst into tears. Tears of relief and gratitude.  According to my oncologist, nerve endings can come back to life anywhere from 10 to 20 years from a lumpectomy post surgery.

I cannot tell you what I would have felt if the report had been otherwise, I can only draw upon my previous experience of receiving a phone call saying, "you have cancer..."  But I can tell you this - I believe that God would have given me the strength to face whatever I needed to face as He has done throughout the course of my life and my walk with Him, things may come as a surprise to us - but they are never a surprise to Him.

I have come to realize more and more that each day - EACH day is a gift, a blank sheet of life for us to write upon, one that we will never get back again.  Somewhere along the line we humans began to take each day for granted, to treat each new day as if it were “owed” to us.  The truth is - it’s not.  We were originally created to live forever – before Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden bringing sin and death into the world.  But most people never feel like "they've had enough life."  Have you ever noticed that "old" is something that is 15 years older than what you are?

Life is a precious gift.  What are you writing upon the pages of your life? How do you wake up in the morning?  Do you rejoice?  No one knows what the future holds – but instead of worrying about whatever will be, why don’t we just rejoice and praise God for what He has given us today?  When you wake up tomorrow visualize the day as a blank sheet of paper.  What will you write upon it?  What memories will you make?  How will you view things? What difference might you make in the life of someone else?  Write well dear reader!  You won’t get these moments back… See? Another has just passed… Make every moment count because make no mistake about it - each one is a precious gift from God.

Are You Facing a Goliath-Sized Situation?

It only takes a pebble sized faith to defeat the Goliaths in your life...

Are you up against a Goliath in your life?  Oh yes, they still exist, they just come in different forms and fashions.  Are you standing there with legs trembling, feeling really small against a Goliath who is lording over you?  Every common sense worldly view of your situation leads you back to the present problem; your natural, physical reaction is to RUN!  You’ve got those flight hormones pumping through your blood, your heart is racing and there appears to be NO WAY OUT.  This is where worrying tries to invade your mind filling you with every thing that is opposite to living a life of faith (fear, anxiety and all those feelings that distract you from what it is you really need to do).

What is it you need to do?

P

R

A

Y

Even if you only have a teeny, tiny little mustard seed size faith and you just can’t see any solution to your current situation. Perhaps the point is, you are not supposed to!  This is where the rubber hits the road. God did not create you to be able to handle ALL situations on your own.  You are NOT God.

“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

Maybe your head is telling you something along the lines to what was reported  (according to the US Archives website) Something similar to what an employee of the Titanic once uttered:

“Not even God Himself could sink this ship…”  Only your head is telling you, “Not even God himself could help me with this Goliath situation I am finding myself in….”

Listen – that is a lie from the pit of Hell.  God is concerned about you and wants you to realize that you need Him.  There is no shame in that.  In fact – say it out loud.

“God I NEED You!!!”   Say it again…  “God I NEED You!!!”   one more time… “God I NEED You!!!”   

Hmmmm – I don’t know about you but me, I feel a lot better admitting that… Why? Because it's the God honest truth!

It is when we don’t realize that, admit it or don’t believe it that we are truly in a Goliath type situation.  The truth is, we can trust that if we go to God sincerely in prayer, He hears us and Instead of going into “worry mode” go into prayer mode – bringing whatever it is before your Heavenly Father.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?” (Matthew 7:8-9)

No other man would fight Goliath, that’s because they realized that they could not win any fight with him with their own physical strength…  David’s faith in God was the only thing that gave him the strength to stand before the giant.  David was very much aware that unless God fought the battle for him, the battle would not be won.

There are certain Goliath situations that come up into our lives for us to realize that we can do nothing in and of our own accord.  Nor were we meant to.  That is our biggest mistake. God did not make Adam and Eve independent of Him.  That was never the way things were supposed to be.  We were created to be in fellowship with God.

“Oh Lord, I am surrounded by Goliaths in my life…  Every which way I turn I run up against them. I can’t fight them on my own, and I know that is not  Your will for me, so I come to You in prayer knowing that YOU are greater than any Goliath-size problem I face.  Help me please Father to become victorious over these situations that YOU may be glorified.  I take my mustard seed size faith and I swing it into the midst of this situation, believing that YOU will multiply the size of the seed and cause the situation to fall down and have the plans of the enemy defeated.  I stand knowing that “Greater are YOU that are in me than he that is in the World” (1 John 4:4) and that “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens ME.” (Philippians 4:13) Thank You Father that I can come to You in prayer, I thank You by faith for Your provision, Your grace, Your mercy and Your favor in these situations .  In Jesus’ precious name I pray.

AMEN

Are You There God? It's Me, (Add Your Name)...

When I was a child, I read one of author Judy Blume’s books entitled, “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.”   It is the story of a 6^th grade girl who is coming of age and how she converses with God.  It is what began my own childhood conversations with God.

When I pray, I talk to God like I talk to you – readers of my blog.  I speak my mind.  I am honest and transparent.  I am REAL with God.  Why? Because the Bible tells me:

“He knows my thoughts before I even think them.” (Psalms 139:2)

So why not just be honest and forthcoming?  Besides God desires a relationship with you, a relationship requires communication.  My own personal opinion is that God loves it when you have “conversations” with Him.

"These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.” (Isaiah 29:13)

The above describes being “religious” having a personal relationship with God is communicating with Him, having a relationship with Him. Your heart is in your conversations with Him, it is a one on one conversation and yet because God looks at the heart of an individual, while we can only see the outside – it is up to God to determine whether or not it is a “personal relationship with Him.”  It is between that individual and God.

