Inside she knew it was only because they were ignorant to the truth. They were spiritually blind. She tried to soothe away the pain with the knowledge that satan always tries to use those dearest to our hearts to hurt people, especially if they are already prisoners of his camp. That was the most pathetic thing of all - she was the one hurting while they were the ones who were imprisoned and ironically they weren’t even aware of it.
She wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. It made her think of the times when she and other camp counselors had had to do something called "muck walking" which was when they would put their bathing suits and their sneakers on and would walk out into the pond to stir up and clear away the fallen fall leaves from the bottom of the pond, making it sandy and clear for the campers who would soon be beginning their camping season. Emotional muck, years of it; layers of it, piled thick, so high that the years of tears were backed up within her like a clogged sink. She couldn’t cry and she wouldn’t.
"God these people still have scales upon their eyes, it really shouldn't bother me that they treat me like a second class citizen - but it does. They are spiritually blind. WHY did you remove the scales off my eyes first?"
But deep inside her, she had recognized the need for something more and had searched for it and because she had heard the knocking on the door, she had opened it and became a Christian. While in doing so, the world had become clearer, the truth was how the world functioned was not according to the way He had planned it to be. Without the scales upon her eyes she could see the sick distortion. Right was wrong, wrong was right, like the hole Alice had fallen down in Alice in Wonderland. Nothing made sense, a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah that she was supposed to accept and blindly play "Follow the Leader" just because “they” said to. But the ironic thing was they were blind as to who it was they were really following! They didn’t even know!~ No matter how much they talked behind her back, judged her, ridiculed her and mocked her, she would not turn her back on the One who had opened her eyes. She had made her mind up to follow the TRUE leader, and when she had made that decision (of her own free will), the scales had fallen off her eyes and the truth became apparent. She could never go back, never be who she once had been and she didn’t want to. The truth had set her free. But while she was free, they were not. They were like walking dead; living zombies; their bodies living and going through the motions of life; but their souls dead. There were scales upon their eyes that they didn't even realize were there. Watching them it was hard for her to believe she had once been as they were. The truth was all around them, they were just dead to it and because God had given them free will, blindly they chose to walk in ignorance and unless they were brought to a point where they knew they needed “more” they would continue making the worst mistake of their lives and only face the true fact when it was too late. This was where intercession came in.
She wanted to cry out, “the truth is ALL around you! Open your eyes!” But they snubbed her after all, what did she know? She was the black sheep.
"Why did you choose me?" She cried out again to God. "Don't you know I am the black sheep? I'm fighting a losing battle." It shouldn’t hurt anymore, but it did.
“A prophet is not accepted within his own home town.” (Luke 4:24)
The meaning of her name stood for “fighter.” She had been chosen to fight not only for herself, but those she loved most. It was then she remembered that she should not get mad at them but at the spirits that were standing behind them using them, like pieces of a chess game. That’s when her hurt became anger. That’s when she recognized the attack for what it was – spiritual.
“Instead of getting mad. PRAY. I’ve called you to pray! I’ve called you to intercede. I’ve called you to be the one who stands in the gap. Gird up yourself with your spiritual armor and guard your heart. It doesn’t matter what people think of you, it matters what I think. Pray so that I can bring them to a place where they will recognize that it is me they need, so that they can make the choice for ME. When they do that, the scales will fall from their eyes. Guard your heart! Understand that it is their ignorance which is the reason behind their hurting you. Consider the source! They are blind. Keep your eyes focused upon Me. Believe in Me. Trust in Me and trust that I am the balm to soothe the pain their ignorance strikes at you with. Recognize it for what it is and then it will not hurt. It doesn’t matter how they view you or what they say about you because you are MY child I have called YOU by name. You do not nor have you ever needed their approval to be all that I have called you to be. I know who you are. You are *not* a black sheep, you belong to Me. I am the good Shepherd and you are MINE.”
The realization took away the pain. She realized she needed to refocus. The only people that could hurt you were those that you allowed. There was a war going on and whether or not an individual recognized that they were in that war or not did not change the fact that there was one. In not choosing a side – you chose one. Blindly or fully aware.
She loved them enough to withstand the battle wounds. If she didn’t stand in the gap and pray for them – who would? Even though she was not of their world anymore she was still in it. And she remembered the prayer Jesus had prayed:
“My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified. My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one--I in them and you in me--so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (John 17:15-22)
She needed to refocus and renew her mind. It didn’t matter if they accepted her or not – it was not her they were rejecting but Him and all in ignorance. She was a chosen vessel. She had chosen which side she would fight. Ironically, the battle had already been won by Jesus – the story had been completed when Jesus died on the cross and cried out, “It is finished!” (John 19:30)
The morale of the story is this – don’t let people define who you are – especially if they do not know the One who created you! They look on the outside and speak out of their own ignorance! God looks at the heart!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
It hurts when you are rejected by those that you love most, but they do it in ignorance and not in knowledge. Remember, that they are not even aware of the pain they are inflicting because they are spiritually blind. God has called you to intercede on their behalf – don’t give up! Keep praying and believing that God will remove the scales from their eyes. No matter where you are you ARE a missionary keep praying!
“They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand.” (Isaiah 44:18)
And as you stand firm in your faith, trusting and believing God for their salvation, praying on their behalf, God (who desires to see none perish) will honor your prayers. Remember beloved, YOU BELONG TO HIM.