|After a Storm, Comes the Rainbow - So Hold on! Don't Give in, Give up or Let Go!|
Change... I suppose its one of those things that is inevitable... I never much liked it. Although sometimes "change" is a good thing. I suppose this is one of those moments...
Half the time we don't see it coming. We don't plan for it. We could be going full throttle in one direction when the winds of change come and our course is in the other direction.... The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:12 "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."
We only see in part. God sees the full picture. We don't. Maybe that is His grace. Thinking about that as I type these words, I think - He sees the "fullness of me" and yet - He STILL loves me. Even when I feel unlovable. Even when I don't love myself enough. Even when I make mistakes. Even when I am at my worst - He saw it all and still He died on that cross for forgiveness of my sins. (And YOURS!)
Part of me is glad I don't see the full picture of my life - because I don't think I could have handled seeing that I would go through breast cancer, chemotherapy, radiation before the actual moments occurred. I certainly didn't see the break down of my marriage before it occured. (Although there were signs)... And there are good things too. My children - each one special, unique. Every change is not a bad change. I guess you appreciate the good more because of the bad...
Throughout this journey called life - we are constantly learning about ourselves, aren't we? The scripture "Pride before a fall" (Proverbs 16:18) is so accurate. And you can feel "prideful" and not even know it - until you've fallen and you're wondering "what the heck happened?" And all of a sudden you have a new understanding of God's grace. To me, its immeasurable. We use to sing a song in church that went "It's me Lord standing in the need of prayer." It's not until you experience "change" that you are in a place you never *thought* you'd be - that you realize that God's grace REALLY does pertain to you. And its not by your actions, its not by your "being good enough" that gets you there. It's by HIS GRACE ALONE.
I feel His grace, His mercy this morning as I sit in my new quiet home. The kids are with their father. How strange it is to write that... I am 2 1/2 hours away. I wish I could say that cancer "changed" my family and perhaps it did - but the changes began earlier than that - cancer just quickened it. We think we have control over our circumstances... We don't. Be careful over thinking that you have "steady feet" because this "balancing beam" called life can change in an instant and all you "thought" you knew you realize you didn't really know much at all.
What have I realized as I look back on my past year? I realize that peace is important, I realize that lots of discord can affect your health. I realize that it is important for a person to have a "sanctuary. I realize that it is not my place to judge someone. (and to leave all the judging to a God who sees in full - while I just see in part).
I don't know what the future holds for me - I only know "Who holds me." (In the palm of His hand). When you hold something in the "palm of your hand" you are holding it gently, lovingly, carefully as if it matters to you. I matter to God. *Smiling* and so do YOU. His grace and his mercy pertains to all of us who are willing to receive it. What a wonderful realization to start this day off... and you know what? No matter what change comes my way - that is all I really need to know.