It has now been seven years since I started this blog. How quickly time goes by! We are many members but we are one in the body of Christ. Therefore you do not journey alone! Hopefully through this site you will be encouraged by the fact that many things you are going through in your own walk, others are going through (or have gone through) as well. Sometimes we think we are "going through things alone." But we are not. God said that "He would Never Leave Nor Forsake Us." (Hebrews 13:5) and that "There is Nothing New Under The Sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9). No man is an island. It's easy to forget that. May the words in this blog help you to think, encourage you in whatever spiritual state you are in and may the Lord use them to help us to grow in Him! He is the Author and Finisher of our faith!

I don’t want any readers to think that I am “promoting” being a prodigal. I definitely am not. But what I am hoping to do – is to encourage those of us who either have had or are currently experiencing a hard time in our walk to be honest about it. Personal conviction is a powerful thing, especially if you truly love the Lord. I think that sometimes the Body of Christ critiques and judges to the point where the person who is at the other end of that pointing finger feels ostracized, alienated and alone. I don't think that that is what Jesus intended. When I read through my Bible - I see a firm yet gentle restoration that Jesus ministered to those around Him. Look at John 21:15-19. When Peter who was at an all time low point in his walk - he was firmly, yet lovingly restored by Jesus. He didn't tear him down, or yell or make him feel any worse then he already did. He spoke to him lovingly and gently - and in doing so, Peter was able to repent and minister in a much more powerful, humble and confident way and it became one of the largest ministries ever.

Please note that I am only a vessel, my calling - to write. I dedicate this blog to the Lord and ask that He use it to reach out and touch whoever needs a special, loving, personal touch from Him. My hope is that the Holy Spirit allows you to see Him through the words (and not me). We go through things so that we can extend our right hand of fellowship behind us to assist and help someone else. Our Bible is the same today, as it was yesterday as it will be tomorrow. (I am far from perfect and do not profess to have all the answers...) but the good news is - Our Heavenly Father does! His love, forgiveness, grace and mercy is real!Nothing you are experiencing in your walk comes as a surprise to Him! May He be glorified through this blog and may God bless you at whatever stage in your walk you are in!~

I am a Breast Cancer Survivor

I am a Breast Cancer Survivor
I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer on June 24th, 2010 - I have been cancer free for 7 years now. It was only a chapter in my life - NOT my life, but the impact is one that has changed my life forever. Its important for women to know that 80% of the breast cancer diagnosis come from women who don't have a history of it in their family (My family didn't). Early detection is the key. For more information please click on the pink ribbon above. It could save your life.


February 29, 2016

Have You Thought About What YOU Want?

Not too many women would admit this, but in my usual “transparent” fashion I am going to simply share that I am going to be fifty at the near end of this year.

Remember when that number seemed so old???  Yet now, it doesn’t… Not quite.  I feel the same as I have at every age I’ve been… Only a bit more sentimental I suppose…  My body is not at the age where I can say, “I can’t do this anymore… I can’t do that…”  (For which I am very thankful).  Although I have an hour glass figure, I don’t feel “old.”  Perhaps “old” is just a perception?  I have always felt that as a person thinks, they are.

Honestly, I feel comfortable in my own skin.  As if I have said, “Okay me, you are never going to look like Malibu Barbie and I’m okay with that!”  I truly believe that sexiness is an attitude that one wears… It’s not a look or a fashion – it’s an attitude and its one that I have chosen to wear well.  You ARE what you think.
Now in saying that I will say that I find myself looking back on my life sentimentally,  I suppose we all have our regrets and at times I have regretted some of the decisions I made due to naiveté or to be honest – just plain ol’ stupidity.  Unwise choices, which have caused results that I have had to live with (ahhhh yes, that’s part of having had a prodigal time in my life) – but instead of beating myself up about it instead I remind myself of what I have learned from my experiences.  Have I grown? Have I become wiser? Have I learned? Has it made me a better person? More appreciative of God’s love, mercy, grace? And I can say, YES.

I suppose wisdom comes with age… I’ve learned much – but I still have far to go… But isn’t that life? As long as we have breath in our bodies, aren’t we learning? I think perhaps the danger is when we don’t recognize that there are things within us that we will always have to work on, always things to learn and change.  I think this is where it is important for us to ask ourselves (if we haven’t already) what is our purpose? What is our calling? God created us individually with a purpose, calling or reason.  Have you discovered what yours is yet?  If not – perhaps that is your next adventure.  Find out who you are and what you are called to do.  Oh yes, you have a calling.  A specific calling that was meant for only you.
I found myself in a really dark place last week.  Just a place of darkness where I could not seem to pick myself up and as I prayed myself through it, I realized that throughout my life I have always thought more about what other people wanted, and not what I wanted.  And I took a sticky on my desk and I posted the question, “What do I want?”  I’ve been thinking about it ever since.  What DO I want?  How about you? Have you ever thought about it? What do YOU want?  Now when you pose that question to yourself – don’t pose it in terms of what you want for other people, for your family, for your kids, etc.  BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOU?

