The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...

The Prodigal Daughter: Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE refl...: Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our da...

Blake Shelton - Who Are You When I'm Not Looking (Official Video)

Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Is that Your TRUE reflection or is there MORE?

Who are you when no one is looking? The real you.  The one YOU are when no one is around you. We wear so many hats in our lives - in our day.  We put up so many shields, or walls - because we think that is what we have to do.  Sometimes we do it so well we don't even know who the real us is anymore.  Our lives move at such a fast pace sometimes we can't even keep up with it.  Who are you?  Do you even know? Who do you want to be? Do you have faith in yourself? Or are you so busy being what you think everyone wants you to be that you have lost track of who you are?  And if you have - isn't time you re-discover (or even re-believe) in yourself?  The thing is - it doesn't really matter what people think when it comes down to it.  When you look back over the course of your life, will you have lived to please others? Or will you look back on your life with a satisfied, "yeah, I said what I had to say, did what I had to do - and did it well."

What really matters?  There is no perfect person out there.  Sometimes the standards we set for ourselves are so high that we can't possibly fulfill them all.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.  We measure ourselves up to "The Jones" - WHY?  What is so special about "The Jones" that we have to compare ourselves to them?  What a boring place the world would be if we were all "carbon copies" of each other.  How bland that sounds.  I almost feel sorry for "The Jones" because the pressure to stay where they are must be so high.... Celebrate you. Take down those walls - perhaps they only are there because of your fear of rejection? Of not fitting in?  (Of not fitting in WHERE? And do you really want to be some place where you are being made to "fit in" to a mold that perhaps is not you?)   I hope the words of my blog are making you really think.  If you strip away all of the special gifts God has given you that have made you the individual you are - it is like a meal without flavor.  God made you as individual as he did your hand print.  It should be celebrated - NOT hidden.  Don't allow others to measure who you are. When we do that, we feel all the things we shouldn't "envy, jealousy, low self-esteem, anger, depression" so what is upside of that?  Makes me think back on the childhood fairytale "Snow White."  The Queen's self-esteem revolved around being the most beautiful woman in the Kingdom.  "Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all?"  When the mirror answered "Snow White" all those insecurities came to the surface.  Remember?  If the Mirror had answered back - "Queen, why are you worried about being the fairest? Look at the beauty that is deep inside of you, you have this, this and this gift..."  Perhaps the story would have changed into a different one?  What is YOUR story? Have you spent your whole life comparing yourself to someone else?  How is that working for you? Think about it...

Who am I?  I realize I have been my own worst critic.  I think in reaching my forties, I began to really discover who I am.  The popularity contests that happened throughout school years didn't much matter anymore - as many of those people are no longer in your life, and you realize - what they "thought" really didn't matter much, we were together only because we were in the same situation. Who were they to determine who I was?  Why did I give it so much importance at the time?  What a waste of ME. Now I know,  with my forties came self-acceptance, yet with the willingness to try and change within myself those things I feel need changing. (Notice I said the things I feel need changing).  I am a work in progress (as are you).  I have become less judgmental and more forgiving of myself (as well as of others).  I truly do see now that it is not by works, I have been saved.  It is by God's grace and if HE can be graceful and forgiving and patient with me, perhaps I owe it to myself to be the same?  If He loved me enough to die on the cross for forgiveness of my sins - don't I owe it to Him to try and honor Him with the gifts I've been given?  To "pay it forward" when it comes to sharing my weaknesses, my mistakes and what I have learned from the lessons He has been taking me through? Isn't that why we go through things? To learn, to grow, to share - to become what He wants us to become?  And it is not an overnight process.  I believe that as long as we have breathe in our bodies - we will always be learning - hopefully striving.  And you know what? I think that is more than okay.  I think its life...

Just a "little" Note

It's late... And I'm wide awake... And my mind keeps going and going and going... I've been thinking (which is always dangerous)... That  our lives are like songs... They begin when we are born - one note and swell and grow as we move through this song called "Life."   People come into our lives - like other notes, causing friction, making sweet harmony... The song becomes more vibrant.  The notes "dance" around each other.  Some high, some low.  Sometimes the music crescendos - going faster and faster and faster and sometimes the melody is sloooooow and almost lazy.  There is a beginning, middle and end...  What is the song of your life? What is your passion? What is your pain?  What do YOU want for you?  What gifts do you have? What are you doing with your life? If your life was "this song" what kind would it be? And do you even "like" the song your life is making?  If not - what are you doing about it?  What song has God given you?  And are you listening to the song of your life closely???  Do you think about who else may be listening to it?  Will the notes "linger" when the song is over? Will your song be remembered? Will the Conductor of your life applaud you for your efforts?  Have you let Him conduct it? Or is your song all over the place? Making you and those around you dizzy?  Or is the Conductor running to you to take you in His arms and say, "Oh my child, this is the song I had for you and THIS is what you settled for...

What is your life song? There is still time for you to change it.... Sit quiet for a while, and look deep inside your heart.  It's there....  You may just have to listen closely.... You have a song.  And the beauty of it is there is no song like the one You have been given, it was meant to share with others - not to keep tucked quietly away. Share it... Because you may never know how many "someones" need to hear it.  A song is always best shared...

Save a Child's Life from Capture, Maiming and Killing Let's Catch this horrible man!KONY 2012

When you cry - The Winans

You Can't Put a "Band-Aid" on a Wound That Needs Stitches....

