Have you ever had days like that? I've reached a point with my Heavenly Father where I will follow Him around like a love struck daughter (which I am) and tug upon His robe...
"Now Daddy?.. Now? Is it time now?"
How patient He is with me. How tolerant.
Sometimes I am that wayward child who has lost her way. I was always taught as a camper that if you get lost in the woods you find some place and sit and wait... He always finds me. He always patiently takes my hand, even when He should be at His most exasperated point with me and leads me back where I need to be...
You know, the most wonderful part of realizing that God loves you is that it fills you completely. There is no comparison. There is nothing better than being able to speak your mind freely with your Father. To pour out your heart to Him and know that He is listening and that He cares, He is interested and that He is there. We disappoint Him all the time but still He loves us.
He doesn't always explain why He allows things to happen to us. I'm quite sure there are people who have wondered, "Kelly, you went through cancer - WHY did God allow you to go through that?"
I'll tell you why and for each survivor there is a different personal reason...
Through my cancer experience I realized on a deeper level that I love God. That I need Him. That I don't EVER want to be without Him. That I can be myself before Him and not worry about what other people think - only what He does. I realized that I needed a closer walk - not out of fear of dying but because I needed to appreciate and not take for granted living... I realized that I am SO not perfect and that maybe even before my prodigal experience - perhaps part of me thought "my so called righteousness" had been enough... It never was, it never would be. You CANNOT earn Heaven. No matter "how good" you think you are. You can't.
"All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." (Isaiah 64:6)
I realized that when people I loved weren't there for me when I went through cancer - God was. He never left me - even when I wanted to leave myself! Have you ever had times in your life when you can't even stand being around you??? I'm not "glad" that I went through cancer - it was horrific. But I am glad I have a Father who said He would never leave me nor forsake me. He would be with me until the end of time. God doesn't walk away... We have the choice and the ability to walk away from Him - but you can bet He will do everything He can to show you how very much He loves you. And once you know His love, you will never forget it or want to be without it.
What are you going through? The biggest lie of the devil is that YOU ARE ALONE. I have felt that - there is nothing worse than loneliness. Moments where you feel like you are in such a dark place and no one cares. No one is there for you. That is a lie. GOD IS. Really. When you feel like that you have two choices, you can either allow yourself to become immersed in the darkness and wallow in it. Or you can cry out "Abba Father!!!"
I don't have all the answers, but I can surely point you towards the One who does. Whatever you are going through:
He is an ever present help in the time of trouble. (Psalms 46:1)
If you don't read anything else in this blog - read this: God cares. He loves you. He sees you. You are not alone. He desires to bless you abundantly - its in His word. There is so much than what we can comprehend. Even when we don't understand the "why" of things we can trust that God does. Jesus is referred to as "the Good Shepherd." In fact:
"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." (John 10:11)