The question is a lot harder to answer if you haven’t given it much thought in terms of thinking of yourself.
What do I want?  I’m not a materialistic person – I don’t care about materialistic things, so it becomes more a matter of my heart.  Although I would say, it would be such a relief if as a breast cancer survivor who was divorced with two children, if I didn’t have to worry about money.  I think there is no shame in saying – I want to be a giver. So – that’s an honest goodness desire, right?

“Lord, I want to be in a position where I can GIVE. Please increase my finances so that I can BE a giver.  Not one that is giving because I want recognition.  NO.  One who can give anonymously because there is NO BETTER feeling than knowing that you were able to help someone else…”
That is a desire of my heart.  When I look back at all the people God used in the Bible, He made that the case.  It’s hard to continue doing what you want to do for the Lord when you are constantly concerned about money.  I believe it takes away from the time that could be utilizing serving the Lord because you have this one constant worry – money.  So I suppose, in my case, I would admit that it would be nice not to have to have the constant worry of finances over my head…

What else do I want?  (Are you thinking of yourself as I write this? You should be…)

A love that is mutual a love where you build each other up, a passionate companionship type love. I believe strongly that a healthy love is one where you function not as I and me – but as us and we. The problem with a lot of relationships these days (my opinion of course) is people become selfish and think about their own needs and not the needs of their significant other (and visa versa) and the moment that occurs a relationship becomes a one way street which opens up emotional traffic jams of all sorts of issues. I desire a love that is comfortable, familiar, built upon communication, trust, affection, passion and love.  I believe that the term “equally yoked” does not only pertain to being with another believer – but it is with being with someone who shares your views on many of topics in this life.  Now in saying that – I don’t mean a “carbon copy” of “who I am” – a person who is their own individual, comfortable in their own skin – but compassionate, caring, loving and unselfish.   The Bible says, “Iron sharpens Iron.” That is how a relationship should be.  You both causing each other to grow, a partner in life, someone to be there in good times and in bad.  What is life without love?  Empty, lonely.  I don’t believe God meant life to be that way. I can honestly say that I know that loneliness is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t think there is any shame in admitting you (or in my case, I) want love.
Never have I been so aware of the truth in the saying I’ve heard time and time again, “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.”  This is an area that we constantly take for granted.  Our health!  But our health is something that affects ALL other aspects of our lives!  As a cancer survivor – I can honestly say that never again will I EVER take my health for granted.

The older I become, the more aware of those around me who are much older than me are handling old age.  It is something I’ve honestly not given much thought to, because the alternative to getting old is dying and we all have within us a will to live FOREVER.  We were created to live forever.  We weren’t supposed to die.  But the sin of Adam and Eve brought death into the world, yet it did not dull our desire to continue living.  HOWEVER with growing old, I have noticed in the lives of those that are older around me, comes the burden with having to see those who are dear around us die, especially the older we get we start noticing friends, family and colleagues of the same age – die.  As we get older, our bodies don’t cooperate as much – those bodies that we didn’t pay much mind to perhaps because we didn’t really “think” about getting older.  It just is something that happens.  Recently, I have seen older family members struggle with having to deal with living in a world where many of those who lived around them are gone.  I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.
I suppose the only thing to do about that is to make SURE that those we love, know we love them.  TELL THEM.  SHOW THEM.  The one thing I am certain of (being a survivor) is that we truly DO live as if we are OWED tomorrow.  We are NOT.  God didn’t promise us tomorrow.  Yet we live as if we are owed it.  The truth of the matter is we need to appreciate and honor TODAY.  To try our best to make every moment that God gives us count.  You can never love someone enough.  There will never be “enough” days of being with someone that you deeply love – you will always want more.  But instead of thinking that way, think what you can do TODAY to make that person know you love them.  Those are the memories you will want to look back on. The memories you make with those you love today.

What do YOU want in life? What is important to YOU? Think about it – because thinking about it and acting upon it is time well spent… A great investment in you.  I think I'm worth it, how about you?

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