God Knows Your Thoughts Before You Even Think Them....
Don't You Think It's Time You  Told Him, Yourself?
*Image from Imagebank.org.UK

I've been thinking a lot about my blog and I strongly feel I need to indicate this... When I get a revelation I like to share it. A prodigal to me - is someone who is feeling spiritually "stuck." Recognizes that they've gone down a pathway that was not intended for them to go, and doesn't know how to get back on the pathway God intended for them.  Maybe there has been a bend in the road - and instead of going in the "right" direction you've veered off course for whatever life reasons you have (or choices you've made).  You are struggling with a whole bunch of emotions or feelings over what has even led you to a prodigal state. That actually has been the type of prodigal I have been.  Now when I refer to "prodigal" it is not a state that one is looking to "stay in" but to understand better WHY they are there, WHAT led them there and what can they learn from the experience as they make their way back to the Father.  Please remember as I have indicated in previous blogs that your Father is already RUNNING down the road to meet you halfway. The thing is YOU have got to want to go the distance.  You have got to want to figure  out where you went wrong, why and how to get back to a better spiritual state than what you have been or were previously in.

It is not excusing the things you've done OR using being a "prodigal" to stay in that state.  I can tell you what the signs for me were that I had become a Prodigal.  My peace was gone.  There has been indecision and confusion and recognition that I have missed the mark.  I am very transparent in my walk  with God.  I don't see any reason to lie about it because He sees EVERYTHING.  I could never understand how Adam and Eve thought they could hide from God.  You can't DO that. He sees EVERYTHING.  So if you are feeling as though you are not right with Him (as I have felt) you need to bring it to the Cross.  Maybe sit in a place that is quiet and talk out loud to Him.  Tell Him where you are at.  How you love Him.  How you long to be right but perhaps don't know HOW to be.  How you don't want to lie to Him about where you are at right now - but that perhaps He will help reveal to you - WHY you went down that wrong road, if you are still "traveling" that wrong road and what He wants you to do to get it right.  Sometimes we stay on that pathway because we don't know "how" to find our way back or feel as though we don't deserve to come back.  Well - this is the lesson that I have learned in being a Prodigal.  It is probably one of the most important spiritual lessons I've learned in my 24 years of being a Christian - and one that is easy to forget.  We have never ever ever ever "earned" salvation.  It is a gift.  We could "never" be  good enough.  It is by the shed blood of Jesus Christ that we are able to come into God's presence.  

God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that Whosoever Believes in Him shall NOT perish but have ever lasting life. (John 3:16)  

Even before we came into a "prodigal state" we were never good enough.  But I have learned from my own experience that we beat ourselves up sometimes - enough so that we don't leave the state we are in because we feel unworthy.  God LOVES YOU.  He loves ME.  He knows YOU better than you know yourself.  Don't stay in stagnant waters because you aren't willing to step forward and move to meet your Father halfway.  As I am writing these words I am ministering to myself as well.  Because there are some paths that are harder to leave than others. Recognize that and move forward anyways.  The dangerous part of being in a prodigal state is STAYING there.  (Look at what happened to King Saul, it didn't have to be that way. He chose to stay in that state).  Be honest with God.  If you need help - ASK HIM.  I read a couple of things that greatly ministered to me today.  It was like the soft spoken word of my Father speaking to me.  Because I too am still trying to figure it out as I go. But He knows, that I am trying to get out of the Prodigal state I have been in and it isn't always instantaneous. Sometimes, it takes time.  The first thing I saw today was this:

"There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still." (Corrie Ten Boom)

God knows your heart, He loves you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock."  (Revelations 3:20)  Get quiet before Him - listen, can you hear Him?  He's knocking.  It may take you a while to get through the mire to open the door - but at least start walking towards the direction of His knock.  What is your heart telling you? Don't worry so much about what others think of you.  That is not important - everyone has their own opinion and some Christian brethern make it "worse" instead of better. (Maybe because they don't realize truly for themselves that it is NOT how good you are? Or they are too afraid to look at the plank in their own eye while trying to remove the sty from yours... We ALL have things we need to work on. I believe as long as we have breathe in our body that we are constantly learning, growing - but you have to be honest with yourself and if some of our brothers and sisters in Christ were really being honest, they'd work on the things that needed changing within themselves instead of tearing down members in the body who are struggling, hurting or weak.  (Uhoh I think I've just opened up a can of you-know-what... LOL)  However it's true.  When you get a papercut on your finger - your whole BODY feels the pain.  That is how it should be with the Body of Christ. We are many members - but one in the body (1st Corinthians 12:12).  I don't believe that God would have the body attack itself... Hmmmm come to think of it - isn't that called "cancer?"  There is no place for it in the Body.  Believe me, I know...  And I think that God talks about the troubles within each of the churches in the book of Revelations.  Church should be a healing place. Not only for those that don't know the Lord - but for those that DO.  Sometimes the pain is so strong that it radiates outside of the Body.  We need to be there for each other - to heal, to help, to build up. To love, to encourage and then to rejoice and praise God for what He's doing.  It is time to clean-house so that we can grow and heal and become stronger. That is my honest opinion....

It doesn't matter what other people think of you... What matters is what God thinks and God loves you.  It's His voice that you need to hear.  For me, He speaks quietly.  He speaks lovingly - even when I feel like I deserve to have Him yell at me.  But He doesn't.  He may be very displeased with my sins (I know He is...) - but He ALWAYS loves me. God continues to be faithful to us in the midst of our messes.

