Who You Gonna Trust? How 'Bout The Holy Ghost Buster?

Preconceived notions… How many times have we had one? People have them all the time. I think it is a dangerous thing to do… It goes right up there with “Assuming.” And we all know what the word “Assume” breaks down to, don’t we? I look at my life prior to breast cancer and I think how unintentionally judgmental I was. I think about Jesus, and how to be Christian means to be “Christ-Like.” I believe that if you are a Christian, that that is something you strive to become, all your life. Jesus was compassionate, he was gentle, he was understanding. Yes – He was firm! But everything He did, everything He said – was said IN LOVE. We are to gently restore one another, to be firm – YET kind. You never know what a person has experienced in their life. You have all heard the saying, “you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar?” I have seen a lot of brethren who seem to be “happy” at the short comings or falls of a brother or sister in Christ, to actually snicker or rejoice, or gossip over areas of weakness that a brother or sister might have… I think that is soooo wrong… If I was to be transparent to you, and honest, I could honestly tell you that I look back on my own life, and I see that the things I said I would NEVER do – I have done! The same things that I vehemently accused someone close to me in doing – I have found MYSELF having done! Perhaps not for the same reasons as they – but it doesn’t matter…. Sin, is sin. Maybe God appreciates it more when we are honest with Him? When we (to Him) admit to our sins? Our short comings? When we can admit and say to Him, “Lord, I cannot change this part of ME. HELP ME. Lord, I don’t understand why I do the things I do. Please help me to change what it is about me that You would like changed?” Maybe, He allows us to go through certain situations, so that we can admit how very much we need Him? That we can admit that it is NOTHING that we’ve have done (or do) that make us “Heaven-worthy.” The Bible tells us that “Our Righteousness is as filthy rags.” (Isaiah 64:6) How every glad I am that I am not under the Old Testament Law, how thankful I am that Jesus came and paid the price with his precious blood. As He hung on the cross, He looked down through the course of history and SAW ME. Saw MY sins – and STILL IN LOVE, He died on that cross for ME (and if you can be honest with yourself – for YOU too!!!)


Honestly, I do not think it is up to us to judge someone else. The Bible tells us, “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.” (Matthew 7:2). God knows a person’s heart. He knows what they have gone through, He sees in full – we see only in part. In 2 Timothy 3:16 it tells us that “All scripture is useful for teaching, for convincing, for correction of error, and for instruction for doing right.” But it is HOW you teach it that makes the difference. Do you wave a finger and criticize and yell at the person? Or do you lift up their chin in your fingers, look them deeply and compassionately in the eyes, and tell them that “God loves them. That He knows where they are struggling and if they can admit it to Him, that they CANNOT change in and of their own accord – BUT that HE can change them IF they are open to it” – which one do you think will be well received??



You might find that the you end up wearing the very SAME shoes that the person you so strongly judged (either vehemently or unknowingly) and find that those shoes are very uncomfortable indeed… Instead of shaking your head at them, or condemning them, or judging them – how ‘bout digging real deep and LOVING them enough to pray that God will make a difference in their lives? If you have been a Christian for a number of years, think back to all the things about yourself that God changed in YOU – because YOU ASKED Him to. Because YOU opened yourself UP to His changing you. Because you realized that you couldn’t do it by yourself… That you needed HIM to do it. It makes sense when you think about it – doesn’t it? Afterall, who knows you better than the One who created you? Remember it says in Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you. Before you were born – I set you apart.” No one knows you like HE does. No one ever will. Not even YOU, Yourself.

Seasons of Love - RENT

Somewhere in Time...

A Message in Time

Time stops for no man... How I wish it would.  How I wish we could hold on to certain moments and NOT LET GO.  What a loving God we serve that in creating us, gave us the BEST kind of internal camera - Our memories!  Think about... How a certain song or smell can bring you back to a certain time in your life? Or even a taste of a familiar food - can bring a flood of memories coming through.... Thank God for creating our senses!

My mother is turning 70 next week... SEVENTY.  How did THAT happen?? When did that happen?  I'm SO glad it happened!  But you see, in my eyes - my mom is "ageless."  Mom's "don't age," they stay the same - they are simply, "Mom."  How does time go by so quickly?  Although I am 45, I feel the SAME as I did when I was 16 - only wiser. (At least I hope I am....).  Isn't it funny how "old" is always 15 years "older than you are?"  (And, as I already indicated, that doesn't pertain to our parents...)  I look at elderly people, and  I finally understand what they meant when they looked at us, shook their head and said, "If I only knew THEN what I know NOW."  Our bodies are just shells.  Or as the Bible puts it "temples."They house who we REALLY are.  As I grow older, I understand this more and more.

As a birthday present, I bought my mom tickets to go see Maya Angelou.  I didn't expect her to want to take ME with her, but I'm so glad she did.  Dr. Angelou spoke of "having an attitude of gratitude" How we should let "thank you fall off of our lips often."  She spoke of how at a time in her life, when she was a single African American parent, she was asked to play a role in the Musical "Porgy and Bess."  A role that would take her around the world to perform.  She asked her son if it would be okay with him if she did this.  He went to stay with a relative while she did the tour (her son  - I think she said, was eight years old at the time.)  When she returned from the trip, her son was angry with her.  She went through a depression and contemplated commiting suicide - holding her son's hand and jumping off the balcony of their apartment.  When she realized what a danger she was becoming to herself and to her son, she went to get help.  She ended up going to her voice coach's house, telling him how she felt.  After listening to her, he said "Take this yellow pad of paper." (She took it from him). He then said, "Now, write down that you are grateful you can "take" that pad of paper when there are people that don't even have hands to reach for things. Now, write down that you are grateful that you have fingers that you can write with on that yellow pad of paper... Now write down that you are grateful that you can spell... And then when you think about it - write down that you are grateful you can read..." And he went on and on until she realized how MUCH she was"grateful" FOR. She then admitted to us all, that from that point on ALL of her writings/poems have been done on "Yellow pads of paper." (I wrote this from jotted down notes I took during her presentation - so please remember it's based on notes "I wrote" on not a yellow pad of paper - but a small white one, and I probably am not doing her "justice" in how she presented it).

I have a clock hanging in my living room. I got it from The Cracker Barrel Store - A store I love because you can have lunch there and shop too! This store sells items that represent many different eras. I bought a clock a year ago.  The name of the clock is "A Message in Time."  What I love about it, is that you can put tiny pictures on the walls of the clock right where each number for an hour would be. (See above photo). I have filled it with pictures of my three children.  Two of my kids decided they wanted to record what would be the "chime." They decided that the perfect chime for the clock would be a verse from the song "Seasons of Love" (from the musical "Rent.") They decided they would sing the following verse:

"Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes... How many minutes are in a year?" 

Every time my clock chimes, I hear my children singing that verse.  No matter how old they become (as long as the clock works), frozen in time will be their child-like voices, taking me back to the moment they (innocently) recorded it.

So I guess what we need to do, is to remember how precious this gift called life is. How precious time is... And if necessary - get ourselves "a pad of yellow paper" if it helps you (as it did Dr. Angelou) remember what a gift our lives are, and in the words of Dr. Angelou - ""See in yourself something SO WORTHY that you will not only live a unique life - but that you will live one in which you thrive with passion and compassion AND style!"

The clock chimes... It's time for me to go... I've got a 70th birthday party for a very special woman to prepare for... Tick tock... Time to make a memory.

Ready? Aim... Shoot.... FIRE! Another One Bite's The Dust!

Aim, Shoot and FIRE!

Sometimes I feel like David must have facing Goliath with just a slingshot and a stone.  Only my slingshot is my faith, and my stones are the promises that God has given me in His Word.

Have you ever faced a problem with your knees trembling?  Everything within you tells you to "run and hide." But you hear a quiet voice reminding you that "God did not give you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

Jesus told us "Take my Yoke upon you, and learn from me. I am humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:29)

I'm not sure if they still teach kids this - but when I was a kid in school, they taught us a song. The words went like this:  "He's got the whole world in His hands, He's got the whole wide world, in His hands, He's got the whole world in His hands, He's got the whole world in His hands."  We sang it innocently because we were told to (in music class).  But it is the truth.  Even His word says, "I have engraved you upon the palms of my hands."

