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“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I
reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind
me. For now we see only a reflection as
in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall
know fully, even as I am fully known.”
(1 Corinthians
13:11-12)
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“I won’t be
afraid… I won’t be afraid… I won’t be afraid…” I heard a noise, and gasped pulling the
covers up over my head… For about five minutes…
It was my calico cat, Crazy Cat jumping up on my bed. Her green eyes glowed in the dark and as I
peeked out from under the covers I scolded her for scaring me.
My eyes felt
heavy, I clutched my Snoopy tighter to me as Crazy Cat circled on my comforter
and purring, lay down. Then I jumped
and my eyes open wide as I heard another noise.
I leaned over my bed and knocked on the hard wood floor. My parents bedroom was right below mine, this was
standard bad dream procedure in our household. I knocked,
they came and I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs to my room. My mom opened the door and flicked on the light. I blinked as my eyes tried to make the
adjustment from dark to light.
“What is it,
Casey?” She said sounding a bit annoyed.
“There is a
monster under my bed or in my closet. I
heard some noise…” I whispered fearfully…
Mom sighed. She moved from the door over to my bed and
dropped down to her knees, peered under my bed.
“No monsters down here…” She responded.
Then she got up and walked over to my closet door. Opened the closet door, stuck her arm in
between the hanging dresses and clothes, poked her head in and said, “Nope, no monsters in here
either.” She walked back over to me, sat
down on my bed and smoothed my hair off my forehead. “There is nothing for you to be afraid
of. There is nothing that will harm you,
I’m here. Now go to sleep.” She leaned over and kissed me on the tip of
my nose. “Sleep sweet now.”
She had checked,
all was well; there were no monsters under my bed after all… I could go to sleep.
Clutching my Snoopy to my chest, I rolled over and went off to sleep…
40
years later
It’s two o’clock in the morning, I’m in bed… All of a sudden I’m wide awake… Eyes wide open. I’m feeling anxious and worried. It’s not the childhood monsters that are harassing me as I thought they had as a child, it’s the grown up monsters that go by the names of “Worry” and “Concern” and “Uncertainty” that have shown up on the floor of my mind, stealing ground as an invader would steal territory. There are no beds to check under for the adult anxieties that race through my head or closet doors to open and examine for monsters. And my mother is a few towns away.
I turn on my
other side punching my pillow, trying to scatter the worries from my mind.
“I won’t be
afraid, I won’t be afraid, I won’t be afraid…” I whisper with determination as
all the things I need to do, wonder how I will do or figure out to do flood my mind robbing me of
my peace.
And then I hear it... Soft, yet direct, matter of fact and firm.
“Pray…”
“I don’t know
what to pray or how to pray there are so many things going through my mind.” I respond.
“…the Spirit helps us in
our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself
intercedes for us through wordless groans.
And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the
Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for
the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
(Romans 8:26-28)
“For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
“For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
“Okay, Okay…" I sigh, sitting up in bed, closing my eyes I begin to pray, "
Lord, I need your help… Thank you that just as my mother would come in at night
and soothe me and comfort me as a child, I can come to you for advice and guidance and
help. " I paused for a moment trying to find an appropriate way to express my feelings. "I feel overwhelmed Father, I feel
like there is so much going on in my mind I can’t sort out my thoughts. You know my heart, you know my situation, you
know my life. Please help me… I thank
you that I can enter into a time of prayer knowing fully well that you promised
me that you would ‘never leave nor forsake me’ (Deuteronomy 31:6) and that I can
bring my problems to you because ‘Greater
is He that is in me than he that is in the world.’ (1
John 4:4) So I give You this “Worry” Lord, I give you this “Fear” i give you this "concern" and I
thank you for chasing all the monsters that lay within my mind away and
covering me with the precious blood of Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.”
“Feel better?”
“Yes…”
“Good… Now Sleep
Sweet…”
“Ummmm…. Holy
Spirit?”
“Yes?”
“Thank You...”
Peace radiates my room like a light invading darkness, my problems individually dropped at the foot of the cross with the expectation that God (being my Heavenly Father and an ever present help in time of trouble) will work things out, according to His purpose and His will, after all He is my Father, my Provider an "ever present help in time of trouble." It is not up to me to figure out the "how" of it, but to trust that if I have given it to Him, I can trust that whatever the situation, He is in control. There are problems that are bigger than us, there is more that is going on behind the scenes then we can see, which is why the Bible tells us to bring all things to Him in prayer. In praying, I have served notice on those problems, kicked them out of my mind and into His capable hands. My trust in Him fills me with an abundant amount of peace, similar to the safety and security I felt as a child clutching Snoopy in my arms and having Crazy Cat at the foot of my bed and knowing that my parents were tucked in bed a floor down from my room.
The monsters are gone, my peace restored. Glancing one more time at the clock and gratefully realizing I still have a few more hours until I have to get up, I roll over and peacefully drifted back to sleep…
I could not see it (because it is in the spiritual realm), but on each side of me was encamped an angel who God has assigned to see to my well being, to protect me and guide me. Nothing that God does not allow shall ever affect my life because I belong to Him. If I could see in the spiritual realm, I would have seen my Heavenly Father leaning over me and giving me a kiss on my forehead saying:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)
“Thank You...”
Peace radiates my room like a light invading darkness, my problems individually dropped at the foot of the cross with the expectation that God (being my Heavenly Father and an ever present help in time of trouble) will work things out, according to His purpose and His will, after all He is my Father, my Provider an "ever present help in time of trouble." It is not up to me to figure out the "how" of it, but to trust that if I have given it to Him, I can trust that whatever the situation, He is in control. There are problems that are bigger than us, there is more that is going on behind the scenes then we can see, which is why the Bible tells us to bring all things to Him in prayer. In praying, I have served notice on those problems, kicked them out of my mind and into His capable hands. My trust in Him fills me with an abundant amount of peace, similar to the safety and security I felt as a child clutching Snoopy in my arms and having Crazy Cat at the foot of my bed and knowing that my parents were tucked in bed a floor down from my room.
The monsters are gone, my peace restored. Glancing one more time at the clock and gratefully realizing I still have a few more hours until I have to get up, I roll over and peacefully drifted back to sleep…
I could not see it (because it is in the spiritual realm), but on each side of me was encamped an angel who God has assigned to see to my well being, to protect me and guide me. Nothing that God does not allow shall ever affect my life because I belong to Him. If I could see in the spiritual realm, I would have seen my Heavenly Father leaning over me and giving me a kiss on my forehead saying:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)
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