Don't try to put a band-aid or to air dry a wound in you that needs stitches.  That needs a washing and a kiss from God to heal it.  Don't ignore the pain or continue on as though nothing is wrong.  You know it is.  Get in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and speak your heart to your Father who created it in the first place. Pour it out in your prodigal state. Let Him meet you halfway.  He is the BEST physician.  He made you - He has plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Let me also mention this... It's not going to be easy. It may be painful.  Remember when you scrapped your knee and you came crying home and your mom or dad had to wash it to clean out the dirt and add some healing ointment to it - it stung! If you are in a prodigal state - its going to be painful turning away from whatever it is... There are consequences to sin. But don't let that keep you from moving forward - step by step.  Because I believe it will be worth it. (And don't think I'm giving you advice I'm not trying to walk in for myself).  Be patient with yourself to do it - but DO it! So that next time - when you have continued on in your walk, you come to a fork in the road again - and you say, "Nooooooo way... I've learned my lesson and I'm NOT going to make the SAME mistake twice!" Maybe you'll look down at that "scar" on your knee that is left from the remembrance of that "boo-boo" - you know the one that God brought you through - better, stronger and faster? The one that drew you closer to Him.  And you'll be able to stay on the pathway He meant for your life with a finer appreciation and knowledge of who you truly are in Him.  Once a prodigal always a prodigal - does NOT have to be true.  In fact it wasn't meant to be true.  So WHAT are you going to DO about it?  It all begins with a conversation... He's waiting... How about answering the door?

We Will Stand

Casting Crowns - Does Anybody Hear Her

A Morning Observation from a Fellow Traveler...

If you are a member of the body of Christ, and have been disappointed by the Body. Don't be mad at God.  We are an imperfect people - keep your eyes on HIM. Although people may disappoint you - HE NEVER WILL. Continue to walk towards Him - NOT away.  He knows you better than you know yourself.  We only see in part but HE sees in FULL. Don't ever let people keep you from all that God has in store for you.  Remember, He can use our mistakes for His glory.  Keep your eyes on Him.  He knows the plans He has for you - plans to give you a hope and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  It is not by "how good you can be." It is by His love, by His grace, by His mercy.  Sometimes we forget that His love is not "earned" it is a gift.  Don't let bitterness root in you for the disappointments in your life.  Even if you are in a prodigal state - You are STILL a child of the MOST HIGH God.  He loves you.  Someone needed to hear this today.  I don't know who you are - but I know that HE LOVES YOU.  "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that who so ever believes in Him shall NOT perish but have everlasting life."(John 3:16).  YOU ARE LOVABLE.  He has called YOU by name (Isaiah 43:1)  You are HIS.  Nothing you do surprises Him.  God wants the best for you.  Hold on.  Whatever you are going through, whatever you are feeling - HOLD ON.  He is there. He hasn't left. His arms are open wide.  Shut out the voice of the world and listen to Him calling you.  "Behold I stand at the door and knock" (Revelations 3:20).  No matter what people tell you - God LOVES YOU. Right where you are - right here, right now.  You came to my page for a reason that only YOU and God know.  He loves YOU. The prodigals Father was RUNNING down the pathway before the prodigal even was in sight.  HE LOVES YOU. Right where you are at. How you are. He came so that you could have life and He wants you to have it ABUNDANTLY. (John 10:10)  - Just begin talking to Him.  In your own words, like you would a dear friend.  He's there. He's listening...

Are You Having Your Own "Spring" Thaw? - If Not, Maybe it's Time?

Is a "Thaw" Occurring in Your Life? Let it...

I've been doing a lot of personal reflection lately.  Tried sitting still for a bit to just "dial it down a bit." Something one of my Pink Sisters said to me this week has stuck with me, and I want to share it for those of you who are experiencing the same thing - and haven't really thought about it...

There has been hanging in my bathroom a beautiful saying that I've had for 19 years it says, "Loved the Wedding, Invite me to the Marriage" - God  I figured, since I'm separated and getting ready to go through a divorce, it was hypocritical for me to keep it hanging. That I needed to find a replacement saying, and last week - I found one. A cute little cloth with this embroidered onto it "And the Day Came When the Risk it Took to Remain Tight in The Bud Became Greater Than the Risk it Took to Bloom."


How TRUE is that? How many of us have felt that way? "Once bitten - twice shy?"  There are so many different ways that people deal with going through a tough time, going through a divorce or change of life, grieving, or facing a life or death situation.  For me, I didn't realize that I was looking every where and at everything except what had happened to me. Like my mind would go to everything else - BUT that. I've decided to sit down, stop for a moment - and allow myself to feel - whatever it is I'm feeling... Things happen in life that catch us totally off guard.  Usually, when tough times happen, we deal with them as best we can, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day.  The usual person just goes into "automatic pilot" and does whatever it takes to get through whatever that situation is.  It's not so different when YOU are the person it is occurring to.

I'm going to try to honestly write this blog and not cry while I'm doing it... Or heck, maybe I WILL allow the tears to stream down my face as I write this - I'm trying to be honest, remember?  When you go through a life threatening illness, your doctors go into "treatment mode" and so everything becomes "regimented." Your planner all of a sudden is full of doctors appointments, department specialities, what medications to take, etc.... You're in the "medical army" now.  Your name is "patient # or medical record #"  You aren't known by your individuality, your known by your "diagnosis." You go according to treatment schedule.  It took everything I had within me to physically get through a lumpectomy, chemotherapy, radiation.... And any emergencies with my port (which transport the very toxic chemo in your veins and throughout your system - it looks like a small "talk box" and was a royal pain in the... to me.) and whatever it is that happens between.  The only way I could emotionally get through it - was to focus on getting through each moment.  This doesn't only go for people going through a life threatening illness.  I'm quite sure it would be the same for anyone going through a loss of a loved one, or a sick love one as well - or maybe it's a totally different type of traumatic situation....