He didn't promise us we wouldn't go through hardships, or storms or problems - but He did promise us that "He would never leave nor forsake us." 

I'm quite sure that David was scared as he faced that mean ol' giant.  But I think he also felt peace while he stood there because he recognized that the fight wasn't his.  He recognized and acknowledged that without God he could do nothing.  But with God, well "all things are possible."

With God on your side - there is no room for failure.  "The steps of the righteous are ordained by God." (Psalm 37). He ordained you. Your steps. YOU. 

Okay... I've got my slingshot.  Loading it up and aiming it at the current worry in my life... Down it goes!  Another one bites the dust!  It's your turn now... You GOT this! Because He has You.  Deep breath, exhale... Let it fly!

Jesus - Mary Did You Know Video - The Passion

Stop Yelling and Answer The Door!

It's for You and He's Not Leaving Until You Answer The Door....

The house is quiet... All I hear is the ticking of the clock on the living room wall. Seconds are going by that will never come back. Seconds that turn into minutes, that turns into hours, that turns into days, that turns into weeks, that turns into years...  How quickly time goes by.

I wonder how small we look to God? Did you ever wonder that?  Do we look to Him the way an ant hill looks to us?  It must seem so big to those ants at their viewpoint.  Do you wonder how God sees you amongst all the human beings there are in the earth?  Is it like one of those movies we see, where they show the earth from a distance, making it look like a turning globe.  Do you feel like you are reaching out your arms to God, jumping, yelling, stomping - wondering if He even hears you? Maybe there is a voice in your head saying, "Aw come on - why would He listen to you? He's got His plate full with prayer requests and peoples problems. What makes you think you are special? That He has time to hear your little itty bitty non-important concern?"

Don't listen to that voice.  It is the voice of the liar. He wants you to think that you don't matter, that your feelings don't count, that your life doesn't count that you are nothing more than a little ant standing on that ant hill.  The Bible tells us that   "He knows EVERY hair on your head." (Luke 12:7) You matter. Your thoughts, your life, YOU - you matter to Him.  In fact, you not only matter, He wants you to talk to Him.  He wants you to share your thoughts, your worries, your concerns - your life with Him.  He wants to be a part of your life.  He wants you to know that its "not about" joining a certain denomination or church (although it is good to be part of a place where you will spiritually grow and get fed).  It is about having a "personal" relationship with Him.  He's waiting to hear about your day.  Like a best friend waiting for the phone to ring, eager to pick it up and hear all about YOU.

He tells us "Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, or reap or store away in barns,  and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they?" (Matthew 6:26)

He stands at the door knocking. (The door of your life). And here is the beauty of His love - He will stand there knocking and knocking and knocking - not giving up, even while you are going through the course of your life, shutting out that knocking sound... Covering it up with daily activities, ignoring it.  But deep inside your heart, you hear it.  What will it take for Him to make you lift your head and acknowledge His presence?  Let Him show you that you are not a little ant.  Or maybe even better than that - that those little ants He created serve a purpose.  Even those tiny little ants matter to Him - and He sees them hard at work on that anthill.  How much more so does He see YOU?  Open the door and let Him in.  You'll be so glad you did! "Behold I stand at the door and knock if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with Him and Him with me." (Revelations 3:20)  Isn't it time you made a date with your Heavenly Father? Imagine going out to eat with someone who already knows ALL about you - but wants you to tell them anways?  Someone who is sitting forward in their seat hanging on to your every word.  Looking at you with pride and love and adoration simply because you let them in?  Someone who is TRULY interested in everything you are thinking and have to say.  Someone who wants to truly share with you.  See you succeed, bless you abundantly.  And all you have to do is open the door and let Him in.  It will be the best door you ever opened in your whole life.

"El Shaddai" Michael Card

Grown Up Musical Chairs.... Are You in or Out? How FAST Are You Going?



Don't Let Your Life Be Like Musical Chairs... Your Purpose is YOURS and YOURS alone! It Is What Makes YOU Special! Get Quiet, Be Still and Listen... It's as Plain as The Nose on Your Face.

How strange it is... When you think about... We spend all our lives searching for a purpose.  Most of the time that purpose is as plain as the nose on our faces.  It is so clear, that we sometimes miss the simplicity of it all... The gifts you have been bestowed - are gifts that perhaps you take for granted, because you have been doing them all of your life.  Maybe it began with a gift for music - your parents had you take piano lessons, and your gift expanded.  Maybe you saw it more as "becoming a well rounded individual" then a gift you were suppose to use throughout the course of your life....

He created us each with a purpose.  My guess is that that purpose is one that we were born with and have spent all of our lives trying to discover.  How ironic is that when you think about it? Everyone has certain things about that them that make them special.  How ironic is it that more often than not we don't even see those very gifts as special?  We take them for granted, we shrug them off.  We become like dogs chasing their tails when all the time the answer was right before us....

We were born with a purpose.   We were born with individual gifts.  Kind of like a napsack full of things to get you through this journey called life.  Things that make up your personality.  Who you are..... Do you know what those gifts are?  Have you figured them out yet?  Maybe the things that have happened in your life have made you deaf to the very things that make you special?

There is so much noise around us.  the noise of the world, the noise of our problems.  Louder and faster and more problems and more distractions - until we are SPINNING with it. Faster and faster and faster we whirl, sometimes not even being able to take a breath before something else captures our attention and distracts us further. Sometimes the noise of life is so loud that we don't *hear* the beauty in the life God gave us.  Like a scene in a movie where you see someone's lips moving, but you can't hear what they are saying.  Or maybe it's the pace of our lives... We seem to go faster and faster.  Our days are filled with so much that we think needs to be done that the hours so quickly speed by.... I had a thought today, that the same game that we played as little children - one called "Musical Chairs" has become a grown up version.... We are walking in the midst of crowds, going faster and faster and faster trying to live up to expectations that society has perhaps deemed important.  Kind of like trying to grab the seat before someone else does.  What are we trying to prove and to who?  More often then not - I think it is to ourselves.... What has to go on in our lives in order for us to be considered "good enough" or "prosperous enough" or "successful enough"  the world's standards of this change constantly.  And the noise gets louder, and our purpose gets quieter, and our sense of frusturation grows.  We don't know who we are, why we are, where we are or where we are going...

We were created to serve a purpose. We were created in love with a purpose in mind.  Somewhere along the way, we forgot the reason.... If we're not careful we'll miss it in totalilty and at the end of the song of our lives, we'll realize that the very thing we wanted most of all - love, peace of mind, happiness, well being - we had the tools to have that "abundancy" that God created us to have, the whole time.  We just weren't paying attention...

The Prodigal Daughter: You ARE A Love Song - of The MOST Beautiful Kind.

The Prodigal Daughter: You ARE A Love Song - of The MOST Beautiful Kind.: There is a sense of vulnerability that I think if we allow ourselves to admit - is part of being human. We were made in a vulnerable sta...

My Soul Desire (Deniece Williams)

You ARE A Love Song - of The MOST Beautiful Kind.

There is a sense of vulnerability that I think if we allow ourselves to admit - is part of being human. We were made in a vulnerable state. We were made out of love, by a loving Creator. Think about it... He gave us senses - to see, taste, hear, smell and feel.  Why?  Only a loving God would want us to experience all the pleasure (and unfortunately) pain that comes with our senses.

Maybe that is why He made us with a vulnerability that is as much a part of us being human as our senses. Maybe being vulnerable isn't a bad thing? It helps us remember that we are *not* and weren't meant to be Him. Maybe it allows us to see (if we listen to our hearts) that He made us out of such a deep, deep love. Maybe we aren't *meant* to be "perfect" that He loves us inspite of our imperfections.

If you get still and listen *real* close - you will hear more than your own heart beat - you will hear the cry of your heart. If you really are honest with yourself, you'll recognize that cry is for your Creator. There is a part of us - a very large part of our hearts that knows that it cannot be filled with anything but Him.  That emptiness you are feeling? Have you tried to fill it with something else? That is only a substitute.  It was meant for Him and ONLY Him.  That part of us is reserved for Him.  Whether we admit it or not - it is part of who we are. Part of who we were made to be.

My soul cries out for my Creator.  Although sometimes the sound of the world around me distract me (as it does you). But as round about things as we may go - we always come back to the need inside of us. The need for Him.

There is a thirst that can only be quenched with the recognition and acknowledgement of WHY we were created and for WHO.  Deny it, ignore it, drown it out - but it will always, always, always be there.  Testimony of Him is all around us. HE is all around us.

Our bodies are frail. They were made to be temples which house who we *really* are. They are a shell. Sometimes we don't realize how fragile they are until something happens to draw our attention to it. For me, it was breast cancer.  Why is it that we don't see what it is that has always been before us? That is why it is so important to respect your body. To take care of it. To praise Him for we are truly wonderfully and magnificiently made. What a God we serve? What a Creator... Every part of us was thoughtfully and lovingly put together.  Think about all the physical enjoyment He has provided our bodies to experience.  TELL ME that is NOT love?  He didn't have to make us that way.  Eyes to see, Noses to smell, fingers to touch, ears to hear.... We were made like a love song. And each time a life is created, it is a new song.  A one of a kind song.  How could you not love a God who is so full of love? No wonder the Heavens rejoice in praise and worship.  He is WORTHY of honor, glory and praise.  And I for one am glad - that no matter where I am in my journey.  No matter how many mistakes or "wrong turns" I make.  No matter where I feel I am spiritually.  There is a song in my heart - that is meant NOT for man.  But for HIM.

Only YOU Know How the Story Ends...

She wanted that balloon more than anything...

A short story - written by me... And by You...
Once upon a time, there was a girl walking along when she noticed a blue balloon, with it's string dancing in the wind just out of her reach.  Oh how she wanted that balloon.  She tried time and time again to reach for it. Straining, standing on her tippy toes to grab it - the balloon was always just out of reach.  She wanted that balloon... Oh how she wanted it.  Soon nothing else mattered to her except the need to have that balloon.  She ran after it and sometimes it even seemed to come closer to her.  To tease her.  She lost track of everything else but that blue balloon.  At times it was close enough for her to even see her reflection in the blueness of it.  But it was always just out of reach.  It played with her, it went around her.  Her heart's desire became that balloon. She would visualize what it would be like once she caught hold of the string.  How she would hold the string tight and run with it and dance with it and rub her face against it.  She had to have it.  She wanted it.  It was hers, now if only she could touch it. Feel it, hold it.

Soon the girl began to get discouraged.  Her arms and fingers ached from reaching and trying to grab that string.  She began to doubt that she would be able to get it afterall.  And for the first time, wondered who it had belonged to in the first place? How had it gotten away? Would it really be as good as she pictured it would be - to hold it? And have it?  She wondered how long she could last and would she ever get to hold the balloon? Or would she always be chasing after it - hoping, wanting, dreaming of holding it. She began to get angry at the balloon. Stomped her feet and demanded outloud that it come to her now!  But the balloon seemed to laugh at her, wave its string and drift farther away.

What ended up happening to that balloon? Did she get it? I would tell you, but it's ending is different for each person. The ending depends... upon the person and the balloon.... It is up to you.... The ending is for you to know... And maybe no one else... 'cept perhaps the balloon...

MercyMe - I Can Only Imagine

He Sees You When You're Sleeping, He Knows When You're Awake...

It's Easter weekend or Resurrection weekend as some like to call it... It is one of my favorite holidays because it makes me remember what Jesus did for me. How as He hung on that cross He looked through the course of history and saw ME... Have you ever used "Google Earth?" It helps map a particular address you are looking for by zooming in on the street from a satellite.  It zooms to the earth and then as you get closer to the section of the map the address is on. You can see trees, roads, and then there it is! The location you are looking for! An actual photograph of the house or residence.  It zooms down till you can even see cars parked in the driveway!  When I think of Jesus up on that cross. I think of how in His mind He may have zoomed through the course of history way down into the photographic life of ME.  Maybe that is what helped make being up there, palms nailed, feet nailed, side pierced tolerable? (If you can even USE such a phrase for a time like that?) Maybe the Holy Spirit allowed Him to see EACH and EVERY person He was dying on that cross for in detail.  Flashes of all of us. The reason why He was up there.  The reason He CHOSE to be up there for us.  Because He loves us... He saw YOU He saw ME and STILL He chose the cross.

Easter is also a time to me to reflect on the things that I need to change within myself. It "resurrects" all these feelings of inadequacy within me that I need to sort out. What is resurrecting in you? Whether you are celebrating Passover or Easter, it definitely is a Holy time. What is it that God is saying to YOU about YOU? For me, I see all my sins that Jesus died on the cross for. It humbles me. It makes me thankful that we are not living under the law anymore... It makes me appreciative of what He did. It seems to be a constant theme running in my head, "Nothing but His grace, His love and His mercy." But I also think that we can use that as an excuse not to try to change those things within us that need changing. He died for a reason.  He had a purpose.  What is your purpose? What is it that God wants you to do in your life? Each of us has a purpose, each of us have gifts.  God gave us the gift of His Son.

 "For God so loved the world that He gave His ownly begotten Son.  That whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16) 

He gave us His Son.  What do we have to give? I know the response is "our lives" but have you ever looked at your life and thought... "Gee, it is in shambles... I'm not even sure what to do with it... Would he really want THIS? Sometimes I'm not even sure I want this... My life is dirty, its a mess. I can't give this to God." YES YOU CAN.

 "Though your sins are scarlet I will make them white as snow." (Isaiah 1:18)

What an amazing God we serve. We need to just give it to Him. Our lives. In whatever condition they are in. Let Him transform us. Sometimes it can feel like that is the hardest thing in the world to do. We doubt that God wants us, that we can really come to Him as we are. It's even harder to do if you are a prodigal. Because you are trying to make your way back to Him and your sins and doubts, and regrets and worries and inadequacies are all before you.  You can't hide them from Him. He knows. He sees what state you are in.  But here is the thing - HE LOVES YOU ANYWAYS.  See His hand? He's holding it out to you. His crucified palm is facing up to receive your hand in His.  Take it.  You may not think what a difference it will make - but you truly won't know, until you do it.  It WILL make a difference.  There is a reason why they call it a "personal relationship" with God.  What do you have to lose?  Look at the steps behind you... You have a choice.  You can either stay on the pathway you are on - which may feel mundane, may feel hopeless, may feel like you have no direction.  Or you can reach out and take His hand.  See where He wants to lead you.  He has a purpose for your life.  He created you for a reason.  There are things that He wants you to do that NO ONE else can do. Only YOU.  Yes YOU - He's talkin' to YOU.  Put your hand in His and let Him lead you forward or as the Bible says:

"Taste and see that the Lord is Good."(Psalms 34:8) 

No one can "taste it" for you. You have to try and experience it for yourself... Go on now, He's waiting... He's holding out His hand for you. Take it. You were born for a reason.

 "I knew you when you were formed in your mother's womb." (Jeremiah 1:5)

 Isn't it time you discovered all that He has for you? Your purpose? You have one you know. Maybe it's time to take His hand and discover what it is...

The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...

The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...: Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our da...

Blake Shelton - Who Are You When I'm Not Looking (Official Video)

Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE reflection or is there MORE?

Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our day.  We put up so many shields, or walls - because we think that is what we have to do.  Sometimes we do it so well we don't even know who the real us is anymore.  Our lives move at such a fast pace sometimes we can't even keep up with it.  Who are you?  Do you even know? Who do you want to be? Do you have faith in yourself? Or are you so busy being what you think everyone wants you to be that you have lost track of who you are?  And if you have - isn't time you re-discover (or even re-believe) in yourself?  The thing is - it doesn't really matter what people think when it comes down to it.  When you look back over the course of your life, will you have lived to please others? Or will you look back on your life with a satisfied, "yeah, I said what I had to say, did what I had to do - and did it well."

