|He's Got You - Whether You Feel It Or Not|
Some days I feel the kneading of my Father's hands - molding me, shaping me into what I don't know. But I know that HE knows. Some days I feel so raw, the emotions of what has happened in my life fresh and apparent before me. Maybe "exposed" is more the appropriate term to use or "vulnerable" or "uncertain" or yes - even at times, scared. I think once you go through a life-threatening situation you see so clearly how precious life is. Every day is a gift. We take so much for granted. We talk about "what are you doing tomorrow? What are your plans?" But the truth is - we are not promised tomorrow. We think we are - but we are not. Our minds generally don't go there.
I feel that rawness today. When you are a survivor you feel such a responsibility to LIVE, especially when you see some of your Pink sisters "earning their wings" and being called home. There is always that silent question in your head as to "why is she gone and I am still here?" I am blogging about this today - because its so important for us all to remember to make every moment count and not to let the "little stuff" get us down. To "count your blessings." To realize that our lives truly are in HIS hands. Not to be fearful, but to be aware. To be thankful. To recognize the things that we need to change within ourselves and strive to change them (or to pray and ask Him to help us change them - and my "stuff" may be different then yours. But remember "There go I but for the grace of God."). This morning I saw a saying that was true and is worth sharing, it went like this.
"Although we pray for serenity to accept the things we cannot change, I continually strive for strength and courage to change the things I cannot accept."
You know, in writing this - it just occurred to me - Jesus must have felt something similar to a survivor when He sat in the Garden of Gethsemane and prayed, the Bible describes that He even cried before the Father. How it constantly amazes me that the Bible is the living Word. He contemplated his fate and begged that the cup be taken away from Him - yet still He went forward knowing what would occur (because He loves us THAT much). When you are diagnosed with a life threatening disease, there is no sense as to WHY it is happening to you - yet after the shock subsides somewhat (being a survivor I don't think it ever fully goes away) you realize that we truly only see in part - God sees in full and perhaps we won't truly understand why "this cup" has been given to us. But we can trust that He will never leave nor forsake us. (He says so and He is not a God that He would lie). I think that there are times when we just need to picture ourselves physically in His arms. That He is holding us, and we just need to allow ourselves to feel and tell Him what it is that we are feeling. (I know that at times this is harder to do than it sounds). I think this can go for not only those of us who are cancer survivors but for anyone who is going through a specific hard time in their lives and doesn't understand the "why" or the how to continue on from point "A" to point "B" - its okay that you don't understand, maybe this is just a time for you to "trust."
There was a game we use to play when I was a Counselor at a wonderful girls overnight camp. The game was "Blind Man's Buff" - we were blind folded and had to walk around and trust that the person partnered to us in the game was going to lead us - and not allow us to bump into anything or get hurt. I think sometimes we have to "trust" that whatever our situation - God is there. We have to put our trust in Him when it makes no sense. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. We need to keep our eyes on Him - and when the pain seems to be too much - give it to Him. Literally visualize Jesus with His hands stretched out wide to receive that situation from you. Remember He tells us in Matthew 11:30 "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I am not glad I have gone through breast cancer. I'm thankful that I caught it early and that God has given me a second chance at life (please remember early detection is KEY and that if you notice any changes at all to your body - get it checked immediately. It's better to be overly cautious than to shrug something off that may be the difference between life and death. Please remember that if you want more information you should look at the top of my blog page and hit the pink ribbon). Yet at the same time I went through this horrible disease, and it has changed my life drastically in every way you can imagine, I'm not the same woman I was before my cancer experience (and I'm in fact, still learning this changed woman - physically, emotionally, spiritually.) I have been made richer - in life. Life use to be in "water colors" beautiful but now it's in more in vibrant bold and rich hues. I can honestly show thanks to God with a sincerity that I did not have prior to my experience. I think once again - that this can be the case for anyone going through any major upheavel or change in their life. Try to think about what you've learned from yourself because of this experience. How has it changed you? Have you allowed it to make you "bitter OR better?"
Sometimes God needs people to go through certain situations so that they can extend their hand back to someone else who somewhere down the line needs advice, support and encouragement and that we in turn can say, "I hear you - I know because I've gone through it and I've come out stronger and more knowledgeable." Sometimes when we say, "Here I am Lord - send me." We really don't know how He is going to take us, mold us and use us. But we can trust that if we ask, He will. And if for myself, my experience, my words, my blog - can reach out and make a difference in just ONE person's life. Than I say it is and has been well worth the experience.