I've discovered that it is important for you - no matter what the reason, to allow yourself to feel.  I'm a breast cancer survivor of a year and a half.  Treatment was over for me last February 2011.  But the thaw is occurring.  My feelings are thawing out.  The pain is real.  The scare, the fear, the "OMG did I JUST go through that?" Is starting to set in.  The realization that I "didn't have the flu" I had cancer... And here is the new thing I've discovered. It is very easy to go into a mode I didn't know about - it's called the "I-gotta-live-life-fully-and-get-and-do-everything-NOW" syndrome.  The only comparison I have is it must be like a person who has been starving and is now sitting before a table FULL of food and feels like they have to scarf it all down right away - before it is taken away from them.  So they start using "both hands" shoveling it down as quickly as they can.... I didn't realize I was going through that kind of situation, where I felt like - I have to have this now!  I have to do this! I can't except that! I need to do this because I don't know IF I'll have a tomorrow."  The truth is - you never feel as though you've had "enough life."  We were all created with the desire to LIVE.  How many of us have ever said, I want to live until I'm 45 and then die.  No! We were created with a desire to live.  Originally Adam and Eve weren't meant to die. That wasn't God's plan.  They were meant to live in the garden of Eden forever and enjoy God's beauty forever.  But sin entered the world and changed all that.  However, our desire to live is still within us....

I think for me, dealing with all the changes that went along with having cancer - changes that probably would occurred in time but were expedited because of my situation - have added all to the thawing mess.  Going through a failed marriage is like a death of its own. You revisit your marriage over and over again - and wonder WHY you didn't realize things long ago.  It becomes a death.  No one gets married and thinks "and after the princess and the prince got married - they ran off into the sunset to years later and three kids after - go through a divorce..." The happily ever after - is one that we have to figure out and work towards ourselves.  And if you can't find happiness in your own-self - don't expect someone else to be able to do it for you...

What do YOU want? (Don't worry about how "much" time you have to do it). Are you the type of person who has put everyone and everything before yourself?  You are important, your feelings matter, its okay to have those "It's Me time" moments.  Maybe you are like me, and you need to sit down for a bit, re-evaluate, re-review, forgive yourself for a few screws up you've made, cry for a few minutes, wipe your eyes and then figure out where you go from there.  Your story isn't finished yet. Maybe God allowed you to go through whatever it is you went through (or are going through) so that you can help (or encourage) someone else who may need it down the line... I really do believe that while we may never know the reason why certain things happen, they happen for a reason... Somethings we just have to let go and trust that God knows what He is doing, even when we don't... How 'bout starting now?  And take your time... You won't figure it out in an hour or even a day... If God is patient with us, shouldn't we be the same?

I stopped this weekend, and the thought went into my head, "What would make me happy?"  And you know, I don't quite know the answer to that. It's one I really need to examine... People can't make you happy.  True happiness has to come from inside of you - and what "exactly" is the definition of happiness? I sat here trying to think of what I want - and I honestly got stuck.  I'm not talking about the "standard" person's answer to what would make you happy, I'm talking about true soul reflection about it.  And what steps can we take to make those things happen?  Because things don't always just come to you - sometimes you have to step out on faith and put them into motion.  And why DO we do the things we do?  Is it to (as I have done) numb the pain of really looking at the situation?  Or to avoid facing something?   There are certain things we just have to accept - worrying about them, being in fear of them, avoiding them are not going to make it "go away."  Isn't it time we "face the truth?"  God said, He came so that we could have life and have it more abundantly. (John 10:1-18) Walking in that abundance though is up to us.  Why worry about how long we get to do it? Why can't we just enjoy today?

ADELE - 'Make You Feel My Love'

A Very "Touchy" Subject...

Touch is Vital, it is Healing, it is One of the Five Senses That God Gave Us. We Cannot Survive Without it.  Even in Romans 16:16 We Are Told to "Greet One Another With a Holy Kiss." God said in Genesis, "It is Not Good For Man to Be Alone." (Genesis 2:18) The Truth STILL Applies Today.

God did not call us to be little "Islands' - we are people who need people.  Even if we don't want to admit it - its the truth.  There is no shame in that. We need affection, we need friendship, we need love, we need touch. I read an article a year ago that is worth sharing with you.  It is called "The Benefits of Human Touch, The Need for Touch in the Development of Healthy Adults and Children" by Carmen Jochmann (Suite 101.com, Octoberr 15th, 2009).  (I will provide the link at the end of this blog, its a good read.)

I didn't realize, until this past weekend what was lacking in my life.  How very much "touch" matters.  A friend who squeezes your hand in encouragement and understanding; A mother's  embrace; A child's hug, A lover's touch. There is no substitute.  Touch is one of the five senses, and one that perhaps we take for granted and don't give a lot of thought to.  It ties in with our emotions, how we feel about "ourselves" how we feel about "others." Studies have been done on babies, and how in order to survive, thrive and grow, a "nuturing" touch is needed.  But I don't think this goes just for our children.  Adults need touch too.  Touching is a way of communicating, a way of expressing ourselves, of conveying love and happiness.  I agree with Carmen Jochmann's article - that touching is healing.  I think it has a powerful affect on our moods. Have you ever noticed if you are having a bad day, and someone gives you a hug, it might have "softened" a grizzley bear mood?

When Adam was in the garden of Eden, he had everything beautiful surrounding him - yet, he felt a lack.  He was not meant to be the only human being. God even said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) So God created Eve.  Can you imagine the joy Adam felt at the touch of her hand? Or from the ability to share with her ALL the beauty of their surroundings? The companionship they shared?  I'm quite sure they must have walked all throughout the garden holding hands with Adam pointing out all the things God had given him the priveledge of naming to her.