What really matters?  There is no perfect person out there.  Sometimes the standards we set for ourselves are so high that we can't possibly fulfill them all.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.  We measure ourselves up to "The Jones" - WHY?  What is so special about "The Jones" that we have to compare ourselves to them?  What a boring place the world would be if we were all "carbon copies" of each other.  How bland that sounds.  I almost feel sorry for "The Jones" because the pressure to stay where they are must be so high.... Celebrate you. Take down those walls - perhaps they only are there because of your fear of rejection? Of not fitting in?  (Of not fitting in WHERE? And do you really want to be some place where you are being made to "fit in" to a mold that perhaps is not you?)   I hope the words of my blog are making you really think.  If you strip away all of the special gifts God has given you that have made you the individual you are - it is like a meal without flavor.  God made you as individual as he did your hand print.  It should be celebrated - NOT hidden.  Don't allow others to measure who you are. When we do that, we feel all the things we shouldn't "envy, jealousy, low self-esteem, anger, depression" so what is upside of that?  Makes me think back on the childhood fairytale "Snow White."  The Queen's self-esteem revolved around being the most beautiful woman in the Kingdom.  "Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all?"  When the mirror answered "Snow White" all those insecurities came to the surface.  Remember?  If the Mirror had answered back - "Queen, why are you worried about being the fairest? Look at the beauty that is deep inside of you, you have this, this and this gift..."  Perhaps the story would have changed into a different one?  What is YOUR story? Have you spent your whole life comparing yourself to someone else?  How is that working for you? Think about it...

Who am I?  I realize I have been my own worst critic.  I think in reaching my forties, I began to really discover who I am.  The popularity contests that happened throughout school years didn't much matter anymore - as many of those people are no longer in your life, and you realize - what they "thought" really didn't matter much, we were together only because we were in the same situation. Who were they to determine who I was?  Why did I give it so much importance at the time?  What a waste of ME. Now I know,  with my forties came self-acceptance, yet with the willingness to try and change within myself those things I feel need changing. (Notice I said the things I feel need changing).  I am a work in progress (as are you).  I have become less judgmental and more forgiving of myself (as well as of others).  I truly do see now that it is not by works, I have been saved.  It is by God's grace and if HE can be graceful and forgiving and patient with me, perhaps I owe it to myself to be the same?  If He loved me enough to die on the cross for forgiveness of my sins - don't I owe it to Him to try and honor Him with the gifts I've been given?  To "pay it forward" when it comes to sharing my weaknesses, my mistakes and what I have learned from the lessons He has been taking me through? Isn't that why we go through things? To learn, to grow, to share - to become what He wants us to become?  And it is not an overnight process.  I believe that as long as we have breathe in our bodies - we will always be learning - hopefully striving.  And you know what? I think that is more than okay.  I think its life...

Just a "little" Note

It's late... And I'm wide awake... And my mind keeps going and going and going... I've been thinking (which is always dangerous)... That  our lives are like songs... They begin when we are born - one note and swell and grow as we move through this song called "Life."   People come into our lives - like other notes, causing friction, making sweet harmony... The song becomes more vibrant.  The notes "dance" around each other.  Some high, some low.  Sometimes the music crescendos - going faster and faster and faster and sometimes the melody is sloooooow and almost lazy.  There is a beginning, middle and end...  What is the song of your life? What is your passion? What is your pain?  What do YOU want for you?  What gifts do you have? What are you doing with your life? If your life was "this song" what kind would it be? And do you even "like" the song your life is making?  If not - what are you doing about it?  What song has God given you?  And are you listening to the song of your life closely???  Do you think about who else may be listening to it?  Will the notes "linger" when the song is over? Will your song be remembered? Will the Conductor of your life applaud you for your efforts?  Have you let Him conduct it? Or is your song all over the place? Making you and those around you dizzy?  Or is the Conductor running to you to take you in His arms and say, "Oh my child, this is the song I had for you and THIS is what you settled for...

What is your life song? There is still time for you to change it.... Sit quiet for a while, and look deep inside your heart.  It's there....  You may just have to listen closely.... You have a song.  And the beauty of it is there is no song like the one You have been given, it was meant to share with others - not to keep tucked quietly away. Share it... Because you may never know how many "someones" need to hear it.  A song is always best shared...

Save a Child's Life from Capture, Maiming and Killing Let's Catch this horrible man!KONY 2012

When you cry - The Winans

You Can't Put a "Band-Aid" on a Wound That Needs Stitches....

God Knows Your Thoughts Before You Even Think Them....
Don't You Think It's Time You  Told Him, Yourself?
*Image from Imagebank.org.UK

I've been thinking a lot about my blog and I strongly feel I need to indicate this... When I get a revelation I like to share it. A prodigal to me - is someone who is feeling spiritually "stuck." Recognizes that they've gone down a pathway that was not intended for them to go, and doesn't know how to get back on the pathway God intended for them.  Maybe there has been a bend in the road - and instead of going in the "right" direction you've veered off course for whatever life reasons you have (or choices you've made).  You are struggling with a whole bunch of emotions or feelings over what has even led you to a prodigal state. That actually has been the type of prodigal I have been.  Now when I refer to "prodigal" it is not a state that one is looking to "stay in" but to understand better WHY they are there, WHAT led them there and what can they learn from the experience as they make their way back to the Father.  Please remember as I have indicated in previous blogs that your Father is already RUNNING down the road to meet you halfway. The thing is YOU have got to want to go the distance.  You have got to want to figure  out where you went wrong, why and how to get back to a better spiritual state than what you have been or were previously in.

It is not excusing the things you've done OR using being a "prodigal" to stay in that state.  I can tell you what the signs for me were that I had become a Prodigal.  My peace was gone.  There has been indecision and confusion and recognition that I have missed the mark.  I am very transparent in my walk  with God.  I don't see any reason to lie about it because He sees EVERYTHING.  I could never understand how Adam and Eve thought they could hide from God.  You can't DO that. He sees EVERYTHING.  So if you are feeling as though you are not right with Him (as I have felt) you need to bring it to the Cross.  Maybe sit in a place that is quiet and talk out loud to Him.  Tell Him where you are at.  How you love Him.  How you long to be right but perhaps don't know HOW to be.  How you don't want to lie to Him about where you are at right now - but that perhaps He will help reveal to you - WHY you went down that wrong road, if you are still "traveling" that wrong road and what He wants you to do to get it right.  Sometimes we stay on that pathway because we don't know "how" to find our way back or feel as though we don't deserve to come back.  Well - this is the lesson that I have learned in being a Prodigal.  It is probably one of the most important spiritual lessons I've learned in my 24 years of being a Christian - and one that is easy to forget.  We have never ever ever ever "earned" salvation.  It is a gift.  We could "never" be  good enough.  It is by the shed blood of Jesus Christ that we are able to come into God's presence.  

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that Whosoever Believes in Him shall NOT perish but have ever lasting life. (John 3:16)  

Even before we came into a "prodigal state" we were never good enough.  But I have learned from my own experience that we beat ourselves up sometimes - enough so that we don't leave the state we are in because we feel unworthy.  God LOVES YOU.  He loves ME.  He knows YOU better than you know yourself.  Don't stay in stagnant waters because you aren't willing to step forward and move to meet your Father halfway.  As I am writing these words I am ministering to myself as well.  Because there are some paths that are harder to leave than others. Recognize that and move forward anyways.  The dangerous part of being in a prodigal state is STAYING there.  (Look at what happened to King Saul, it didn't have to be that way. He chose to stay in that state).  Be honest with God.  If you need help - ASK HIM.  I read a couple of things that greatly ministered to me today.  It was like the soft spoken word of my Father speaking to me.  Because I too am still trying to figure it out as I go. But He knows, that I am trying to get out of the Prodigal state I have been in and it isn't always instantaneous. Sometimes, it takes time.  The first thing I saw today was this:

"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still." (Corrie Ten Boom)