Any “relationship” requires communication.  A relationship should be a two way street – even one with God.  I have had many a conversation with God that is similar to that of a child having a temper tantrum on the floor of a store aisle with some of my prayer requests, like a child who wants their parent to buy them a piece of candy and the parent says, “no” there are times when I have brought a request before God and He has said no.  No child wants to hear the word “no.”  But in looking back at my past prayer requests I can see times where God has compassionately shown me why He has said no.  (He doesn’t always show us – He doesn’t have to – He is God).  But the one thing we can keep in mind is that:

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

We don’t see the FULL situation but God does, He has our best in mind.  The Bible tells us:

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)

If you are a parent you can relate. There are times when you have had to say no to your own children – maybe it’s that they want a cookie before dinner and you say, “no.”  And while all they see is that  they want that cookie and you have said no! What YOU see is that if you give them that cookie before dinner, it will lessen their appetite to eat food that is more nourishing for them.  If we think that way, how much more so does our Heavenly Father who sees oh so much more than we do?

I have come to the conclusion that it is all about the issue of trust…

Trust… What a small word with such a significant meaning…   The definition of trust according to Webster’s Dictionary: 

Trust - Reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.  One in which confidence is placed.

Who is your confidence placed? Who do you trust?

Trust is something that makes us vulnerable.  Who we trust or how we trust is pretty much based upon our past experiences. It also makes it difficult when we have been let down to confidently; walk by faith and not by sight.  When people have let us down, it is hard to confidently trust in a God who says He won’t.  It is probably one of the hardest lessons to learn in our walk with Him.  He desires us to trust Him.  Do you trust Him?  When you find yourself in a situation where it feels “pitch black” and you can’t see two feet in front of you – do you feel as though God has your back?  Sometimes God allows you to be in those situations just so you can place your trust in Him.  When you are out of answers and your head is in your hands – Who do you trust? Do you believe you can trust God?

Sometimes we can make trust a “head thing” and not a heart thing.  God wants us to step out in faith and know without a doubt that we can trust Him.  This is hard to do because while we have God desiring us to trust Him, there is ol’ slewfoot standing by our heads whispering in our ears:

“You are certainly in a fine kettle of fish.  You are here because of fault A,B,C – all of your own doing…”  Or he taunts me saying, “Yeah – look at Suzy Q over there.  She has A,B,C, while you – well you are lacking in D,E,F, G. God must love her more than He loves you…”

Those are lies from the pit of hell.  The devil doesn’t want you to trust in God – even when you don’t see an answer.  Remember he is the author of lies and confusion.  The very last thing he wants you to do is trust in God.

Trust… Sometimes we don’t even “trust” our own selves to make the right decisions. It’s enough to make you want to cross your own eyes.  Do you second guess yourself?  We all have weaknesses.  We all have our “Achilles heel.” And the devil knows how to rub salt into wounds that need to be healed.  “Why would God want to help you???”  The taunts go on and on hitting those nerves that either push us into depression, despair or are used to push us farther away from believing that God is concerned about us and really cares.  Instead of believing the promises we have, we believe the author of lies who (if you recall) deceived Eve and caused sin and problems and death to enter into the world in the first place…  His tricks are still the same, they haven’t changed, if they were good enough for him to use on those “REAL” people (notice they were not characters – but real people like you and I) in the Bible, why would he not try to use those same methods and tricks on us now?  Remember, he even tried to boldly tempt Jesus in the desert. If he was bold enough to try and tempt Jesus, what makes us think he won’t try to do the same with us? 

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”  (John 10:10)

God desires that you have life – abundant life.  Who are you going to believe and trust? This is one of the ongoing lessons we continuously have to decide throughout anything that life throws our way.

Communication is an ongoing element in a relationship.  Relationships in order to be successful satisfying and in order to grow require nourishment.  If you are mad at God – Tell Him!  He knows!  Nothing you are feeling surprises Him.  He is your Father. If you need guidance or clarification, tell Him! If we take time to quiet our souls and listen, we will hear Him speak.  If we can quiet down the noise of our worries, concerns (and sometimes ourselves even!) You will hear God’s steady, soothing quiet voice.  In my own experience God has never once “yelled” at me.  Disciplined me, yes – but His voice has been one that is calming and soothing and personal.  It takes time to form a strong relationship, but a relationship is something that requires two individuals and God has already said:

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” (Revelations 3:20)

God already desires to be in a relationship with you.  To reveal His plan for your life, to reveal how much He loves you.  It requires trust which is an ongoing element and difficult to do at some moments in our walk with Him.  But when we do trust Him, even when we don’t understand the “why” of a situation, we can experience “the peace that passes ALL understanding” (Psalms 4:7) that comes only from trusting that no matter what we are experiencing, God is in control.  Because whether or not we “feel” or “believe” that He is.  He is.

“Hi, are You there Lord? It's me - Kelly... I am going through a situation that I have NO clue as to what to do.  Which way to turn, but I trust that my steps are ordained by you. (Psalms 37:23).  I know that you have given me certain promises in the Bible to cling to and believe in when I don’t see a way.  I trust You. You tell me that “You have engraved me in the palm of your hand.” (Isaiah 49:16), while I don’t understand or fully see all that is going on around me – I know you do and I know that I belong to You.  I need You. Thank You for being an ever present help in time of trouble.  Help me to rest and trust in You.  In Jesus’ precious name I give this situation to You. I drop it at the foot of your cross knowing fully well that you are more able to handle it than I.  Knowing fully well that You have my best interest in mind. Knowing that my steps are ordered by You. I thank you for Your provision, Your help, Your love.  In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen”