|Maybe He wants us to be at "the end of our rope" Because then we'll let go of the rope and hold on to Him. "Not by Power, Not by Might but By My Spirit." Says the Lord (Zechariah 4:6)|
Is it enough to be able to say, "Lord - I don't know what to do?" or "Lord I can't see my way through this one - so I'll have to depend upon you?" Honestly, there are certain things that we can't see our way out of. Maybe we weren't meant to. I've been thinking a lot about this... Maybe we are not meant to have all the answers now. Maybe that's why He says in the Bible "My Grace is Sufficient." (2 Corinthians 12:9) Maybe that's why its so important to stay connected with Him through prayer. I'm at a time in my life where I'm holding on to Him with all I have. And you know - it wasn't the breast cancer that brought me to that point. There was something that was already pressing me in to the Father. It is okay for a prodigal daughter/son to admit that they are having a "prodigal moment." Perhaps they don't know the way back home. Perhaps they have soul ties to whatever it is they've encountered. I can only say that during the time I've been a prodigal daughter - I have probably learned more about myself than I have in the whole 22 years I've been a Christian. And the thing is - I'm STILL learning. For me, the hard thing has been to know what to do about what I'm discovering about me. Have you ever come to a cross road in your life where you just don't know what to do because you never expected to BE on the path you are on? Have you ever felt "stuck?" I don't pretend to have all the answers. But I guess that is the point where I am at in my life right now. Having a recent diagnosis of breast cancer doesn't make all the other "problems" disappear. It pushes them to the side but it doesn't make them "go away." I think that God appreciates our honesty. Its ridiculous not to admit what you are thinking or feeling to Him because He already knows your thoughts before you even think them! He's GOD!
This weekend was a difficult one for me. I can't plan, I can't "live in the future" all I can do is live in the present. For someone like me who is a "planner" that is the hardest thing to do. Especially when I'm dealing with the "unexpected." My trust is in God, but also for all those things I'm struggling with right now - I have to give each one of them to Him. Because I don't know what to do. I think it is a time when God makes you realize that "Your life (my life) is in His hands. How I wish once we decided to make Jesus our Lord and Savior that He did what He wanted with us from there. But its not as simple as that... How I wish it was.
I guess this is just one of those moments where I have to continue to be honest with God. Are you at a point in your walk where you don't know what He is saying to you? It helps me to remember that He promised us "He would never leave nor forsake us." (Deuteronomy 31:8)
I'm uncertain about so many things. The one thing I'm certain about is that I have a Father who loves me (and you do too). I'm not the "perfect daughter" (who of us is?) I probably have made things harder for myself at times than He ever intended me to. I've got sooo many questions for Him. At this moment in my life I feel "road blocked" at every which way I turn. I envy my brothers and Sisters in Christ who seem to think they have "it" (whatever "it" is) all together. I don't. I have my insecurities, my disappointments, my desires, my hopes, my uncertainties. Honestly at this point its hard for me to know which "end is up." But here's the thing - God knows my heart. (He knows yours too) and sometimes we have to give the things that are burdening us to Him. The Bible tells us "there is nothing new under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9) So nothing comes as surprise to our Father. Many of the people that we have read about in the Bible - David, Sampson, Joseph, Moses, etc. have gone through things in their lives that WE are STILL going through today! That is why the Bible is full of stories about "real people."
My guess is that with road blocks and crossroads we need to pray them through. Tell God what is on your mind. One thing that one of my Sisters in Christ recently said to me (and it made perfect sense) is that "God's already worked it out while you're trying to figure it out." Hmmmm makes perfect sense to me. How about to you?