God knows your heart, He loves you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock."  (Revelations 3:20)  Get quiet before Him - listen, can you hear Him?  He's knocking.  It may take you a while to get through the mire to open the door - but at least start walking towards the direction of His knock.  What is your heart telling you? Don't worry so much about what others think of you.  That is not important - everyone has their own opinion and some Christian brethern make it "worse" instead of better. (Maybe because they don't realize truly for themselves that it is NOT how good you are? Or they are too afraid to look at the plank in their own eye while trying to remove the sty from yours... We ALL have things we need to work on. I believe as long as we have breathe in our body that we are constantly learning, growing - but you have to be honest with yourself and if some of our brothers and sisters in Christ were really being honest, they'd work on the things that needed changing within themselves instead of tearing down members in the body who are struggling, hurting or weak.  (Uhoh I think I've just opened up a can of you-know-what... LOL)  However it's true.  When you get a papercut on your finger - your whole BODY feels the pain.  That is how it should be with the Body of Christ. We are many members - but one in the body (1st Corinthians 12:12).  I don't believe that God would have the body attack itself... Hmmmm come to think of it - isn't that called "cancer?"  There is no place for it in the Body.  Believe me, I know...  And I think that God talks about the troubles within each of the churches in the book of Revelations.  Church should be a healing place. Not only for those that don't know the Lord - but for those that DO.  Sometimes the pain is so strong that it radiates outside of the Body.  We need to be there for each other - to heal, to help, to build up. To love, to encourage and then to rejoice and praise God for what He's doing.  It is time to clean-house so that we can grow and heal and become stronger. That is my honest opinion....

It doesn't matter what other people think of you... What matters is what God thinks and God loves you.  It's His voice that you need to hear.  For me, He speaks quietly.  He speaks lovingly - even when I feel like I deserve to have Him yell at me.  But He doesn't.  He may be very displeased with my sins (I know He is...) - but He ALWAYS loves me. God continues to be faithful to us in the midst of our messes.

Don't try to put a band-aid or to air dry a wound in you that needs stitches.  That needs a washing and a kiss from God to heal it.  Don't ignore the pain or continue on as though nothing is wrong.  You know it is.  Get in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and speak your heart to your Father who created it in the first place. Pour it out in your prodigal state. Let Him meet you halfway.  He is the BEST physician.  He made you - He has plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Let me also mention this... It's not going to be easy. It may be painful.  Remember when you scrapped your knee and you came crying home and your mom or dad had to wash it to clean out the dirt and add some healing ointment to it - it stung! If you are in a prodigal state - its going to be painful turning away from whatever it is... There are consequences to sin. But don't let that keep you from moving forward - step by step.  Because I believe it will be worth it. (And don't think I'm giving you advice I'm not trying to walk in for myself).  Be patient with yourself to do it - but DO it! So that next time - when you have continued on in your walk, you come to a fork in the road again - and you say, "Nooooooo way... I've learned my lesson and I'm NOT going to make the SAME mistake twice!" Maybe you'll look down at that "scar" on your knee that is left from the remembrance of that "boo-boo" - you know the one that God brought you through - better, stronger and faster? The one that drew you closer to Him.  And you'll be able to stay on the pathway He meant for your life with a finer appreciation and knowledge of who you truly are in Him.  Once a prodigal always a prodigal - does NOT have to be true.  In fact it wasn't meant to be true.  So WHAT are you going to DO about it?  It all begins with a conversation... He's waiting... How about answering the door?

We Will Stand

Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her

A Morning Observation from a Fellow Traveler...

If you are a member of the body of Christ, and have been disappointed by the Body. Don't be mad at God.  We are an imperfect people - keep your eyes on HIM. Although people may disappoint you - HE NEVER WILL. Continue to walk towards Him - NOT away.  He knows you better than you know yourself.  We only see in part but HE sees in FULL. Don't ever let people keep you from all that God has in store for you.  Remember, He can use our mistakes for His glory.  Keep your eyes on Him.  He knows the plans He has for you - plans to give you a hope and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  It is not by "how good you can be." It is by His love, by His grace, by His mercy.  Sometimes we forget that His love is not "earned" it is a gift.  Don't let bitterness root in you for the disappointments in your life.  Even if you are in a prodigal state - You are STILL a child of the MOST HIGH God.  He loves you.  Someone needed to hear this today.  I don't know who you are - but I know that HE LOVES YOU.  "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that who so ever believes in Him shall NOT perish but have everlasting life."(John 3:16).  YOU ARE LOVABLE.  He has called YOU by name (Isaiah 43:1)  You are HIS.  Nothing you do surprises Him.  God wants the best for you.  Hold on.  Whatever you are going through, whatever you are feeling - HOLD ON.  He is there. He hasn't left. His arms are open wide.  Shut out the voice of the world and listen to Him calling you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock" (Revelations 3:20).  No matter what people tell you - God LOVES YOU. Right where you are - right here, right now.  You came to my page for a reason that only YOU and God know.  He loves YOU. The prodigals Father was RUNNING down the pathway before the prodigal even was in sight.  HE LOVES YOU. Right where you are at. How you are. He came so that you could have life and He wants you to have it ABUNDANTLY. (John 10:10)  - Just begin talking to Him.  In your own words, like you would a dear friend.  He's there. He's listening...

Are You Having Your Own "Spring" Thaw? - If Not, Maybe it's Time?

Is a "Thaw" Occurring in Your Life? Let it...

I've been doing a lot of personal reflection lately.  Tried sitting still for a bit to just "dial it down a bit." Something one of my Pink Sisters said to me this week has stuck with me, and I want to share it for those of you who are experiencing the same thing - and haven't really thought about it...

There has been hanging in my bathroom a beautiful saying that I've had for 19 years it says, "Loved the Wedding, Invite me to the Marriage" - God  I figured, since I'm separated and getting ready to go through a divorce, it was hypocritical for me to keep it hanging. That I needed to find a replacement saying, and last week - I found one. A cute little cloth with this embroidered onto it "And the Day Came When the Risk it Took to Remain Tight in The Bud Became Greater Than the Risk it Took to Bloom."


How TRUE is that? How many of us have felt that way? "Once bitten - twice shy?"  There are so many different ways that people deal with going through a tough time, going through a divorce or change of life, grieving, or facing a life or death situation.  For me, I didn't realize that I was looking every where and at everything except what had happened to me. Like my mind would go to everything else - BUT that. I've decided to sit down, stop for a moment - and allow myself to feel - whatever it is I'm feeling... Things happen in life that catch us totally off guard.  Usually, when tough times happen, we deal with them as best we can, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day.  The usual person just goes into "automatic pilot" and does whatever it takes to get through whatever that situation is.  It's not so different when YOU are the person it is occurring to.

I'm going to try to honestly write this blog and not cry while I'm doing it... Or heck, maybe I WILL allow the tears to stream down my face as I write this - I'm trying to be honest, remember?  When you go through a life threatening illness, your doctors go into "treatment mode" and so everything becomes "regimented." Your planner all of a sudden is full of doctors appointments, department specialities, what medications to take, etc.... You're in the "medical army" now.  Your name is "patient # or medical record #"  You aren't known by your individuality, your known by your "diagnosis." You go according to treatment schedule.  It took everything I had within me to physically get through a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiation.... And any emergencies with my port (which transport the very toxic chemo in your veins and throughout your system - it looks like a small "talk box" and was a royal pain in the... to me.) and whatever it is that happens between.  The only way I could emotionally get through it - was to focus on getting through each moment.  This doesn't only go for people going through a life threatening illness.  I'm quite sure it would be the same for anyone going through a loss of a loved one, or a sick love one as well - or maybe it's a totally different type of traumatic situation....