When I first was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was incredible to me - the people who disappeared from my life.  As if I had leprosy.  As if they could catch it themselves...  Now, I'm not "judging" them because I'm sure to some people hearing what was going on with me made them think about their own mortality... So perhaps it wasn't "me" they ran from - just the fact that any time coming in contact with me, or hearing about me made them realize how "short" life is.  It hurt.  It made major life changes occur in my life.  It made me realize all the more - what I want and can accept in life and the things I can't accept. Going through breast cancer became a very lonely experience.  With couples, sometimes one partner can't "be" there for their spouse.  Its not as if they don't want to be - they just emotionally can't.  It's not the case with all couples - but I am told that it happens with quite a few.  No one could feel what I felt because they were not "personally" experiencing it. They couldn't relate. At times it seemed as if the only one who could truly hold my hand through though the process, was God Himself.  Yet, I was like a child who angrily took my hand out of His.  Because I couldn't get the answer of "why?" from Him.  It wasn't for me to know.... YET at the same time, the mother He gave me, held me up.  Wouldn't let me quit or give up, even when I wanted to. A friend who lived far away called me daily to check on me, which was a lifeline for me. God gave me (through Facebook) Pink Sisters - women from ALL over the WORLD who were going through breast cancer, the same as I. So we could share with each other, learn from each other. love each other, BE there for each other.  Cry with each other. Act SILLY with each other.  Build each other up and at times - literally pick each other up. Women who understood - what it was, even if I didn't have the words to say it.  Even if I couldn't express it myself, or understand it myself.  The strongest women I have ever known... I didn't think I would say that about anyone other than my sisters in Christ - yet many of them weren't there when I needed them.  The body wasn't there. And I say that without bitterness because we are an imperfect Church.  I say that without judgement because I (being a prodigal) cannot judge anyone because I'm too busy "getting the plank out of my eye" to get the stye out of theirs.  And, if I was to be completly honest - I'm sure I withdrew.

Touch is healing. If you can, show love and affection to those around you.  It can greatly encourage  someone around you who needs it (and you may not even know how much). Nurturing is not something that only infants and children need - grown ups need it too - no matter the age.  I think we'd best remember that.  We are not Islands, we were created to LOVE and BE LOVED. It makes a huge difference. It makes life, WORTH living.
http://carmen-jochmann.suite101.com/the-benefits-of-human-touch-a155979

Just Listen - The Eversea (Breast Cancer Awareness)

Have You EVER seen a Lassie (or Laddie) Go THIS Way and THAT Way?

No Matter How "Worn" You Feel - "The Steps of the Righteous are Ordained by God"  (Psalms 37:23)
Even when you are uncertain of which step to take next.
*Image provided by Imagebank.org.uk

Sometimes don't you just wish that you were a kid again? That the biggest decision you ever had to make was what doll to play with? Life is so precious, and making decisions can be scary. I have often wished that I could hear God's "booming voice" like Charlton Heston heard as "Moses" in the "Ten Commandments" "THUS SAYETH THE LORD!!!" It was like, He had the BEST GPS in the whole world! God's voice!  Telling him which direction to go, what to do, how to do it!  Turn right... Turn left... Moses STOP!  I have to rebuke envy every time I watch that movie! (Smiling - One of my favorites) - and quite honestly, I've said to the Lord, "Okay - I've chosen you, in and of my own will. So, here is the steering wheel of my life... YOU DRIVE."  I visualize myself putting my hands behind my head (in the driver's seat) whistling and letting God steer.  Well - that's how I wish it was.  I think more often then not I've said, "What are You doing??? Nooooo - not that way! THIS way!!!" And have grabbed the wheel back from Him, only to end up pulling over, scratching my head and turning to Him and saying, "What do I do now Father?"

He's so patient with me. His grace is abundant. He never yells.  The few times I've sat still and quieted myself to hear His voice, it has been a quiet, patient - yet firm, loving voice.  Like that of a loving parent, yet still the one in charge.  Just thinking about the times I've heard His voice brings tears to my eyes because it is filled with LOVE.  While my own thoughts about myself are filled with criticism, fault-seeking, and well, often then not - not much love.  Is that how your voice sounds to YOU?  Just sitting here thinking about how patient God is with me.  How tolerant and forgiving He is - humbles me...  It truly is nothing but HIS grace, HIS love, His forgiveness that keeps me going.  It is very true the saying "Pride before a Fall."  I think that sometimes it is easy for us to puff ourselves up and think that we've got it all together.  But I really think that as long as we have breathe in our body - God continues to mold us, shape us, TEACH us.  No matter what state you are in.  We "can't" be good enough or "worthy" enough.  I think part of our problem is that God realizes that and even if WE DO realize it ourselves, we still beat ourselves up over it. Get discouraged. Feel like, "what's the point of even trying then?"  But here is the thing - once we reach the point of realizing that it is only by the grace of God that we can do anything. That He can gently say to us, "Okay... Now, let me take that wheel - you know the one you want me to have?  Here, let's go this way. Trust me. Allow me to lead." That we can turn our "wheel" over to Him to see what He is going to do with it.  To take us.  Oh if only we trusted more. If only we could quiet "ourselves" from all the noise of the world around us - and trust that God who sees in full will complete His good and perfect will in our very "un-perfect lives."

Nothing about us surprises Him.  I think sometimes He may "cringe" when we are going a "harder" route than He intended us to go.  (Just like we do when we see our children struggle, but realize that they *may* have to learn the hard way in order to go forward).  But His love is never-ending.  Our own grace and patience and love for ourselves (and maybe for even others) may change, but HIS never does.

