|Like the water naturally flowing down in this picture - "The Steps of the Righteous Are Ordained By God." (Psalms 37:23)|
(*picture taken by my dear friend, D. Kiely)
When I last posted I had quite literally been holding a pair of cutting sheers to my head. Convinced I could cut off my curls in anticipation of chemo. But I chickened out. Oh how I spent that whole day running into the bathroom, holding a curl in the sheers gonna do it. But then I decided, I wanted to keep my curls as long as I could. So I decided I would not lose them that day.
Since that day, I (due to the economy & working for a small relatively unknown start up company that has been struggling for the last 6 months), had to leave a job I loved, and after speaking with my husband, we had to make the choice for me and two of our three children to head back to Massachusetts and stay with my mother in my childhood home so I could go through chemotherapy, the kids could go to an excellent public school (while we had enrolled them in Christian private) and he could concentrate on work since I was no longer employed. It was hard dividing up our family. I love all three of my kids. My oldest needed to be near his father. (Anyone who has a teenager can understand that this needs no further explanation).
Through my job loss, I'm reminded again of why I have always put my faith in God and not in people. People disappoint you every day. Its just our nature. I hold on to my faith. I have been a Born-Again believer for 23 years and I have experienced God's hand on my life. I know He provides. When you have held on to God for so long - you go into "automatic pilot mode." My faith is in God - not in people and honestly, I don't know how people live without Him. I could not go through all that I am going through without knowing my God is real. "An ever present help in time of trouble." (Psalms 46:1) He said "He would never leave nor forsake me" ( and He hasn't." And for whatever YOU are experiencing in your life right now - if you choose to trust in Him. You'll see. He is no respecter of persons. (Romans 2:11). My Bible tells me that "the steps of the righteous are ordained by God." It doesn't tell me that He will "reveal ahead of time" what those steps are. But that they are ordained by Him. I don't think that means that God plans bad things in our lives. I think it means that nothing surprises Him. Nothing. When you are faced with your mortality, you all of a sudden see all your faults, all your weaknesses, all your sins. You realize again and again how you "cannot earn" heaven. I truly know that there is NO WAY I can be "good enough" to go to heaven. Pffft... Was it Paul who said in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do." There is ALWAYS inside of us - something that needs changing. I am NOT condoning sin. But I am very clear that it is only by the shed blood of Jesus that we can boldly come to the throne of God. I wonder how He did it. As he lay stretched out on that cross - He took on the sins of the world. OUR SINS. Yours and mine. My mind cannot even comprehend the agony of that. I agonize over my own sins. And what I don't agonize over - the devil tries to beat me over the head with reminding me of my short comings. But here is the thing - "It is by grace we have been saved through faith; and that not of ourselves, it is a gift from God, not as the results of works, so that no one may boast. But we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we could walk in them." (Ephesians 2:8-10).
Seasons change - God never does. Hold fast of His hand. He won't let go. Even when it feels like its only your 'fingertips touching His." His love is unconditional. Unlike people - He simply loves YOU for who you are. Who needs to make lemonade out of lemons? We know the Creator. And even better than THAT - HE KNOWS YOU... "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:2) Child YOU are His.