I've discovered that it is important for you - no matter what the reason, to allow yourself to feel.  I'm a breast cancer survivor of a year and a half.  Treatment was over for me last February 2011.  But the thaw is occurring.  My feelings are thawing out.  The pain is real.  The scare, the fear, the "OMG did I JUST go through that?" Is starting to set in.  The realization that I "didn't have the flu" I had cancer... And here is the new thing I've discovered. It is very easy to go into a mode I didn't know about - it's called the "I-gotta-live-life-fully-and-get-and-do-everything-NOW" syndrome.  The only comparison I have is it must be like a person who has been starving and is now sitting before a table FULL of food and feels like they have to scarf it all down right away - before it is taken away from them.  So they start using "both hands" shoveling it down as quickly as they can.... I didn't realize I was going through that kind of situation, where I felt like - I have to have this now!  I have to do this! I can't except that! I need to do this because I don't know IF I'll have a tomorrow."  The truth is - you never feel as though you've had "enough life."  We were all created with the desire to LIVE.  How many of us have ever said, I want to live until I'm 45 and then die.  No! We were created with a desire to live.  Originally Adam and Eve weren't meant to die. That wasn't God's plan.  They were meant to live in the garden of Eden forever and enjoy God's beauty forever.  But sin entered the world and changed all that.  However, our desire to live is still within us....

I think for me, dealing with all the changes that went along with having cancer - changes that probably would occurred in time but were expedited because of my situation - have added all to the thawing mess.  Going through a failed marriage is like a death of its own. You revisit your marriage over and over again - and wonder WHY you didn't realize things long ago.  It becomes a death.  No one gets married and thinks "and after the princess and the prince got married - they ran off into the sunset to years later and three kids after - go through a divorce..." The happily ever after - is one that we have to figure out and work towards ourselves.  And if you can't find happiness in your own-self - don't expect someone else to be able to do it for you...

What do YOU want? (Don't worry about how "much" time you have to do it). Are you the type of person who has put everyone and everything before yourself?  You are important, your feelings matter, its okay to have those "It's Me time" moments.  Maybe you are like me, and you need to sit down for a bit, re-evaluate, re-review, forgive yourself for a few screws up you've made, cry for a few minutes, wipe your eyes and then figure out where you go from there.  Your story isn't finished yet. Maybe God allowed you to go through whatever it is you went through (or are going through) so that you can help (or encourage) someone else who may need it down the line... I really do believe that while we may never know the reason why certain things happen, they happen for a reason... Somethings we just have to let go and trust that God knows what He is doing, even when we don't... How 'bout starting now?  And take your time... You won't figure it out in an hour or even a day... If God is patient with us, shouldn't we be the same?

I stopped this weekend, and the thought went into my head, "What would make me happy?"  And you know, I don't quite know the answer to that. It's one I really need to examine... People can't make you happy.  True happiness has to come from inside of you - and what "exactly" is the definition of happiness? I sat here trying to think of what I want - and I honestly got stuck.  I'm not talking about the "standard" person's answer to what would make you happy, I'm talking about true soul reflection about it.  And what steps can we take to make those things happen?  Because things don't always just come to you - sometimes you have to step out on faith and put them into motion.  And why DO we do the things we do?  Is it to (as I have done) numb the pain of really looking at the situation?  Or to avoid facing something?   There are certain things we just have to accept - worrying about them, being in fear of them, avoiding them are not going to make it "go away."  Isn't it time we "face the truth?"  God said, He came so that we could have life and have it more abundantly. (John 10:1-18) Walking in that abundance though is up to us.  Why worry about how long we get to do it? Why can't we just enjoy today?

ADELE - 'Make You Feel My Love'

A Very "Touchy" Subject...

Touch is Vital, it is Healing, it is One of the Five Senses That God Gave Us. We Cannot Survive Without it.  Even in Romans 16:16 We Are Told to "Greet One Another With a Holy Kiss." God said in Genesis, "It is Not Good For Man to Be Alone." (Genesis 2:18) The Truth STILL Applies Today.

God did not call us to be little "Islands' - we are people who need people.  Even if we don't want to admit it - its the truth.  There is no shame in that. We need affection, we need friendship, we need love, we need touch. I read an article a year ago that is worth sharing with you.  It is called "The Benefits of Human Touch, The Need for Touch in the Development of Healthy Adults and Children" by Carmen Jochmann (Suite 101.com, Octoberr 15th, 2009).  (I will provide the link at the end of this blog, its a good read.)

I didn't realize, until this past weekend what was lacking in my life.  How very much "touch" matters.  A friend who squeezes your hand in encouragement and understanding; A mother's  embrace; A child's hug, A lover's touch. There is no substitute.  Touch is one of the five senses, and one that perhaps we take for granted and don't give a lot of thought to.  It ties in with our emotions, how we feel about "ourselves" how we feel about "others." Studies have been done on babies, and how in order to survive, thrive and grow, a "nuturing" touch is needed.  But I don't think this goes just for our children.  Adults need touch too.  Touching is a way of communicating, a way of expressing ourselves, of conveying love and happiness.  I agree with Carmen Jochmann's article - that touching is healing.  I think it has a powerful affect on our moods. Have you ever noticed if you are having a bad day, and someone gives you a hug, it might have "softened" a grizzley bear mood?

When Adam was in the garden of Eden, he had everything beautiful surrounding him - yet, he felt a lack.  He was not meant to be the only human being. God even said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) So God created Eve.  Can you imagine the joy Adam felt at the touch of her hand? Or from the ability to share with her ALL the beauty of their surroundings? The companionship they shared?  I'm quite sure they must have walked all throughout the garden holding hands with Adam pointing out all the things God had given him the priveledge of naming to her.

When I first was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was incredible to me - the people who disappeared from my life.  As if I had leprosy.  As if they could catch it themselves...  Now, I'm not "judging" them because I'm sure to some people hearing what was going on with me made them think about their own mortality... So perhaps it wasn't "me" they ran from - just the fact that any time coming in contact with me, or hearing about me made them realize how "short" life is.  It hurt.  It made major life changes occur in my life.  It made me realize all the more - what I want and can accept in life and the things I can't accept. Going through breast cancer became a very lonely experience.  With couples, sometimes one partner can't "be" there for their spouse.  Its not as if they don't want to be - they just emotionally can't.  It's not the case with all couples - but I am told that it happens with quite a few.  No one could feel what I felt because they were not "personally" experiencing it. They couldn't relate. At times it seemed as if the only one who could truly hold my hand through though the process, was God Himself.  Yet, I was like a child who angrily took my hand out of His.  Because I couldn't get the answer of "why?" from Him.  It wasn't for me to know.... YET at the same time, the mother He gave me, held me up.  Wouldn't let me quit or give up, even when I wanted to. A friend who lived far away called me daily to check on me, which was a lifeline for me. God gave me (through Facebook) Pink Sisters - women from ALL over the WORLD who were going through breast cancer, the same as I. So we could share with each other, learn from each other. love each other, BE there for each other.  Cry with each other. Act SILLY with each other.  Build each other up and at times - literally pick each other up. Women who understood - what it was, even if I didn't have the words to say it.  Even if I couldn't express it myself, or understand it myself.  The strongest women I have ever known... I didn't think I would say that about anyone other than my sisters in Christ - yet many of them weren't there when I needed them.  The body wasn't there. And I say that without bitterness because we are an imperfect Church.  I say that without judgement because I (being a prodigal) cannot judge anyone because I'm too busy "getting the plank out of my eye" to get the stye out of theirs.  And, if I was to be completly honest - I'm sure I withdrew.

Touch is healing. If you can, show love and affection to those around you.  It can greatly encourage  someone around you who needs it (and you may not even know how much). Nurturing is not something that only infants and children need - grown ups need it too - no matter the age.  I think we'd best remember that.  We are not Islands, we were created to LOVE and BE LOVED. It makes a huge difference. It makes life, WORTH living.
http://carmen-jochmann.suite101.com/the-benefits-of-human-touch-a155979

Just Listen - The Eversea (Breast Cancer Awareness)

Have You EVER seen a Lassie (or Laddie) Go THIS Way and THAT Way?