I'm so thankful for that - when I've given up or become exasperated with myself. There He is, pulling me closer and sighing - wishing that I would just "give my wheel" to Him and let go.  And trust that whatever comes my way - He's got it.  He's got ME.  He's no respector of persons you know. He doesn't have favorites - so guess what - even if you are like me and stubborn and willful and well... a modern day prodigal. He's got YOU too!

Go On - Just Open It...You Know You Want To...

You Won't Know What's Inside Until You Open it Up

Sometimes we are the barrier in our own pathway to happiness... That just occurred to me this morning... Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and we don't even see it.  We are too busy blaming "Joe Shmoe" for this" and "the boss" or "the bad job" for that or lets go a step further - everyone stand up and give the devil around of applause.  Because we give him the credit for the bad stuff too.  But the truth is - sometimes the only one blocking us, is US.

It is easier to blame a circumstance or a situation than taking a good hard look at ourselves to see what it is we should be doing to change the things that need changing.

Have you ever looked in the mirror to see past the physical flaws "you think you have" to look deeply into your own eyes to determine what it is YOU want and what steps you need to take to make "those wants" happen?  I don't know about you - but I can say for myself - if I was to sit in front of a mirror (reluctantly I might add...) it would take me several moments to get beyond the "self-critique."  I can hear me now... "I have too many freckles, I need to lose weight... Why are my eyes a boring brown instead of hazel?" blah blah blah to the point where I would just get up and walk away... QUICKLY I might add... (LOL).  Why do you think it is that we can show a friend more grace, love and help to build her up if she showed up at our door needing a friend - but we find it so hard to give our "own selves" the same love, support and listening ear that we would a dear friend? (Hmmmmm.... good question isn't it?)  When is the last time you - you sat yourself down and had a conversation with yourself.  Really listened to YOU?  I know that sounds kind of crazy, but when you think about it - many of us don't do that.  Don't you think its time?

I sat down with "me" this morning and realized that I wasn't half-bad. That how I feel is important. That if I want something bad enough I DO have it within me to go after it.  I think its time we need to give ourselves some "thought."  Some "compassion." Some "understanding."  I'm not saying have a "pity-party" if you feel you need to - go ahead, allow yourself an hour really have one of those old fashion kid type of crying and screaming temper tantrums.  If you have to - go through the whole shebang.  Get down on the floor, roll from side to side, kick your feet, cry, turn your head! Get it ALL out of your system.  Allow yourself an hour if you need. THEN when you are done, get up.  Walk over to the bathroom, turn the water on - splash some on that beautiful face of yours, grab a towel, dry those eyes and then lean forward and look hard into that mirror and SEE YOU.  REALLY see you.  The Bible tells us in Mark 12:31 to "Love our neighbors as we love ourselves."  But here is the thing -how can we do that when we haven't been loving ourselves?  If we loved ourselves - we'd care about the desires of our hearts, we'd believe in ourselves, we wouldn't settle for less. We'd go forward and try to become what we want to become and if we fell - we'd pick ourselves up, wipe off our knees and with a look of determination TRY AGAIN.  Many of us have given up on ourselves.  Why? My guess is for many reasons.  Life happens, disappointments occur, problems occur.  We get weighed down by our own worries.  We put ourselves last.  We hold the door open for everyone else BUT our very own selves.  And behind our shoulder, just silently allowing us to do this because He has given us free will is our Father.  Who has given us all the tools we need to be successful within ourselves.  He has given us each different gifts, but you know - someone can give you a gift - but unless you "open up the box" you will never know what is inside it.

Don't you think its time you "loved yourself" enough to move forward?  Life is so short and time is precious.  And here is the other thing - YOU are important. You matter.  What is in that box? Where will it take you if you allow yourself to tap into all the potential and gifts God has given you?  Shouldn't you be excited? Shouldn't you want to know "what happens next?"  It's time you had a love affair - with a very special person. That person is Y O U.

Have You Become Bitter or Better?

He's Got You - Whether You Feel It Or Not

We've all gone through different situations through this journey called life - I can't help but think of how the scriptures refer to us as clay. Specifically put: "But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand," (ISA 64:8.)

Some days I feel the kneading of my Father's hands - molding me, shaping me into what I don't know. But I know that HE knows.  Some days I feel so raw, the emotions of what has happened in my life fresh and apparent before me. Maybe "exposed" is more the appropriate term to use  or "vulnerable" or "uncertain" or yes - even at times, scared.  I think once you go through a life-threatening situation you see so clearly how precious life is.  Every day is a gift. We take so much for granted.  We talk about "what are you doing tomorrow? What are your plans?" But the truth is - we are not promised tomorrow.  We think we are - but we are not.  Our minds generally don't go there.

I feel that rawness today. When you are a survivor you feel such a responsibility to LIVE, especially when you see some of your Pink sisters "earning their wings" and being called home. There is always that silent question in your head as to "why is she gone and I am still here?"  I am blogging about this today - because its so important for us all to remember to make every moment count and not to let the "little stuff" get us down. To "count your blessings." To realize that our lives truly are in HIS hands. Not to be fearful, but to be aware. To be thankful.  To recognize the things that we need to change within ourselves and strive to change them (or to pray and ask Him to help us change them - and my "stuff" may be different then yours.  But remember "There go I but for the grace of God."). This morning I saw a saying that was true and is worth sharing, it went like this.

"Although we pray for serenity to accept the things we cannot change, I continually strive for strength and courage to change the things I cannot accept."

