It has now been seven years since I started this blog. How quickly time goes by! We are many members but we are one in the body of Christ. Therefore you do not journey alone! Hopefully through this site you will be encouraged by the fact that many things you are going through in your own walk, others are going through (or have gone through) as well. Sometimes we think we are "going through things alone." But we are not. God said that "He would Never Leave Nor Forsake Us." (Hebrews 13:5) and that "There is Nothing New Under The Sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9). No man is an island. It's easy to forget that. May the words in this blog help you to think, encourage you in whatever spiritual state you are in and may the Lord use them to help us to grow in Him! He is the Author and Finisher of our faith!

I don’t want any readers to think that I am “promoting” being a prodigal. I definitely am not. But what I am hoping to do – is to encourage those of us who either have had or are currently experiencing a hard time in our walk to be honest about it. Personal conviction is a powerful thing, especially if you truly love the Lord. I think that sometimes the Body of Christ critiques and judges to the point where the person who is at the other end of that pointing finger feels ostracized, alienated and alone. I don't think that that is what Jesus intended. When I read through my Bible - I see a firm yet gentle restoration that Jesus ministered to those around Him. Look at John 21:15-19. When Peter who was at an all time low point in his walk - he was firmly, yet lovingly restored by Jesus. He didn't tear him down, or yell or make him feel any worse then he already did. He spoke to him lovingly and gently - and in doing so, Peter was able to repent and minister in a much more powerful, humble and confident way and it became one of the largest ministries ever.

Please note that I am only a vessel, my calling - to write. I dedicate this blog to the Lord and ask that He use it to reach out and touch whoever needs a special, loving, personal touch from Him. My hope is that the Holy Spirit allows you to see Him through the words (and not me). We go through things so that we can extend our right hand of fellowship behind us to assist and help someone else. Our Bible is the same today, as it was yesterday as it will be tomorrow. (I am far from perfect and do not profess to have all the answers...) but the good news is - Our Heavenly Father does! His love, forgiveness, grace and mercy is real!Nothing you are experiencing in your walk comes as a surprise to Him! May He be glorified through this blog and may God bless you at whatever stage in your walk you are in!~

I am a Breast Cancer Survivor

I am a Breast Cancer Survivor
I was diagnosed with early stage triple negative breast cancer on June 24th, 2010 - I have been cancer free for 7 years now. It was only a chapter in my life - NOT my life, but the impact is one that has changed my life forever. Its important for women to know that 80% of the breast cancer diagnosis come from women who don't have a history of it in their family (My family didn't). Early detection is the key. For more information please click on the pink ribbon above. It could save your life.


June 6, 2016

It is Okay if it is NOT Well With Your Soul... God's Got You...

Don't be ashamed if you don't feel as though "it is well with your soul" You don't have to hide how you feel to God.  The Bible tells us in "He knows your thoughts before you even think them." (Psalms 139:4) So share those thoughts with Him because He also tells us, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

I have been hesitating whether or not to share this because it is so personal, but in true “me” fashion I have to be as I’ve always been through my post-cancer walk - transparent and honest because I feel as though I want other Pinks to know it is okay to feel this way in case there is a Pink Sister who feels she is alone.  Since cancer, I have gone through bouts of depression and anxiety.  Working within a mental health community,  I can tell you that I have learned this is a normal reaction to post-cancer life.  It is nothing to be ashamed of.  If you are a cancer survivor and find that you are experiencing the same – don’t be ashamed or feel embarrassed or less of a person for it.  You are (or have) experienced a life threatening disease.  Each person’s cancer/post-cancer story differs – but each one’s ramifications radiate throughout one’s post cancer life.  YES we are blessed because we have been given a second chance at life, but depending upon what has occurred during your experience – please know that it is okay if you experience bouts of depression and anxiety of what changes have occurred because of your illness.  There are a high percentage of pinks (as in the case of myself) who’s marriages did not survive cancer.  Even those that are married and have had spouses that have stuck by them experience highs and lows in their relationship because of what has occurred. Cancer puts strains on relationships, unintentionally, but it is part of what happens. Studies have shown that cancer survivors DO go through a PTSD following cancer and certain things can trigger off the remembrance of that experience.  For me it is Jolly Ranchers – which I will never eat again, because Dana-Farber kept a big bowl of them for those of us to partake from during chemotherapy because it was supposed to take away the nasty taste that chemo gives off to your taste buds while you are going through treatment.  I also cannot stand the smell of lavender (I identify it with chemo) because I was told to sleep with a lavender pillow for relaxation following chemo treatments.

So if this is something you experience too – there is no reason for you to be ashamed.  The shame is when more survivors choose to hide these feelings and not share them with others to know they are not alone.  I have felt ashamed of those feelings because I am also a Christian, but even in finding comfort in my faith – it has not changed the things that have occurred in my life or the struggles I have had since my diagnosis. If you love someone who experiences bouts of depression or anxiety – the best way you can help them is to reassure them that you are there, that you are with them and will support and be with them through whatever they need, if you are married or in a relationship – hug, cuddle or hold your spouse/significant other so that they can feel you and know that they are not alone.  Cancer is something that happens to someone – it is not who they become, but it happens to THEM.  Even if you go through a cancer experience with someone – it is not happening to YOU so there is only so much you can understand or go through; it is a very scary, lonely experience.  Sometimes there are no words you can say – you just need to BE there.  That’s all just BE THERE.  That means more than any words you can say.

If you (like I did) went through cancer without the support of a spouse – you need to know that God loves you and even though cancer came as a surprise to you – it did not come as a surprise to Him.  The Bible tells us that “He has engraved you on the palms of His hands.” (Isaiah 49:16) God has not forsaken nor has He forgotten you.  He LOVES you.  I have gotten through the last 6 years (come the end of this month) with all the changes that have ensured in my life by clinging to my faith.  People WILL disappoint you ALL the time (we are imperfect – that is normal) but God never will.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring out everything as I go. What I have learned is that those who TRULY love you will be there for you no matter what.  Those who aren’t don’t deserve you and you are better off without them.  My eyes are focused on God and the plans He has for me.  My calling is to write, my desire is to give back to others – pay it forward in the best ways I can.  I have learned to be true to myself.  Life hasn’t been what I thought it would be – I did not sign up for cancer – I was drafted.  But that was ONLY a chapter of my life.  It is true that the residue is still there.  The scars go deeper than the one that is where you would place your hand to say the pledge of allegiance on my chest.  They run deeper below the surface, but instead of choosing to become bitter I chose to become better.  I am a work in progress.  I love deeper, I appreciate life with a fullness I never dreamed existed.  I believe that the BEST is yet to come – no matter how hard the post-cancer struggle to get there.  My back is straight, my head is held high and my chin is set firm.  I have learned myself worth, I know what I bring to the table – even when I have sat at that table alone.  Blessed ARE the people I allow in my inner-circle because I love faithfully, fiercely and truly – double fisted!  I have learned to appreciate life that not one of us is promised tomorrow – so I fill today with as much love as I can.  I live to the best of my ability and I never neglect to show OR tell those I love that I love them.  That is NOT mush – it is truth.  I choose to surround myself with those who want to be in my life and I fully turn around and moon those who don’t.  I know God has plans for my life and even during those times when anxiety or depression overtakes me – I still believe that God is in control of my life.  Because the truth is, He is.  And honestly, that is ALL that really matters to me… The rest is frosting.


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