No Matter How "Worn" You Feel - "The Steps of the Righteous are Ordained by God"  (Psalms 37:23)
Even when you are uncertain of which step to take next.
*Image provided by Imagebank.org.uk

Sometimes don't you just wish that you were a kid again? That the biggest decision you ever had to make was what doll to play with? Life is so precious, and making decisions can be scary. I have often wished that I could hear God's "booming voice" like Charlton Heston heard as "Moses" in the "Ten Commandments" "THUS SAYETH THE LORD!!!" It was like, He had the BEST GPS in the whole world! God's voice!  Telling him which direction to go, what to do, how to do it!  Turn right... Turn left... Moses STOP!  I have to rebuke envy every time I watch that movie! (Smiling - One of my favorites) - and quite honestly, I've said to the Lord, "Okay - I've chosen you, in and of my own will. So, here is the steering wheel of my life... YOU DRIVE."  I visualize myself putting my hands behind my head (in the driver's seat) whistling and letting God steer.  Well - that's how I wish it was.  I think more often then not I've said, "What are You doing??? Nooooo - not that way! THIS way!!!" And have grabbed the wheel back from Him, only to end up pulling over, scratching my head and turning to Him and saying, "What do I do now Father?"

He's so patient with me. His grace is abundant. He never yells.  The few times I've sat still and quieted myself to hear His voice, it has been a quiet, patient - yet firm, loving voice.  Like that of a loving parent, yet still the one in charge.  Just thinking about the times I've heard His voice brings tears to my eyes because it is filled with LOVE.  While my own thoughts about myself are filled with criticism, fault-seeking, and well, often then not - not much love.  Is that how your voice sounds to YOU?  Just sitting here thinking about how patient God is with me.  How tolerant and forgiving He is - humbles me...  It truly is nothing but HIS grace, HIS love, His forgiveness that keeps me going.  It is very true the saying "Pride before a Fall."  I think that sometimes it is easy for us to puff ourselves up and think that we've got it all together.  But I really think that as long as we have breathe in our body - God continues to mold us, shape us, TEACH us.  No matter what state you are in.  We "can't" be good enough or "worthy" enough.  I think part of our problem is that God realizes that and even if WE DO realize it ourselves, we still beat ourselves up over it. Get discouraged. Feel like, "what's the point of even trying then?"  But here is the thing - once we reach the point of realizing that it is only by the grace of God that we can do anything. That He can gently say to us, "Okay... Now, let me take that wheel - you know the one you want me to have?  Here, let's go this way. Trust me. Allow me to lead." That we can turn our "wheel" over to Him to see what He is going to do with it.  To take us.  Oh if only we trusted more. If only we could quiet "ourselves" from all the noise of the world around us - and trust that God who sees in full will complete His good and perfect will in our very "un-perfect lives."

Nothing about us surprises Him.  I think sometimes He may "cringe" when we are going a "harder" route than He intended us to go.  (Just like we do when we see our children struggle, but realize that they *may* have to learn the hard way in order to go forward).  But His love is never-ending.  Our own grace and patience and love for ourselves (and maybe for even others) may change, but HIS never does.

I'm so thankful for that - when I've given up or become exasperated with myself. There He is, pulling me closer and sighing - wishing that I would just "give my wheel" to Him and let go.  And trust that whatever comes my way - He's got it.  He's got ME.  He's no respector of persons you know. He doesn't have favorites - so guess what - even if you are like me and stubborn and willful and well... a modern day prodigal. He's got YOU too!

Go On - Just Open It...You Know You Want To...

You Won't Know What's Inside Until You Open it Up

Sometimes we are the barrier in our own pathway to happiness... That just occurred to me this morning... Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and we don't even see it.  We are too busy blaming "Joe Shmoe" for this" and "the boss" or "the bad job" for that or lets go a step further - everyone stand up and give the devil around of applause.  Because we give him the credit for the bad stuff too.  But the truth is - sometimes the only one blocking us, is US.

It is easier to blame a circumstance or a situation than taking a good hard look at ourselves to see what it is we should be doing to change the things that need changing.

Have you ever looked in the mirror to see past the physical flaws "you think you have" to look deeply into your own eyes to determine what it is YOU want and what steps you need to take to make "those wants" happen?  I don't know about you - but I can say for myself - if I was to sit in front of a mirror (reluctantly I might add...) it would take me several moments to get beyond the "self-critique."  I can hear me now... "I have too many freckles, I need to lose weight... Why are my eyes a boring brown instead of hazel?" blah blah blah to the point where I would just get up and walk away... QUICKLY I might add... (LOL).  Why do you think it is that we can show a friend more grace, love and help to build her up if she showed up at our door needing a friend - but we find it so hard to give our "own selves" the same love, support and listening ear that we would a dear friend? (Hmmmmm.... good question isn't it?)  When is the last time you - you sat yourself down and had a conversation with yourself.  Really listened to YOU?  I know that sounds kind of crazy, but when you think about it - many of us don't do that.  Don't you think its time?

I sat down with "me" this morning and realized that I wasn't half-bad. That how I feel is important. That if I want something bad enough I DO have it within me to go after it.  I think its time we need to give ourselves some "thought."  Some "compassion." Some "understanding."  I'm not saying have a "pity-party" if you feel you need to - go ahead, allow yourself an hour really have one of those old fashion kid type of crying and screaming temper tantrums.  If you have to - go through the whole shebang.  Get down on the floor, roll from side to side, kick your feet, cry, turn your head! Get it ALL out of your system.  Allow yourself an hour if you need. THEN when you are done, get up.  Walk over to the bathroom, turn the water on - splash some on that beautiful face of yours, grab a towel, dry those eyes and then lean forward and look hard into that mirror and SEE YOU.  REALLY see you.  The Bible tells us in Mark 12:31 to "Love our neighbors as we love ourselves."  But here is the thing -how can we do that when we haven't been loving ourselves?  If we loved ourselves - we'd care about the desires of our hearts, we'd believe in ourselves, we wouldn't settle for less. We'd go forward and try to become what we want to become and if we fell - we'd pick ourselves up, wipe off our knees and with a look of determination TRY AGAIN.  Many of us have given up on ourselves.  Why? My guess is for many reasons.  Life happens, disappointments occur, problems occur.  We get weighed down by our own worries.  We put ourselves last.  We hold the door open for everyone else BUT our very own selves.  And behind our shoulder, just silently allowing us to do this because He has given us free will is our Father.  Who has given us all the tools we need to be successful within ourselves.  He has given us each different gifts, but you know - someone can give you a gift - but unless you "open up the box" you will never know what is inside it.

Don't you think its time you "loved yourself" enough to move forward?  Life is so short and time is precious.  And here is the other thing - YOU are important. You matter.  What is in that box? Where will it take you if you allow yourself to tap into all the potential and gifts God has given you?  Shouldn't you be excited? Shouldn't you want to know "what happens next?"  It's time you had a love affair - with a very special person. That person is Y O U.

Have You Become Bitter or Better?

He's Got You - Whether You Feel It Or Not

We've all gone through different situations through this journey called life - I can't help but think of how the scriptures refer to us as clay. Specifically put: "But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand," (ISA 64:8.)

Some days I feel the kneading of my Father's hands - molding me, shaping me into what I don't know. But I know that HE knows.  Some days I feel so raw, the emotions of what has happened in my life fresh and apparent before me. Maybe "exposed" is more the appropriate term to use  or "vulnerable" or "uncertain" or yes - even at times, scared.  I think once you go through a life-threatening situation you see so clearly how precious life is.  Every day is a gift. We take so much for granted.  We talk about "what are you doing tomorrow? What are your plans?" But the truth is - we are not promised tomorrow.  We think we are - but we are not.  Our minds generally don't go there.

I feel that rawness today. When you are a survivor you feel such a responsibility to LIVE, especially when you see some of your Pink sisters "earning their wings" and being called home. There is always that silent question in your head as to "why is she gone and I am still here?"  I am blogging about this today - because its so important for us all to remember to make every moment count and not to let the "little stuff" get us down. To "count your blessings." To realize that our lives truly are in HIS hands. Not to be fearful, but to be aware. To be thankful.  To recognize the things that we need to change within ourselves and strive to change them (or to pray and ask Him to help us change them - and my "stuff" may be different then yours.  But remember "There go I but for the grace of God."). This morning I saw a saying that was true and is worth sharing, it went like this.

"Although we pray for serenity to accept the things we cannot change, I continually strive for strength and courage to change the things I cannot accept."

