|No Matter How "Worn" You Feel - "The Steps of the Righteous are Ordained by God" (Psalms 37:23) |
Even when you are uncertain of which step to take next.
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Sometimes don't you just wish that you were a kid again? That the biggest decision you ever had to make was what doll to play with? Life is so precious, and making decisions can be scary. I have often wished that I could hear God's "booming voice" like Charlton Heston heard as "Moses" in the "Ten Commandments" "THUS SAYETH THE LORD!!!" It was like, He had the BEST GPS in the whole world! God's voice! Telling him which direction to go, what to do, how to do it! Turn right... Turn left... Moses STOP! I have to rebuke envy every time I watch that movie! (Smiling - One of my favorites) - and quite honestly, I've said to the Lord, "Okay - I've chosen you, in and of my own will. So, here is the steering wheel of my life... YOU DRIVE." I visualize myself putting my hands behind my head (in the driver's seat) whistling and letting God steer. Well - that's how I wish it was. I think more often then not I've said, "What are You doing??? Nooooo - not that way! THIS way!!!" And have grabbed the wheel back from Him, only to end up pulling over, scratching my head and turning to Him and saying, "What do I do now Father?"
He's so patient with me. His grace is abundant. He never yells. The few times I've sat still and quieted myself to hear His voice, it has been a quiet, patient - yet firm, loving voice. Like that of a loving parent, yet still the one in charge. Just thinking about the times I've heard His voice brings tears to my eyes because it is filled with LOVE. While my own thoughts about myself are filled with criticism, fault-seeking, and well, often then not - not much love. Is that how your voice sounds to YOU? Just sitting here thinking about how patient God is with me. How tolerant and forgiving He is - humbles me... It truly is nothing but HIS grace, HIS love, His forgiveness that keeps me going. It is very true the saying "Pride before a Fall." I think that sometimes it is easy for us to puff ourselves up and think that we've got it all together. But I really think that as long as we have breathe in our body - God continues to mold us, shape us, TEACH us. No matter what state you are in. We "can't" be good enough or "worthy" enough. I think part of our problem is that God realizes that and even if WE DO realize it ourselves, we still beat ourselves up over it. Get discouraged. Feel like, "what's the point of even trying then?" But here is the thing - once we reach the point of realizing that it is only by the grace of God that we can do anything. That He can gently say to us, "Okay... Now, let me take that wheel - you know the one you want me to have? Here, let's go this way. Trust me. Allow me to lead." That we can turn our "wheel" over to Him to see what He is going to do with it. To take us. Oh if only we trusted more. If only we could quiet "ourselves" from all the noise of the world around us - and trust that God who sees in full will complete His good and perfect will in our very "un-perfect lives."
Nothing about us surprises Him. I think sometimes He may "cringe" when we are going a "harder" route than He intended us to go. (Just like we do when we see our children struggle, but realize that they *may* have to learn the hard way in order to go forward). But His love is never-ending. Our own grace and patience and love for ourselves (and maybe for even others) may change, but HIS never does.
I'm so thankful for that - when I've given up or become exasperated with myself. There He is, pulling me closer and sighing - wishing that I would just "give my wheel" to Him and let go. And trust that whatever comes my way - He's got it. He's got ME. He's no respector of persons you know. He doesn't have favorites - so guess what - even if you are like me and stubborn and willful and well... a modern day prodigal. He's got YOU too!