I lay awake thinking last night. I was a bit upset. I'm a planner, and coming down with this disease has put a serious crimp in every aspect of my life. It has caused me to have revelations I didn't want to have. To know things I didn't want to know. I think this is an area where only my friends who are "survivors" can understand fully what I am talking about. Its shown me "who will be there when the going gets tough" and who "will not." A spotlight I didn't want to see. It has shown me people who "feel sorry for me" and people who don't know how to talk to me because "they think I'm going to die." I've sat back and watched this as if I'm watching the life of someone else take place before my very eyes and last night it upset me. Now I've already mentioned the people who have been there for me - in previous posts and I don't want to belittle that because they are "diamonds." And life long friends - all of them. Its hard when you've been healthy for the majority of your life and all of a sudden you have to "concentrate on getting better." How does one do that? I didn't "concentrate on getting ill" so how do I "concentrate" on getting well? Do I close my eyes REAL tight and say, "I will, I will, I will!" The thing is - I know I will get well. I've left upstate NY to get the best care I can - home in Boston. I've caught this early - and I've met MANY survivors. I don't feel in my spirit that I'm not going to make it through this. I know that the Bible tells me, "The number of my days He will fulfill." And He will.
So I went to bed, upset last night and while I was sleeping - I realized something I already know. The most important thing we can do in this life - is love. Then the scripture that came to my head was 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
That whispered scripture filled me with an overflowing amount of peace. The Bible talks soooo much about love. "Love covers a multitude of sins" (1st Peter 4:8) "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31) LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.
Like a recipe - the "main ingredient" - LOVE. Leave that out and whatever you are doing in life - is YUCKY. BLAH. ICK. Think about it. This weekend my mom and I watched a movie made about "Julia Childs" I've never been much of cook. Its not one of the gifts I have - although what I make is passable. But I've never been one to "follow" a cookbook. Its kinda like "reading the directions" when you put something together and I'm not a patient person... (Okay Lord - You're working on THAT with me, I know.. ;) But each ingredient put into a dish makes the final results either successful (Yum) or just plain "Yucky." If it is like that with a "recipe for cooking." Shouldn't it be the same rules for life? A life filled with "love" as the main ingredient results in --- Oooh la la! Delicious! One without - well, a life without love is empty. Its hollow. It's just plain - sad.
I can only speak for myself. For I've never told someone I love them if I didn't mean it. Its a gift if you give it wholeheartedly. You can't control how or if someone receives it and that I guess, is the hardest part of loving. But you can love unconditionally. That to me is the best kind of love. I never did understand people at Christmas time or Holidays who would "give gifts in expectation that they would get one back?" I have never given a gift that way. To me - giving and watching a person receive is the most MARVELOUS thing. The excitement, the joy - the fun in watching someone you loves face light up. Now don't get me wrong - I DO love to receive - but I don't give to "expect it." I've learned that not everyone is that way. It doesn't change the way I love.
Here is the other thing about love - TRUE love. It never goes away. No matter what. It just "stays with you." How wonderful a God we have that has given us things like "taste buds" (LOL) and "love." - they kind of go hand in hand don't they? (Winks at you)...
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