You know, in writing this - it just occurred to me - Jesus must have felt something similar to a survivor when He sat in the Garden of Gethsemane and prayed, the Bible describes that He even cried before the Father. How it constantly amazes me that the Bible is the living Word. He contemplated his fate and begged that the cup be taken away from Him - yet still He went forward knowing what would occur (because He loves us THAT much). When you are diagnosed with a life threatening disease, there is no sense as to WHY it is happening to you - yet after the shock subsides somewhat (being a survivor I don't think it ever fully goes away) you realize that we truly only see in part - God sees in full and perhaps we won't truly understand why "this cup" has been given to us.  But we can trust that He will never leave nor forsake us.  (He says so and He is not a God that He would lie).  I think that there are times when we just need to picture ourselves physically in His arms.  That He is holding us, and we just need to allow ourselves to feel and tell Him what it is that we are feeling.  (I know that at times this is harder to do than it sounds).  I think this can go for not only those of us who are cancer survivors but for anyone who is going through a specific hard time in their lives and doesn't understand the "why" or the how to continue on from point "A" to point "B"  - its okay that you don't understand, maybe this is just a time for you to "trust."

There was a game we use to play when I was a Counselor at a wonderful girls overnight camp.  The game was "Blind Man's Buff" - we were blind folded and had to walk around and trust that the person partnered to us in the game was going to lead us - and not allow us to bump into anything or get hurt. I think sometimes we have to "trust" that whatever our situation - God is there.  We have to put our trust in Him when it makes no sense. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.  We need to keep our eyes on Him - and when the pain seems to be too much - give it to Him.  Literally visualize Jesus with His hands stretched out wide to receive that situation from you.  Remember He tells us in Matthew 11:30 "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I am not glad I have gone through breast cancer.  I'm thankful that I caught it early and that God has given me a second chance at life (please remember early detection is KEY and that if you notice any changes at all to your body - get it checked immediately. It's better to be overly cautious than to shrug something off that may be the difference between life and death. Please remember that if you want more information you should look at the top of my blog page and hit the pink ribbon). Yet at the same time I went through this horrible disease, and it has changed my life drastically in every way you can imagine, I'm not the same woman I was before my cancer experience (and I'm in fact, still learning this changed woman - physically, emotionally, spiritually.)  I have been made richer - in life.  Life use to be in "water colors" beautiful but now it's in more in vibrant bold and rich hues.  I can honestly show thanks to God with a sincerity that I did not have prior to my experience.  I think once again - that this can be the case for anyone going through any major upheavel or change in their life. Try to think about what you've learned from yourself because of this experience. How has it changed you? Have you allowed it to make you "bitter OR better?" 

Sometimes God needs people to go through certain situations so that they can extend their hand back to someone else who somewhere down the line needs advice, support and encouragement and that we in turn can say, "I hear you - I know because I've gone through it and I've come out stronger and more knowledgeable." Sometimes when we say, "Here I am Lord - send me." We really don't know how He is going to take us, mold us and use us.  But we can trust that if we ask, He will.  And if for myself, my experience, my words, my blog - can reach out and make a difference in just ONE person's life. Than I say it is and has been well worth the experience.

I'm Hungry - are YOU?

Are you Hungry? When we are physically hungry, we open up our mouths to receive food, nourishment. It is the same thing spiritually. You have to open up and receive whatever it is God has for you or that "hunger" won't go away.
*Photo compliments of publicdomainpictures.net

I woke up this morning with my heart yearning. For what? It wasn’t specific – but for something more. I think deep inside of us is tucked a way a desire that only God can fulfill. We try in so many ways to fill it with other things… But only one thing can “quench that thirst.” The thirst is for Him. The only way I can describe it – is this feeling that you are reaching for something, but you don’t know how to grasp it.  It’s in the inner core of you.  Sometimes its so raw and strong that there is no denying it. 

I woke up today around three a.m. which for me – not being a morning person, is not the norm.  I felt it. I sensed it, I recognized it – it’s like a calling or a lack... I don’t know how else to describe it.  We go through our lives filled with distractions. Caught up in problems and issues, and desires and we fill our lives with things that are trivial.  I think my soul was saying “I need MORE of you Lord. Fill those empty spaces.”

The one thing I have come to learn is that you can’t let people define who you are. After 18 years of being married – I am on my own and it is easy to feel like a “failure.” How many times have you felt like that? Here is the thing though. I’m NOT. Neither are you. We are an imperfect people. I think that we as long as we have breathe in our bodies – we will constantly be growing, changing, learning.  As long as we are open to it. I look at David in the Bible and I see all the transitions he went through.  Always loving the Lord – not always doing what he should, or even what he knew to be right. Yet still God loved him.  He never gave up on Him.  There are consequences to our decisions and to our actions, yet hopefully what those consequences are times we have learned from things we have experienced, or done.  I think that everyone has a bit of “prodigal” in them – and the important thing – is to recognize it, realize it and want to grow from it.  The scary thing is when you just shrug it off and deny it.  I always thought it was strange how in the garden of Eden Adam and Eve after having a relationship with God – hid from Him.  You can’t HIDE from God.  That is almost silly?  Kind of like the game we play with our kids “peek-a-boo.” Whatever state I am in – I am constantly aware that my Heavenly Father sees me. And here is where He differentiates from US – HE LOVES US REGARDLESS.

I’ve been thinking of how hard it must be – when God has our “best” interest in mind, and we go off course.  How He must want to wave His arms and say, “No! No my child! THIS WAY! Over here!!!!” But we in our stubbornness and willfulness don’t always listen and we go away. But the thing is – I think that He allows us to go only so far before He yanks us back.  There is something inside of us that was made ONLY for Him.  Nothing can fill it – it’s a void, its got only one key to it – and it is HIM.  Why are we so hard-headed? I know I am.  I thank God that even at my worst moments – He has never left nor forsake me.  It is truly His Grace, His Love, His mercy that reaches out and touches my soul and makes me realize that no matter where I am spiritually – He made me for HIM. And regardless of how I am feeling about my life or myself. He loves me unconditionally. He looks at our hearts. He sees US. He calls us by name.  Sometimes the hardest part – is seeing beyond our own faults to see what He sees.  It is just for that same very reason He sent His Son to die on the cross for forgiveness of our sins.  He knew that we couldn’t be “good enough” – we don’t have the ability in and of ourselves.  I think when we realize that – we realize why it says in the Bible “Abba Father!” (Romans 8:15) if your child cried out for help – would you stand there and look at them blankly? NO, you would go running. RUNNING to help your child. To be there, to wrap your arms around them and hold them close.  “If we being evil would give such good gifts to our children, how much MORE so does He want to bless us?” (Matthew 7:11) We need to let Him.  Simply let Him.  I think the best way of doing that – is recognizing the need.  Close your eyes for a moment and say it.  It helps sometimes to say it out loud.  “Lord, I need you. I recognize that need. I can’t fill that need by myself. It has to be YOU.  I feel lost. I feel sometimes hopeless. I don’t always understand the things I see around me. Or the things that are happening within my life.  Sometimes I feel claustrophobic.  Like there is no way out.  Sometimes I feel like I’ll never get it right.  That I’m like one of those gerbils on a wheel, going round and round and making no progress.  I need You. I don’t know how to accept Your help, so I just stand before you – confessing my need. Believing that because You are God that You will fill that need. That You (inspite of myself) will do Your good and perfect will in my life. I recognize the need for YOU Father. I believe Your Word where you say that You will complete a good work in me.  Even when I don’t believe it for myself. I believe it because YOU SAID IT. Be glorified. Forgive me for the times I have missed the mark due to my own stubbornness and willful spirit. Thank You that You don’t see me as I see myself.  Help me to see myself with Your eyes. I believe You at Your Word Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”

Stand back and see the difference God is going to make and then, when you see it and you recognize the good work He is doing in your life. SHARE it with someone else who has been at the point YOU were once at. He allows us to go through situations so that we can extend the right hand of fellowship behind us and be there for the next person.  Isn’t that what fellowship is all about?”