You know, in writing this - it just occurred to me - Jesus must have felt something similar to a survivor when He sat in the Garden of Gethsemane and prayed, the Bible describes that He even cried before the Father. How it constantly amazes me that the Bible is the living Word. He contemplated his fate and begged that the cup be taken away from Him - yet still He went forward knowing what would occur (because He loves us THAT much). When you are diagnosed with a life threatening disease, there is no sense as to WHY it is happening to you - yet after the shock subsides somewhat (being a survivor I don't think it ever fully goes away) you realize that we truly only see in part - God sees in full and perhaps we won't truly understand why "this cup" has been given to us.  But we can trust that He will never leave nor forsake us.  (He says so and He is not a God that He would lie).  I think that there are times when we just need to picture ourselves physically in His arms.  That He is holding us, and we just need to allow ourselves to feel and tell Him what it is that we are feeling.  (I know that at times this is harder to do than it sounds).  I think this can go for not only those of us who are cancer survivors but for anyone who is going through a specific hard time in their lives and doesn't understand the "why" or the how to continue on from point "A" to point "B"  - its okay that you don't understand, maybe this is just a time for you to "trust."

There was a game we use to play when I was a Counselor at a wonderful girls overnight camp.  The game was "Blind Man's Buff" - we were blind folded and had to walk around and trust that the person partnered to us in the game was going to lead us - and not allow us to bump into anything or get hurt. I think sometimes we have to "trust" that whatever our situation - God is there.  We have to put our trust in Him when it makes no sense. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.  We need to keep our eyes on Him - and when the pain seems to be too much - give it to Him.  Literally visualize Jesus with His hands stretched out wide to receive that situation from you.  Remember He tells us in Matthew 11:30 "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I am not glad I have gone through breast cancer.  I'm thankful that I caught it early and that God has given me a second chance at life (please remember early detection is KEY and that if you notice any changes at all to your body - get it checked immediately. It's better to be overly cautious than to shrug something off that may be the difference between life and death. Please remember that if you want more information you should look at the top of my blog page and hit the pink ribbon). Yet at the same time I went through this horrible disease, and it has changed my life drastically in every way you can imagine, I'm not the same woman I was before my cancer experience (and I'm in fact, still learning this changed woman - physically, emotionally, spiritually.)  I have been made richer - in life.  Life use to be in "water colors" beautiful but now it's in more in vibrant bold and rich hues.  I can honestly show thanks to God with a sincerity that I did not have prior to my experience.  I think once again - that this can be the case for anyone going through any major upheavel or change in their life. Try to think about what you've learned from yourself because of this experience. How has it changed you? Have you allowed it to make you "bitter OR better?" 

Sometimes God needs people to go through certain situations so that they can extend their hand back to someone else who somewhere down the line needs advice, support and encouragement and that we in turn can say, "I hear you - I know because I've gone through it and I've come out stronger and more knowledgeable." Sometimes when we say, "Here I am Lord - send me." We really don't know how He is going to take us, mold us and use us.  But we can trust that if we ask, He will.  And if for myself, my experience, my words, my blog - can reach out and make a difference in just ONE person's life. Than I say it is and has been well worth the experience.

I'm Hungry - are YOU?

Are you Hungry? When we are physically hungry, we open up our mouths to receive food, nourishment. It is the same thing spiritually. You have to open up and receive whatever it is God has for you or that "hunger" won't go away.
*Photo compliments of publicdomainpictures.net

I woke up this morning with my heart yearning. For what? It wasn’t specific – but for something more. I think deep inside of us is tucked a way a desire that only God can fulfill. We try in so many ways to fill it with other things… But only one thing can “quench that thirst.” The thirst is for Him. The only way I can describe it – is this feeling that you are reaching for something, but you don’t know how to grasp it.  It’s in the inner core of you.  Sometimes its so raw and strong that there is no denying it. 

I woke up today around three a.m. which for me – not being a morning person, is not the norm.  I felt it. I sensed it, I recognized it – it’s like a calling or a lack... I don’t know how else to describe it.  We go through our lives filled with distractions. Caught up in problems and issues, and desires and we fill our lives with things that are trivial.  I think my soul was saying “I need MORE of you Lord. Fill those empty spaces.”

The one thing I have come to learn is that you can’t let people define who you are. After 18 years of being married – I am on my own and it is easy to feel like a “failure.” How many times have you felt like that? Here is the thing though. I’m NOT. Neither are you. We are an imperfect people. I think that we as long as we have breathe in our bodies – we will constantly be growing, changing, learning.  As long as we are open to it. I look at David in the Bible and I see all the transitions he went through.  Always loving the Lord – not always doing what he should, or even what he knew to be right. Yet still God loved him.  He never gave up on Him.  There are consequences to our decisions and to our actions, yet hopefully what those consequences are times we have learned from things we have experienced, or done.  I think that everyone has a bit of “prodigal” in them – and the important thing – is to recognize it, realize it and want to grow from it.  The scary thing is when you just shrug it off and deny it.  I always thought it was strange how in the garden of Eden Adam and Eve after having a relationship with God – hid from Him.  You can’t HIDE from God.  That is almost silly?  Kind of like the game we play with our kids “peek-a-boo.” Whatever state I am in – I am constantly aware that my Heavenly Father sees me. And here is where He differentiates from US – HE LOVES US REGARDLESS.

I’ve been thinking of how hard it must be – when God has our “best” interest in mind, and we go off course.  How He must want to wave His arms and say, “No! No my child! THIS WAY! Over here!!!!” But we in our stubbornness and willfulness don’t always listen and we go away. But the thing is – I think that He allows us to go only so far before He yanks us back.  There is something inside of us that was made ONLY for Him.  Nothing can fill it – it’s a void, its got only one key to it – and it is HIM.  Why are we so hard-headed? I know I am.  I thank God that even at my worst moments – He has never left nor forsake me.  It is truly His Grace, His Love, His mercy that reaches out and touches my soul and makes me realize that no matter where I am spiritually – He made me for HIM. And regardless of how I am feeling about my life or myself. He loves me unconditionally. He looks at our hearts. He sees US. He calls us by name.  Sometimes the hardest part – is seeing beyond our own faults to see what He sees.  It is just for that same very reason He sent His Son to die on the cross for forgiveness of our sins.  He knew that we couldn’t be “good enough” – we don’t have the ability in and of ourselves.  I think when we realize that – we realize why it says in the Bible “Abba Father!” (Romans 8:15) if your child cried out for help – would you stand there and look at them blankly? NO, you would go running. RUNNING to help your child. To be there, to wrap your arms around them and hold them close.  “If we being evil would give such good gifts to our children, how much MORE so does He want to bless us?” (Matthew 7:11) We need to let Him.  Simply let Him.  I think the best way of doing that – is recognizing the need.  Close your eyes for a moment and say it.  It helps sometimes to say it out loud.  “Lord, I need you. I recognize that need. I can’t fill that need by myself. It has to be YOU.  I feel lost. I feel sometimes hopeless. I don’t always understand the things I see around me. Or the things that are happening within my life.  Sometimes I feel claustrophobic.  Like there is no way out.  Sometimes I feel like I’ll never get it right.  That I’m like one of those gerbils on a wheel, going round and round and making no progress.  I need You. I don’t know how to accept Your help, so I just stand before you – confessing my need. Believing that because You are God that You will fill that need. That You (inspite of myself) will do Your good and perfect will in my life. I recognize the need for YOU Father. I believe Your Word where you say that You will complete a good work in me.  Even when I don’t believe it for myself. I believe it because YOU SAID IT. Be glorified. Forgive me for the times I have missed the mark due to my own stubbornness and willful spirit. Thank You that You don’t see me as I see myself.  Help me to see myself with Your eyes. I believe You at Your Word Father. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”

Stand back and see the difference God is going to make and then, when you see it and you recognize the good work He is doing in your life. SHARE it with someone else who has been at the point YOU were once at. He allows us to go through situations so that we can extend the right hand of fellowship behind us and be there for the next person.  Isn’t that what fellowship is all about?”

Martina McBride - I'm Gonna Love You Through It

The Long & Winding Road is Really Not As "Less" Travelled as You Think...

Does Your Life Feel Like a Long and Winding Road?



 Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognize the person that you see?  I don't mean physically... Do you look at yourself and wonder how life has brought you to the point you are currently at? Are you at cross roads in your life? Are you so busy being everything for everyone else that the you have lost touch with who you are to you?

I often wonder if that is something that everyone experiences at one time in their life or other. I know I have experienced that this year.  My birthday is next week, a milestone. My first birthday being a breast cancer survivor.  Last October I was sitting in a chemo chair on my birthday, receiving chemotherapy and thinking, "I am doing this so that I can hopefully have the ability to celebrate MANY more birthdays."  That is what got me through.  And here I am now, a year later - getting ready to celebrate the "many more" and my emotions are a mess.  There is so much noise in my own head I can't even hear myself think. I just want to put my hands over my ears and yell "QUIET!!!"  But then I think the "quiet" would scare me.  Because then I would have to allow the thaw to occur... You know - when you keep yourself so busy by all that life has that you don't have time to "feel."  Its those times of quiet that overwhelm me and I have to look at the discord my life has been in for ohhh so many reasons - I can blame them all on cancer, but that wouldn't be the honest truth... Sometimes I think we need to look back and say, "okaaayyyyy - how did I get on this road I'm on.  When did I really need to change course?  And WHY? 

I think that is especially true for those of us who have been in a prodigal state.  I can see the things that brought me to a certain point.  A shake up occurred.  There are other ways a person medicates themselves that is not drugs or alcohol.  There are many ways a person can numb themselves in the hopes that the pain would pass. 

Are there times in your life when you wondered if God was really there?  If He was listening? If He had turned His back? If He had given up on you? If you had surprised Him?  If He left you like others have?  Is it hard for you to understand a Father's love when the father you had wasn't there for you? Abandoned you? Is it hard for you to believe that He is reaching out His hand to grasp yours and let you know, "It's okay." That people disappoint you all the time - but that He never will?  Do you blame Him for the hurts that have occurred in your life to the point that you will not allow Him to heal you in all ways you need?  Are you reading my words and saying, "OUCH?"

When I read about the prodigal, I am moved by the fact that the scripture says in Luke 15:20 of the prodigal who decided to go back home:

"But while he was still along way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him, he ran to his son and threw his arms around him and kissed him."  

The part that got me was that WHILE HE WAS A LONG WAY OFF.  "While I was a long way off...." "While YOU are a long way off..." Your Father is running to YOU.  He is running to you with His arms open wide.  He wants to give you a big bear hug.  He wants to gather you into His arms.  He wants to kiss you and show you how GLAD He is that you are making your way back to Him.  It doesn't matter WHAT you've done, or where you've gone.  He knows already.  And still He loves you.

Some of our roads "back home" are curvier than others.  Some are a longer distance back home.  But what matters is the fact that you recognize the need.  I'm asking God to show me how. To help me figure it out. We may not have all the answers - but HE does.

Our God is a God who would leave the other sheep to go find the one sheep that was lost.  That wandered off.  Luke 15:4 tells us:

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and one of them loses his way, does he not leave the other ninety-nine and goes after the lost sheep until he finds it?"

That goes right up there in my book with the prodigal's father running out to meet him.  That is the kind of Father we have.  Its up to us to "hug Him back." With all that love, how could we not?  Just open up your arms, receive and in return give back.  I think that is what He wants us to do, don't you?